Just like a normal human being, I am full of many ambitions. One of them is to have
a clear skin. But it seems that what they say about how ambition has its limit and how you can't make a frog fly perfectly describes my ambition. I feel like as if my ambition is far beyond reach and is too unrealistic. Why is it not so? I have been fighting my acne ever since it erupted. From cleanser to toner containing aha or bha or benzoyl peroxide, all of them have been painstakingly and meticulously applied to my skin in the hope that, with time, those acne will be killed in the protracted war. But the hope is just a hope.
Now, i am using 4 products in the morning and 5 products at night. I am using a mild cleanser, a toner that contains hamemilis and allantoin to counteract its irritation effects, moisterizer that contains also allantoin and hyaluronic acid and benzoyl peroxide 2.5. The addition product I use at night is glycolic acid 15. I have sticked with it for about a month now.
Of course I have seen results. But as the old ones are gone new ones arise. I am hopeless now. In my depressing life I live right now, there has been not a single problem and challenge which has shattered my soul to bit and pieces the way my acne problem does to me. I am a strong person but apparrently not strong enough to defeat my acne problem.
I feel like a living souless body. A body with spirit but the broken one. It is very hard to move on. I dont even have the confidence to look myself in the mirror or talk to people in person or even face my family members. Everywhere and everything feel insecure for me. Locking myself up in a dark room browsing with my laptop seems to be the only thing that gives me comfort and security. But i dont want to live like that for the rest of my life. I want to go out and be confident about my looks.
The Frustration is even more overwhelming for me in the society where korean culture especially k-pop become more popular. As you might have heard or seen, korean is known for their porcelain and flawless skin that is so beautiful that the secret to such a skin is often hailed as magic. It puts an even greater stress on me.
I am writing this to voice out my frustrations. It is quite long but this is what i have to write. The least that writing can do to me is ease myself so that the frustrations would not build up. Also, Knowing the fact that someone will read this would give me the motivation to live because at least, i have done something in life that other people would relate to and that is encouraging. So, thank you.
Edited by Yeon woo, 25 November 2012 - 01:09 PM.