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Scars Are Keeping Me From Being Myself

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#1 Bob Loblaw Law Blog

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 09:08 AM

Hi, I been navigating these forums in the past but never really had the urge to post anything, but lately it feels like I've been stuck in a rut. I been dealing with acne for the past 7 years, and recently scars have surfaced on my face. I've got these shallow boxscars, icepicks, and rolling scars, and on top of that, I still break out every once in a while with a huge cyst that feels like it takes up half my face.

 

I'm 20 year old male whos not particularly tall or buff-looking. Average height and average build. Just plain average. People used to say that I was good-looking, but since the scars, no more of that. I mean it's helped me to grow, I was a little shallow in the past, but now I understand what people who had these scars felt like. It's one thing to walk around with acne, then to walk around with scars too. I used to see people with scars and be glad that I wasn't them. But now I do have scars, and I understand how painful it can be.

 

This past year is when I started getting the scars, and it's wrecked me emotionally. Nothing feels real anymore and I take everything lightly. Some people think I'm a jerk now because Im sarcastic, and others think im funnier this way. But it's all just a front I put up to hide the darker part of my soul. I'm really not happy with myself and it's been keeping me from being who I used to be, someone who was smart and above average looking and charismatic. Scars and acne just sucked it all out of me.

 

And even worse, it's messing with my confidence with girls. I met this girl who was downright beautiful. She is everything that I want in a girl. She's got a good sense of humor, she's sweet, and just way out of my league. We talk on the phone and text and all that stuff, but I feel like she gets the better part of me only because its over the phone, long distance. When we see each other in person though, I shut down. I think she can sense it sometimes and I know it's that lack of confidence is what put girls off, but I can't seem to muster it up in person. I wish I was better for her, but I think I have deeper issues I need to resolve before I ruin my chances. She does seem to have friends that are cool, but I think they think she can do better than me. I think she probably knows that too. And that's what's been killing me. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to use her as some sort of emotional crutch to make me feel better, but at the same time, she's the girl I want and she does make me feel better whenever im with her or talking to her, or even talking about her with my friends (only when they ask of course).

 

Sorry for the length of the post. My mind is full of negative thoughts and it feels like my positive  and optimistic thoughts are constantly overshadowed by them. I just feel it's better to get it out of me.

 

 



#2 Lapis lazuli

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 10:12 AM

Hi

 

 

wavey.gif

 

she's the girl I want

 

You should try looking at this differently. How about saying she's one of the many girls out there that you'd like to have a serious relationship with? That's already a totally different attitude towards relationships; even if you were to get into a relationship with this girl you're bound to break up eventually anyway. Most relationships end at one point or another. Not that that is a reason not to feel bad about it seemingly not being meant to be as far as this girl is concerned, it's just that in my opinion people need to realize that only having eyes for one person and thinking your happiness depends on it working out between this one person and you is kind of rediculous as there are many people who you will fall in love with just the same. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this girl is replaceable; every relationship is unique. I'm just saying that you need to not be so tense and get real about the reality of things when it comes to relationships. And when you do so it is my belief that "the events in your life might be the same but how you go through those events will change dramatically.".



#3 Bob Loblaw Law Blog

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 12:09 PM

How about saying she's one of the many girls out there that you'd like to have a serious relationship with? That's already a totally different attitude towards relationships; even if you were to get into a relationship with this girl you're bound to break up eventually anyway. Most relationships end at one point or another.

 

And when you do so it is my belief that "the events in your life might be the same but how you go through those events will change dramatically.".

 

Wow thanks for being upfront, especially the last part. But I do want a serious relationship with her. She's one of the few girls that I would. We may or may not last, but I'm not thinking about that. The thing is I don't think I can hold onto her, or any girl at this point. Typing this, the doubts keep haunting me. I can't stop her friends from saying I'm not good enough, and I can't help looking in the mirror and not accepting myself. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm afraid when she sees this side thats consumed by sadness over the way I look, she'll move on. And I don't want to say I'm basing my happiness on this relationship, it's just the general pattern that's been going on. I find a girl, we start dating, then my self-destructive tendencies take over keep me from making it work..

 

I didn't get to mention this earlier, but I have also been battling depression and got some self-esteem issues, which no one really knows because I always laugh and joke. But when I get home, I sink into this pit of doubts and negativity. I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor, but I don't feel as happy as I was before these scars surfaced. I find myself staying at home and shutting myself in because I don't want to go out sometimes. I have friends, but since I got these scars, it feels like they don't want to hang out with me as much.My family look at me as the ugly duckling of the family. My own mother doesn't think I'm good looking anymore. She said I gotta fix those holes my face.

 

Everything all adds up into one giant weight that sometimes I don't think I can handle. There were points I was thinking of killing myself, but I thought that would just be selfish of me, to get rid of my pain, but to make everyone else I left behind to deal with that. But I just needed to get this out of my system because there's no one else that I can really share this with. I was just wondering if anyone felt the same.



#4 Lapis lazuli

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

Wow thanks for being upfront, especially the last part. But I do want a serious relationship with her. She's one of the few girls that I would. We may or may not last, but I'm not thinking about that. The thing is I don't think I can hold onto her, or any girl at this point. Typing this, the doubts keep haunting me. I can't stop her friends from saying I'm not good enough, and I can't help looking in the mirror and not accepting myself. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm afraid when she sees this side thats consumed by sadness over the way I look, she'll move on. And I don't want to say I'm basing my happiness on this relationship, it's just the general pattern that's been going on. I find a girl, we start dating, then my self-destructive tendencies take over keep me from making it work..

 

I didn't get to mention this earlier, but I have also been battling depression and got some self-esteem issues, which no one really knows because I always laugh and joke. But when I get home, I sink into this pit of doubts and negativity. I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor, but I don't feel as happy as I was before these scars surfaced. I find myself staying at home and shutting myself in because I don't want to go out sometimes. I have friends, but since I got these scars, it feels like they don't want to hang out with me as much.My family look at me as the ugly duckling of the family. My own mother doesn't think I'm good looking anymore. She said I gotta fix those holes my face.

 

Everything all adds up into one giant weight that sometimes I don't think I can handle. There were points I was thinking of killing myself, but I thought that would just be selfish of me, to get rid of my pain, but to make everyone else I left behind to deal with that. But I just needed to get this out of my system because there's no one else that I can really share this with. I was just wondering if anyone felt the same.

 

Loads of people feel the same. You're certainly not the only one who's having trouble dealing with these kind of things.

 

I don't really know what else to say. :(



#5 o Havoc o

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Posted 29 January 2013 - 02:27 AM

How about saying she's one of the many girls out there that you'd like to have a serious relationship with? That's already a totally different attitude towards relationships; even if you were to get into a relationship with this girl you're bound to break up eventually anyway. Most relationships end at one point or another.

 

And when you do so it is my belief that "the events in your life might be the same but how you go through those events will change dramatically.".

 

Wow thanks for being upfront, especially the last part. But I do want a serious relationship with her. She's one of the few girls that I would. We may or may not last, but I'm not thinking about that. The thing is I don't think I can hold onto her, or any girl at this point. Typing this, the doubts keep haunting me. I can't stop her friends from saying I'm not good enough, and I can't help looking in the mirror and not accepting myself. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm afraid when she sees this side thats consumed by sadness over the way I look, she'll move on. And I don't want to say I'm basing my happiness on this relationship, it's just the general pattern that's been going on. I find a girl, we start dating, then my self-destructive tendencies take over keep me from making it work..

 

I didn't get to mention this earlier, but I have also been battling depression and got some self-esteem issues, which no one really knows because I always laugh and joke. But when I get home, I sink into this pit of doubts and negativity. I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor, but I don't feel as happy as I was before these scars surfaced. I find myself staying at home and shutting myself in because I don't want to go out sometimes. I have friends, but since I got these scars, it feels like they don't want to hang out with me as much.My family look at me as the ugly duckling of the family. My own mother doesn't think I'm good looking anymore. She said I gotta fix those holes my face.

 

Everything all adds up into one giant weight that sometimes I don't think I can handle. There were points I was thinking of killing myself, but I thought that would just be selfish of me, to get rid of my pain, but to make everyone else I left behind to deal with that. But I just needed to get this out of my system because there's no one else that I can really share this with. I was just wondering if anyone felt the same.

For someone else to accept you, you need to first accept yourself.

 

Easier said than done i know. However if you accept "okay i have scars on my face. This is me, take it or leave it. Don't like it, theres the door"

 

It's once you have nothing to lose an everything to gain you will start to function the way you need to.

 

Sadly you need to love yourself before anyone else can.

 

If this girl truly likes you then she likes you for all the good and bad. However my advice would be to fix yourself before getting anyone because that could end in disaster if you're not comfortable with yourself.



#6 Scar_Tissue

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Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:45 AM

I have a bunch of scars I use to be really self conscious about them, and still am. I just realized I needed to forget that I had them to let go and have fun. When people see how awesome you are they don't even see the "flaws" on your face. Have you thought about getting treatment or ways to cover the up maybe?



#7 Bob Loblaw Law Blog

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Posted 04 February 2013 - 04:09 PM

I have a bunch of scars I use to be really self conscious about them, and still am. I just realized I needed to forget that I had them to let go and have fun. When people see how awesome you are they don't even see the "flaws" on your face. Have you thought about getting treatment or ways to cover the up maybe?

 

I guess it does help to forget the scars. Sometimes I try not to look in the mirror, but I get a little wrecked when I do. =/ I been looking into dermarolling bc I have a lot of rolling scars and chicken pox scars. I did it a couple times and it helped but then I started breaking out again and i get these big cyst bastards that stick around forever. Thx for the advice tho.


Edited by Bob Loblaw Law Blog, 04 February 2013 - 04:10 PM.


#8 Binga

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Posted 04 February 2013 - 05:30 PM

Start juicing and drink home made kefir. Topically use a b5 serum with a collagen booster. See if that helps. You can also use a bb cream to hide the scars.