84 replies to this topic

[o Havoc o]

Your concerns are normal but they are unfounded, and lemme tell you why! =)

I am a woman, 23, and I choose to remain a virgin until married. I made the decision a few years ago, when I was single, and yes, i was completely honest with guys in not only have I not had sex, but I am not going to with you at this moment. Let's just say that made for some interesting/amusing reactions over the years. Even before I had made that decision, I was never okay personally with casual sex.

A bit of a background about me...as I said I'm 23, I'm engaged, and I've been in a relationship with a guy who is a virgin at almost age 24, for over 2 years...and we aren't getting married for another year and a half. Now, to some people that could be crazy and I'm not pushing my beliefs on you or anyone, the choice about who to share your sexuality with is your choice, not anyone elses. It's not a race or a competition, even though I think boys (and some men) see it as one. I refused to play that game, and to counter what you say about being undesirable, I think I became very desirable at times because I was a challenge. Which isn't a good thing, but you know how men are, since you are one. =P Kidding aside, making a choice about yourself on this level and sticking to it really shows a positive portion of your character, and THAT is very desirable and beautiful.

I know very few people who are still virgins, and even less who are as strict about boundaries as my fiancé and I. Those boundaries are determined by you, the other person in the relationship, and what your moral beliefs dictate. It makes no sense to compare yourself to other people or to feel like you are less of a man because of it. And it surely makes no sense to worry about a potential girl coming into your life and abruptly leaving because you aren't experienced enough for her. If that happens, there clearly isn't a deep enough connection (in my opinion) to even contemplate having sex with her.

Bottom line: Your virignity is solely your own, and you can choose who to give it to. That choice shouldn't be influenced by other people outside of your relationship.

PS: I don't find my virgin fiancé lame at all...in fact he's pretty much the coolest guy out there!

Well said.

Although my opinions and beliefs are very different from yours you are spot in saying its an individual choice.

Can salute and respect anyone who choose to not buckle under the social pressures associated with it.

[poi6]

I'm only sixteen and I've been ridiculed since I was thirteen because I haven't dated and I'm a virgin. We're all in the same boat on this forum. The guy who I go on dates with occasionally (I wish he would ask me out already!) is 19 and has never had a gf, and he's also a virgin. And guess what? He had perfect skin and is absolutely adorable and funny. He just hadn't found the right person; it just wasn't the right time. I was his first kiss too. Maybe it's just because I'm inexperienced too, but I really like that he doesn't have that kind of past. We can experience these intimate experiences for the first time together. Trust me, you are going to find a girl who loves you for who you are and appreciates that you waited. You are completely normal, so don't worry about!

Also, I would find some new friends. That's what I did, and I am so much happier. No one needs to be surrounded my mean, negative people.

Lol I like your user name..... But you make 'getting new freinds' sound easy! Its not! Especially when you come from a small town like moi!

[TheSavyBanana]

Haha thank you! Yeah, I actually know what you mean. I go to a really small school with the same people I have my entire life, so I know it's difficult. I've met really good friends through extracurriculars that I do. I don't know what kind of people your friends are. It sounds like they might just need to be put in their place! Lol Whatever happens, I wish the best to you!

[poptartie]

Oh my gosh, I love this post. First of all, I am a 17 year old girl who is horny as all getout. Having said that, I am still a virgin. I am not religious at all (in fact, I am an Atheist), and I think I'm pretty attractive (minus the acne! haha), smart, funny and pretty much all around great. I'm kidding!! I'm just ME. I am the one who will decide when and with whom I will play the V-card. Believe me, I have had the chance but it just has not felt right to me yet. I'm not holding off for any particular high moral reason...just because I don't wanna do it with (insert name). I'm better than just giving it away and so are you. Hey, I'm all about sex for fun, sex for love, blah blah blah, as long as it is ON YOUR TERMS, it is mutual, and it isn't out of desperation or low self esteem (ya know, lookin for love in all the wrong places). I am not a prude but I do feel that whoever gets a piece of this is gonna be worth my time and emotions. You should just relax, let yourself off the hook and take it slow. My last boyfriend is 19 and he is still a virgin. Oh, and he is FREAKIN HOT! So please, not only dorky guys are virgins. So are nice guys with heart . Yes. Me and my ex are still friends.

Oh, and another thing. His friends always give him a hard time (haha) about being a virgin but it's just because guys don't know what else to say. They would have his back no matter what! They don't mean anything hurtful, guys just.....well.....guys just tend to not know how else to act. For the most part no generalizations intended. hehe. I would be willing to bet if you were a fly on the wall at one of their first times, it would be worth a laugh. They are young, they are not sexperts.

[poi6]

Oh my gosh, I love this post. First of all, I am a 17 year old girl who is horny as all getout. Having said that, I am still a virgin. I am not religious at all (in fact, I am an Atheist), and I think I'm pretty attractive (minus the acne! haha), smart, funny and pretty much all around great. I'm kidding!! I'm just ME. I am the one who will decide when and with whom I will play the V-card. Believe me, I have had the chance but it just has not felt right to me yet. I'm not holding off for any particular high moral reason...just because I don't wanna do it with (insert name). I'm better than just giving it away and so are you. Hey, I'm all about sex for fun, sex for love, blah blah blah, as long as it is ON YOUR TERMS, it is mutual, and it isn't out of desperation or low self esteem (ya know, lookin for love in all the wrong places). I am not a prude but I do feel that whoever gets a piece of this is gonna be worth my time and emotions. You should just relax, let yourself off the hook and take it slow. My last boyfriend is 19 and he is still a virgin. Oh, and he is FREAKIN HOT! So please, not only dorky guys are virgins. So are nice guys with heart . Yes. Me and my ex are still friends.

Oh, and another thing. His friends always give him a hard time (haha) about being a virgin but it's just because guys don't know what else to say. They would have his back no matter what! They don't mean anything hurtful, guys just.....well.....guys just tend to not know how else to act. For the most part no generalizations intended. hehe. I would be willing to bet if you were a fly on the wall at one of their first times, it would be worth a laugh. They are young, they are not sexperts.

That made me feel slightly better

[Ramc]

I accept that it is a person's decision to abstain. But, here i guess we are talking about the fact that acne playing a part in that decision (right?!)
And for me, that's the frustrating and annoying part. I could be all clear and still choose to stay a virgin, which is entirely different from forced into behaving a certain way because of acne. And for those who have people around you giving you a hard time, just let it fall on deaf ears or try explaing (if you care) or just laugh it off with them and don't let it get to you.

I personally have come to feel/accept(based on few inquests into events i experienced in my life) that what ever that has happened and is happening to me is all doing some good, maybe not in a direct way, and if not now, sometime in the future. And maybe like betterness24 mentioned, acne probably kept me from contracting something dangerous or something. At the sametime should mention it also made me waste what is widely believed to be the most important time of a person's life. No beach. No swim. No taking shirt off. No hooking up. Always in Ninja attire!

It is just the way we look at it and handle it! And hope...hope...hope...

For all the frustrated kids
I'am 25 and will +1 in 5 months (

[Rjavi10]

No worries man.
I know you probably already heard this a million times but you'll get your chance. I lost my virginity just a few days before my 20th birthday and now I have sex quite regularly. I know exactly how you feel though, I used to wonder the same thing if I would ever lose my virginity but one day it just happened and I havn't looked back since.

[poptartie]

And one more thing...When I meet someone that I want to have sex with for the first time, I would prefer that he be a virgin. Someone as awkward in the sack as me. Furthermore, Why would I want to deal with a thingy that has been near another girl's thingy? Or worse, MANY girl's thingies. yea, if I'm calling them 'thingies' then I'm probably not ready to have sex. haha. But I would want him to be special and I would want to be special to him, and not just one in a long line of encounters. God that sounds so cheesy. Having said that, I know it's getting harder and harder to find a virgin over the age of 17... and I prefer older guys. I suppose what matters the most is the quality and character of the person and not the quantity of experience they have. And I am by no means totally 'innocent' or anything close to resembling a prude. Sex is good and sex is fun (so I've heard) but it isn't what is most important

[clambak3]

Sex is so much better when there's 1. Anticipation and 2. Chemistry (ideally love).

It's likely going to suck if there are neither of these things. There's no huge deal in rushing it and regretting it later.

[Lee1234]

Male virgin= Defective/Gay
Female virgin= Worthy/Ideal

That is in societies eyes anyway. How I'll never tire of the comical conversations I have when this topic arises. If you're a virgin, take pride in it, you have a gift to share with someone that you've never shared with anyone else. I am a virgin, but I can quickly silence those who attempt to make an issue out of this. If your friends are of at least average intelligence, they should be able to understand your standpoint.

[poi6]

Male virgin= Defective/Gay
Female virgin= Worthy/Ideal

That is in societies eyes anyway. How I'll never tire of the comical conversations I have when this topic arises. If you're a virgin, take pride in it, you have a gift to share with someone that you've never shared with anyone else. I am a virgin, but I can quickly silence those who attempt to make an issue out of this. If your friends are of at least average intelligence, they should be able to understand your standpoint.

Exactly. Society makes it much harder on males virgins :/

[AlexanderJ86]

It is kind of disappointing that this is like the only recent thread about it.

Anyway, at 19 it is not such a "problem". When you are a virgin at my age (27) you can report again

When I have fixed my skin problems in 2 years then I will start dating and see how that goes.

[nakedsmurf]

Yea is all basically your choice
I'm trying to reach the triple digits before I get marry

[AlexanderJ86]

Yea is all basically your choice
I'm trying to reach the triple digits before I get marry

It is not a choice. Society has let me know that this is the only way.

[Sasch83]

Virginity is not the taboo it once was.  In all honesty, i wish i had waited to find someone i connected with on a deeper level.  But seriously, you should never feel bad about being a virgin.  Afterall, it is only a part of who you are. Don't allow other people to make you feel bad about it.  Some lucky girl will appreciate you when you finally give it up   As for being a virgn in your 20's, 30's and above, society may judge but society on a whole is shallow.  A good person, a REAL person will embrace it. 

[AlexanderJ86]

Virginity is not the taboo it once was.  In all honesty, i wish i had waited to find someone i connected with on a deeper level.  But seriously, you should never feel bad about being a virgin.  Afterall, it is only a part of who you are. Don't allow other people to make you feel bad about it.  Some lucky girl will appreciate you when you finally give it up   As for being a virgn in your 20's, 30's and above, society may judge but society on a whole is shallow.  A good person, a REAL person will embrace it. 

It is a huge challenge to find a real person. Or let I say it differently: real persons do indeed exist, but they are all taken.

[Sasch83]

Virginity is not the taboo it once was.  In all honesty, i wish i had waited to find someone i connected with on a deeper level.  But seriously, you should never feel bad about being a virgin.  Afterall, it is only a part of who you are. Don't allow other people to make you feel bad about it.  Some lucky girl will appreciate you when you finally give it up   As for being a virgn in your 20's, 30's and above, society may judge but society on a whole is shallow.  A good person, a REAL person will embrace it. 

It is a huge challenge to find a real person. Or let I say it differently: real persons do indeed exist, but they are all taken.

 

I agree somewhat that it is not so easy but there are good people out there.  I know for me personally, having acne has hindered me from being as outgoing as i'd like to be so it minimizes my opportunities for meeting good men.  Don't give up hope - everyone deserves love in their life.

[Aka*Tom]

While I'm not a virgin (not intended to sound like i'm bragging btw) I've had very very little success the last 4 years thanks to my acne. And it's just my rotten luck that the summer I started getting acne was the one just before I started university - the time of your life where you're supposed to be getting your end away every time you go out. Of course having acne just makes you wanna lock yourself away, and the time I do go out, I just don't feel comfortable at all.

 

Me? No chance. one sexual partner in 3 years, 3 years I've been at university. What's even more annoying is when I'm sometimes told on the quiet that there are actually girls out there who think I'm good looking / who are interested etc. But whenever I look in the mirror, I just see a complete mess of spots and red marks, and wonder whatever possesses girls to be interested in me. 

 

Ah well, life goes on I guess. one more year of uni to go. I'll be amazed if I get lucky in this year to be honest!

[RedRuby]

I don't think its bad to be a Virgin at all!!

I actually believe in waiting til marriage.

Now, that's just my beliefs but I see guys that are virgins and I Admire them because

they don't fall into the worlds stereotype of what's cool and what's not.

And like someone in a recent post said there are so many diseases roaming around now and

days that are sexually transmitted so its better to wait for someone that you have a honest

relationship with or until marriage

 

Your Health comes before Momentarily Pleasures!!

[Mythos]

I know that feel. I'm 18 and a virgin but really, I've only briefly been interested in just losing it for the sake of losing it. And that was only when I was a young hornball. Nowadays, I look forward to meeting a wonderful girl who I can have a relationship with and share a lot of intimate things with including sex.