i get to thinking about how my scarring is not going to go away and how i don't know how to get rid of the scarring except for surgery, but i don't have $3000 to spend on laser surgery and like i said, i don't know any products that can help with icepick scars on my inner right cheek. then the rosacea on my nose i don't know how to get rid of, the papules on my chin that don't go away even after 3 years and i've had cortisone shots on and they STILL didn't fucking go away, and finally the PIH and redness on my cheeks that has been here 3 years also and i'm just assuming now that they are scars like my ACTUAL scars on my right cheek. i'm using ACV for my PIH on my cheeks and of course after two days of using it, i'm seeing no results and people say after two days you should see some kind of results.
i'm just tired of all of this acne bullshit. i hate typing the word acne, saying the word acne, and hearing the word acne. my stomach churns every time i see or hear that word because of how much it has completely fucked my life up and has destroyed me as a person. i look down when i talk to people and am just ashamed of myself. my dad asked me the other day if 'something was wrong with my neck' because i was looking down talking to him and i told him it 'comes with the territory' (of having acne) to not being able to look people in the eyes or be confident in yourself.
i look on tv, perfect skin everywhere. in public, perfect skin everywhere. it's a fucking joke. i'm tired of seeing it. i don't care what anyone says - only 2 out of 10 people even have acne. it's a fact to ME. i'm tired of being in the minority. notice next time YOU go out in public, everyone has clear skin (males and females), look on tv, guess what? clear skin. people on the internet (youtube)? clear skin. those people just don't realize how good they have it and that's why i am jealous and hate them in a way. they have it great.
i would post pictures of my face but i can't because it says error every time i try to upload a picture. my pictures are from my iphone and i've tried reducing the size of them and everything but it still won't upload them. i want people to be able to see what i deal with every day.
i haven't told anyone yet on this site but i went to a mental institution about 4 months ago because of me banging my head against a door violently because of my frustration with acne and because i was threatening my own life. my mom called on me. i stayed there for a week and compared to the people there, i have no problems whatsoever. the people who work there thought my situation was so stupid for why i was there (acne) but they don't realize what acne does to you physically, mentally and emotionally.
i've been down the road of going to see a psychologist, i've done counseling, ... it didn't help at all. i talked to them about my acne problems and they pretty much downplayed it. currently i'm taking anxiety pills and i think they do actually help when i let them. it's when i start to think about my acne bullshit that it doesn't work and i start going off.
i've tried i swear to god every pill, cream, topical, etc. out there and none of it helped. i even went on accutane for 6 whole months and it didn't do shit except dry my skin out and make my skin so fucking sensitive. my acne is still here in the same shape it was before accutane. i just don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired of living like this every day of my life. i WANT to enjoy my life but i can't with this acne bullshit every. single. day. it never ends.
i'm going to be 20 in 5 months (well if the world doesn't end dec. 21st) and i'm almost positive i'm going to still have and still be GETTING acne going into my 20's.
I just had to get this all out of my head. i know people probably won't read all this or respond but i'm just typing this for me. if you do read this and/or respond though, thanks.
if I have more to add i'll edit it and add stuff. thanks. *rant over*
One of the worst parts about acne for me is if it wasn't for the acne and the scars I could be getting girls. I know I could be because I truthfully am a decent looking guy. But along with the acne and the scars comes no confidence or self esteem and no girl wants to date guys with acne, 1, and also they don't want to date a guy who has no confidence in himself, which I don't obviously.
Edited by ReadyForDec212012, 03 December 2012 - 07:56 PM.