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I Just Want To Live - Starting Accutane

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I know how you feel. We started around the same time 10/15 and i am now in the beginning of my 3rd month and in the middle of my IB. It sucks. But it does get better. A lot of people start to see noticeable and CONSISTENT improvement by the end of month 3 and the end of month. It seems to happen suddenly too.

Keep positive and keep documenting your progress with your log and pictures. It will help you recognize progress in the coming months


It's a rocky road but like everything else in life, there is always a beginning and an end. Here's to finding my end.

God is good to me..........more than I deserve.

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.


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It always gets worse before it gets better. You may ask your derm to bump up your medication...it will help move things along quicker. Don't get too discouraged, you aren't immune to the meds. They just take time which sucks. I feel pretty lucky that I have pretty much been pimple free for this past month. I started on 11/1. I am taking 80mg per day and will be going up to 100/mg a day in a week or so for the next four months. May seem like a ton but I also weigh 200lbs and am 6'2". Hang in there dude...you are only a few months max away from seeing frantic improvements.

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Update:

Well I failed, I know I said I won't post here until week 10 but I just can't.

I feel terrible... I didn't improve at all... my skin just looks horrible, I've got this giant bump on my cheek that won't come off I can actually draw another face on it and have two faces. I didn't have a real smile for like 3 months now (don't tell anyone, they see me smiling all day long). I'm getting so low watching the whole world happening and moving forward and I'm just stagnating waiting for the pill to do its fucking job. I feel like I'm dying, I really do, I feel like I'm getting weaker and weaker and the hope is becoming more and more distant. I can't even leave the house now... there's a birthday party like 50 meters from my doorstep but I just can't leave my home. What did I do at new years eve? well, how surprising, I was home wishing for something good to happen. I don't have any self confidence or esteem right now... "when you get knocked" is now.

I have a derm appointment next week on which I'm gonna ask for higher dosage... I'll probably get 40mg (if I'm lucky) for the rest of my course (3 or 4 months).

I really don't know if this will work for me... I can't look straight at people's faces...

Side-Effects:

Who the fuck cares.

-- END OF DAY 68 --

Hang in there. It's way too soon to give up on this drug. If I were you, I'd be as honest as possible about how the acne is making me feel and bring up the topic of increasing the dosage. If your bloodwork shows that you're tolerating the 30mg per day, the dermatologist might work with you.

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Hey man I've lurked on your topic before. Actually your thread was one of the last ones I read before decided going on accutane. You have to be realistic about all of this. The drug is going to work. Everyone gets clear for sometime afterwards. It may not last but you will be clear and might need to go on a 2nd or heaven forbid 3rd course.

Having acne sucks, it has affected me for so long I don't remember what it looks like to be clear. I look at old pictures sometimes, just like you, and remember what it once was like to be clear even if it was a short period.

One thing you need to realize is that people aren't looking at your acne spots like you are. All we do is focus on pimples and don't focus on our lives. Yes, having acne sucks and it really effects your life but it only effects your life as much as you let it. People don't want to be around pathetic people always down on themselves. They want to be around confident people. I've broken down from time to time in my life over having acne. I've come to the conclusion that if people were to truly decide not to hangout with me or want to date me because of my acne then they probably aren't worth my time. People respect and are more attracted to confidence more then anything. Having a positive outlook and impacting people's day in small ways are steps you can take.

Rest assured my friend the accutane will do it's job. The video's I've seen of much more serious acne then ours is proof of that. You need to start living your life, that's your job.

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SanLosAng, keep your head up. Trust me, change will happen, just a matter of when


It's a rocky road but like everything else in life, there is always a beginning and an end. Here's to finding my end.

God is good to me..........more than I deserve.

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.


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I had to register and post a comment. First of of all, love how you are sharing this personal and yet vulnerable experience with us, you are a WARRIOR!!! As for myself, I struggled with moderate severe acne since I was 13, yet became clear during the age of 16-21. I gained confidence and started modeling. Acne came back during the age of 22-28 where topicals and orals did'nt help me stay clear. Guys are such visual beings, so with makeup most men were too intimidated to approach me and without it, they did'nt approach me at all due to my visible acne/lesions and dark spots/hyperpimentation/dyscromia. So my confidence level went downhill yet i was still able to maintain my nice bubbly friendly personality and yes, I still stuggle with giving people eye contact without makeup.

I'm starting accutane next month so i will be in the same boat as you. As far as people being cruel, yes I experienced it many, many, many times. Once i was at a gas station and a random guy looked at me and said "You sure is Ugly" but to tell you the truth i alreadly knew how pretty my facial features was so his words only hurt me and made me feel sad for a second. Yes you will be frustrated, Yes there are shallow, vague, insensitive and mean people out there, Yes the majority of people will treat you better when you are thin and good looking.

Anyways, what I am trying to say is hang in there, two months is too early to feel defeated. My brother-in-law who took accuntane 7 years ago and never relapsed, told me he started to see results by the end of the third month so you still have time. The first 1.5-2 months is the "break out period" by the end of the third month you should really start to see a concrete definite change.

As for your hair, juggle between washing it with a very moisturizing shampoo or just a clarifying conditioner. Yes conditioner, massage your scalp(as if it was shampoo) then rinse it out. Heard that Dr.dans(can get it online or from the pharmacy if you ask them to order it) and aquaphor works really good on the lips. Any lotion that supports "eczema skin" will be your best friend during your "clear skin journey" and eliminate those dry patches on your hands and shoulders. I also heard that neosporin with pain reliever can be added to your skin at nights where you feel it's unbearable. Drink 2-3 liters of water a day(it will allow the medicine to reach the bloodstream faster) maintain a high fiber diet (avoid the ones that turn into vitamin A) to avoid any complications, do light excercise that your body can handle and last but not least stay stong and be warrior!!! cool.png You will be clear and it will get better!! cheer.gif that doctor betta up your dosage!!!

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Hey man, I just wanted to throw my support in here too. You write what I feel but keep inside. I'm trying to seem ok for the sake of my family and sanity but I just want to break down. And yet I can't, it's like I'm numb, I just keep saying "get used to it, this is your face now." I have nightmares about it, it's invading me. My mom says I am going through the stages of grief because of trauma, but since my trauma is ongoing it makes it harder. You have to keep on, see the light t the end of the tunnel even if its hard to see. In my opinion you are a handsome man, men are lucky that scars etc are acceptable, I have a scar in the shape of a hook on my face... I will never feel pretty again.

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Hey man, I just wanted to throw my support in here too. You write what I feel but keep inside. I'm trying to seem ok for the sake of my family and sanity but I just want to break down. And yet I can't, it's like I'm numb, I just keep saying "get used to it, this is your face now." I have nightmares about it, it's invading me. My mom says I am going through the stages of grief because of trauma, but since my trauma is ongoing it makes it harder. You have to keep on, see the light t the end of the tunnel even if its hard to see. In my opinion you are a handsome man, men are lucky that scars etc are acceptable, I have a scar in the shape of a hook on my face... I will never feel pretty again.

You just described exactely how I feel.

Agreed - you are a handsome man regardless of your acne.


Finished Roaccutane!


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youre very brave!

i can understand how difficult it must be for you..

only difference is im a girl.. i can put makeup on whenever i want.

i'm sure there are some natural pressed powders you could use to cover your skin

that look very very natural!

just a thought...

because it's healthy to get out of the house..

and the way i prevent people from saying anything is bringing it before they do

in a typical conversation if someone asks "how are you?" i have the opportunity to talk about it..

"im alright! been eating really healthy laately to help my skin and so far so good, how have you been?"

and then theyre more gentle in response to your skin..

helps me at least... haha

but i understand you because christmas eve i went out to eat with my dad

and i just didnt feel like applying makeup... regardless of the holiday..

as we were finishing up a older woman (possibly senial) looked at me in disgust and pointed and said "your face!!"

i was shocked!!

and ended up holding back tears til i got out of there..

people without acne... just don't understand.

stay strong though!<3 you really are good looking! acne or not

i've always had a thing for red heads!

but alas... i'm taken ;D

haha!

have a good day!

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Yeah its always best to go with your true gut feelings, things always work out best that way. I think you'll be fine taking the 40 then easing to the 60. In my research and i did extensive research, the majority of post accutane people hair grew back normal, so try not to stress too much about it. I aggree with heybrighteyes, it's healthy to get out of the house every now and then. Try going to the gym, i always go early when there is the least amount of people. When i do, feel energized and happy. i can't wait to start my Tane teatment next month! It sucks that females have to wait a whole long month before starting the treament due to iplegde. Oh well's, in the meantime i'm preparing myself mentally and physically for Tane. Running daily on the treadmill will keep my cholesterol at a good level. Drink plenty of water and follow that tane diet!!!

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If it bothers you just simply use make-up. Better for self confidence.

Males shouldnt wear? Why not? Close minded people are the worst life explorers and should be ignored.

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TCA/Lactic/Glycolic peels few months after accutane should eliminate all the remaining hyperpigmentation/scarring, thats if you have anything left then. Dude i have friend who had much worse acne than you have and now bit over year later doesnt even look he ever had acne.

All the treatments there is, you are going to get very good skin.

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Comtinur!!!!! Be patient!! You can!!! Best wishes!!!! The red marks arent so bad !!! Some chemical peel and you are!!!!

Teni la real caga en la cara compare!!

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I completely empathize with the low self-esteem which is brought on by scarring. A temporary solution which I've had great success with for hyperpigmentation scarring is the "Caveman Regimen" during which you do not wash your face for 2 months, and allow a layer of skin to heal over the scars. It works wonders for Rosacea, and costs literally no money.

Just let your skin rejuvenate through its own biological mechanisms.

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Don't listen to these arse shats. These people have no soul, in fact they're not even people, they're lower than this. Sub-human. I know it hurts but try to look down on people like this. I know for sure you yourself would never say anything like that to someone.

You are very good looking even with your acne or scarring. These people are just sick.


Finished Roaccutane!


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Update:

Today they broke me. Here's a conversation from today with two of my work colleagues:

Me: Can you see my lips are chapped? (I was expecting to laugh on it)

Colleague 1 (male): Yes, I can tell...

Me: Can you see how bad is it? (still smiling)

Colleague 1: Do you want me to lie? (no..) Yes I can see how bad it is.

Me: And the skin? (I meant - can you see that it's peeling)

Colleague 1: Well you know you've got those like purple spots and stuff

Colleague 2 (female): Well its **** he always has spots everywhere and messy face, he never had/has clear face.

Me: Yeah I meant dryness, can you see my face are peeling? and the marks are not that bad...

Colleague 1: (completely ignore my response) Yes the pimples... That you take the drug for... DOH

Colleague 2: What do you mean they're not that bad?? (obviously mentioning how bad it is) #And that's after I thought I was improving... I really did sad.pngsad.pngsad.png)

Me: Yeah but it's not that bad...

Colleague 2: Well... eh (again mentioning its bad without saying it). If I were you I would have taken Accutane long time ago, now you're just a mess. #Sure, add some blame because that's what I need to hear right now

Colleague 1: You've got those spots/purple marks that the Accutane is for...

Me: Turning back to my computer realizing where this is going.

Getting out of the room after like 1 minute with tears in my eyes.

I never felt words penetrate so deep in my life, I mean I can just think about that moment now and I'll cry again. I could literally feel my heart being shredded.

Every sentence she said just scratched my heart more and more, I felt so miserable I actually had suicidal thoughts coming up again.

The sad thing is colleague 2 is an acne sufferer that took Accutane before and it has relapsed on her (like a few months ago - not that bad though) but I mean that motherfucking girl looks so fucking terrible (she does have scar-less face though - although she pops all her pimples), and that's the comments I'm getting from a girl like her... I couldn't look at myself in the mirror afterwards, I still can't. I am so angry and sad both at the same time, I can't go on living like this. CANT CANT CANT CANT CANT.

I don't have a single active pimple on the side that she was looking at... just some redness and like unevenness (its the left side of my face that I've sent pictures of in previous posts) and turns out it still looks that bad... What hope do I have??????????

I was so fucking sure I am getting better, without any active pimples and stuff I also thought the marks were fading!!! but I guess it was just an illusion. I don't know if Accutane is gonna help me any further...

I feel like its job is done, I don't have any hope left.

Side-Effects:

* Chapped Lips (BADLY)

* Dry skin patches (Horrible)

* Mental side-effects - I'm broken, devastated and wouldn't resist dying.

-- END OF DAY 97 --


It's a rocky road but like everything else in life, there is always a beginning and an end. Here's to finding my end.

God is good to me..........more than I deserve.

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.


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Update:

Today they broke me. Here's a conversation from today with two of my work colleagues:

Me: Can you see my lips are chapped? (I was expecting to laugh on it)

Colleague 1 (male): Yes, I can tell...

Me: Can you see how bad is it? (still smiling)

Colleague 1: Do you want me to lie? (no..) Yes I can see how bad it is.

Me: And the skin? (I meant - can you see that it's peeling)

Colleague 1: Well you know you've got those like purple spots and stuff

Colleague 2 (female): Well its **** he always has spots everywhere and messy face, he never had/has clear face.

Me: Yeah I meant dryness, can you see my face are peeling? and the marks are not that bad...

Colleague 1: (completely ignore my response) Yes the pimples... That you take the drug for... DOH

Colleague 2: What do you mean they're not that bad?? (obviously mentioning how bad it is) #And that's after I thought I was improving... I really did sad.pngsad.pngsad.png)

Me: Yeah but it's not that bad...

Colleague 2: Well... eh (again mentioning its bad without saying it). If I were you I would have taken Accutane long time ago, now you're just a mess. #Sure, add some blame because that's what I need to hear right now

Colleague 1: You've got those spots/purple marks that the Accutane is for...

Me: Turning back to my computer realizing where this is going.

Getting out of the room after like 1 minute with tears in my eyes.

I never felt words penetrate so deep in my life, I mean I can just think about that moment now and I'll cry again. I could literally feel my heart being shredded.

Every sentence she said just scratched my heart more and more, I felt so miserable I actually had suicidal thoughts coming up again.

The sad thing is colleague 2 is an acne sufferer that took Accutane before and it has relapsed on her (like a few months ago - not that bad though) but I mean that motherfucking girl looks so fucking terrible (she does have scar-less face though - although she pops all her pimples), and that's the comments I'm getting from a girl like her... I couldn't look at myself in the mirror afterwards, I still can't. I am so angry and sad both at the same time, I can't go on living like this. CANT CANT CANT CANT CANT.

I don't have a single active pimple on the side that she was looking at... just some redness and like unevenness (its the left side of my face that I've sent pictures of in previous posts) and turns out it still looks that bad... What hope do I have??????????

I was so fucking sure I am getting better, without any active pimples and stuff I also thought the marks were fading!!! but I guess it was just an illusion. I don't know if Accutane is gonna help me any further...

I feel like its job is done, I don't have any hope left.

Side-Effects:

* Chapped Lips (BADLY)

* Dry skin patches (Horrible)

* Mental side-effects - I'm broken, devastated and wouldn't resist dying.

-- END OF DAY 97 --


Helton's Accutane Log:

: )


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