Help..... I guess is the best word I can think of.
My face makes me miserable.
I don't know what else to do, try, or fix.
i'm definitely at my wit's end.
Wish it was zit's end...oh word play.
A brief history:
I'm 28, female, white, natural red hair, freckles, irish descent... I burn so easily out in the sun.
I first got acne when I was about 10 years old (puberty started when I was 9.. first period when I was 11).
I would get the large ugly white heads on the side of my nose.
I had normal skin during my teens...with the odd zit here and there, nothing that really made me feel horrible.
In college I started to get more acne....and by graduate school, it was a full blown attack.
This last year was a stressful year with my father passing away after a short battle with cancer, and my mom was finally diagnosed with lupus after a 20+ year fight to figure out what was wrong with her. She almost passed away in the summer, but pulled through so she could make it home to spend time with her dying husband. Yup, it was sad times, stressful times. All that plus school, relationship, new house, etc... it was too much for my face.
I know my anxiety of the year played a role in how bad my acne got. I really started picking at it to relieve stress and try and gain some form of control over my chaotic life.
It just made matters worse. I wasn't on birth control at the time, and my acne seemed to forever be on attack. Atfer my dad passed away I tried birth control, and my skin cleared up.. until that 7 day break between packs. My face went into the worst beakout I have ever had (in the attached photo/link...it's the picture on the top left). So, what this told me was that, it's hormone related.
I've had my hormones tested a few times before...to rule out PCOS... The ratios were either far off, or borderline. Hormones were okay.
The doctor told me to just jump into the next pack instead of waiting 7 days between them. So, I tried this over December/January... I did the back to back idea. Only that gave me a period that lasted for 46 days.
So I went back to the normal pattern, the 28 day birth control pack.
It was working, but i fear that week of 7 days of placebos....because I know what's going to come my way.
The acne I get is painful. It hurts to smile. That's how inflamed my skin is. I used to love to smile... i'd smile if i was uncomfortable, it was the best defense mechanism ever. But now that defense mechanism fails... it only makes my acne bleed and leak. And who wants to talk to hot men and smile at them only to spontaneously start bleeding from disgusting "cakey camo'd" zits on your face? And mine bleed... and i mean... BLEEEED. I soak through 3 kleenexes before I can get it under control.
I take multivitamins, get extra zinc, vita C, b vitamins, i used vitamin A cream, I eat as healthy as I can (I really do eat my fruits and vegetables). I'm not a big sweets person. I do love dairy- cheese especially...and ice cream, but i can't afford to eat these every day... so, few times a week. I love coffee (a weakness...). I have a peanut allergy. I don't eat meat very often (and if I do it usually birds or fish).
I went back to the doctor last week for help. I'm just miserable and have NO IDEA what the next steps should be. This isn't working and it's affecting my life. It's painful, it makes me want to be a shut-in, and it's making me feel soo discouraged... I graduate in the summer, and I should be excited at the prospect of getting my first real career., Yet I'm terrified. My face problem speaks louder than any words I put on a resume, or any confidence I can muster my way through in an interview.
The judgement I get from my acne hurts so much. If i walk into a drug store they immediately try and sell me cover-up or acne products. There was one lady who said I shouldnt be outside with chickenpox/scabies/impetigo. And old lady behind me in a lineup at the grocery store asked me if I ever washed my face before because I'm young and should look pretty, but look at all of those pimples! and scars! you poor thing! (took everything in me not to sit there and cry). The last straw, this was yesterday, a bunch of teenage boys asked me for drugs. When I told them I was not a drug dealer..they said sorry, your face just looks like a meth addict's face so we thought you would have the good drugs!
Can you believe that!?
So I find myself here.
I've tried to stay strong with this acne, but I can't do it anymore. There's only so many products I can buy, so many times at the doctor that go no where, and so many days of comments/staring that I can take.
I put together some pictures of my acne, and wrote some stuff... I am not sure if it will work, if the text is too small.. etc... If it looks too blurry- sorry!
So, this is me, reaching out to you. What's your story? Have you had any luck with your doctor? Or is this acne journey a D.I.Y. adventure?