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dejaclairevoyant

I Have Something To Say (Everyone Please Read)

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Hello everyone,

It would mean a lot to me if you took the time to read this. I've talked about this a bit before (more on the emotional forum than here), but I've recently come to terms with the fact that I have developed an eating disorder over the years that I have been trying to cure my acne. It was something that I was in denial about for a long time, but I can no longer run away from it.

I have been trying to heal my acne and other health problems through diet for many years now. I have suffered horribly trying to find a cure. I have given up so much. I have fasted for weeks (not necessarily unhealthy, but bad when you do it out of desperation), I have given up 99% of food groups because someone, somewhere will say that practically everything in existence is bad for acne. I have cried myself to sleep so many nights, and over, and over, and over again, I have gotten my hopes up over diets/treatment plans and been crushed when my acne didn't improve the way people promised. I have driven myself to the point of insanity in the pursuit of clear skin.

I had a major wake up call this past month. I've lost almost 30 pounds in the past 3 years, and I was thin to begin with. Recently, when I became terrified that fruit had too much sugar and was feeding candida and cut it all out, I lost another 10 pounds and got down under 105 pounds at 5'7''....that is way too thin. When I found myself fearing water and cutting it out of my diet due to the idea that it might dilute my stomach acids and worsen my acne, I realized I had a serious problem.

A person should not fear water. A person should not fear fruit. A person should not fear FOOD.

This started as a beautiful thing. Going gluten free was one of the best things I ever did. But it also taught me to fear food. Eliminating fast foods, chemicals, gluten, processed things, etc is good for everyone. But it can become an eating disorder when your acne still doesn't improve so you start giving up more. Then you start reading more, and finding out more that you should give up. It goes on and on like that, until you're terrified of eating anything.

Of course this doesn't happen to everyone. And not everyone who gives up certain foods will have or develop an eating disorder, so don't think I'm accusing any of you of that. But this is my story, and I honestly think that if I were to continue down this road I'd end up dead within a few years, either from malnutrition or because I became so terrified and depressed about eating that I just end my life.

So for now, my focus is not going to be on healing acne any longer. After ten years, I'm ready to stop fighting for skin and start fighting for MY LIFE. Healing from my eating disorder and emotional distress is going to be my main priority for now, and therefore, I'm going to stop spending so much time in this forum. It's going to take an effort to stay away and post/read less because it's an addiction for me, as are other health/diet forums. I realize now that this obsession is part of my eating disorder and I can cure it and get back to living a real life. I have spent many years here, learning lots of amazing things and talking to so many of you awesome people. But this place is seriously triggering and I just can't take it anymore. I will still be posting on the emotional forum because that place is simply wonderful and there is less food talk there.

The real reason for this post is that I want to apologize. You don't know the heartbreak and guilt I feel at admitting that I have an eating disorder and then looking back and remembering how many people I've told not to eat certain foods, guilted over eating certain foods, or judged for eating certain foods. I am so sorry. I am crying right now as I type this because I feel so terrible knowing I could have played a role in manipulating people into fearing food. In truth, I do know a lot about diet and much of the advice I've given people about being gluten free and what not I still stand behind. But in hindsight, so much of what I've told others comes from a desperate, terrified place within myself. A sick place. A place of wanting to feel in control and powerful and proud of my ultra-restricted diet, because I feel so out of control, alone and SHAMEFUL over my skin. Being ultra restricted made me feel like I was something--like I was doing something important.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to face, so please just accept my apology. I know a lot about diet, but clearly know nothing about healing acne. I healed it once, but for whatever reason that was taken from me and I have not been able to heal it again. I am so sorry that I wasn't able to find the answers for myself and for all of us.

Bye for now. I'll hopefully come back around the diet forums one day when I feel ready. I hope 2013 brings everyone the health and happiness you all deserve. You are all beautiful and lovely to me.

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Current Skin-Care Regimen (A work in progress):

Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil


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So sorry to hear what you're going through. I used to be the same exact way, worrying about what foods *might* break me out. You seem like a very intelligent woman. Admitting your problems is a very tough thing to do: But knowing you have an issue is a good thing. As acne sufferers, we want to do everything and try everything that may fix our ailments. I have a lot of respect for you because you're open minded enough to try new things. You should be proud that despite everything you've gone through, here you are still trying to help people, and help yourself. Life is indeed a battle. Some people have life easier, some people have it MUCH harder. Our souls are not our bodies. Our bodies are merely vehicles for our consciousness.

I am positive you're going to have clear skin one day.

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Damn girl I feel for ya. Really sad to hear the pain and sadness your going through. Your a really great person and it sucks that some really great people have to go through such long bouts of suffering. Sounds like you really need a hug lol. I can relate as I was going down that path, but stopped myself and realized overall health is much more important then curing acne. Remember that post I had a little while back? I remember you posted right after me talkin about this same thing. Can't sacrifice all for getting rid of acne, ends up in a bigger mess. Also has to come a time when you don't care about having a breakout here and there, because as we know the more we worry the worse it gets.

For me when I stopped caring completely, and just eating a bunch of whole foods to try getting back into good strong shape since Im a male, everything improved. Was just enjoying life again and hangin out with people and I hardly ever broke out. For me diet had cured all my acne except for hormonal stuff around my mouth and chin. After taking carlson fish oil and hemp oil for the GLA everyday I never get any breakouts anymore. I know you have tried everything and that just makes me sad that nothing is working for you. I know going down this road to just be thankful that I was able to clear my case. Funny thing is I still have marks and a few scars, and now Im kind of self conscious about those lol, thats one thing I have DEFINITELY realized, is that on this road we not only become obsessed with no breakouts, but absolute perfect skin.. well at least me and I definitely think you too, I see your pics on your blog and you look great. We are like those people who go crazy with losing weight and get a distorted view of ourselves in a mirror, you probably think your skin is wayyyyy worse then other people think. Your a cool good looking down to earth chick fuck breakouts here and there down let em take your spirit and pride. Show off that beautiful smile haha :)

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Oh, you poor! :comfort: That took a lot of courage, and I couldn't agree more with all the things you say about obsessive behavior and going to extremes. I see it a lot, especially in this forum. You don't need to apologize for anything, as I'm sure that everything you've posted and all the advice you've given was from the goodness of your heart, in an attempt to help people, and maybe even yourself in your struggle for clear skin. No one can blame you for that, but it's exactly why people like sepsi and lately Michelle Reece are a very welcome addition. Even though they're often under attack, at least they are giving new members different perspectives (sepsi from a realistic holistic point of view, Michelle from a scientific point of view), that hopefully makes newbies research things for themselves, before jumping on any nonsensical bandwagon. Please focus on fixing your eating disorder now, get all the help you can get. If you need to talk, the emo forum is indeed a great place, and I'm sure everybody here is willing to listen as well. Good luck and keep your chin up! You're a brave woman and you'll overcome this, for sure!

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"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.” - John Lennon


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I'm really sorry to hear about what you're going though. Are you getting help?

I actually developed an eating disorder in a similar way. At first it was to try and fix my acne, then my depression but it took on a whole life of it's own. It was the most terrifying, devastating and painful time of my life. But I got help and I got better. I eat normally now and it isn't a struggle! I could not even imagine ever being able to do that again when I was in the thick of it. But I needed professional help to recover like this - a psychiatrist and psychologist. They helped me so incredibly much, mostly the psychologist. I was sceptical but she was brilliant and totally changed my life. So please surrender and let people help you!

I can relate to the sentiment behind your apology. I found it extremely upsetting that I might trigger people in any way even just by being thin. I hated to think that people might assume I judged them for being bigger than me aswell because I didn't at all, it wasn't about them.

I wish I could write a better reply to you but I really have to go revise! But I wish you all the best, and please don't feel guilty. Anything negative arose out of illness, not malicious intent. And you can beat this! (With help.)

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Post Roaccutane (finished December 2013) Regimen: MorningSimple Refreshing Facial WashPaula's Choice 2% BHA and 8% AHA Gels

Finacea 15% Azelaic Acid

Medik8 C- tetra

La Roche Posay Hydraphase Eyes with hyaluronic acid

Eucerin UltraSensitive Soothing Care for Normal-Combination Skin

La Roche Posay Dry Touch SPF 50+Nivea Lip Care Sun Protect SPF 30MAC Studio Fix Fluid NW10, No7 Perfect Light Loose Powder - TranslucentEveningSimple Refreshing Facial WashDifferin 0.1% Adapalene La a Roche a Posay Lipikar Baume with Niacinamide <p>Vaseline100% acne free and left only with the faintest few red marks and shallow scarring. Products no longer used for acne prevention/treatment but for anti-ageing and hyper pigmentation (mostly just freckled now rather than post acne!)


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It is not your fault, deja.

It's not your fault there's no known cure for acne. It's not your fault you were afflicted with acne. It's not your fault if you genuinely or anyone else for that matter believed treatment XYZ in healing/curing your acne and thought that others would have the same benefit.

Finding a cure or effective treatment can easily become an obsession, especially when you may come across people with "perfect" skin or see hundreds of beautiful models on TV or magazines. Of course it's mostly makeup and computer graphics, but it people still want it and want to believe there's another way of achieving it. We all want cures for every disease, but at the moment they are not known because science grinds slowly and it takes decades of research to figure something out.

And then when someone finds an article detailing on the Internet titled "This is THE CURE", the desperate immediately pounce on it. They faithfully follow instructions, no matter how crazy the regimen may seem, and if they report failure sometimes there's an underlying tone in the OP's words like "you didn't try hard enough". But other times there isn't and people think that anyway. It then becomes a vicious cycle of trying something new, wanting to see improvement and then get crushed again. And again. And again.

It infuriates me to no end how some people parade "remedies" and "cures" that they know will likely not work or just not work at all and lie to very desperate and depressed sufferers that it "does work". These scum that do get a power trip from this, which is downright psychological abuse. "Why didn't you come to me sooner," they might say. "Well, I have a cure for you/it works for everyone!" They would claim. "It's the secret they don't want you to know about!" They shout, which isolates people from their skeptical friends and family and draws the desperate into the state of mind the scum wants. Then the acne subsides on its own despite the treatment, the sufferer sees what he or she wants to see, and he/she feels good for a while until the acne returns with a vengeance, the sufferer feeling even worse than before the "treatment". Then the scum implies "you didn't try hard enough, stick with the treatment" where the sufferer feels better for a bit and when it doesn't work he/she doesn't want to admit it and may stick with it anyway, hoping that any day now for clear skin and the "perfect life". . .

Please go to a therapist and a psychiatrist. Good ones will give you the best treatments, work with you and give you coping skills. Right now I have a copy of Tinnitus Retraining Therapy. Yeah, not a book about coping with acne, but it gives coping skills with tinnitus (ear ringing) and many of the things in the book should apply to acne and coping. I'm about to get my hands on Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener, and I'll post a few relevant excerpts from there. I don't know exactly how many therapists have or know about this book, but probably quite a few because Diener is a famous psychologist at the University of Illinois and has conducted 25 years of research on happiness.

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Your post breaks my heart.

I sincerely hope you get to a place in your heart and in your mind that you love yourself and let go of any guilt you carry. Everyone is searching, everyone is trying. I'm so sad that this horrible disease has inflicted so much pain for you. Please continue to reach out for support, know that we are all here for you.

Everyone else, please don't slide into the obsession to achieve perfect skin. There really is no such thing. If its clear enough to cover, or isn't noticeable at 5 feet away, be satisfied. There is NO reason to tear up your body, your skin or your mental stability to be able to look in the mirror at 4 inches and see nothing. It's not realistic, and it wont ever happen. Perfection is a myth, in all things. Healthy bodies with healthy skin should be the goal.

I will pray for you dear, thank you for being brave enough to bare your heart. Thank you for reminding me where I am headed and why I come to this site. Blessed be.


33 years old
Caucasian Female
Medium Skin Tone
Cystic and Superficial Acne on Lower cheeks/Jaw
Severe hyperpigmentation to cheeks and Jaw

Morning-
Cetaphil Gentle Cleanser
Cetaphil Moisturizer
Clindagel

Night-
Cetaphil Gentle Cleanser
Retin-A Micro .08%
Spiro 100mg
Yasmin

Last regimen attempt before I throw in the towel and just learn to embrace horrible acne. 


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I`m really sorry to hear what you are going through. It might not seem like it right now but the fact that you can see how the obsession with diet has gotten out of control is a positive. It takes a lot of courage to admit to having an obsession - acknowledgement is very often the first step on the road to recovery.

I have posted on the emo and psych forums before about the phobias that I have with food and beverages and how it affects my skin. It is something that I discuss at length with the counsellor I see and the main thing that we discuss is what is acceptable. It is perfectly ok to have a balanced diet and it is also ok to maybe eliminate certain foods and drinks if it is proven that they trigger acne. However, when it gets to the stage (as in my case) where you cannot do things socially, you are losing weight (I am 5ft 6in and 125 pounds - was 138 pounds back in February 2012) and other areas of your health are being affected it is not acceptable. I know myself that it doesn`t make me any happier, just more miserable.

Earlier today, I posted on the emo and psych thread "how ya feelin` about your acne" what has happened to my skin possibly as a result of overindulging this `Xmas. As I have broken out a little, my first thoughts were to automatically blame my diet and resolve to be as strict as I can be for the forseeable future with my diet. Having thought about it further, I have changed my mind. I have had a great `Xmas and so what if I have a few blemishes and spots as a consequence! It is better to have had some fun than being stuck at home, isolating myself and ultimately missing out when I don`t need to. I will still continue to be careful with my diet but I am not going to deny myself things like the occasional chocolate bar, takeaway or coffee. In moderation, I am pretty sure these things will not make that much difference anyway. Dejaclairevoyant, what you say about getting back to living a real life is soooo correct and being obsessed with every morsel that you consume is not a fun way to live.

By the way, you have no absolutely no need to apologise. Any advice that you have given out regarding diet etc would I`m sure have been with the intention to help and aid people. In any case, any decision taken on diet is one made by the individual - not something that you would ever force somebody to do.

I wish you all the best in tackling this. As I stated earlier in this post, having the courage to open up and lay it all on the line takes guts and is a massive step in the right direction.

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It's heart breaking and there isn't much one can do through writing, so i will owe you a hug.

All i can say is i relate, i know how it is.

And i'm sorry, sorry that you have to feel like you have to apologize, sorry that i can't be of any help, sorry for it all.

I hope you can forgive yourself because that's really what your post is about, and really there is nothing you did that you should feel ashamed of, and absolutely you did nothing Wrong to anyone not even to yourself!

You just tried fighting a problem and you are tired of fighting, so please now just rest and stop fighting. Please don't substitute the idea of having a physical problem with a psycological problem! That is my biggest fear don't substitute your problem with a new one! Please you don't need a new fight! Just talk it over, vent all you need and let it go, don't go for a new hunt!

Just let it go! Find someone that can be beside you, be a real human mirror, someone that help you and boost your confidence and let go of all the fighting!

I'm truly sorry!

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It is a lovely "rebirth" you are doing in this thread. A revelation, of some sort. I am in the same boat as you- or heading there, at least. To see your change in perspective about the leaky gut thread was wonderful actually. I sense a strength behind these words and an honesty that paves the way for healing. I honor this step for you. I like that you will no longer be focusing on healing your acne but healing your inner self. Heal your soul, and make sure you respect your body along with it (I'd still recommend the Paleo diet simply for whole body healing). Best of luck!!!

---Also, I'd like recommend the post by UrbanMonk about emotions, stress and how obsession can actually CAUSE acne. When we relax and focus on living, the skin problems of many go away---

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Thank you guys so much for your kindness and understanding. I wasn't sure how this post would be received after me being such a diet nazi on this forum for so many years. I definitely calmed down in the last year or so, especially after I was humbled by my acne coming back. But for a while there I was pretty harsh with my opinions. Thanks for reading this and being so nice to me. I've felt the need to apologize for a while now and it really lifted a weight off my soul.

I am looking into therapy, but unfortunately I don't have much money and no insurance, so I'm not sure when/if I can make it happen. I did order this book and it's on its way to my house now. Should arrive next week:

http://www.amazon.com/Health-Food-Junkies-Orthorexia-Disorder/dp/0767905857

"The first book to identify the eating disorder orthorexia nervosa–an obsession with eating healthfully–and offer expert advice on how to treat it.

As Americans become better informed about health, more and more people have turned to diet as a way to lose weight and keep themselves in peak condition. Anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa–disorders in which the sufferer focuses on the quantity of food eaten–have been highly documented over the past decade. But as Dr. Steven Bratman asserts in this breakthrough book, for many people, eating “correctly” has become an equally harmful obsession, one that causes them to adopt progressively more rigid diets that not only eliminate crucial nutrients and food groups, but ultimately cost them their overall health, personal relationships, and emotional well-being.

Health Food Junkies is the first book to identify this new eating disorder, orthorexia nervosa, and to offer detailed, practical advice on how to cope with and overcome it. Orthorexia nervosa occurs when the victim becomes obsessed, not with the quantity of food eaten, but the quality of the food. What starts as a devotion to healthy eating can evolve into a pattern of incredibly strict diets; victims become so focused on eating a “pure” diet (usually raw vegetables and grains) that the planning and preparation of food come to play the dominant role in their lives.

Health Food Junkies provides an expert analysis of some of today’s most popular diets–from The Zone to macrobiotics, raw-foodism to food allergy elimination–and shows not only how they can lead to orthorexia, but how they are often built on faulty logic rather than sound medical advice. Offering expert insight gleaned from his work with orthorexia patients, Dr. Bratman outlines the symptoms of orthorexia, describes its progression, and shows readers how to diagnose the condition. Finally, Dr. Bratman offers practical suggestions for intervention and treatment, giving readers the tools they need to conquer this painful disorder, rediscover the joys of eating, and reclaim their lives."

It's been recommended to me by a few people now, so I'm really excited to begin reading it. I hope it can get me back on the right path again.

Seriously, I love you all! :)

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Current Skin-Care Regimen (A work in progress):

Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil


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"I am looking into therapy, but unfortunately I don't have much money and no insurance"

Please you don't need a new fight!

Concentrate now on things you enjoy, any book that make you feel better, and you don't need money for this i'm sure there are lots of people who can hear you and help you! Enjoy your friends, enjoy your family, enjoy foods, just focus on things you enjoy that is what you need now! And there is no better time to start than the holidays!

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Well, you know I'm no good at the nurturing thing and can't identify with what you've gone through, so I don't know how this is going to sound. But until recent months, you always sounded like you were eating well and happy with your diet. So if you posted this a few months ago, I would have been shocked. Lately, though, I've been puzzled. I wish I'd said something.

Is it possible that writing in your blog made you dwell on acne and diet more?


Status: Clear after 30 years. Wow, I guess it's been 6 years, now.

[ Story: Severe Acne since I was 10. 10+ years of Dermatologists, Antibiotics, topicals and ACCUTANE did nothing. Discovered oranges triggered the worst of my cystic acne = about 70% improvement. Tried some nutrient supplements like B-complex with zinc and C, saw palmetto and a BHA like the aspirin mask = more improvement, a lot less oily. Then, Diet changes = Clear.

Regimen: Anti-inflammatory, nutrient dense, blood sugar stabilizing diet and supplements (for hormones, inflammation, aging, health). No soap or other cleanser except for hand washing! Water only or Oil cleanse. Aloe Vera mixed with niacinimide and a high linoleic acid oil for moisturizer and reduce pigmentation.

Diet effects acne in so many ways: hormone balance, inflammation, Insulin levels, digestion, allergies and intolerances, liver function, adrenal function, SHBG levels, sebum quality, cell function and turnover, nutrient deficiencies, body fat, etc. Basic advice: Eat, sleep, supplement and exercise like you are a diabetic. And eat real food!

For more information, see my Good Things for Acne thread *Moderator edit - Please refer to the board rules (see “Advertising/soliciting”, “Linking” and “Signatures”)*

When you eat stuff, Stuff Happens!


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Thank you guys so much for your kindness and understanding. I wasn't sure how this post would be received after me being such a diet nazi on this forum for so many years. I definitely calmed down in the last year or so, especially after I was humbled by my acne coming back. But for a while there I was pretty harsh with my opinions. Thanks for reading this and being so nice to me. I've felt the need to apologize for a while now and it really lifted a weight off my soul.

I am looking into therapy, but unfortunately I don't have much money and no insurance, so I'm not sure when/if I can make it happen. I did order this book and it's on its way to my house now. Should arrive next week:

http://www.amazon.co...r/dp/0767905857

"The first book to identify the eating disorder orthorexia nervosa–an obsession with eating healthfully–and offer expert advice on how to treat it.

As Americans become better informed about health, more and more people have turned to diet as a way to lose weight and keep themselves in peak condition. Anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa–disorders in which the sufferer focuses on the quantity of food eaten–have been highly documented over the past decade. But as Dr. Steven Bratman asserts in this breakthrough book, for many people, eating “correctly” has become an equally harmful obsession, one that causes them to adopt progressively more rigid diets that not only eliminate crucial nutrients and food groups, but ultimately cost them their overall health, personal relationships, and emotional well-being.

Health Food Junkies is the first book to identify this new eating disorder, orthorexia nervosa, and to offer detailed, practical advice on how to cope with and overcome it. Orthorexia nervosa occurs when the victim becomes obsessed, not with the quantity of food eaten, but the quality of the food. What starts as a devotion to healthy eating can evolve into a pattern of incredibly strict diets; victims become so focused on eating a “pure” diet (usually raw vegetables and grains) that the planning and preparation of food come to play the dominant role in their lives.

Health Food Junkies provides an expert analysis of some of today’s most popular diets–from The Zone to macrobiotics, raw-foodism to food allergy elimination–and shows not only how they can lead to orthorexia, but how they are often built on faulty logic rather than sound medical advice. Offering expert insight gleaned from his work with orthorexia patients, Dr. Bratman outlines the symptoms of orthorexia, describes its progression, and shows readers how to diagnose the condition. Finally, Dr. Bratman offers practical suggestions for intervention and treatment, giving readers the tools they need to conquer this painful disorder, rediscover the joys of eating, and reclaim their lives."

It's been recommended to me by a few people now, so I'm really excited to begin reading it. I hope it can get me back on the right path again.

Seriously, I love you all! smile.png

I'll give you some background information regarding orthorexia nervosa:

While orthorexia nervosa is not a medically recognized mental disease at the moment, that doesn't mean that it won't be in the future. One of the reasons it isn't recognized at the moment is the diagnostic criteria hasn't been totally fleshed out. Another reason is nobody knows the prevalence and pathology of it. In short, scientists don't know enough yet, but there is an interest in this disorder. Most of the studies have been published in the Eating and Weight Disorders journal, and several other Polish journals have covered it.

I hope you find a way to like and love yourself and life again and get out of this "mental rut", for lack of a better phrase. When life overwhelms us sometimes we forget to talk to people and find solutions to problems!

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Well, you know I'm no good at the nurturing thing and can't identify with what you've gone through, so I don't know how this is going to sound. But until recent months, you always sounded like you were eating well and happy with your diet. So if you posted this a few months ago, I would have been shocked. Lately, though, I've been puzzled. I wish I'd said something.

Is it possible that writing in your blog made you dwell on acne and diet more?

Not really. Actually, writing my blog was the start of what sort of led me down the path to where I am now (in a good way). I was enjoying writing blogs and posting pretty pictures and stuff. But I felt bad that I wasn't being the true me (photos in makeup/perfect lighting) so I made the blog about how I have acne. That was the first step in me being honest about how bad I was suffering. It triggered me to be honest about how bad my body dysmorphia had gotten, and then I just started being honest with myself about everything.

A few years ago I was happier, but when my acne came back full-blown over all of 2011-2012, I started becoming really obsessive and restricting foods a lot more. I just didn't really talk about how distressed and depressed I was until now. I've always tried to have hope that the next diet change, the next treatment plan, etc would work. Except nothing did.

So now, I am just surrendering. Guns are down. White flag is out. I am done.


Current Skin-Care Regimen (A work in progress):

Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil


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Well, you know I'm no good at the nurturing thing and can't identify with what you've gone through, so I don't know how this is going to sound. But until recent months, you always sounded like you were eating well and happy with your diet. So if you posted this a few months ago, I would have been shocked. Lately, though, I've been puzzled. I wish I'd said something.

Is it possible that writing in your blog made you dwell on acne and diet more?

I am sure she was happy because her diet made her happy. I am a vegan raw and I'm always happy. My skin have improved a lot and it glows.

I do believe that eating plant-based food will help your skin. Eating healthy is important, even if it breaks you out! It could mean something, like removing toxins,etc. Many people say they eat healthy, but they don't. To me, a person who is on a plant-based diet, is considered healthy. Well, it depends what they eat! 80-100% raw is the way to go.I want to take Nutritional Science and hope to educate others. I did stopped going to this forum because I want to be an "expert" ha ha.. Once I get my BS in Nutritionional Science, I will visit this forum often and help people, but I won't force anyone!


Best way to make your skin smooth and clear eventually:

Plant-based diet is the best medicine for everything.. That's if you consume at least 80% raw, mainly from veggies and fruits.

Exercising: cardio is great for skin and lifting a bit.

Thinking positive and try not to stress or think about acne.

I am doing these and my skin is currently very smooth and clearing up!

I am a vegan raw 100%. I feel better, have more energy, saving animals a year, glow skin, I look younger, etc.


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My diet didn't make me happy, lol. Did you read the first post?


Current Skin-Care Regimen (A work in progress):

Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil


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lmao. Bro raw vegan is not the way to go. I know you from this forum over the years and I know your a good guy but no.. raw vegan to me is just another version of an eating disorder. You fear so much and restrict yourself to just mainly fruits and veggies. Your a man, your going to look like an african child if you don't consume more in your diet. And your post sounds superficially hilarious lol, "Hey guys Im raw vegan, Im ALWAYS happy!" haha sounds like some crack head with a grinch smile running around freakin people out lol, little crazy grin "Let me tell ya how to eat! Ya wanna be happy like me dont ya?.. DONT YA?!" lol ahhh could see it now.

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I feel what you are going through deja, I used to feel exactly the same, feeling guilty over false preaching, but that's something you'll also have to realize. We are here to help each other with each of our experiences, whether if they are true or not, that's something we'd have to try ourselves, and even if it isn't who cares?

Please remember that you did help me a lot in curing my acne. I was skeptical of all the things people throw in from all the places, and within a year I've done various tests on myself just to find and find a cure.

Don't feel guilty, you shouldn't feel guilty.

I don't like having a complete strict diet either, not that I truly even can, so I do cheat from time to time, eating pizzas, having potate chips, so on... Yet with proper management I don't breakout, unless if I am flooding myself with 3 cans of coke a day. I personally believe however, stopping the much consumption of fruits, controlling food combination as well as consuming kefir and kimchi cured my acne, and did the final move. In the end, I am still puzzled because it isn't simple or yet so complex as I first imagined it to be.

I believe you'll find your cure.

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lmao. Bro raw vegan is not the way to go. I know you from this forum over the years and I know your a good guy but no.. raw vegan to me is just another version of an eating disorder. You fear so much and restrict yourself to just mainly fruits and veggies. Your a man, your going to look like an african child if you don't consume more in your diet. And your post sounds superficially hilarious lol, "Hey guys Im raw vegan, Im ALWAYS happy!" haha sounds like some crack head with a grinch smile running around freakin people out lol, little crazy grin "Let me tell ya how to eat! Ya wanna be happy like me dont ya?.. DONT YA?!" lol ahhh could see it now.

Not true. Plant based diet is scientifically proven the healthiest diet. You can get your protein needs from legumes and nuts. Many body builders are vegan. Check out "scooby1961" on YouTube. That guy is huge and ripped and eats only vegan. However, we are omnivorous beings. Eating meat is perfectly healthy, as long as it's not from these caged, factory produced, diseased ridden animals. Grass fed, free-range, natural meat is actually healthy.

Going vegan takes a lot of research and knowledge. You can either be successful or miserably fail. You really do have to know what you're doing. Some vital nutrients you can't attain on a vegan diet, but can be easily supplemented - Vitamin B12 and zinc for example.

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I think if something works for the individual and doesn't make them feel restricted, anxious, or depressed in any way, then it's fine for them. But the fact is for me, raw veganism was bad. My attempts at being vegan were sort of the start of my mental issues surrounding food, because I was driven to try all that out of desperation to heal my body just like everything else I've done. People do it for different reasons, but for me, I was completely enthralled by the possibility of looking forever young, having perfect, glowing skin and everything else they promise (that never happens for a lot of us). I tried raw veganism many times and every time I lost a ton of weight, looked and felt sickly and was just miserable. I honestly don't understand how people do it. It must work better for those with extremely slow metabolisms. I have always been thin and my body just needs more food than that. My body needs meat.

It killed me that I couldn't do it, though. I viewed raw vegans as so healthy and pure compared to everyone else. I was fascinated by stories of how their acne cleared up or other cool changes to the body, such as the eyes changing to a lighter color. It kind of infected me like a virus, this fascination...I wanted it so badly, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. I felt like a failure so that was when I really embraced Paleo.

They all (anyone who promotes certain diets)claim to be healthy, but there are people on the raw forums who eat nothing but bananas, greens, etc. I would definitely consider that an eating disorder. I'm sure you can do raw vegan in a somewhat healthy way, but it would be very difficult. For me, anything that involves counting calories, adding up nutrients, watching things carefully etc all feeds eating disorder tendencies in my mind. It's all the same: having an ultra-restricted diet that you obsess over and make a huge part of your identity.

My friend is a dietician and she says that all the studies are slowly showing that the happiest, healthiest people--and those who live the longest disease free lives--are not raw vegan. They aren't Paleo either. They are always people who eat a little bit of everything in moderation, exercise and are just happy in their perspective of life. After everything I've gone through, I can see how that would be true. It isn't about extremes, it's about finding balance. I hope to achieve that again somehow.

2 people like this

Current Skin-Care Regimen (A work in progress):

Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil


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Hey, that was painful for me to read. I remember skating the edges of insanity for a few years on these forums, but I want you to know that it does end.

I rarely post anymore, but I did drink some beer the other day. Had some peanuts, those things are awful. I laughed it off and drank some coffee. No flareups, but I wouldn't have known if there was because I don't look in the mirror anymore. Looking at yourself is unreliable, change takes too much time for that to be an indicator. It leads to drastic changes, and usually a drastic choice is a wrong one. Chill out and eat what makes you FEEL GOOD (genuine, lasting goodness) and you can't possibly go wrong. Shut out all the conflicting information around you and listen to what you want, because you're important.

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Thank you. :)


Current Skin-Care Regimen (A work in progress):

Morning:

Gentle wash with DKR cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil (The lotion alone wasn't hydrating enough)

Skin 79 Korean BB Cream (excellent stuff)

Evening:

Gentle Wash with DKR Cleanser

Benzoyl Peroxide 2.5% (Following Dan's Regimen)

DKR Lotion + A squirt of Argan or Grapeseed oil


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Deja,

It takes real courage to share the problems you're facing. It is a balancing act that not many people understanding; maintaining dietary restrictions that have real health implications, while maintaining a proper mindset which has large effects on you as well. Figuring out where to stop in terms of letting go and not being so strict can be such a mental battle. It's easy to over think these things, but then you also have to be careful about cross-contamination. You want to let loose, but you have restrictions on how much you can let loose, and on what. It is easy to become paranoid and fearful when we're thrown all this information, and then sifting through its own battle. I'm sure that you've got the information you need to maintain the balance you need for both your physical and mental health!

And then you have to deal with the rude people who blame you for not getting the results they promised. I don't know if you're doing it, but please do not blame yourself. Keep a positive attitude, and things are likely to improve over time. You've already taken the most difficult step in recognizing that things have to change.

Also, I find it upsetting that Deja comes here and pours her heart into what she has shared, and people start talking about this or that diet in a fashion that completely ignores a large part of this post. Frankly, if you have a heart, I'd think those of you who posted about xyz being better or worse than 123 should edit those posts.

There are a number of other posts where you can post something like that; but this post is special, because it's one of the few and only I'be seen that integrates the duality and balance of the psychological and physical battle that happens for those of us who have genuine food sensitivities. And the psychological portion is too often ignored. So please, edit your posts, and let the message of Deja's post speak.

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I agree Tim, some people just DONT get it. Deja, you are so brave to be honest and upfrot with us. This website is both a blessing and a curse as people can be so sweet but many others are so damn judgemental and are not very tactful with their advice.

Posts that state 'diet cures all' or 'all topicals are bad' make my sick and unfortunately can lead people like yourself to go from one extreme to the next. Life is a balance and for some people, diet works100% and for others, topicals work 100% but for MOST of us, a combination of things is what we need.

I am glad that you will not be on here too much and therefore can use that time to do you. Enjoy food, enjoy family, enjoy life. Do what works for you and don't allow anyone on these boards or in your life make you feel less than

Take Care and Good Luck

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It's a rocky road but like everything else in life, there is always a beginning and an end. Here's to finding my end.

God is good to me..........more than I deserve.

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.


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