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I'm About To Have A Nervous Breakdown

rant icepick cortisone rosacea

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#1 DukeBlueDevils

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Posted 03 December 2012 - 07:15 PM

i just got done crying, slamming doors and throwing things about 30 minutes ago. i'm just completely done with this shit. i'm pissed because my face looks like shit like it has for the past 4 years. what a shock. i look in the mirror and hate what i see every single time. i see the scarring on my right cheek, the "papules" or whatever the fuck they are on my chin that never ever go away, the rosacea on the tip of my nose, and the PIH all over my cheeks.

i get to thinking about how my scarring is not going to go away and how i don't know how to get rid of the scarring except for surgery, but i don't have $3000 to spend on laser surgery and like i said, i don't know any products that can help with icepick scars on my inner right cheek. then the rosacea on my nose i don't know how to get rid of, the papules on my chin that don't go away even after 3 years and i've had cortisone shots on and they STILL didn't fucking go away, and finally the PIH and redness on my cheeks that has been here 3 years also and i'm just assuming now that they are scars like my ACTUAL scars on my right cheek. i'm using ACV for my PIH on my cheeks and of course after two days of using it, i'm seeing no results and people say after two days you should see some kind of results.

i'm just tired of all of this acne bullshit. i hate typing the word acne, saying the word acne, and hearing the word acne. my stomach churns every time i see or hear that word because of how much it has completely fucked my life up and has destroyed me as a person. i look down when i talk to people and am just ashamed of myself. my dad asked me the other day if 'something was wrong with my neck' because i was looking down talking to him and i told him it 'comes with the territory' (of having acne) to not being able to look people in the eyes or be confident in yourself.

i look on tv, perfect skin everywhere. in public, perfect skin everywhere. it's a fucking joke. i'm tired of seeing it. i don't care what anyone says - only 2 out of 10 people even have acne. it's a fact to ME. i'm tired of being in the minority. notice next time YOU go out in public, everyone has clear skin (males and females), look on tv, guess what? clear skin. people on the internet (youtube)? clear skin. those people just don't realize how good they have it and that's why i am jealous and hate them in a way. they have it great.

i would post pictures of my face but i can't because it says error every time i try to upload a picture. my pictures are from my iphone and i've tried reducing the size of them and everything but it still won't upload them. i want people to be able to see what i deal with every day.

i haven't told anyone yet on this site but i went to a mental institution about 4 months ago because of me banging my head against a door violently because of my frustration with acne and because i was threatening my own life. my mom called on me. i stayed there for a week and compared to the people there, i have no problems whatsoever. the people who work there thought my situation was so stupid for why i was there (acne) but they don't realize what acne does to you physically, mentally and emotionally.

i've been down the road of going to see a psychologist, i've done counseling, ... it didn't help at all. i talked to them about my acne problems and they pretty much downplayed it. currently i'm taking anxiety pills and i think they do actually help when i let them. it's when i start to think about my acne bullshit that it doesn't work and i start going off.

i've tried i swear to god every pill, cream, topical, etc. out there and none of it helped. i even went on accutane for 6 whole months and it didn't do shit except dry my skin out and make my skin so fucking sensitive. my acne is still here in the same shape it was before accutane. i just don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired of living like this every day of my life. i WANT to enjoy my life but i can't with this acne bullshit every. single. day. it never ends.

i'm going to be 20 in 5 months (well if the world doesn't end dec. 21st) and i'm almost positive i'm going to still have and still be GETTING acne going into my 20's.

I just had to get this all out of my head. i know people probably won't read all this or respond but i'm just typing this for me. if you do read this and/or respond though, thanks.

if I have more to add i'll edit it and add stuff. thanks. *rant over*

One of the worst parts about acne for me is if it wasn't for the acne and the scars I could be getting girls. I know I could be because I truthfully am a decent looking guy. But along with the acne and the scars comes no confidence or self esteem and no girl wants to date guys with acne, 1, and also they don't want to date a guy who has no confidence in himself, which I don't obviously.

Edited by ReadyForDec212012, 03 December 2012 - 07:56 PM.


#2 CrimeinPartner

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Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:18 PM

Acne, that's the shit i don't like
I relate to all of this especially about the girls. I KNOW if i had less skin problems and the low self-esteem that come with acne i would have the balls to ask a girl out, but i just can't do, i'd surely be rejected anyways :(

#3 Johnny199r

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Posted 03 December 2012 - 08:36 PM

I'm 29. Still have acne. Don't expect it to magically disappear anytime soon.

#4 DukeBlueDevils

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:18 PM

I'm 29. Still have acne. Don't expect it to magically disappear anytime soon.


That's for you. I'm pretty sure mine is puberty related so when puberty ends for me, it will probably gradually stop. Not everyone has the same situation when it comes to acne. Some people stop getting acne at 18, 19, 20, 21, etc. etc.

#5 Johnny199r

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 12:37 PM


I'm 29. Still have acne. Don't expect it to magically disappear anytime soon.


That's for you. I'm pretty sure mine is puberty related so when puberty ends for me, it will probably gradually stop. Not everyone has the same situation when it comes to acne. Some people stop getting acne at 18, 19, 20, 21, etc. etc.


That's true. Mine started at 17 yrs old, in grade 11. I figured it would be gone by the time I graduated high school, then when I turned 20, then for sure by the time I was 25, now I stop kidding myself.

Hopefully you're lucky in that the acne is purely puberty related.

#6 dejaclairevoyant

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 03:55 PM

I'm 30 and could relate to pretty much every word of your post. It's a nightmare, and I hope we all can find our way out of it soon. We deserve to heal.

#7 DukeBlueDevils

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Posted 04 December 2012 - 09:13 PM



I'm 29. Still have acne. Don't expect it to magically disappear anytime soon.


That's for you. I'm pretty sure mine is puberty related so when puberty ends for me, it will probably gradually stop. Not everyone has the same situation when it comes to acne. Some people stop getting acne at 18, 19, 20, 21, etc. etc.


That's true. Mine started at 17 yrs old, in grade 11. I figured it would be gone by the time I graduated high school, then when I turned 20, then for sure by the time I was 25, now I stop kidding myself.

Hopefully you're lucky in that the acne is purely puberty related.


Mine started at 16.

And mine is due to puberty and genetics. My dad had acne as a teen also.

#8 k3tchup

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Posted 05 December 2012 - 12:32 AM

tv is a lie. do you really think they are going to show you a person who is flawed? no because tv still operates by the same idea that was started when tv first came about. To be on tv means something so those ppl have to look perfect because society still demands it- air brush makeup anyone?

the public is just 1% of the 99% of the pie. Really in your area you are seeing a small amount of people and the majority look perfect and you are focusing on that major and forgetting the minority is bigger than you think. Come to where i live and that will change your pov a lot. Its more common then you think.

Hey, ive been there. Ive tried a shit load of things that worked and didnt work. Ive about killed my liver on supplements and stupid things that people have tried that have worked. Some stuff that i doubt worked, or even are for what they called "acne". I am still paying monthly payments on a credit card i used to buy things for my acne. Over 2k...
The damage is done and you must try to live with it for now. Things do improve, but you need to stop and re think this whole thing first.

ACV is not going to help as much as people say it has as i have tried it, along with tumeric, cinnamon, pills, mandelic acid, GA and SA peels, copper peptides. Basically find a simple regimen that keeps your skin under control first and then think about fixing the scaring.However, just realize that you will never be like you were before. You are not alone.

#9 Brownilocks

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:11 PM

I'm 29. Thought I had gotten rid of it since it was 6 years since my last severe outbreak. It came up from a clear face to an explosion, the likes of which my past mod to severe acne pales in comparison. I guess I'm never gonna get rid of this shit. Certainly not going to outgrow it! I mean I'm getting a few gray hairs and have way worse acne than I did in my teens and early 20s. I'm at the end of my rope. Since this recent breakout started, I've been dealing with this 3 months straight. Never go out of the house really except to my derm. I don't shop, go to movies, go out to eat. My hubby and family do everything for me. I feel like a child again, but I can't go back out right now and get the stares. I want to have kids one day and have had to put it on hold my whole life since I'm ALWAYS on Rx acne meds. I'm on accutane now and praying and hoping beyond all hopes that it works this time! Posted Image I agree with you, I can't take much more of this shit!!! Its unfair as hell and no one who doesn't get/have it or doesn't have it bad can ever understand, no matter how hard they may try to actually sympathize... Grrrr.... It is such crap that only some of us get this and docs still can't fully understand it and 100% cure it for life!!! Posted Image

#10 aurielle357

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Posted 24 December 2012 - 12:56 AM

What you described is exactly how I feel about acne. It sucks. More than anyone without acne could EVER know. And yes, when you go in public, you will see people walking around in public with perfectly clear, you'll try to talk to your friends about it, and they'll be like "Well haven't you tried this?" like you're not trying hard enough. YES. I have tried it. I feel like I've tried everything! And with every new product, every little space of time where my skin slightly improves only raises hope that always gets crushed. Yes. Acne sucks. But that's why this website exists, so that somehow, some way, we can get through it and escape this nightmare.

#11 fatalbert911

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 07:29 AM

Wow, when i read this i felt as if i was the one that typed it checkout my resent post & you'll see what i mean. we have alot in common, i share many of the same thoughts you do & i will in fact be turning 20 in seven months. i also believe to have a classic case of puberty caused acne because it has come along way from my early teen years started when i was 12. my issues now are also scars but not indents, it's mostly hyperpigmintation marks & large open pores both of which effect me very much. about as much as the actual acne itself, i hope to look mostly good by the time im 21.mostly so i can have a relationship, without sounding cocky i too think im a preaty handsome guy, i have good facial structure but it's the acne that fucks it up. i can also relate to alot of things you said especially about how society portray beauty people get used to that image. dude you went to the nut house lol wicked must have been some experience.

#12 FIGHTER

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Posted 26 December 2012 - 04:45 PM

yup it sucks your not the only one. we are our own worst critics. my friend has worse acne than me yet i don't see it worse cause he is a good person like yourselves. your 20 many years ahead of yourself don't let your guard down now.