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Well, After 10 Years, I Give Up

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#1 Threex1Minus1

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Posted 22 January 2013 - 10:48 PM

So here I am, ready to turn 23, which will mark (roughly) 10 years that I've had to deal with this bullshit. And every year at my birthday I would tell myself "well maybe next year at this time I won't be dealing with this anymore" but I've decided to stop lying to myself. I'm 23 years old... this isn't going away. At 23, it's no longer that "normal teenage acne". I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, eh? So I've decided to give up on trying to fight it. I've been down every avenue, tried all the options (minus accutane), listened to all of the advice and broscience, and from all of this I've concluded two facts: 1) nothing works for me, and 2) no one has any god damn idea how to treat acne. I mean just look through these boards, everyone has their own homemade magical cocktail remedy that, sure, may work for them, but others nothing. Go to one derm who says diet doesn't mean shit and starts writing up the med prescriptions, go to another derm who says diet is related and tells you to take specific vitamins. No one knows anything about this disease, because everyone's body reacts differently. And for people like me, whose acne is solely at the mercy of their hormones, are fucked. There is nothing I can do about it, plain and simple.

 

I don't really know why I'm posting this. Maybe to get it off my chest? I don't talk about my acne to anyone I know in real life, and frankly if you knew me in real life you would have no idea that I'm even bothered by it, nor care about it. But the fact of the matter is that this disease has destroyed any confidence I've ever had, and had a rather large impact on my life. I'm not one of those people who have hidden from social situations (not like I've been in many to begin with though) due to acne or anything like that. But I'm sitting here at 23 years old and I've never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, and never had any physical contact with a woman. Pretty god damn pathetic, no? But like I said, I have been robbed of any confidence I ever once had. If I've ever felt unusually confident before heading out of the house all I would need is a quick glance in the mirror and at my face and I'm faced with the fact that I'm completely fucked. I'm a very honest, level-headed person, so let's be real here: no physical attraction, no connection. You can preach to me about "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "personality is really what matters" until my ears bleed, but the fact of the matter is that I have absolutely no problem talking to women and I'm not socially awkward, but I've never had a girl show any interest in me sexually; nothing beyond simple friendships. But sexual frustration is simply just one of the issues living with this disease has brought upon me.

 

Next let's talk about the scaring... see, even if by some grace of god my acne would subside tomorrow, it really wouldn't matter. After 10 years of dealing with very moderate, and especially during my teen years severe (cystic) acne, my face has been left looking like a war zone. Scars, I have them all: rolling, ice pick, boxcar, hyper pigmentation, you name it, it's there. I would say about 80% of my face is scarred. That's not an overreaction either, I'm being serious. My scarring is not like half of those people posting over on the scar treatment forum, who have two scars on their cheek that you can only see if they're standing directly underneath a street lamp, while you're crouched below them looking up at them while their head is tilted to a 30 degree angle to the right, and Jupiter and Mars have perfectly aligned so their light reflects upon their face at just the right angle... you get what I'm saying. No disrespect to those posters or anything, but I often wonder what they would do if they woke up one morning to the mess that is my face... Sure, there are scar treatments, but it's like a cruel joke to me: you cannot begin the treatments until your acne has actually subsided. Well, there goes that option. But they're not a guarantee fix anyway, and in some cases have made things worse for people. No, my face looks absolutely terrible due to scarring. I have seen a small number of posters here who have scarring as bad, or worse, than mine; but never in real life have I met someone whose face is as badly scarred as mine.

 

Again, like I said, I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess after 10 years I just have to bitch and get all of this frustration out. No one else in my family has any problems with acne. All of my friends who back in high school had bad acne as well no longer deal with it. I think what pisses me off so much is I feel like I was lied to by everyone. Family, friends, doctors, other adults. They all said the same thing: "Oh it's just a puberty thing, you'll grow out of it." I'm 23. If I haven't "grown out of it" by now, I highly doubt I will. There is still that small shred of hope that I have, deep down inside me, that maybe I will. But each year that fades more and more. It's not going to last much longer.

 

So if you've actually read this wall of text I thank you for putting up with my bitching and moaning. But I feel as if I had to rant. Now feel free to leave hate mail below.



#2 oilydave94

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Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:23 PM

Sorry to hear what you're going through man, and nah man, don't be sorry for venting, it's encouraged here. You should look into Accutane if nothing else works, and I've read it also helps with the healing process of scars. There are also laser procedures you could look into that make scars less noticeable once your acne goes away. Scars also get better with age. When you walk around campus, you might think every girl at your school has perfect skin but reality is underneath the make up, girls have acne and acne scars too. If you're brave enough to try to wear make up, with enough practice, make up can help conceal just about anything. :)

 

As for the girlfriend issue, true story, I know a girl, who is hot by everyone's standards and could get any guy she wants, and she's dating someone who's a paraplegic. Sure you could say she's not common, but at the same time, I've seen plenty of guys with bad acne scars with girls with perfect skin and fat guys with skinny girls. There are ways to win a girl beyond looks. 

 

And if you're self conscious about trying to meet a girl, you could always try an online dating site, it's nothing to be ashamed of, everyone does it these days, I've done it myself, met a couple of cool girls in my area before. When you connect with someone emotionally, they'll look past your physical flaws. Hope that helps and know there's always hope, my friend. 



#3 awesomenesssquared

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Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:30 PM

So I broke out today for the first time since my accutane course ended 1.5months ago. Sufferer of moderate acne my whole life and recently severe cystic acne. Also 23 years old, been dealing with this for 10 years, and have every kind of scar on my face too. Some more obvious than others...

 

O did I mention i also took accutane twice? Not even that is a definitive solution...Dont get me wrong accutane does clear acne, but it is uncertain who will get full remission or not in my opinion...I do recommend it though for severe acne sufferers

 

Acne is quite a cruel, sick joke.

 

Nobody knows how to treat this bullshit or understands its full effects mentally, emotionally and physically...but honestly I stopped caring. You have to kind of stop caring but keep fighting at the same time. It is the only way. Better days ahead...keep up the hope no matter what I swear to you. Find other passions in life and ignore the asshats and people will love you for who you are, or how you dress, or your succesful career, your money, or your interests and not by how you look. You aren't alone.


Edited by awesomenesssquared, 22 January 2013 - 11:38 PM.


#4 celery

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Posted 22 January 2013 - 11:31 PM

I saw this guy on youtube once when I was thinking about Accutane and he had BAD skin. Like I was embarrassed that I had thought mine was bad. And what eventually worked for him was chemical peels. Maybe it could work..? 

I was told my acne would go away a long time ago by a dermatologist, my parents, everyone. That was like 4 years ago. As soon as you give up you'll never get clear skin. Just keep on trying. Sure, you may have your confidence broken from your early years but so do a lot of the people on this website. Get Accutane if your skin is that bad. Do the Regimen. Do chemical peels. But don't just decide to do nothing.



#5 Sum1killme

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:32 AM

I understand you man, acne is one tough motherfuckin road once you reach the end and thinks it's over you see the mountain you have to climb up ahead with no food or water. Don't give up find some inner strength and just pull that shit out if you, I once read some guy finding a cure for his acne at age 40. Never give up dont let it defeat you man your greater than this shit. climb that fuckin mountain.

#6 Lapis lazuli

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 07:32 AM

"But the fact of the matter is that this disease has destroyed any confidence I've ever had, and had a rather large impact on my life. I'm not one of those people who have hidden from social situations (not like I've been in many to begin with though) due to acne or anything like that. But I'm sitting here at 23 years old and I've never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, and never had any physical contact with a woman. Pretty god damn pathetic, no? But like I said, I have been robbed of any confidence I ever once had. If I've ever felt unusually confident before heading out of the house all I would need is a quick glance in the mirror and at my face and I'm faced with the fact that I'm completely fucked. I'm a very honest, level-headed person, so let's be real here: no physical attraction, no connection. You can preach to me about "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "personality is really what matters" until my ears bleed, but the fact of the matter is that I have absolutely no problem talking to women and I'm not socially awkward, but I've never had a girl show any interest in me sexually; nothing beyond simple friendships. But sexual frustration is simply just one of the issues living with this disease has brought upon me."

 

It's not pathetic, it's just unfortunate. There's indeed the need for a physical attraction if you're ever going to get together with someone. To say so sounds kind of superficial though but I could write ten nuanced paragraphs about how I look at this, explaining how I'm not superficial but I'll just assume that people give me the benefit of the doubt.

 

I've never understood the whole "I'm sexually frustrated because I've never had a girlfriend" way of thinking though. I mean if for you the whole point of "getting a girlfriend" is becoming sexually active then you might as well go see a prostitute (or two). lol Don't get me wrong, prostitution isn't something contemptable or "immoral", as some people say, in my opinion. They're just people offering a service. Now, if you were to have your dream(s) come true that way then you'd do so in a dignified, honest manner; so many people get hurt in relationships because their "significant others" aren't 100% honest with them about whatever. It's sad.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear acne is causing you so much grief.


Edited by Lapis lazuli, 23 January 2013 - 07:36 AM.


#7 armadillo

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:45 AM

Ok, so if you've tried everything but Accutane, why don't you try Accutane? Are you not a suitable candidate? What have you go to lose? It won't make your acne worse, I've never heard of that one before.



#8 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:31 PM

I totally understand. I've been dealing with it over ten years too. Mine started when I was a little younger than you. I never had acne as a teen. People tell me "it will get better soon" and honestly, at times I want to sock them in the face for saying it to me. After ten years and trying everything, don't you dare tell me it'll get better soon. There is absolutely no reason on earth for them to think that's true.



#9 Binga

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 06:08 PM

Look into Accutane



#10 SebumSucks

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 10:36 PM

I know how you feel, I've been at that same point many times. I remember feeling like that in my early 20's thinking how much longer is this shit going to last? Maybe a few more years till I grow out of it but never did. But I kept on going and didn't stop trying. Not that there weren't times I didn't want to anymore. We all have those days.
But you have to just keep on going and looking for the answer. I am 37 now and I just recently found the cure for me which has eluded me for over 20 years. Please go read my story under the Vitamin D boards titled Vitamin D cured my oily skin and acne.

Also, like others have said you should seriously consider Accutane. Can't say it was a cure for me, but it provided immense relief and fantastic results each time while on it. And for some people it is a cure, and you could be one of the lucky ones.

#11 dqn217

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 11:21 PM

I started a log on here and basically all I've done each post is vent lol, no need to feel sorry for venting we all come here to do it and it makes me feel better for a second. Suffering with acne sucks, the PHI/scars suck donkey balls too, but don't lose hope man you can do it!! My acne is the worse it's ever been and te marks cover a lot of my face too, and take forever to fade, seriously going to this site and venting or reading post is my one solace at this point. We're a community here and here to pull each other through the rough times, vent all you want man! I know I will be!

#12 tuffluck

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Posted 24 January 2013 - 06:02 PM

 that you can only see if they're standing directly underneath a street lamp, while you're crouched below them looking up at them while their head is tilted to a 30 degree angle to the right, and Jupiter and Mars have perfectly aligned so their light reflects upon their face at just the right angle...

 

LOL this junk cracked me up.  u write well man. 



#13 Omnivium

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 03:35 AM

That's the problem with acne. Everyone close to you gives you the horrible advice that it will just go away for no reason. And when it doesn't we eventually make our way to a derm after we start looking pretty bad and losing our confidence, only to find out the derm knows nothing about acne either. All they do is prescribe you something that doesn't work and send you on your way. Derms are more like pharmacists than doctors. Actual doctors don't take it seriously, even though it greatly affects our quality of life, and it is affecting more and more people in westernized societies.

 

Sometimes while watching House I see a team of supposedly brilliant doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with a patient and think, "why can't someone do that with acne?" They need to start taking this seriously, because there are plenty of people with horribly severe acne that don't deserve it.

 

That being said, there are still things you could try. Zinc, probiotics, and a healthy diet all reduce my inflammation and number of pimples. Without them I would have like 30 inflamed pimples right now, instead of just a few. Also I think you should try Accutane, since acne affects your quality of life. You don't have to be afraid of the Accutane horror stories. Just be responsible, don't overdose, and watch for side effects, and you should be fine.



#14 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 25 January 2013 - 12:36 PM

That's the problem with acne. Everyone close to you gives you the horrible advice that it will just go away for no reason. And when it doesn't we eventually make our way to a derm after we start looking pretty bad and losing our confidence, only to find out the derm knows nothing about acne either. All they do is prescribe you something that doesn't work and send you on your way. Derms are more like pharmacists than doctors. Actual doctors don't take it seriously, even though it greatly affects our quality of life, and it is affecting more and more people in westernized societies.

 

Sometimes while watching House I see a team of supposedly brilliant doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with a patient and think, "why can't someone do that with acne?" They need to start taking this seriously, because there are plenty of people with horribly severe acne that don't deserve it.

 

That being said, there are still things you could try. Zinc, probiotics, and a healthy diet all reduce my inflammation and number of pimples. Without them I would have like 30 inflamed pimples right now, instead of just a few. Also I think you should try Accutane, since acne affects your quality of life. You don't have to be afraid of the Accutane horror stories. Just be responsible, don't overdose, and watch for side effects, and you should be fine.

 

 

Dude, you don't know how long I've wished Dr. House was real so that he could use his genius to figure out what the heck is going on with my body.

 

Also so I could make out with him. But that's a different thread. lol :D



#15 Omnivium

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Posted 26 January 2013 - 02:56 AM

That's the problem with acne. Everyone close to you gives you the horrible advice that it will just go away for no reason. And when it doesn't we eventually make our way to a derm after we start looking pretty bad and losing our confidence, only to find out the derm knows nothing about acne either. All they do is prescribe you something that doesn't work and send you on your way. Derms are more like pharmacists than doctors. Actual doctors don't take it seriously, even though it greatly affects our quality of life, and it is affecting more and more people in westernized societies.

 

Sometimes while watching House I see a team of supposedly brilliant doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with a patient and think, "why can't someone do that with acne?" They need to start taking this seriously, because there are plenty of people with horribly severe acne that don't deserve it.

 

That being said, there are still things you could try. Zinc, probiotics, and a healthy diet all reduce my inflammation and number of pimples. Without them I would have like 30 inflamed pimples right now, instead of just a few. Also I think you should try Accutane, since acne affects your quality of life. You don't have to be afraid of the Accutane horror stories. Just be responsible, don't overdose, and watch for side effects, and you should be fine.

 

 

Dude, you don't know how long I've wished Dr. House was real so that he could use his genius to figure out what the heck is going on with my body.

 

Also so I could make out with him. But that's a different thread. lol biggrin.png

 

Woah, tmi lol.



#16 Notquiteme

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Posted 26 January 2013 - 06:47 AM

Haha, Dr House?! He'll always just be Bertie Wooster to me!

I just wanted to chip in and say that - from my own experience and of and how my friends choose partners - girls WILL date you and fancy you, acne or no acne, scars or no scars. And I don't think that's just a few girls or me trying to say the right thing, I genuinely believe it. I think (unfortunately and sadly) it's more 'acceptable' for guys to have scars than it is girls, but it's more than that - it's because chemistry and attraction between two people has next to nothing to do with the state of your skin. It does have almost everything to do with you having the confidence to feel that you might deserve to be with someone or to believe that a girl might be interested in you... If you don't have that then you aren't even beginning to be giving off the necessary vibes of being keen, interested and open to it yourself. I don't know how to magically make you feel this way (if I did, I would also be practising what I preach here - I do accept that I am being a massive hypocrite! But then, I think that just goes to show that for a lot of us the real problems are the damage to our confidence, not to our skin), but I hope it might help just a little bit to hear that and know that I genuinely mean it. There's a guy I work with who has a considerable amount of acne scarring but there's just 'something about him' that means I don't give it a thought, or really even notice it any more and I just find him really attractive. And don't forget, girls really don't tend to make the first move!

#17 drewfish01

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Posted 27 January 2013 - 04:14 PM

Can you post a picture of how you look now?  Like obviously just put your left and right cheek only since most would want it anonymous.



#18 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 27 January 2013 - 04:52 PM

Haha, Dr House?! He'll always just be Bertie Wooster to me!

I just wanted to chip in and say that - from my own experience and of and how my friends choose partners - girls WILL date you and fancy you, acne or no acne, scars or no scars. And I don't think that's just a few girls or me trying to say the right thing, I genuinely believe it. I think (unfortunately and sadly) it's more 'acceptable' for guys to have scars than it is girls, but it's more than that - it's because chemistry and attraction between two people has next to nothing to do with the state of your skin. It does have almost everything to do with you having the confidence to feel that you might deserve to be with someone or to believe that a girl might be interested in you... If you don't have that then you aren't even beginning to be giving off the necessary vibes of being keen, interested and open to it yourself. I don't know how to magically make you feel this way (if I did, I would also be practising what I preach here - I do accept that I am being a massive hypocrite! But then, I think that just goes to show that for a lot of us the real problems are the damage to our confidence, not to our skin), but I hope it might help just a little bit to hear that and know that I genuinely mean it. There's a guy I work with who has a considerable amount of acne scarring but there's just 'something about him' that means I don't give it a thought, or really even notice it any more and I just find him really attractive. And don't forget, girls really don't tend to make the first move!

 

 

I was once VERY attracted to a dude who had serious cystic acne. This was during a period of my life where I had pretty clear skin, too. I noticed his acne but it had zero effect on his attractiveness. I had a can't sleep, can't eat, can't stop thinking about him crush on this dude. I pretty much withered with pleasure at the idea of him even touching me. So there you go. When you like someone, it doesn't matter.



#19 kate5

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 03:02 AM

Why would anyone leave you hate mail? Your post really broke my heart. I cannot fathom why you have suffered this long without trying Accutane. My two nieces have told me they were practically suicidal; they didn't want to leave the house. Accutane gave them perfectly clear skin - I have asked them so many questions because my teenage daughter is begging to go on it. Please consider this, for crying out loud! Give it a chance - and if it works, you can have laser re-surfacing done.

 

There really is help out there - you need to see a doctor or a dermatologist asap. Good luck to you.... And for the record, Tommy Lee Jones has major acne scars and he was a very sexy man in his day... Do not suffer one more year like this - do something, try Accutane, it may absolutely change your life. And if it doesn't, AT LEAST YOU TRIED!



#20 Dooomy

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Posted 28 January 2013 - 12:33 PM

This sounds eerily similar to me. I am a long-time lurker that visits this site when my hope begins to fade. I am also 23 and I am still a mess (both physically and emotionally). Missed my college graduation window because I am housebound and ashamed to show my face in public. The pressure, anxiety and depression just crushes me on a daily basis. A new semester started today, yet here I sit in my apartment still looking for answers. I still have hope, it may be small, but it's there. I hope you continue to fight.