Wow. Very well said. You described my life to a T as well.
Seriously all of us can relate 100% where you are coming from. That's what makes this community so amazing.
I must say, you a gorgeous woman if that's you in your profile picture. Do you happen to live in New York?
I agree so much! I honestly have always been afraid to do anything but read posts here. I never wanted to interact myself. And never wanted to post pictures, it took me a lot of courage to take the pictures and have to look at them and face them. I always try to make sure I look at myself in flattering lighting. But I am glad I did, because support from people who totally understand is so, so helpful to this process.
And thank you so much. I don't live in New York though, bahaha!
Your amazing! And I know exactly how you feel especially when it comes to not being able to look ppl in the eyes. Its so tough. If only ppl knew how acne can affect a persons life. Smh
I think a lot of people still believe acne is caused by bad hygiene, so they look at people with it like, 'You did this to yourself, ugh, why don't you DO something about it?". It's just total lack of understanding, and it's hard to listen to day to day.
I'm sorry you've had those experiences. I can relate to them all though, as can everyone else on these boards I'm sure.
The ignorance of people without acne, or of people who've never experienced consistent/relentless acne, toward people with acne or scarring, is really horrible and shocking at times. I wish it was something more people could get their head around and understand that it is so much more than a "physical flaw."
It really is emotionally damaging. Of course, I think the main issue is how other people view it and how they voice their opinions on it and the cruel things they say. If acne was seen in a different way, and we were made more comfortable with it, well it would be not so difficult of a thing. Society is just awful sometimes.
DAMN! so many feelings and scenarios you describe that it feels like it could of been me writing. You've been through some horrible experiences and had some horrible abuse directed at you.I know it must kill you to look in the mirror but if you can then do it, look at the condition of your skin, think of all the horrible things people have said to you, despite all that . . .YOU'RE STILL HERE! you've had to go through all of this sh!t but you're still here fighting. You get up every day and you battle through it, you're strong. That is the reason that the majority of people who have given you abuse about your skin do so, because YOU make THEM feel weak. Maybe they just say those things for fun and a laugh on the surface, but if you scratch beneath the surface and look deep into those people's psyche, you scare them and make them jealous! jealous because you're still beautiful (anyone can see that from your photo) even when you haven't got perfect skin, you still get up and go to work and you still carry on. They know deep down, maybe even sub conciously that they wouldn't be able to do what you do every day in your position, and instead of realising what an incredible person this makes you and getting to know you they make fun and gain a cheap laugh . . why? because they are idiots, they don't have the intelligence or self awareness or self secureness to go anywhere in life, and long after you've made something of yourself and are happy with your life they will still be stupid, pathetic bottom feeders justifying their own needless existence by picking on the next unfortunate person they cross paths with.
You've gone through some horrible things but every night you go to bed you've become stronger, you've learned more about yourself, more about the woman who can go through all this but still get up in the morning, that will make you the person you are and the person you will become, and just being 'that girl with acne' will be a thing of the past.
Stay strong, get stronger and don't let em' grind you down
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I do feel acne has made me stronger of a person. If I had to tell someone a POSITIVE thing from having acne, it's that it made me more kind towards others with flaws. It made me more humble, it made me more respectful when speaking to others and about others. It made me very very careful not to say anything that could hurt a persons feelings, because I know too well that feeling and I just could never voluntarily do it to someone else. & it made me realize just how human everyone is, and insecure and scared everyone is, even if they seem perfect on the outside. I will never understand why people have chosen to speak to me so rude, why it seems they were actually TRYING to see if they could break me. Usually people seem to have tact about these things, but maybe it's because I am intelligent and have a personality, it offends them somehow. Maybe they expect me to hide in a corner. I will never know, because I never do anything to cause someone to just straight out spew hurtful shit at me. I am always very polite towards people, often quiet. The damage from words is really hard. It warps your mind so you start seeing what they see, and you think it's the truth. You think you are just as they say. It takes a lot to make yourself realize why what they say is wrong and that they are the ugly ones.
I just hope I can find a solution to improve my scars, so that can really shut the assholes up.
I was reading the 'What Acne Has Taken Away From Me' thread and started breaking down. I know that a lot of denial happens sometimes when you have bad skin, just so you can get through the day. I have been in denial about just how bad my skin is, and now I want to just own up to it and take it for what it is.
I had really bad acne when I was a teenager. Now it's under control, and my skin is filled with indented scarring.
I also wanted to vent. I wanted to vent on how the consequences of acne are so damn understated. How you will NEVER ever understand how it feels to live with this, until you get it. How it will consume your brain, between trying to find cures, solutions, or worrying how you look in what lighting, at what angle, at what time of day. How you rearrange your life around it. How you become a different person than how you feel inside just because you have acne. How you want to not worry about it, not be so vain or feel so defined only by your skin, but it's just really too hard sometimes, to be above it all.
And that time and and time again feeling of hopelessness, low-self esteem and incredible frustration. It's a lot of a person to take. & it's not dramatic--it's a serious, serious issue.
I have been treated like a lower-class person just because of my skin. People's face changing to a closed-off, cold sneer when they glance over my skin in a conversation. People with no filter, saying the rudest things about my skin in the worst way possible. One time I walked out of a job, crying, because the manager left and it was just me and the rest of my coworkers--a group of young, cute high school boys who snickered about me when they weren't just simply ignoring me, and finally one getting irritated with me over something so he yelled at me to get something to cover my face up with.
Sitting at a table in the cafeteria in high school and making a joke to my friend next to me, a boy who was sitting on the other side overheard and said loudly for everyone to hear, "How do you manage to be ugly, not funny, AND have acne, all at the same time?"
Having a crush tell me he would kiss me, but only if I paid him a dollar, because, according to him, I was 'cute' but not 'that cute' and 'you have acne'.
My stepdad, during an argument, yelling to me, "Why don't you just put a hand on either side of your face and just squeeze? Because all you are is just one big ZIT." And also later asking why I was still a virgin because, 'Boys that age will f__ ANYTHING!" and asking me multiple times why I didnt just end it and kill myself.
My mom walking into my room when I had makeup off and loudly asking, with the biggest disgusted look on her face, 'UGH, Why does your skin look EVEN WORSE?"
Working alone at my job in the mall one night, when a strange drunk man sits down and trys to talk to me and asks if I smoke. When I replied no, he looked surprise and said, "Oh, because that usually causes all those holes in peoples faces." (Rudely pointing out my scarring)
Not wanting to go to the beach, fear of the sun highlighting all the scars and washing away makeup. Not wanting to even look a guy in the eye in a public place, let alone start a relationship with one and let down enough guards to trust that they don't care about your skin. Feeling inadequate as a female because you are not 'pretty' enough because your skin is not smooth and clear. That feeling where you feel like your skin looks pretty good and so you dress up a little, head out somewhere, and then see yourself in the mirror somewhere and realize you just look like a scarred mess with nice clothing. That feeling that comes after of wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere and be invisible. CONSTANTLY, and I mean, CONSTANTLY, worrying about how your skin. Hating that side mirror on the car, hating overcast days, hating those photobooths at arcades, hating the bathroom mirror, hating doctor's offices, getting your haircut and keeping your eyes downcast just so you don't start crying in the middle of it at how bad you look. Feeling like everything in your life is dictated by your skin, like you are the only one dealing with this, embarrassed to even seek help because it means having your skin examined up close. Embarrassed to travel, constantly worrying about reapplying makeup, having nightmares about not being able to get to my makeup and people seeing me barefaced.
Spending way too much time and money and anxiety on testing new products, new methods. Realizing the only worthwhile ones are the ones that require money and downtime you probably can't afford to give.
I 100% know that the depression and anxiety and brutally low self-esteem are caused just because I had acne and now, acne scarring and I feel like I will never be myself and never live my life fully because of this holding me back.
Today I am so so upset and hopeless feeling. Browsing these boards always makes me feel less alone, so much more hopeful, and wanting to help someone else who might even have it worse. I wish I knew more people with this problem, I know it would help a lot with these negative thoughts I have.
I have been on this board a long time, but am just now getting more involved in it. Any friend requests are welcome, it helps a lot to share experiences!
This is such a sad story. =( I understand exactly how you feel even though I havent been going through this for very long.
I feel sad about a lot of things, words from the past float up from time to time and the pain is as fresh as when it happened. Feels like a sudden punch in the stomach, I remember the heat that rises all the way up your body, the tears that instantly come up, the humiliation. It can still make me cry, to this day. But I am really overcoming it, in the best way I can and I think it will only benefit me in the long run. Make me evolve myself into the best I can be.
Your story legitimately broke my heart. The thing that really sticks with me is how people have been so callous to you throughout your life. I'm shocked by some of the horrible things people have said to you. I'm so very sorry that you've had to go through that. I hope that you have supportive people in your life now, because dealing with acne and scarring is bad enough, you don't need people dragging you down with heartless comments.
Just remember this: You have persevered. While others would bend and break if they were to experience acne for just ONE day, you've gone through life dealing with it. It's made you stronger. It's given you the courage to face the world and endure. You're still fighting, and screw anyone ignorant enough to make cruel comments. They're probably unhappy about their own miserable lives so they look to take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it.
You're an incredibly beautiful girl. On the inside and the outside. You're brave and you're strong, and there are a ton of opportunities out there for you. Don't let anything stop you from seizing them.
I really appreciate this. I appreciate all of these comments, I have heard more kind words on here than I have heard in my life from people I know. The callousness of people have really done a lot of damage to how I see people, the lack of trust I am able to have in people, the way I see myself. It's all pretty rooted into my mind, after years of hearing things like this. I mostly now just prefer to not bring up my skin, so friends and family just don't mention it, and I don't mention it. So I never hear positive things about it. It's either ignoring the problem, the 'elephant in the room', praying someone doesn't say something and make me feel embarassed, or them saying something and making me feel 2 feet tall. I am my own biggest support to tell you the truth, but I know if I look harder, I can find the people out there who aren't completely shallow and stupid and know how to treat a person the right way.
I just still can't believe what people what have said to you. It's unreal how thoughtless people can be. I firmly believe that when people like your stepdad, people at school, and whoever makes comments about your skin, are secretly insecure and are unhappy with their OWN lives, that they have to put others down to make themselves feel better.
We are all human. No one is perfect. The fact that people still have to point out others flaws that are showing 24/7 is beyond me. It's those insensitive fucks that really get me pissed off. Personally, if someone was to say to me what they have said to you, I would punch them straight in the mouth. No joke. I know it's emotionally draining to deal with all that, but have you ever stood up for yourself and fought back (verbally)? If someone makes a rude comment to you about your skin, say "fuck you" and go off and them. Show them who's boss. That's my personality and what I would do.
I feel for you. I really do. Your a beautiful girl and you deserve nothing short of a great life, and I hope you can find happiness despite what flaws you may have with your skin.
Thank you again. I really don't fight back, because I am too embarassed to say anything or I just have to remove myself from the situation so I can be alone to cry and recover. It seriously is like being punched. I can cry so easily if someone says something mean to me about it, because it's my biggest insecurity, and one I always pray no one mentions or notices. Then when they do, I feel lower than shit. So low. So I usually just cower from people who say something, when really I need to embarass them. Make them feel ashamed for how cruel they are. Point out all of their flaws. Just because they don't have MY particular flaw, they think they are better....people like that desperately need a mirror held up to them. So they can see how it feels to have their flaws noticed and thrown at them to belitte them.
Definitely these people are miserable human beings, that need to put others down to feel better. I don't know why my whole life I seem to be surrounded by more than most people :/