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I'm Losing It

suicide menopause cystic acne stress no health insurance desperate depressed

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#1 MariaJean

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:51 PM

Hi,

I am so totally overwhelmed. After googling cystic acne, and stumbling upon this site, and coming to the realization that what I have is cystic acne which is so unbelievably painful, I feel like I'm losing it. And i don't even know if i care.

i'm 47, female, and menopausal. My husband died 13 years ago when our daughter was 2 1/2 and so I've been raising her alone. My dad was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease on the heals of my husband's brain tumor diagnosis and so I lived through about 5 years of utter agony while I watched the two most important people in my life suffer relentlessly up until the minute of their deaths.

About a year after my husband died, his best friend and stock broker mismanaged my inheritance and lost most of the money. i sued the Wall St brokerage, ended up on the cover of the Wall St. Journal, consequently was sued by the broker and his wife for slander; mediated with them, came to an agreement, the brokerage firm settled with me and my life started over. It's been hell piled on top of more hell with a big scoop of hell on top of that. My daughter is 16 now. She went through every drug and every boy she laid eyes on, sneaking them into the house, even though I'd moved her to the second story. Most of these boys were of statutory rape age. I was drinking morning to night and snorting my doctor precsribed 20 mg 5 times a day ritalin right up my nose for about 2 years and ended up in a coma for 10 days. I was supposed to die. i think I was truly supposed to, but just like the hard-head I am, i didn't. You would think that i'd be grateful for a second chance at life. A chance to start over, making living amends to my daughter and everyone else along the way i'd devastated, but I'm not. I'm totally losing it. Actually, i'm totally lost.

i'm facing foreclosure as i'm 3 payments behind on my mortgage. I have no marketable job skills as I've been "raising" my daughter for the past 16 years. I'm looking at minimum wage wages, which won't save the house, and if that indeed happens, I lose all the equity as well (probably about $50,000). I have nowhere to go, meaning I will have nothing. No money, and no means to get any. And, on top of all of it, my freakin face is KILLING ME.

I have always had problematic acne, but in the last couple months it's really escalated into a bloody, painful, disgusting mess. I woke up today with an oozing, swollen face, and it hurt so badly to even touch it. I forced myself to pop the worst of the cysts as I couldn't even think straight the pain was so unbearable. It's now a stinging, burning mess. I have no health insurance, so a derm visit is out of the question. When we do finally move out of the house, whether kicking and screaming or skipping, I could go home to San Diego, stay with my bi-polar, mood-swinging, judgmental mother, but the upside is my cousin is a derm in San Diego, and rated in the nation's top of his field.

I apologize for the length and tone of my introduction. I'm pitiful. I can usually pretend to be full of energy and a half-glass-full kind of gal, but not today. Not while my face feels and looks like road-kill. What do I do? I've got a jewelry show on Saturday. I have to go and try to sell jewelry to women that I don't know, who probably will be gawking at my face rather than my jewelry. I need some help. i don't know what to do.....

(thank you). - i'll not be so pathetic in the future, I promise.

#2 dphan2013

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

hey i so sorry to here what your going through. that's so hard and im sorry. your acne is probally from stress. i hope things get better :)

#3 MariaJean

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:16 PM

That's really nice, thank you:) I'm from San Diego too. I live in Dallas now, but was born in SD. Weird.

#4 tracy521

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 09:35 PM

awe i really feel for you! you have been through so much in your life!! i am suffering from cystic acne as well and my derm has me on spironolactone but if you have a regular medical doctor that you can see, ask them to give you an antibiotic for now until you get to a derm. i know a lot of people on here are against antibiotics but they should really help you until you can figure out a plan. i had the best luck with minocycline and doxycycline but i know bactrim works really well too if arent allergic to it.

i really think that icing the cysts for a few times a day really helps along with ibuprofen or aleve. i swear by aleve as it helps reduce the pain, swelling and inflammation. also if you can afford it, get to your local drug store and get a bp wash and also a bp lotion or gel to put on your face every and night along with a moisturizer. a lot of people like cetaphil, aveeno or cerave moisturizers and they are all pretty cheap as well. that should help you a bit until you can see a derm. if you need anything else send me a message on here. good luck to you and hang in there Posted Image

Edited by tracy521, 17 January 2013 - 09:36 PM.


#5 MariaJean

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:52 PM

Thank you so much for your kindness and the advice. I'm going to try the ice/aleve combo right now.

The cysts and pus filled patches just appeared overnight! I have occasionally gotten them in the past, but not even like this. I recently started using a Clarisonic Mia that I gChristmas. Could that be contributing to the situation? Omg it's horrible!

#6 AyeAye

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 11:09 PM

Sounds like you're doing it tough at the moment, and then the problems of painful cystic acne on top of it. I would say that definitely the Clarisonic will be contributing to your break out. I'm now 40 and have finally learnt that the more gentle i am with my skin the better it is. I now no longer exfoliate etc but it was a really hard habit to break.

I agree with the above poster and go to your doctor for some advice. You could also read about the regimen on this site which I have had such amazing success with. Whatever you decide to do I wish you the very best of luck and strength.

After remaining clear for around 1.5 years following DKR (The Regimen), in March 2013 I decided to change to Epiduo.  I use a pea size amount of epiduo each night, followed by a layer of topical antibiotic (Eryacne). I also apply Eryacne every morning and moisturise twice a day. After switching to Epiduo from the regimen I found that it took a good 3 months to get back to being perfectly clear again and now I might get one small pimple appear per month.  I can live with that smile.png

I started following Dan's Regimen in September 2011 after suffering with acne for 20 years or so. I followed the Regimen instructions exactly and became 100% clear within 9-11 weeks. In December 2011 and after being consistently clear for over a month, I started to slowly reduce the amount of BP I used until I was only applying BP at night. My skin still remained clear however I sometimes switched to applying BP twice a day for a few days (perhaps once a month) if I felt a few under skin bumps starting to come up. I used acne.org products (including AHA and jojoba oil) and sometimes cetaphil moisturiser at night if I felt my skin was especially dry.  In the gallery I show my week by week progress following the regimen.


#7 tracy521

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Posted 18 January 2013 - 08:01 AM

Thank you so much for your kindness and the advice. I'm going to try the ice/aleve combo right now.

The cysts and pus filled patches just appeared overnight! I have occasionally gotten them in the past, but not even like this. I recently started using a Clarisonic Mia that I gChristmas. Could that be contributing to the situation? Omg it's horrible!


you are so welcome and i am here for you if you need any advice or just to talk. i know how devastating cystic acne can be that's for sure. i agree with the other poster in that i would ditch the clarisonic for now until you clear up and then you can slowly start using it say 1-2 times a week and go from there. it can be too irritating for a lot of people especially if you have sensitive skin. i know it also depends on what type of cleanser you are using as well. keep us updated on your progress but if you can go to the doctor as soon as possible.

#8 Green Gables

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 12:44 AM

For your situation where you can't see a derm, this would be my plan of action for acne if I were in your situation

1. Get a 2.5% or 5% benzoyl peroxide cream (a leave-on cream, not a "wash"). Whatever you can get your hands on. Wal-Mart has one called AcneFree. This site sells the Daniel Kern brand. There are others. Just go to the acne section, and start looking at the active ingredients. (Don't get 10%, it's too harsh.)

2. Read about The Regimen on acne.org's home page. It's pretty much constant benzoyl peroxide application. I don't think benzoyl peroxide is a permanent solution, but it is GREAT for getting you clear temporarily. Clear enough that you can start thinking straight and look for a more permanent solution.

Just do that for a while until you get your life together. Menopausal + constant stress = hormone issues = acne. I can tell you a lot about how to get your hormones in order, but frankly you probably don't have the patience or motivation to go down that road right now. And you might get lucky. The BP might get you clear long enough while your life settles down and your hormones might settle down as well. If not, well, there are many hormonal options to stop the acne.

Oh, and do not use the Clarisonic while you have pus-filled acne. Clarisonic can be used with blackheads but not active acne. And it goes without saying that you should be disinfecting the brush head with hydrogen peroxide after EVERY use.

Edited by Green Gables, 19 January 2013 - 12:46 AM.

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How to Treat Hormonal Acne

Good and Bad Birth Control Pills and Implants for Acne

How to take Spironolactone

List of Doctors Who Prescribe Spironolactone

Topicals for Hormonal Acne

 

HOW I STAY 100% CLEAR:

Spironolactone (anti-androgen drug)

Betaine HCL with each meal

Avoiding silicones and occlusives in skin/hair products