There are times i think i really like it and there are times i think it's just not me. However i am not giving up. I am at least exploring a relationship now that i am older and wiser.
AWESOME!!! What you said and Spotthedifference's sentiment about not giving her all when she doesn't get it back makes me think of the phrase, "Relationships are 50/50." I've heard that phrase used so often and even believed it myself at one time. It is false.
Relationships are 100/100!
If you can't or are unwilling to give 100% effort then don't bother. You'll wind up resentful, jaded, hurt, and discouraged. You'll also trample the emotions of your partner. If you're not receiving 100% from your partner then walk away because you are being disrespected and your time is being wasted. That and you'll still wind up resentful, jaded, hurt, and discouraged. It's not conducive to daydream about someone's potential while waiting for a relationship to improve or grow. It's also not healthy to let someone treat your poorly out of fear of rejection or loneliness. Boy oh boy did I learn that the hard way. You can most certainly be rejected and lonely while in a relationship if it's a toxic one!
When relationships are good (or perceived as good at the time), it's one of the most fulfilling feelings ever. Knowing someone is happy to see you, wants to confide in you, and has your back is tops. When they go bad though, yeah, it's pretty awful, but that's the risk you have to take or you'll never know. Not all relationships are meant to last though IMO. Some end due to circumstances beyond control and many end because they're unhealthy.
Ugh, it's frustrating. I've never been in a long term healthy relationship because I didn't know how to love or validate myself until recently, and that's still an ongoing process. My self esteem was shot so I sought to get that from men. Doesn't work. If you don't make yourself happy you'll teach partners to treat you poorly. Expecting someone else to boost your ego or be your life instead of having a life of your own already is a lot of pressure! Not only that, it's unattractive in every sense as well.
Haha, sorry if I veered off the original path a little. I love relationship talk.