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#1 ughhhhh

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Posted 29 October 2012 - 01:17 PM

Forget it. Ill just go back to lurking. No one in my life understands and somehow one here does either.

Edited by ughhhhh, 30 October 2012 - 10:34 AM.


#2 overfl00d

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Posted 29 October 2012 - 03:14 PM

I didn't have time to read you entire post, but I just wanted to give you a recommendation. Please breastfeed your child! Breast milk is important for baby's to grow fully mature. Baby's who aren't breast fed are shown to have smaller brains and less brain power function. But it doesn't stop there. Breast milk gets its nutrients through the diet the mother is eating. For breast milk to be optimally nutritionally dense, you need a high omega-3 diet. 3-6 tablespoons of flaxseed oil daily is a good place to be. Also a good multi vitamin/mineral is important.

Motherhood is going to be an incredible and worthwhile journey for you! Your child doesn't care about your face it just wants to be nourished/loved by its parents. Yes acne sucks, but don't let it take away the joy of this short-lived life we all experience here on earth. I hope it all works out for your family - Best of luck.

#3 ughhhhh

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Posted 29 October 2012 - 06:26 PM

I breastfed for 9 weeks. The psychological effects of this has been devastating for me. I woke up at night to feed and my face would be leaking. I was afraid to touch my daughter because of my lesions, I felt like a leper. I was checked for staph, my face was infected. This is the last place I would have expected judgement. Do you think I came to this decision lightly? I am in physical and emotional pain, went for multiple opinions and I needed antibiotics. I struggled with the guilt of this decision for WEEKS and this entire ordeal has been hell on earth for me. My baby is bright and smart and meets her milestones, and I need to be healthy emotionally to be a good mother. I was a disgusting monster trapped in this body and now there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Im sorry you do not approve Posted Image I never thought I would get so much judgement from a forum that realizes how this can affect a person. I dont have a few pimples, I have cysts upon cysts that are starting to connect and turn parts of my face purple. I am barely dealing with this.

Edited by ughhhhh, 29 October 2012 - 06:55 PM.


#4 ughhhhh

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Posted 30 October 2012 - 12:11 PM

Did I do something wrong by coming here? This is a scary couple of months I'm about to go through and this forum has always been a haven for me in the past. This was me a month ago, and it's only gotten worse.



now


Edited by ughhhhh, 24 April 2013 - 04:16 PM.


#5 chloelauraa

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Posted 30 October 2012 - 12:20 PM

Please do whatever you think is best for you mentally right now. Acne is no fun, and if you get this sorted, you can concentrate fully on being a mother to your child. That's how I feel anyway :) good luck!!

#6 Bryan1337

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Posted 30 October 2012 - 09:31 PM

It WILL most definitley get worse before it gets better. That's the truth, you will clear up completley, just stay strong. By month two you should notice a pattern of becoming clear, then breaking out, and that cycle repeating. By month 3 you should notice a steady decline of redness and inflamation. Stick with it! Good luck.

#7 overfl00d

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Posted 31 October 2012 - 07:32 PM

I breastfed for 9 weeks. The psychological effects of this has been devastating for me. I woke up at night to feed and my face would be leaking. I was afraid to touch my daughter because of my lesions, I felt like a leper. I was checked for staph, my face was infected. This is the last place I would have expected judgement. Do you think I came to this decision lightly? I am in physical and emotional pain, went for multiple opinions and I needed antibiotics. I struggled with the guilt of this decision for WEEKS and this entire ordeal has been hell on earth for me. My baby is bright and smart and meets her milestones, and I need to be healthy emotionally to be a good mother. I was a disgusting monster trapped in this body and now there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Im sorry you do not approve Posted Image I never thought I would get so much judgement from a forum that realizes how this can affect a person. I dont have a few pimples, I have cysts upon cysts that are starting to connect and turn parts of my face purple. I am barely dealing with this.


As a Mother, obviously you're trying the very best that you can do. I'm not judging you at all - Sorry if my post came across that way. We all have our battles. Being a post acne sufferer, I can really sympathize with your agony. Life can really seem unfair. One of my favorite, and old quotes is "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." I think all acne sufferers really gain more insight and an appreciation for life more. Every person has their own battles. I used to think (and still do) of all the amputees with missing limbs; the diabetics who have to pump insulin every day; starving children; and so many others. So many of us humans have our battles in life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's all about how you approach your battles. When you're 90 years old, how will you remember your battle with acne? Will you think back and say "My battle did not control my life. Acne did not control my life. I fought it hard, with courage and resilience and a smile on my face."

Doing your best is all that counts. I'm confident you're going to be clear one day. Just please don't let this battle overcome you. Being alive, having consciousness, being on earth is far too amazing to let our battles deprive us of happiness. I think why acne sucks so bad is because we're all afraid of judgement. I made the decision when I had acne that I just didn't care anymore what people thought. I got some weird looks, even some comments that weren't appreciated, but it just didn't phase me anymore. I accepted who I was - an acne sufferer.

#8 ughhhhh

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Posted 31 October 2012 - 07:43 PM

I do have a lot of guilt over this, but my doctor explained that I needed to treat this now before it got worse, and sure enough it has. I've never experienced such severe acne, literally what accutane was made for. I feel these weird lumps under my skin and I feel like this isn't my body. Pregnancy really messed my body up and I don't know why. I'm tryin to maintain perspective but being on maternity leave gives me too much time to myself. I just want to heal :( I wish this wasn't affecting me, I think about my place in the universe and how insignificant I am but this is still overcoming it. I am trying though.

#9 Guest_*Spiro*_*

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Posted 31 October 2012 - 08:56 PM

I wanted to chime in on this and say I think if you are comfortable with taking the medication that I think you have made the RIGHT decision. I fully understand and I think every else here does as well when you you need to be strong and healthy to be a good mother to your child. If taking accutane does that for you and can help you heal both phyiscally and emotionally than great! I just finished a 7 months course like 2 weeks ago and I haven't had skin as clear as I am today in years! It has been difficult to stick through the medication but well worth it.

Your skin looks painful I'm sorry :( I was there seriously 7 months ago. It will get better. Like the other poster mentioned it probably will get worse before it gets better. The breakout from this stuff can be harsh. Hopefully you are one of the lucky ones and skip it. It happens :) hang in there and you will overcome this. Stay strong this is important! Drink tons of water arm yourself with good lip care and moisturizer and face wash all gentle stuff. If you need any advice or support let me know! I'm here if you need me.

#10 Tiger 1

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Posted 01 November 2012 - 07:02 PM

I just had to chime in on this one too! I have been a mother for twenty years and have two children. I have also battled acne, the cystic kind, starting in my 30s and continuing into my 40s. I recently completed a six month course of accutane ( a last resort I assure you) and it did clear it up, now I begin the waiting game to see if it will work long term but for now I am enjoying my new skin.

Here's the real reason I am posting (besides to support and encourage you), I breast fed my daughter for 12 weeks and my son for 14 weeks. I, too, struggled with stopping but at the time it was the right decision for me for various reasons. Here's the good part, both of my children are and have been healthy and happy (they are 20 and 15 now) and they are both incredibly smart! My daughter earned two merit scholarships to college and will be finishing a year early because of all the high level classes she took in high school. My son has gotten only one B on his report cards in his entire school career, he's a sophomore and also plays a sport. Instead of being pro breast feeding or pro formula feeding, I am pro healthy and happy mom because healthy and happy moms raise healthy and happy children. You can nourish and love your child even if you don't breast feed, no matter what the statistics say. It's a personal choice and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for the choice you make or feel you have to make.

You hang in there and do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your adorable baby will be just fine. :)

#11 Guest_*Spiro*_*

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Posted 02 November 2012 - 07:25 AM

To touch back on this to give you a different view point.. I am a mother of a 9 year old.. I was only able to breast feed her for 2 weeks due to an infection in my breasts. I planned on breast feeding her for as long as I could and for health reasons I was not able to. I got her on a great formula that supplemented all the good things about breast milk and she is just fine. Met all her developmental mile stones on time if not early with a lot of them. She is a math whiz and spends her spare time drawing and writing stories and reading. She also is in a sport which she excels at.

By no means do I believe that if your child is fed formula that he or she will be at a disadvantage. I have friends whom have children and didn't breast feed one single day for whatever reason. Their children are bright and met milestones too. You will still have every bonding opportunity available to you. Bottle feeding is a sweet and personal time for you and your baby. Your child needs you 100% as much as they did when you were breast feeding. I know it is difficult to stop the breast feeding when that was what you had planned.

Take a step back and breath. You are a great mother and I think your a even smarter mother because you know the steps to keep you healthy are equally as important as keeping your child healthy.

I do have a lot of guilt over this, but my doctor explained that I needed to treat this now before it got worse, and sure enough it has. I've never experienced such severe acne, literally what accutane was made for. I feel these weird lumps under my skin and I feel like this isn't my body. Pregnancy really messed my body up and I don't know why. I'm tryin to maintain perspective but being on maternity leave gives me too much time to myself. I just want to heal :( I wish this wasn't affecting me, I think about my place in the universe and how insignificant I am but this is still overcoming it. I am trying though.


Edited by BeautifulDisasters, 02 November 2012 - 10:46 PM.


#12 ughhhhh

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Posted 02 November 2012 - 11:42 PM

Thank you guys, I am really touched by your support :') My little girl is the light of my world, and she's already so smart and so good, which is why I felt I failed. When you've built it up in your head for 9 months that its absolutely what you're going to do and you've read only pro literature, your world just comes crashing down when all of a sudden you might need to stop. I'm so lucky to have family that understands (friends just say "oh whatever we can just get you proactive"). It's so hard when no one realizes what you're going through, they're not the ones living in your skin, feeling like a monster.
I know she will be okay. Both me and my husband were formula fed, and I married him for his intelligence! But sometimes I just still can't believe something like this would happen to me, I think there was a huge accumulation of things that led to my skin overreacting like this and it is very disturbing. I keep thinking "will I ever go back to normal?" What if there's something actually wrong with me that made my body react this way? Too many things have changed this year and it's so hard to pinpoint what happened.
I'm on anti anxiety meds to help me sleep at this point, I have always thought I was a strong person but this is a true test for me. I brought my daughter to work for halloween and really piled on the makeup, and when I got back to the car I saw it had caked and looked gross :( And everyone else that brought their babies was clear and beautiful and having a great time, while I was hiding behind my hair and my beautiful babe (she truly stole my beauty). And now a few coworkers want to come over because they missed me and I'm dreading it though I know I cannot hide forever. But you're right. Breathe.

#13 Tiger 1

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 06:55 AM

Oh my gosh, I've totally been there! You start to feel like everyone has beautiful skin but you, it sucks! Right after I started accutane and I was going through my intial breakout (which wasn't as bad as it could have been), I had to attend my son's soccer banquet at school. I had a few new cysts and one that was in it's scabbing, oozing stage which meant covering it was a nightmare. I spent the evening trying to keep my hand up by my face when I was talking to people or trying to keep that side of my face from facing anyone which, of course, was impossible. And we were in the cafeteria where there is the most unforgiving lighting ever! And all the other women had perfect skin - not a blemish on any one of them and believe me I was looking! Some of them didn't even have makeup on. I had even considered not going but then I was like, "What am I thinking?? My son doesn't give a flip that I have an oozing mess on my face, all he cares about is having me there." So like you said, I took a deep breath, piled on the makeup and held my head high (and my hand in front of the mess as much as possible, haha!)

I truly know how you're feeling and it's so awful and such a hit to your mental health. I missed your earlier posts if you did post anything earlier, are you taking accutane yet or still deciding?

#14 Guest_*Spiro*_*

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 09:17 AM

I've been there myself! I remember earlier this summer I had my daughters ballet recital to attend. So I had to sit in locker rooms and run around with other moms for 3 days straight! I was healing from my IB at that point and I have a bunch of scabs and cracking zits all over my face at that point it was terrifying. I was scared that I was going to have judgement casted at me from every direction. Thankfully after I started to open up other people gravitated towards me, coming to me to chat and help their children out.

Really it is important to remember you care about your looks much more than anyone else does. If you focus on them so will other people. If you just take a deep breath and try to forget about them I bet you no one else thinks they are a big deal either. I understand the need to be clear and feel confident too. Accutane took me from never leaving my house without makeup to being able to go makeup less to the store or the library with my daughter or something like that. It's helped me 100%

When do you start?

#15 ughhhhh

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

Next derm appt is the 19th so I'm hoping to get my second pregnancy test done then an get my script. They want to start me on prednisone as well to avoid an explosion :/ I don't even have a regular period yet so I'm going to have to lie about that one. But I need to get on it, the nodules are getting bigger and redder and more painful, I am starting to look like an elephant man! I'm so pissed about I pledge and the doxy is doing absolutely nothing!

Edited by ughhhhh, 03 November 2012 - 10:27 AM.


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Posted 03 November 2012 - 10:50 AM

Next derm appt is the 19th so I'm hoping to get my second pregnancy test done then an get my script. They want to start me on prednisone as well to avoid an explosion :/ I don't even have a regular period yet so I'm going to have to lie about that one. But I need to get on it, the nodules are getting bigger and redder and more painful, I am starting to look like an elephant man! I'm so pissed about I pledge and the doxy is doing absolutely nothing!


Oh if your derm is willing to give you a prednisone script take it! People rely heavily on prednisone durning the course. I never used it because I didnt have cystic acne. I had a mix of Nodular and pustular acne very presistant and it didn't respond to ANYTHING my acne was very resilient. I am hoping that I stay clear now! I am 2 weeks off the medication and still clear hoping that will carry on and I'll be one of the lucky ones!

Ipledge is a pain in the ass! Ohh I know that! They proved to be the messiest and biggest pain of accutane in all. Locking me out of the site left and right and telling me my passwords were wrong happened 3 times out of the 7 months I was on it. So be prepared to deal with that on and off throughout your course!

#17 ughhhhh

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 12:00 PM

You had nodular acne? Dude please tell me the deal with these things. I look like I have marbles under my skin and I'm so scared of what accutane is going to do to them. Do they reabsorb? Or so they get gigantic and explode? Lol these are the scariest, I just don't understand what's going on under there! I've ha one for 3 months that is just getting really re now so I think it turned into a cyst, that one is not going to be pretty.

#18 Tiger 1

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 12:12 PM

You had nodular acne? Dude please tell me the deal with these things. I look like I have marbles under my skin and I'm so scared of what accutane is going to do to them. Do they reabsorb? Or so they get gigantic and explode? Lol these are the scariest, I just don't understand what's going on under there! I've ha one for 3 months that is just getting really re now so I think it turned into a cyst, that one is not going to be pretty.


I had cystic acne as well with a nodule here and there. When I was taking accutane it seemed like the nodules just went down, didn't come the surface but the cysts did. I think taking the prednisone will help a lot. Have you ever had cortisone shots in any cysts or nodules? Before I was on accutane, I went to my derm a lot to get them and they helped me tremendously. They won't do them too much because they can backfire so I could only get them every three months or so.

And, yes, ipledge is a pain but I really didn't have as much trouble as everybody else. My derm was super good about doing her part before I left the office each time and my pharmacy was quick too.

#19 ughhhhh

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 12:22 PM


You had nodular acne? Dude please tell me the deal with these things. I look like I have marbles under my skin and I'm so scared of what accutane is going to do to them. Do they reabsorb? Or so they get gigantic and explode? Lol these are the scariest, I just don't understand what's going on under there! I've ha one for 3 months that is just getting really re now so I think it turned into a cyst, that one is not going to be pretty.


I had cystic acne as well with a nodule here and there. When I was taking accutane it seemed like the nodules just went down, didn't come the surface but the cysts did. I think taking the prednisone will help a lot. Have you ever had cortisone shots in any cysts or nodules? Before I was on accutane, I went to my derm a lot to get them and they helped me tremendously. They won't do them too much because they can backfire so I could only get them every three months or so.

And, yes, ipledge is a pain but I really didn't have as much trouble as everybody else. My derm was super good about doing her part before I left the office each time and my pharmacy was quick too.


That has been my problem with the shots. Before this derm I had another that told me to
Come in every couple of days to get shots and that she would take care of them. I think I'm worse because of her. This new derm makes me sign a form every time I get a shot, she actually flushes it out, the other one was obviously a wackjob and i wish I figured it out sooner. I am so glad to have people to talk about this! I've felt so alone and now I feel like I might just make it :)

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 04:24 PM

You had nodular acne? Dude please tell me the deal with these things. I look like I have marbles under my skin and I'm so scared of what accutane is going to do to them. Do they reabsorb? Or so they get gigantic and explode? Lol these are the scariest, I just don't understand what's going on under there! I've ha one for 3 months that is just getting really re now so I think it turned into a cyst, that one is not going to be pretty.


My Nodular acne wasn't big nodulars luckly. I would get this tops the size of a pencil eraser and no large. They were just hard and painful and would take forever to come to a head and even longer to go away also they would always leave behind a lovely brown mark that takes a year to fade away. Accutane pushes everything to the surface so what accutane did to my Nodular acne was brought it to a head quickly which was nice. None of my acne reabsorbed into the skin. They didn't get any larger on me either. Just stayed the same and developed a head 10x faster. If is possible that the Nodular ance forms into a cyst which then becomes a nodularcyst. Before you start you course I would recommend getting they drained if your dermatologist will do that or getting injections to help with the inflammation.

Almost everyone who goes into accutane has some nasty acne to deal with and you come out on the other end healed up. So keep in mind that the end outcome is worth it! It's a crappy first couple of months and then it's like everyday it gets better and better. If you go into the medication knowing it takes time and it isn't a magical overnight fix you will be fine. I see lots of people on the boards saying I've been on accutane for 3 days and not seeing any improvement what is going on? I think a lot of people don't research and dermatologists don't educate and people have false hopes for the medication. So just keep in mind time is your friend and I promise it will pay off!