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26 Depressed Because Of Acne- Parents Making It Worst

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#1 drewfish01

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Posted 10 February 2013 - 11:08 PM

First i would like to mention i'm not the typical young person who is stressed b/c of their paretns.  I am 26 male.  I currently have no job and not even looking for it due to my acne.  I live with my parents.  Basically a few months ago my face has erupted with acne.  I went on vacation just to get away from them but broke out later on in the vacation.  I haven't had acne like this since back a few years ago when it cleared up. 

 

 

I come back home and I was broken out in my face.  However it wasn't that big of a deal because i know in a few weeks my face would probably clear if i just stay inside the house and not eat any junk food etc and clean my face.  Well my parents would just get upset at me and say stuff like when you going to look for a job.  I said after my face clears up then i start looking.  However, my mother kept coming into my room every week or so and have this talk with me like how you should look for a job as you are getting older etc and i understand what she is coming from.  She then goes well if you dont get married by 30, then im going to get an arranged marriage for you etc... well she didn't say it exactly like this but you get what i'm trying to say.  I know that any guy that hears this from their mother would obviously get pissed off.  I told her stop saying this stuff to me because i would get angry and when i get angry like normal ppl i get stressed and my acne would get worst.  Its like she keeps on doing this over and over again and i tell her to stop.

 

 

The other thing is she wants me to eat food with the family.  However, i hate it b/c i told her so many times they food she makes, its not good for my acne.  I told her so many times, stop cooking food for me.  I go and cook my own food and eat the stuff i buy etc.  She goes oh don't worry its just so and so and i just get very upset.  Why you ask?  Because everytime i eat anything like that, my face breaks out within 3 days.  And the worst part is i have tons of red marks as a result of it.  I told her please stop it. 

 

 

Then there is my father.  Whenever he sees food at a discount in a supermarket he would buy it.  Wheres the problem though?  He would buy those junk food such as ice cream bars and sandwiches and then put it in the fridge.  The problem is stuff like that i'm very addicted to and those stuff give me pimples immediately.  Thats why i never buy that stuff and avoid it.  But what does he do?  He buys it but doesn't even eat it.  He just leaves it there and the only reason he buys it is because its CHEAP.  I told him quit buying that stuff because last time i couldn't resist and ate some of it and then broke out even more.  He then goes well just stop eating it then... WHO'S TELLING YOU TO EAT IT?  Well i then said no one is and i try to stop eating it buts its so damn hard when its right in the fridge.  The worst part is he NEVER EATS IT... he just leaves it there.   The thing is i know how to avoid eating foods that aggraviate acne but isn't buying stuff like that and putting it in the fridge making it hard to not even try?  The thing is i see it all that time and don't even touch it for like a month and then suddenly i go and get one b/c i couldn't resist.  I know its my fault but does anyone here think this is just bad?  He also smokes a lot and my mother told her to quit smoking.  He still does it but not as much..  I told him this How about you aren't not allowed to smoke but we just put a pack of cigarettes on the table right next to you.  You think that would be tough on you?  Does anyone see where i'm going with this or is my logic wrong.

 

 

I then last time would then eat with them and then they make some eggs.  I told them so many times if i eat with them, don't make that stuff.  Basically just make vegetables and chicken and thats it.  No sauce or anything as well.  And recently when i was eating with them, i forgot and then ate some crabs and then broke out even more in my face where i then broke down very hard inside my room because of it. Then my mother/father would go okay starting from now then, we not cooking anything you cook food for yourself then.  I go... you said said 15 times already.  After i go cook my own food and eat by myself you then say lets all eat the same food etc.  its like the same process going over and over again.  

 

 

I know its my fault for eating those food such as ice cream and crab etc but I completely forgot about the crabs.  The reason was b/c before i ate the crab my face was clearing up so much a few days before that i got happy so i forgot about it.  Then after i ate it, next day my face just broke out so much again.  

 

 

I really hate my parents so much.  I told them so many times quit doing that and they never listen.  They go you can't just eat vegetables and chicken everyday etc.  I told them i'm trying to clear my acne and they say fine okay but after some time, they always do crap where its causes me more acne such as leaving certain food i can't resist on the table or stressing me out.  Last time i screamed at them and said my acne is getting better but now you come into my room and talk about stuff i dont want to hear and now im stressed out more.  And as a result, i get more pimples the next few days.

 

 

Does anyone here have an opinion on this?  Am i over the line with getting mad at them?  Before someone says get your own place, i do have the money to get my own place.  However, i would then be paying a lot of rent but wouldn't have a job so i would run out of money pretty quickly.  Does anyone here think this is wrong of them or of me to get angry at them?  I told them so many times i would look for a job once my acne gets controlled and they go okay but they would then stress me out every 2 weeks so my acne then gets even worst b/c i'm screaming since they keep talk about my future etc.  

 

 

All i ask them is to quit stressing me out when i am trying to clear my acne.  Is that too much to ask?  I'm tryng to clear my acne so i can go and try to have a normal life.   Most ppl my age already have jobs and some even are married and have kids already.  They would tell me to drink the soup and say its good for you... but i have no clue if that soup is bad for the skin or not.   That could be another reason why my acne is getting worst.  I tell them quit putting those junk food right in the middle of a place since they DON'T EVEN EAT IT.  

 

 

Am i asking too much from them?  I know if i was a parent and my kid had acne and told me this stuff, i would never stress him/her out because i would know what going through acne is like.  They just don't give a damn.  Last time they said oh you don't even have that many pimples etc and you are a guy and not a girl so quit worrying about it.  But then recently my mother saw my face erupted a lot and then didn't say that.  I then said... are you happy now?  You're the reason for this.  Stressing me out over and over again.  Now my face is so bad that i can't even leave the house anymore.



#2 fatalbert911

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:48 AM

You know i'v been kinda in a similar situation for about a month and a half, sense i got laid off i haven't gone to look for another job yet either & yes it is because of my acne/mark's. I told my mom the same thing that i'll go get a job when my skin get's better, only difference is i'm a few year's younger then you are. But none the less acne run's my life atm i'm sorry to say.



#3 Pianina

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 03:51 AM

I don't think your parents need to adjust their lives to your acne. If you have financial problems and can't afford your own place at the moment, then be kind enough not to boss your parents around. I really think you're talking like a frustrated teenage boy, while you're an adult and should have some kind of life of your own at this age. Maybe your acne is not going to clear up so fast, will you live on your parents expenses forever? You'll get crazy, believe me. Your mom is worried and wants you to go on with your live instead of walking around telling them how to talk to you, what to cook and what products to buy. 
They could have some understanding for your condition, that would be kind, but again - they don't have to live according to your wishes. 
Move out asap. 


Diagnosed with PCOS/Insulin resistance

Currently clear from acne.

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Paula's Choice

Supplements:

- Innate Response Glucose Tolerance Factor Chromium, for blood sugar balancing 
- Innate Response DysBio-GI, against candida

Extra:

- Peppermint tea 2 cups/day
- Licorice tea 1 cup/day

 


#4 drewfish01

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 12:10 PM

Of course i'm getting crazy.  I moved out last year but then had to come back.  I live in an expensive city so rent here is very high.  Could you afford a studio apartment when the rent is $1500/month?  Because thats how much i was paying and that was on the low end for a studio.  

 

 

All I ask of them is don't cook food or anything for me.  I go and cook my own stuff.  Also acne is a big deal especially when its moderate to severe and i know everyone on this forum knows this so i find this funny how you say this to me. 

 


I'm not bossing anyone around.  I don't need anyone to cook for me or buy stuff for me.  I have the money for those little stuff.  And don't talk about stuff that would bring me stress when i'm trying to recover.  

 

 

Imagine your parents talk to you about stuff you don't want to hear and you know that them doing that will cause your acne to get worst.  You think thats okay?   Think about certain topics your parents want to talk to you about that you get upset about and it gets you angry and then you get tense over it.  As for you some topics moms have with their daughters and how certain moms say stuff that would get their daughters upset.  

 

 

You think thats fine since you know that directly correlates to your acne getting worst b/c it gets you stressed and angry more?

 

 

Also if you believe what you believe you are probably going to be a horrible parent.  I'm not someone that says mom can you go and buy me so and so at my age.  I'm telling them stop doing stuff for me.  If i had a son/daughter like this i would totally understand what they are going through so since i see they are doing their best to eat healthy and avoid any junk food that would aggraviate acne.  And if my kid told me that me that i'm talking about stuff they dont want to hear and would stress them out more, i would immediately stop it as i dont want my kid acne to get worst when he/she is doing EVERYTHING HE/SHE can to get it better.  I would be ashamed of myself doing stuff that i know would aggraviate my son/daughter acne.

 

 

Its just funny hearing this from you who also suffer from acne.  I bet it if this was you, you would certainly not say what you said. Then again most ppl are inconsiderate even those with acne.


Edited by drewfish01, 11 February 2013 - 12:27 PM.


#5 Pianina

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 01:19 PM

Omg, chill :D
I didn't even read the whole post and it gave me headache already. It's always easy to unload your frustration on other people - parents, friends or a stranger on a forum who said something you don't want to hear. We can't go and talk to your parents to stop acting like they do.
If they're stressing you out so much - move out, be at peace, it will make acne go away faster. If you can't afford living on your own - I'm afraid you'll have to deal with your parents anyway. And if you talk to them the way you write on this thread - there can't be no mutual understanding.   
 



Does anyone here have an opinion on this?  Am i over the line with getting mad at them?   



Don't ask if you don't want to know ;) 


Diagnosed with PCOS/Insulin resistance

Currently clear from acne.

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Paula's Choice

Supplements:

- Innate Response Glucose Tolerance Factor Chromium, for blood sugar balancing 
- Innate Response DysBio-GI, against candida

Extra:

- Peppermint tea 2 cups/day
- Licorice tea 1 cup/day

 


#6 drewfish01

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 01:42 PM

So you didn't read my post above and saying the same thing over again.  I already moved out last year but my rent was $1500/month for a small studio and this was the LOW END.  I live in an expensive city.

 

 

I'm also pretty sure very few ppl here can afford the rent i was paying.as the majority of posters here are young.

 

 

I'm just surprised someone like you who have acne would say something like this.  I just thought someone who lives with acne would understand how others feel about it.  


Edited by drewfish01, 11 February 2013 - 01:44 PM.


#7 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

I'm sorry but you have no right to complain about ANYTHING if your parents are letting you live in their home, rent free, at age 26.

 

Your first step is to get a job and a place. If everyone else on Earth can do this, so can you. If your city is too expensive to live as a single person, then you need to move to a new city. I moved thousands of miles away from where I grew up and started my life over again from scratch with nothing but a few hundred dollars in my pocket. How did I do it? I used that few hundred dollars for a deposit on a place and then I didn't stop looking for a job until I found one.

 

No, it isn't easy with acne. I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder because of my skin and my low self-esteem about it. So I totally understand how hard it is. But this is the reality:

 

You either need to:

 

1) Take responsibility for your life like the adult you are, and work hard to get your own place.

 

2) Accept your parents how they are and just deal with it as long as you live there.

 

You can't have it both ways. I'm not saying that to be mean. It's just reality. And honestly, acne or not, weird parents or not, you need to be getting your own place and some form of income by age 26. I imagine you'll start to feel pretty bad about yourself at some point if you are still living at home pushing 30...

 

Also wanted to point out that EVERYONE struggles in the beginning when they move off on their own. There were times I had nothing but one bowl of white rice to eat all day long... I lived in a city where I knew no one and was on the opposite side of the country from my parents. But when you see yourself work hard and survive hard times/poverty and slowly make a life for yourself, you gain so much confidence.

 

You're going to have to do it at some point, so why not now?


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#8 drewfish01

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:01 PM

I see what you are saying.  However let me mention a few other things right now.  

 

 

You mentioned since the rent is too high if i get my own place on how much i was paying why not move somewhere else.  Heres the problem.  The best chance i have of getting a job in my field is the city i'm currently living at.  If i go to another state, theres very FEW JOBS that are the ones im looking at.  So you want me to find another career even though i have a degree in one field?  I know the job market and it is very hard to find the job that i could find in other state thats related to my field unless if you mean going from one big city to another which is basically useless since the rent for either place would be the same.

 

 

 

I dont know if you people are aware or not but living in a certain city matters a lot when you look at rent.  For someone who has a 40k job and lives in wisconsin that is easily enough.  However that same 40k job in say a city like ny or la... that is barely much when you look at how much it cost to pay for rent.  I am going to assume both of you do not live in a major city in the usa if you do live in the us. 

 

 

 

Where did you live and where did you move to?



Also heres another thing what i dont understand.  You say if you live with your parents, you have to live by their rules.  Umm im not even doing anything bad to the house etc.  Its not like i tell them help me this and help me that.  I want to do things on my own even though i live in their house.  

 

 

Also, im very curious what city or country you live at?  Because i know lot of friends who got laid off and had to move back with their parents and cannot even find a job after looking for 8 months.  Maybe you are not hit by the recession at all.  


Edited by drewfish01, 11 February 2013 - 03:56 PM.


#9 Pianina

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 04:30 PM

So you didn't read my post above and saying the same thing over again.  I already moved out last year but my rent was $1500/month for a small studio and this was the LOW END.  I live in an expensive city.

 

 

I'm also pretty sure very few ppl here can afford the rent i was paying.as the majority of posters here are young.

 

 

I'm just surprised someone like you who have acne would say something like this.  I just thought someone who lives with acne would understand how others feel about it.  



I read your initial post but not the answer which came afterwards as it was getting personal and a bit aggressive.

Acne is a pretty depressing condition. But...it doesn't justify everything.
I live in Stockholm which is in a list of 25 most expensive cities in a world. Moved out from my home country at the age of 18, didn't even speak the language. So in order to survive here I need to earn money somehow and minimize my needs as much as possible. If you can't afford something luxurious as your own apartment you go for some humble option like renting a room.  
Maybe you have the comfort at your parents house, but it doesn't let you develop as an adult who takes responsibility for your own actions.

If there are not jobs in your field, get into another. Finally, go and work in a supermarket, no job is shameful. But dwelling at your parents' house and at the same time blaming them for your problems is quite shameful... 
Sorry if I'm harsh, but that's how I am as a person. 
 


Edited by Pianina, 11 February 2013 - 04:31 PM.

Diagnosed with PCOS/Insulin resistance

Currently clear from acne.

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Paula's Choice

Supplements:

- Innate Response Glucose Tolerance Factor Chromium, for blood sugar balancing 
- Innate Response DysBio-GI, against candida

Extra:

- Peppermint tea 2 cups/day
- Licorice tea 1 cup/day

 


#10 drewfish01

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 05:30 PM

Acne is depressing.  However, im pretty sure you  or the other person dont have that bad of acne.  Its most likely moderate at the worst.  I grew some very cystic acne as a result of this and i never had this for a very long time.  I see so much ppl here whine about acne and majority of them it isn't even that bad.  Mine isn't super severe but its getting there almost which is why i created this thread.  I had some pretty serious acne back 7 years ago so i know what acne is serious and what is just mild.  it was so bad back then where my friends in college even said damn what happened to your face.  

 

 

I said there are no jobs in my field if i move to another city.  Well there is but its going to be much harder than finding a job in that field where i live now so moving to antoher state makes no sense as i wouldnt even be able to find a job at all in my field.  Yes the other option would be stay in my city and rent a room in someones place.  I dont have any friends that want a roommate unfortunately,  Most of them are married and a few of them still live with their parents and they make 80k a year. I do not understand why but their parents are not stressful on them and of course they dont have acne.  They dont mind though.

 

 

I agree no job is shameful.  But if i get a job that pays very little, that won't even be enough for me to move out.  Remember i was paying 1500/month last year when i moved out.  I stayed for a full year.  I wanted to leave early but couldn't break my lease. 

 

 

Also my question was not directed at you but the other poster below you.  I'm very curious where she live and where she moved.



#11 Pianina

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 06:22 PM

Acne is depressing.  However, im pretty sure you  or the other person dont have that bad of acne.  Its most likely moderate at the worst.  I grew some very cystic acne as a result of this and i never had this for a very long time.  I see so much ppl here whine about acne and majority of them it isn't even that bad.  Mine isn't super severe but its getting there almost which is why i created this thread.  I had some pretty serious acne back 7 years ago so i know what acne is serious and what is just mild.  it was so bad back then where my friends in college even said damn what happened to your face.  

 

 

I said there are no jobs in my field if i move to another city.  Well there is but its going to be much harder than finding a job in that field where i live now so moving to antoher state makes no sense as i wouldnt even be able to find a job at all in my field.  Yes the other option would be stay in my city and rent a room in someones place.  I dont have any friends that want a roommate unfortunately,  Most of them are married and a few of them still live with their parents and they make 80k a year. I do not understand why but their parents are not stressful on them and of course they dont have acne.  They dont mind though.

 

 

I agree no job is shameful.  But if i get a job that pays very little, that won't even be enough for me to move out.  Remember i was paying 1500/month last year when i moved out.  I stayed for a full year.  I wanted to leave early but couldn't break my lease. 

 

 

Also my question was not directed at you but the other poster below you.  I'm very curious where she live and where she moved.



I can only say that it always feels that people we know have better parents. But we forget that every house has a story behind the closed doors. Those of us, who still have parents that are alive and can help us are very lucky... Think that you wouldn't have where to go right now, if they weren't there for you.
There is no better way to change their attitude towards you than a simple, honest conversation. Without blaming each other and raising your tone. Try to avoid saying "you're stressing me out!" or "because of you my acne is getting worse!". Just tell them how it is from your point of view.

Now coming to the first things you mentioned - " im pretty sure you  or the other person dont have that bad of acne.  Its most likely moderate at the worst."
I could also say - oh, but you're not a girl, it's not that important for you to look flawless. A guy with severe acne is better than a girl with moderate acne. :D
But it's not about how bad your acne is or which gender suffers more. It's more about how you handle it.

 


Diagnosed with PCOS/Insulin resistance

Currently clear from acne.

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Paula's Choice

Supplements:

- Innate Response Glucose Tolerance Factor Chromium, for blood sugar balancing 
- Innate Response DysBio-GI, against candida

Extra:

- Peppermint tea 2 cups/day
- Licorice tea 1 cup/day

 


#12 IvyHawk

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 06:23 PM

I get what everyone is saying about how he cant make demands because he is living at his parent's house at 26.

 

I get that.

 

What I think he is right about is that his parents should stop yelling at him to eat with the family. I mean, If you are allergic to a food, and someone tells you to eat it, you wouldn't eat right? Heck No.

 

On a different note, if your dad stocks the 'fridge with all that Junk (which it is) and he doesn't eat it, no one should have any problem with you throwing it in the trash or at least to the back of the fridge, right? 


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#13 drewfish01

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 06:49 PM

Yes ivyhawk.  I don't understand what ppl here are saying about how i can't make demands living at parents place at 26.  Its not like im asking them to buy the food i want to eat etc and like i want cable tv.  I'm tellling them quit telling me what to eat and asking me to eat dinner with them when they keep making foods that makes my acne worst.  I like your example of the allergic to food and family telling you to eat it.

 

 

The stuff im saying its not even a demand at all.  At least one person here get its.  It just seems like people never went through this stuff so their opinion is i'm wrong on this.  Yea so for everyone else here so if you had bad acne and your parents make you eat with you and make you eat those unhealthy food which makes your acne worst, you going to get mad at them or not if you trying to clear your face?  I want someone here to answer this question.  Its like this.  Imagine you are overweight and trying to lose weight.  You are doing your best and avoiding junk food.  You're progressing.  Then your parents keep making foods and deserts and leaving it on the table intentionally for you to eat or telling you to eat it to not waste food.  You then say i told you stop making that food for me, just make it for you and everyone else but me.  How the heck is someone going to lose weight this way if their parents do this.

 

 

Pianini... you don't think i told them many times nicely stop cooking food for me?  I told them this at least 15 times over the last 6 months already.  Mother would go okay find starting from today i won't and you do it all by yourself.  Of course what happens.  2 weeks later she does the same thing over and over again.  If you were me, you would lose your patience b/c they keep on lying about this.  Then go who cares its just 1 time you eat this etc.  Well... for me one time i break out because i have very sensitive skin.

 

 

Ummm you think a guy with severe acne is worst than a woman with moderate acne?  That to me is got to be one of the most biased things i ever read on this site.  Most women wear makeup.  So when you look at their face guys know thats not how they look due to makeup.  Now compare that to a guy with severe acne.  A guy with severe acne will get lots of nasty looks.  Why?  Because the guy with severe acne isn't coming his face with makeup like a woman.  If i created a thread about this... whats worst a guy with severe acne or a guy with moderate acne, i guarantee you at least 85 percent of ppl will say the guy with severe acne.  You would probably get 100 percent from a guy perspective and at least 70 percent from a woman perspective.

 

 


Edited by drewfish01, 11 February 2013 - 06:56 PM.


#14 Pianina

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 07:01 PM

Don't get me wrong, the thing I said about how being a girl makes it more difficult to have acne was just sarcasm :D
However makeup is a luxury for girls that have great skin. It's a paradox, but that's how it is. Of course there are many girls who still cake it on even while having bad acne, which makes it worse and they get stuck in an evil circle of breaking out-hiding it under makeup - breaking out again.  

Well, it nothing works out, and your parents don't listen, what can anyone do about it? You can't tie them up and shut their mouths, so you'll have to live with that until you can let yourself move out.  


Diagnosed with PCOS/Insulin resistance

Currently clear from acne.

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Paula's Choice

Supplements:

- Innate Response Glucose Tolerance Factor Chromium, for blood sugar balancing 
- Innate Response DysBio-GI, against candida

Extra:

- Peppermint tea 2 cups/day
- Licorice tea 1 cup/day

 


#15 drewfish01

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 07:06 PM

I didn't think what you said about a girl having moderate acne was worst than a guy having severe acne was a joke.  I thought you were pretty serious about it just like the other posts u have been making.

 

 

There isn't anything i can do about it.  However my question was does anyone here think my parents are wrong for this and you and the other person said i'm completely wrong because of my so called "demands" which i couldn't even believe u and the other person said.

 

 

I dont know how old u are but if you couldn't move out of the house and had bad acne and trying to get rid of it by eating healthy and your parents force you to eat with them and eat food that causes you to have acne... would you still eat with them?



#16 Pianina

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 07:28 PM

I think you're in charge of your own body and can choose yourself what to eat. If you buy your own food for your own money then it's fine, you can skip their meals and have your own. But it seems like your parents still see you as their irresponsible teenage son, who can't take care of himself and that makes them think they can still treat you like a kid. I guess they genuinely think they're doing good. Or maybe they don't have much respect for you at the moment. 
 


Diagnosed with PCOS/Insulin resistance

Currently clear from acne.

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Paula's Choice

Supplements:

- Innate Response Glucose Tolerance Factor Chromium, for blood sugar balancing 
- Innate Response DysBio-GI, against candida

Extra:

- Peppermint tea 2 cups/day
- Licorice tea 1 cup/day

 


#17 drewfish01

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Posted 11 February 2013 - 07:30 PM

So if your parents made you eat with them every night while you trying to eat healthy and they make you eat something that causes you acne, would you eat with them?

 

 

Of course i go and buy my own food and eat and cook it myself.  How you feel if they say no you eating with us tonight no matter what.  


Edited by drewfish01, 11 February 2013 - 07:33 PM.


#18 Spotthedifference

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Posted 12 February 2013 - 09:43 AM

The problem you will always have is that as long as you're living with your parents then you will be treated somewhat like you did as a child, because that's how the family dynamic has always been. Moving out is part of that distancing process that triggers your parents to treat you as though you are independant. It's all about give and take - your parents are mostly giving in this circumstance and you're mostly taking. Perhaps that's just circumstances. However, your giving may be doing some of the things that they ask. To say that you cannot think about getting a job because of acne is a vicious circle. Having no job keeps you dependant on your parents, which lowers your self esteem, which makes you focus more on your acne. You need to lift yourself out of that circle to succeed.

 

However I'm well aware that you're not listening to Pianina. I'm not going to be engaged in a dialogue that should be happening between yourself and your parents, so I suggest that this is our advice, take it or leave it.


Currently clear of acne with the occasional hormonal breakout. Check out my routines and progress updates here:
http://www.acne.org/...g-and-duac-gel/

Treat yourself as you treat others.


#19 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 12 February 2013 - 01:56 PM

Because of the weird new quotes, I'll put my responses in red.

 

You mentioned since the rent is too high if i get my own place on how much i was paying why not move somewhere else.  Heres the problem.  The best chance i have of getting a job in my field is the city i'm currently living at.  If i go to another state, theres very FEW JOBS that are the ones im looking at.  So you want me to find another career even though i have a degree in one field?  I know the job market and it is very hard to find the job that i could find in other state thats related to my field unless if you mean going from one big city to another which is basically useless since the rent for either place would be the same.

 

Only you can decide your life. If you limit yourself to one specific job that is only available in one specific area, then you're basically stuck there. I'm not saying you should change your plans if this job is what you truly want, just that you have to accept all of the circumstances that you have put yourself in. Personally, I wouldn't go for a career if it were that limited and it was going to lock me down to one area for the rest of my life, but that's because I've always been a bit of a free spirit and I just couldn't do it. Maybe you're different. But it seems like you're limiting yourself a lot. All big cities do not cost the same to live. Not at all. Compare rent prices in Philly versus Los Angeles. You will see big differences. The same goes for a lot of other places. What sort of job is it that you feel you can only get where you currently live? Just curious--I understand if it's too personal to share.

 

I dont know if you people are aware or not but living in a certain city matters a lot when you look at rent.  For someone who has a 40k job and lives in wisconsin that is easily enough.  However that same 40k job in say a city like ny or la... that is barely much when you look at how much it cost to pay for rent.  I am going to assume both of you do not live in a major city in the usa if you do live in the us. 

 

That's my point... but just a second ago you said all big cities were the same? Maybe I misunderstood.

 

Where did you live and where did you move to?

 

I was from California. I moved to North Carolina. I didn't plan to move there, I just ended up driving there and thought it was beautiful so I stayed. Rent is much cheaper in North Carolina compared to California, which is what made me suggest moving to another place. Also--even if you did need to be near a certain city for your job, couldn't you just live in a cheaper suburb and commute like so many other people do? 

 

Also heres another thing what i dont understand.  You say if you live with your parents, you have to live by their rules.  Umm im not even doing anything bad to the house etc.  Its not like i tell them help me this and help me that.  I want to do things on my own even though i live in their house. 

 

It doesn't matter if you were "doing anything bad to the house." Your parents have absolutely no legal obligation to let you live there past the age of 18 (Not sure what country you're from, it could be different, but that's how it is in the USA). It's your parents house, not yours. You don't pay rent. I'm not sure what the confusion is, but you basically don't have rights in this situation. Now, you can work out whatever agreement you want with your parents and that's up to all of you to work out. But the fact is, you can't change your parents behavior toward you when you are living in their home. You can't change it any other time, either. This is why most of us LEAVE while we are still pretty young. I lived with my parents well into my twenties, but we got along well and they were never typical parents who told me what to do, not even when I was a kid. So it worked for me. If it isn't working for you, all you can do is leave, or accept it.

 

Also, im very curious what city or country you live at?  Because i know lot of friends who got laid off and had to move back with their parents and cannot even find a job after looking for 8 months.  Maybe you are not hit by the recession at all. 

 

I live in Western North Carolina. In the mountains, about two hours west of Charlotte. If anything there are less jobs here than some other places, and I'm sorry, but I've gotten a job within a week whenever I've needed one. I have no college education and barely finished high school.

 

I don't really believe that your friends can't find a job in 8 months, I'm sorry. I believe that they can't find a job in their field, or a job they want, but if you're telling me that your friends couldn't go out and get a job cleaning hotel rooms, walking dogs, running a cash register or any of the other jobs that are commonly available, I just don't buy it. They either aren't trying very hard or they are messing up majorly somewhere in the application or interview process. The stupidest people on the planet can get these type of jobs (believe me, I've worked with them).

 

I also don't buy when people claim they can't find work because they are "overqualified." I'm sure it happens sometimes, but my boyfriend has his master's degree and that has never held him back from jobs delivering pizza, doing construction or other random labor that he is most certainly overqualified for. The fact is, employers want people who can work, and it doesn't matter what type of job you are applying for. If you are driven, motivated and know how to throw together a resume, you will get a job.

 

Acne is depressing.  However, im pretty sure you  or the other person dont have that bad of acne.  Its most likely moderate at the worst.  I grew some very cystic acne as a result of this and i never had this for a very long time.  I see so much ppl here whine about acne and majority of them it isn't even that bad.  

 

I have severely painful cystic acne along with bad hormonal problems and an autoimmune condition that nearly took my life in my early twenties. I also suffer from depression, anxiety and I'm in recovery for an eating disorder. So don't even go there. smile.png lol

 

I said there are no jobs in my field if i move to another city.  Well there is but its going to be much harder than finding a job in that field where i live now so moving to antoher state makes no sense as i wouldnt even be able to find a job at all in my field.  Yes the other option would be stay in my city and rent a room in someones place.  I dont have any friends that want a roommate unfortunately,  Most of them are married and a few of them still live with their parents and they make 80k a year. I do not understand why but their parents are not stressful on them and of course they dont have acne.  They dont mind though.

Why do you need to room with a friend you already know? When I moved here, I found a room in a large house with 8 different roommates. I didn't know any of them until the day I moved in, and I lived there for the next year, until eventually my boyfriend and I got a different place.

 

I'm not telling you that you HAVE to do any of this (obviously lol) I'm just saying these things to you because you seem way limited in your view of what's possible for your life. It kind of seems like you're making a lot of excuses to keep yourself living at your parents place. If you just want to stay there that's okay, but don't stay there for some bullshit reasoning of "I don't have any friends that want a roommate." You're smart enough to know that plenty of people room up with people that they don't know. There's even a section of craigslist completely devoted to people looking for roommates.


And if you want to know the truth, I've had WAY better luck rooming with random strangers than I have with friends, as odd as that seems. With friends, the boundaries are often very hazy (Do you share food? Do you cut your "buddy" some slack when he's late on the bills? etc) which can lead to a lot of fights and troubles. It seems that when you move in with a random roommate, you have no prior relationship to muddy up the waters and it's easier to be clear with the boundaries, rules and limits on behavior. Others may have had a different experience, but that was mine.
 

 

What I think he is right about is that his parents should stop yelling at him to eat with the family. I mean, If you are allergic to a food, and someone tells you to eat it, you wouldn't eat right? Heck No.

Of course not. He needs to simply stand up for himself and say no. I don't think they are going to literally attack you and begin force feeding you, are they? Why can't you just explain your situation and if they don't like it, oh well? Are they saying that you have to eat with them as a condition of you living there or what?

 

Yes ivyhawk.  I don't understand what ppl here are saying about how i can't make demands living at parents place at 26.  Its not like im asking them to buy the food i want to eat etc and like i want cable tv.  I'm tellling them quit telling me what to eat and asking me to eat dinner with them when they keep making foods that makes my acne worst.  I like your example of the allergic to food and family telling you to eat it.

By "can't" we don't mean that you shouldn't stand up for yourself and eat what you choose to eat. We just mean that you can't demand they change their behavior. Or rather, you can--but it won't likely work. As I said earlier, you can't change your parents behavior EVER--most people just leave so they don't have to deal with it anymore.

The stuff im saying its not even a demand at all.  At least one person here get its.  It just seems like people never went through this stuff so their opinion is i'm wrong on this.  Yea so for everyone else here so if you had bad acne and your parents make you eat with you and make you eat those unhealthy food which makes your acne worst, you going to get mad at them or not if you trying to clear your face?  I want someone here to answer this question.

You can be mad at them if you want. I don't doubt that their behavior is annoying. It also sounds like they have a strange relationship to food themselves. But how is getting mad going to help you in your situation? You just need to change something. You can try to change them but it doesn't sound like it's going to work. So all you can do is change yourself (so you don't care anymore) or your location.

Pianini... you don't think i told them many times nicely stop cooking food for me?  I told them this at least 15 times over the last 6 months already.  

 

Yes! I get that... Which is why I'm saying you can't change them.

 

Mother would go okay find starting from today i won't and you do it all by yourself.  Of course what happens.  2 weeks later she does the same thing over and over again.  If you were me, you would lose your patience b/c they keep on lying about this.  Then go who cares its just 1 time you eat this etc.  Well... for me one time i break out because i have very sensitive skin.

 

So this tells you that she's probably going to keep doing this to you. So if you aren't going to leave, this means you have to just say "no mom, I don't want to eat that" and then eat the food you make. It's that simple. If they kick you out of the house because of this, then you'll have to find a new place. Otherwise, just do what you do and don't care what they say.

 

So if your parents made you eat with them every night while you trying to eat healthy and they make you eat something that causes you acne, would you eat with them? Of course i go and buy my own food and eat and cook it myself.  How you feel if they say no you eating with us tonight no matter what.

 

How are they "making you?" As you said, you are 26 years old. How exactly are they forcing you to eat food that breaks you out? To answer your question, no, I would not eat with them. It was a different situation with my family because we never really ate together much anyway and I've been making my own food since I was 12 or 13 anyway. But no, I would never let someone try to coerce me into eating something I didn't want to, and you shouldn't either.
 

Until you can move out, you need to just say no. If they get mad about it, too bad.


Edited by dejaclairevoyant, 12 February 2013 - 02:05 PM.

Current Skin-Care Regimen (A work in progress):

 

Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The  lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

 

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil

 


#20 IvyHawk

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Posted 12 February 2013 - 02:30 PM

When you quoted my post, you said what I was trying to say. Thank you!


I don't do coffee.

I color outside the lines for fun.