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Tired Of All The Consequences Of Acne! Tired Of The Never Ending Battle!


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#1 rockmeamadeus

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 09:30 PM

I was reading the 'What Acne Has Taken Away From Me' thread and started breaking down. I know that a lot of denial happens sometimes when you have bad skin, just so you can get through the day. I have been in denial about just how bad my skin is, and now I want to just own up to it and take it for what it is.

I had really bad acne when I was a teenager. Now it's under control, and my skin is filled with indented scarring.
I also wanted to vent. I wanted to vent on how the consequences of acne are so damn understated. How you will NEVER ever understand how it feels to live with this, until you get it. How it will consume your brain, between trying to find cures, solutions, or worrying how you look in what lighting, at what angle, at what time of day. How you rearrange your life around it. How you become a different person than how you feel inside just because you have acne. How you want to not worry about it, not be so vain or feel so defined only by your skin, but it's just really too hard sometimes, to be above it all.
And that time and and time again feeling of hopelessness, low-self esteem and incredible frustration. It's a lot of a person to take. & it's not dramatic--it's a serious, serious issue.

I have been treated like a lower-class person just because of my skin. People's face changing to a closed-off, cold sneer when they glance over my skin in a conversation. People with no filter, saying the rudest things about my skin in the worst way possible. One time I walked out of a job, crying, because the manager left and it was just me and the rest of my coworkers--a group of young, cute high school boys who snickered about me when they weren't just simply ignoring me, and finally one getting irritated with me over something so he yelled at me to get something to cover my face up with.

Sitting at a table in the cafeteria in high school and making a joke to my friend next to me, a boy who was sitting on the other side overheard and said loudly for everyone to hear, "How do you manage to be ugly, not funny, AND have acne, all at the same time?"

Having a crush tell me he would kiss me, but only if I paid him a dollar, because, according to him, I was 'cute' but not 'that cute' and 'you have acne'.

My stepdad, during an argument, yelling to me, "Why don't you just put a hand on either side of your face and just squeeze? Because all you are is just one big ZIT." And also later asking why I was still a virgin because, 'Boys that age will f__ ANYTHING!" and asking me multiple times why I didnt just end it and kill myself.

My mom walking into my room when I had makeup off and loudly asking, with the biggest disgusted look on her face, 'UGH, Why does your skin look EVEN WORSE?"

Working alone at my job in the mall one night, when a strange drunk man sits down and trys to talk to me and asks if I smoke. When I replied no, he looked surprise and said, "Oh, because that usually causes all those holes in peoples faces." (Rudely pointing out my scarring)

Not wanting to go to the beach, fear of the sun highlighting all the scars and washing away makeup. Not wanting to even look a guy in the eye in a public place, let alone start a relationship with one and let down enough guards to trust that they don't care about your skin. Feeling inadequate as a female because you are not 'pretty' enough because your skin is not smooth and clear. That feeling where you feel like your skin looks pretty good and so you dress up a little, head out somewhere, and then see yourself in the mirror somewhere and realize you just look like a scarred mess with nice clothing. That feeling that comes after of wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere and be invisible. CONSTANTLY, and I mean, CONSTANTLY, worrying about how your skin. Hating that side mirror on the car, hating overcast days, hating those photobooths at arcades, hating the bathroom mirror, hating doctor's offices, getting your haircut and keeping your eyes downcast just so you don't start crying in the middle of it at how bad you look. Feeling like everything in your life is dictated by your skin, like you are the only one dealing with this, embarrassed to even seek help because it means having your skin examined up close. Embarrassed to travel, constantly worrying about reapplying makeup, having nightmares about not being able to get to my makeup and people seeing me barefaced.
Spending way too much time and money and anxiety on testing new products, new methods. Realizing the only worthwhile ones are the ones that require money and downtime you probably can't afford to give.

I 100% know that the depression and anxiety and brutally low self-esteem are caused just because I had acne and now, acne scarring and I feel like I will never be myself and never live my life fully because of this holding me back.

Today I am so so upset and hopeless feeling. Browsing these boards always makes me feel less alone, so much more hopeful, and wanting to help someone else who might even have it worse. I wish I knew more people with this problem, I know it would help a lot with these negative thoughts I have.
I have been on this board a long time, but am just now getting more involved in it. Any friend requests are welcome, it helps a lot to share experiences!

Edited by rockmeamadeus, 05 September 2012 - 11:29 AM.


#2 AbyBar

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 10:16 PM


I was reading the 'What Acne Has Taken Away From Me' thread and started breaking down. I know that a lot of denial happens sometimes when you have bad skin, just so you can get through the day. I have been in denial about just how bad my skin is, and now I want to just own up to it and take it for what it is.


I had really bad acne when I was a teenager. Now it's under control, and my skin is filled with indented scarring.

I also wanted to vent. I wanted to vent on how the consequences of acne are so damn understated. How you will NEVER ever understand how it feels to live with this, until you get it. How it will consume your brain, between trying to find cures, solutions, or worrying how you look in what lighting, at what angle, at what time of day. How you rearrange your life around it. How you become a different person than how you feel inside just because you have acne. How you want to not worry about it, not be so vain or feel so defined only by your skin, but it's just really too hard sometimes, to be above it all.

And that time and and time again feeling of hopelessness, low-self esteem and incredible frustration. It's a lot of a person to take. & it's not dramatic--it's a serious, serious issue.


I have been treated like a lower-class person just because of my skin. People's face changing to a closed-off, cold sneer when they glance over my skin in a conversation. People with no filter, saying the rudest things about my skin in the worst way possible. One time I walked out of a job, crying, because the manager left and it was just me and the rest of my coworkers--a group of young, cute high school boys who snickered about me when they weren't just simply ignoring me, and finally one getting irritated with me over something so he yelled at me to get something to cover my face up with.


Sitting at a table in the cafeteria in high school and making a joke to my friend next to me, a boy who was sitting on the other side overheard and said loudly for everyone to hear, "How do you manage to be ugly, not funny, AND have acne, all at the same time?"


Having a crush tell me he would kiss me, but only if I paid him a dollar, because, according to him, I was 'cute' but not 'that cute' and 'you have acne'.


My stepdad, during an argument, yelling to me, "Why don't you just put a hand on either side of your face and just squeeze? Because all you are is just one big ZIT." And also later asking why I was still a virgin because, 'Boys that age will f__ ANYTHING!" and asking me multiple times why I didnt just end it and kill myself.


My mom walking into my room when I had makeup off and loudly asking, with the biggest disgusted look on her face, 'UGH, Why does your skin look EVEN WORSE?"


Working alone at my job in the mall one night, when a strange drunk man sits down and trys to talk to me and asks if I smoke. When I replied no, he looked surprise and said, "Oh, because that usually causes all those holes in peoples faces." (Rudely pointing out my scarring)


Not wanting to go to the beach, fear of the sun highlighting all the scars and washing away makeup. Not wanting to even look a guy in the eye in a public place, let alone start a relationship with one and let down enough guards to trust that they don't care about your skin. Feeling inadequate as a female because you are not 'pretty' enough because your skin is not smooth and clear. That feeling where you feel like your skin looks pretty good and so you dress up a little, head out somewhere, and then see yourself in the mirror somewhere and realize you just look like a scarred mess with nice clothing. That feeling that comes after of wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere and be invisible. CONSTANTLY, and I mean, CONSTANTLY, worrying about how your skin. Hating that side mirror on the car, hating overcast days, hating those photobooths at arcades, hating the bathroom mirror, hating doctor's offices, getting your haircut and keeping your eyes downcast just so you don't start crying in the middle of it at how bad you look. Feeling like everything in your life is dictated by your skin, like you are the only one dealing with this, embarrassed to even seek help because it means having your skin examined up close. Embarrassed to travel, constantly worrying about reapplying makeup, having nightmares about not being able to get to my makeup and people seeing me barefaced.

Spending way too much time and money and anxiety on testing new products, new methods. Realizing the only worthwhile ones are the ones that require money and downtime you probably can't afford to give.


I 100% know that the depression and anxiety and brutally low self-esteem are caused just because I had acne and now, acne scarring and I feel like I will never be myself and never live my life fully because of this holding me back.


Today I am so so upset and hopeless feeling. Browsing these boards always makes me feel less alone, so much more hopeful, and wanting to help someone else who might even have it worse. I wish I knew more people with this problem, I know it would help a lot with these negative thoughts I have.

I have been on this board a long time, but am just now getting more involved in it. Any friend requests are welcome, it helps a lot to share experiences!


I applaud you :D
You literally just wrote my life on this post . Wonderful post .
Your amazing and thru this post I can sense that you are a charming and kind woman :) even though internet doesn't translate those kinds of emotions.

#3 k3tchup

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 10:20 PM

So i read your post and i sat for 5 mins wondering, how do i reply, how do i conformt this severly damaged and broken person and how in the hell do i inspire hope or say anything along those lines and make it all believable... well I can't.

But what i can do is extend a hand and say that if you ever want someone to talk to for whatever reason, i'm hear and the whole community behind me as well. And you're not alone.


I know the pain, i know the feeling of being totally ruled by acne and the helpless feeling that gradually takes over. I've been there to the point that the only option was to stop living as life was a chore and i was tired of living it. I've let it dominate me exactly the ways you have described. And you are so right, only those that have truly suffered do they know that exact pain. It is life altering and one of the main reasons i avoid mirros-anywhere except my own bathroom. Sad really...


It really sucks ass when you meet your classmates, the same classmates you will share for a year or more and you look terrible. Whats even worse was when i had to demonstrate a skill on one (of my classmates) and how uncomfortable you are so close to them and then having the instructor watch you.
I forgot to mention that im going to school to be a nurse...

And i must digress.... this is the one thing in life that has been the motivation for me to continue, to continue through the hell i have been both from acne, abusive childhood, divorce of my parents, moving to a new town/school, dealing with Alcoholic parent- one that sends back a holiday card with a message that just makes you want to die. So yes, all that aside this is my motivator. I want to be a nurse so bad, i want that degree, that title, that honor, and that opporunity to do something good with my life.

This is what i fight for. And i guess i say the same to you. All the details, all the past memories, all the bullshit is just that-bullshit- it does not matter in the end. it just matters that you got there (where ever there may be for you, for me its my passion for nursing). So i say to you, i know its hard, i know it sucks, but you gotta believe in something or someone or some idea to get through this. Its great that you are accepting that is like anything else is a disease if you will, but do not dwell on it more than you have to.After that its time for intervention, do something for it. What are you using, what are you doing, what type of skin do you have, what can you do to help your self. And then do it. If at first you dont succeed...An utterly annoying statement but that is life. Keep going.

I am testiment that this "terrible stroke of luck, bad set of cards, ect" does not last. I am making my way once again to being clear. It has been an extremely long and difficult road but i keep going. It will turn around.

#4 Murph89

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 10:23 PM

Wow. Very well said. You described my life to a T as well.
Seriously all of us can relate 100% where you are coming from. That's what makes this community so amazing.

I must say, you a gorgeous woman if that's you in your profile picture. Do you happen to live in New York? :)

Edited by Murph89, 02 September 2012 - 10:41 PM.


#5 k3tchup

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Posted 02 September 2012 - 10:33 PM

^if that made any sense than good. I'm tired, my contacts are falling out, and i have a test on tues that i have been preparing for so my line of thinking is strictly nursing to the point i find my self proctoring questions and talking to others as if im acting out the nursing process ..assess, diagnose, outcome, plan, impliment, evaluate...

so i guess what im trying to say is your not alone, you have friends and people that know exactly to a T what it is like, but remember we are here for support but lets not dwell on it even though you are having the worst day of your life. Have to have a better outlook and work towards something. There do exist nice people in this world and someone for everyone.

#6 nfamousjade

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 12:16 AM

Your amazing! And I know exactly how you feel especially when it comes to not being able to look ppl in the eyes. Its so tough. If only ppl knew how acne can affect a persons life. Smh

#7 Lilly75

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 01:19 AM

I'm sorry you've had those experiences. I can relate to them all though, as can everyone else on these boards I'm sure.

The ignorance of people without acne, or of people who've never experienced consistent/relentless acne, toward people with acne or scarring, is really horrible and shocking at times. I wish it was something more people could get their head around and understand that it is so much more than a "physical flaw."

#8 omarcomin

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 02:47 AM

DAMN! so many feelings and scenarios you describe that it feels like it could of been me writing. You've been through some horrible experiences and had some horrible abuse directed at you.I know it must kill you to look in the mirror but if you can then do it, look at the condition of your skin, think of all the horrible things people have said to you, despite all that . . .YOU'RE STILL HERE! you've had to go through all of this sh!t but you're still here fighting. You get up every day and you battle through it, you're strong. That is the reason that the majority of people who have given you abuse about your skin do so, because YOU make THEM feel weak. Maybe they just say those things for fun and a laugh on the surface, but if you scratch beneath the surface and look deep into those people's psyche, you scare them and make them jealous! jealous because you're still beautiful (anyone can see that from your photo) even when you haven't got perfect skin, you still get up and go to work and you still carry on. They know deep down, maybe even sub conciously that they wouldn't be able to do what you do every day in your position, and instead of realising what an incredible person this makes you and getting to know you they make fun and gain a cheap laugh . . why? because they are idiots, they don't have the intelligence or self awareness or self secureness to go anywhere in life, and long after you've made something of yourself and are happy with your life they will still be stupid, pathetic bottom feeders justifying their own needless existence by picking on the next unfortunate person they cross paths with.

You've gone through some horrible things but every night you go to bed you've become stronger, you've learned more about yourself, more about the woman who can go through all this but still get up in the morning, that will make you the person you are and the person you will become, and just being 'that girl with acne' will be a thing of the past.

Stay strong, get stronger and don't let em' grind you down

#9 Need Solutions

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 07:57 AM

I was reading the 'What Acne Has Taken Away From Me' thread and started breaking down. I know that a lot of denial happens sometimes when you have bad skin, just so you can get through the day. I have been in denial about just how bad my skin is, and now I want to just own up to it and take it for what it is.

I had really bad acne when I was a teenager. Now it's under control, and my skin is filled with indented scarring.
I also wanted to vent. I wanted to vent on how the consequences of acne are so damn understated. How you will NEVER ever understand how it feels to live with this, until you get it. How it will consume your brain, between trying to find cures, solutions, or worrying how you look in what lighting, at what angle, at what time of day. How you rearrange your life around it. How you become a different person than how you feel inside just because you have acne. How you want to not worry about it, not be so vain or feel so defined only by your skin, but it's just really too hard sometimes, to be above it all.
And that time and and time again feeling of hopelessness, low-self esteem and incredible frustration. It's a lot of a person to take. & it's not dramatic--it's a serious, serious issue.

I have been treated like a lower-class person just because of my skin. People's face changing to a closed-off, cold sneer when they glance over my skin in a conversation. People with no filter, saying the rudest things about my skin in the worst way possible. One time I walked out of a job, crying, because the manager left and it was just me and the rest of my coworkers--a group of young, cute high school boys who snickered about me when they weren't just simply ignoring me, and finally one getting irritated with me over something so he yelled at me to get something to cover my face up with.

Sitting at a table in the cafeteria in high school and making a joke to my friend next to me, a boy who was sitting on the other side overheard and said loudly for everyone to hear, "How do you manage to be ugly, not funny, AND have acne, all at the same time?"

Having a crush tell me he would kiss me, but only if I paid him a dollar, because, according to him, I was 'cute' but not 'that cute' and 'you have acne'.

My stepdad, during an argument, yelling to me, "Why don't you just put a hand on either side of your face and just squeeze? Because all you are is just one big ZIT." And also later asking why I was still a virgin because, 'Boys that age will f__ ANYTHING!" and asking me multiple times why I didnt just end it and kill myself.

My mom walking into my room when I had makeup off and loudly asking, with the biggest disgusted look on her face, 'UGH, Why does your skin look EVEN WORSE?"

Working alone at my job in the mall one night, when a strange drunk man sits down and trys to talk to me and asks if I smoke. When I replied no, he looked surprise and said, "Oh, because that usually causes all those holes in peoples faces." (Rudely pointing out my scarring)

Not wanting to go to the beach, fear of the sun highlighting all the scars and washing away makeup. Not wanting to even look a guy in the eye in a public place, let alone start a relationship with one and let down enough guards to trust that they don't care about your skin. Feeling inadequate as a female because you are not 'pretty' enough because your skin is not smooth and clear. That feeling where you feel like your skin looks pretty good and so you dress up a little, head out somewhere, and then see yourself in the mirror somewhere and realize you just look like a scarred mess with nice clothing. That feeling that comes after of wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere and be invisible. CONSTANTLY, and I mean, CONSTANTLY, worrying about how your skin. Hating that side mirror on the car, hating overcast days, hating those photobooths at arcades, hating the bathroom mirror, hating doctor's offices, getting your haircut and keeping your eyes downcast just so you don't start crying in the middle of it at how bad you look. Feeling like everything in your life is dictated by your skin, like you are the only one dealing with this, embarrassed to even seek help because it means having your skin examined up close. Embarrassed to travel, constantly worrying about reapplying makeup, having nightmares about not being able to get to my makeup and people seeing me barefaced.
Spending way too much time and money and anxiety on testing new products, new methods. Realizing the only worthwhile ones are the ones that require money and downtime you probably can't afford to give.

I 100% know that the depression and anxiety and brutally low self-esteem are caused just because I had acne and now, acne scarring and I feel like I will never be myself and never live my life fully because of this holding me back.

Today I am so so upset and hopeless feeling. Browsing these boards always makes me feel less alone, so much more hopeful, and wanting to help someone else who might even have it worse. I wish I knew more people with this problem, I know it would help a lot with these negative thoughts I have.
I have been on this board a long time, but am just now getting more involved in it. Any friend requests are welcome, it helps a lot to share experiences!


This is such a sad story. =( I understand exactly how you feel even though I havent been going through this for very long.

#10 Randall Flagg

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 11:55 AM

Your story legitimately broke my heart. The thing that really sticks with me is how people have been so callous to you throughout your life. I'm shocked by some of the horrible things people have said to you. I'm so very sorry that you've had to go through that. I hope that you have supportive people in your life now, because dealing with acne and scarring is bad enough, you don't need people dragging you down with heartless comments.

Just remember this: You have persevered. While others would bend and break if they were to experience acne for just ONE day, you've gone through life dealing with it. It's made you stronger. It's given you the courage to face the world and endure. You're still fighting, and screw anyone ignorant enough to make cruel comments. They're probably unhappy about their own miserable lives so they look to take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it.

You're an incredibly beautiful girl. On the inside and the outside. You're brave and you're strong, and there are a ton of opportunities out there for you. Don't let anything stop you from seizing them.

#11 Murph89

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 12:11 PM

I just still can't believe what people what have said to you. It's unreal how thoughtless people can be. I firmly believe that when people like your stepdad, people at school, and whoever makes comments about your skin, are secretly insecure and are unhappy with their OWN lives, that they have to put others down to make themselves feel better.

We are all human. No one is perfect. The fact that people still have to point out others flaws that are showing 24/7 is beyond me. It's those insensitive fucks that really get me pissed off. Personally, if someone was to say to me what they have said to you, I would punch them straight in the mouth. No joke. I know it's emotionally draining to deal with all that, but have you ever stood up for yourself and fought back (verbally)? If someone makes a rude comment to you about your skin, say "fuck you" and go off and them. Show them who's boss. That's my personality and what I would do.

I feel for you. I really do. Your a beautiful girl and you deserve nothing short of a great life, and I hope you can find happiness despite what flaws you may have with your skin.

#12 rockmeamadeus

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 08:21 PM

So i read your post and i sat for 5 mins wondering, how do i reply, how do i conformt this severly damaged and broken person and how in the hell do i inspire hope or say anything along those lines and make it all believable... well I can't.

But what i can do is extend a hand and say that if you ever want someone to talk to for whatever reason, i'm hear and the whole community behind me as well. And you're not alone.


I know the pain, i know the feeling of being totally ruled by acne and the helpless feeling that gradually takes over. I've been there to the point that the only option was to stop living as life was a chore and i was tired of living it. I've let it dominate me exactly the ways you have described. And you are so right, only those that have truly suffered do they know that exact pain. It is life altering and one of the main reasons i avoid mirros-anywhere except my own bathroom. Sad really...


It really sucks ass when you meet your classmates, the same classmates you will share for a year or more and you look terrible. Whats even worse was when i had to demonstrate a skill on one (of my classmates) and how uncomfortable you are so close to them and then having the instructor watch you.
I forgot to mention that im going to school to be a nurse...

And i must digress.... this is the one thing in life that has been the motivation for me to continue, to continue through the hell i have been both from acne, abusive childhood, divorce of my parents, moving to a new town/school, dealing with Alcoholic parent- one that sends back a holiday card with a message that just makes you want to die. So yes, all that aside this is my motivator. I want to be a nurse so bad, i want that degree, that title, that honor, and that opporunity to do something good with my life.

This is what i fight for. And i guess i say the same to you. All the details, all the past memories, all the bullshit is just that-bullshit- it does not matter in the end. it just matters that you got there (where ever there may be for you, for me its my passion for nursing). So i say to you, i know its hard, i know it sucks, but you gotta believe in something or someone or some idea to get through this. Its great that you are accepting that is like anything else is a disease if you will, but do not dwell on it more than you have to.After that its time for intervention, do something for it. What are you using, what are you doing, what type of skin do you have, what can you do to help your self. And then do it. If at first you dont succeed...An utterly annoying statement but that is life. Keep going.

I am testiment that this "terrible stroke of luck, bad set of cards, ect" does not last. I am making my way once again to being clear. It has been an extremely long and difficult road but i keep going. It will turn around.


I guess it would help if I had something I really felt passionate about to distract me or motivate me, to take up more space in my mind than my worrying about my skin. Right now I feel I am just still on the search for it. I think helping people always makes you feel lighter and better about YOURSELF. It takes your mind off you, you, you. I would love to be in the medical field, but I am really not suited for it. Being a dermatologist seems so perfect, you know, helping someone I know firsthand would be an amazing job. I have to research more. I know I want to do something that helps others, it just makes you feel so much better and active and appreciated.

You sound really strong, and have the same mindset I have had to develop to deal with the hand I have been dealt. But being a strong person doesn't mean nothing gets to you, nothing hurts. I always need time to reboot myself, especially after being in a particularly humiliating situation. I know I have gotten good at self-soothing. But this community is amazing...the empathy is really healing. I appreciate it.

#13 rockmeamadeus

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 08:48 PM

Wow. Very well said. You described my life to a T as well.
Seriously all of us can relate 100% where you are coming from. That's what makes this community so amazing.

I must say, you a gorgeous woman if that's you in your profile picture. Do you happen to live in New York? Posted Image


I agree so much! I honestly have always been afraid to do anything but read posts here. I never wanted to interact myself. And never wanted to post pictures, it took me a lot of courage to take the pictures and have to look at them and face them. I always try to make sure I look at myself in flattering lighting. But I am glad I did, because support from people who totally understand is so, so helpful to this process.

And thank you so much. I don't live in New York though, bahaha!

Your amazing! And I know exactly how you feel especially when it comes to not being able to look ppl in the eyes. Its so tough. If only ppl knew how acne can affect a persons life. Smh


Thank you Posted Image I think a lot of people still believe acne is caused by bad hygiene, so they look at people with it like, 'You did this to yourself, ugh, why don't you DO something about it?". It's just total lack of understanding, and it's hard to listen to day to day.

I'm sorry you've had those experiences. I can relate to them all though, as can everyone else on these boards I'm sure.

The ignorance of people without acne, or of people who've never experienced consistent/relentless acne, toward people with acne or scarring, is really horrible and shocking at times. I wish it was something more people could get their head around and understand that it is so much more than a "physical flaw."

It really is emotionally damaging. Of course, I think the main issue is how other people view it and how they voice their opinions on it and the cruel things they say. If acne was seen in a different way, and we were made more comfortable with it, well it would be not so difficult of a thing. Society is just awful sometimes.

DAMN! so many feelings and scenarios you describe that it feels like it could of been me writing. You've been through some horrible experiences and had some horrible abuse directed at you.I know it must kill you to look in the mirror but if you can then do it, look at the condition of your skin, think of all the horrible things people have said to you, despite all that . . .YOU'RE STILL HERE! you've had to go through all of this sh!t but you're still here fighting. You get up every day and you battle through it, you're strong. That is the reason that the majority of people who have given you abuse about your skin do so, because YOU make THEM feel weak. Maybe they just say those things for fun and a laugh on the surface, but if you scratch beneath the surface and look deep into those people's psyche, you scare them and make them jealous! jealous because you're still beautiful (anyone can see that from your photo) even when you haven't got perfect skin, you still get up and go to work and you still carry on. They know deep down, maybe even sub conciously that they wouldn't be able to do what you do every day in your position, and instead of realising what an incredible person this makes you and getting to know you they make fun and gain a cheap laugh . . why? because they are idiots, they don't have the intelligence or self awareness or self secureness to go anywhere in life, and long after you've made something of yourself and are happy with your life they will still be stupid, pathetic bottom feeders justifying their own needless existence by picking on the next unfortunate person they cross paths with.

You've gone through some horrible things but every night you go to bed you've become stronger, you've learned more about yourself, more about the woman who can go through all this but still get up in the morning, that will make you the person you are and the person you will become, and just being 'that girl with acne' will be a thing of the past.

Stay strong, get stronger and don't let em' grind you down


Thank you, thank you, thank you. I do feel acne has made me stronger of a person. If I had to tell someone a POSITIVE thing from having acne, it's that it made me more kind towards others with flaws. It made me more humble, it made me more respectful when speaking to others and about others. It made me very very careful not to say anything that could hurt a persons feelings, because I know too well that feeling and I just could never voluntarily do it to someone else. & it made me realize just how human everyone is, and insecure and scared everyone is, even if they seem perfect on the outside. I will never understand why people have chosen to speak to me so rude, why it seems they were actually TRYING to see if they could break me. Usually people seem to have tact about these things, but maybe it's because I am intelligent and have a personality, it offends them somehow. Maybe they expect me to hide in a corner. I will never know, because I never do anything to cause someone to just straight out spew hurtful shit at me. I am always very polite towards people, often quiet. The damage from words is really hard. It warps your mind so you start seeing what they see, and you think it's the truth. You think you are just as they say. It takes a lot to make yourself realize why what they say is wrong and that they are the ugly ones.

I just hope I can find a solution to improve my scars, so that can really shut the assholes up.


I was reading the 'What Acne Has Taken Away From Me' thread and started breaking down. I know that a lot of denial happens sometimes when you have bad skin, just so you can get through the day. I have been in denial about just how bad my skin is, and now I want to just own up to it and take it for what it is.

I had really bad acne when I was a teenager. Now it's under control, and my skin is filled with indented scarring.
I also wanted to vent. I wanted to vent on how the consequences of acne are so damn understated. How you will NEVER ever understand how it feels to live with this, until you get it. How it will consume your brain, between trying to find cures, solutions, or worrying how you look in what lighting, at what angle, at what time of day. How you rearrange your life around it. How you become a different person than how you feel inside just because you have acne. How you want to not worry about it, not be so vain or feel so defined only by your skin, but it's just really too hard sometimes, to be above it all.
And that time and and time again feeling of hopelessness, low-self esteem and incredible frustration. It's a lot of a person to take. & it's not dramatic--it's a serious, serious issue.

I have been treated like a lower-class person just because of my skin. People's face changing to a closed-off, cold sneer when they glance over my skin in a conversation. People with no filter, saying the rudest things about my skin in the worst way possible. One time I walked out of a job, crying, because the manager left and it was just me and the rest of my coworkers--a group of young, cute high school boys who snickered about me when they weren't just simply ignoring me, and finally one getting irritated with me over something so he yelled at me to get something to cover my face up with.

Sitting at a table in the cafeteria in high school and making a joke to my friend next to me, a boy who was sitting on the other side overheard and said loudly for everyone to hear, "How do you manage to be ugly, not funny, AND have acne, all at the same time?"

Having a crush tell me he would kiss me, but only if I paid him a dollar, because, according to him, I was 'cute' but not 'that cute' and 'you have acne'.

My stepdad, during an argument, yelling to me, "Why don't you just put a hand on either side of your face and just squeeze? Because all you are is just one big ZIT." And also later asking why I was still a virgin because, 'Boys that age will f__ ANYTHING!" and asking me multiple times why I didnt just end it and kill myself.

My mom walking into my room when I had makeup off and loudly asking, with the biggest disgusted look on her face, 'UGH, Why does your skin look EVEN WORSE?"

Working alone at my job in the mall one night, when a strange drunk man sits down and trys to talk to me and asks if I smoke. When I replied no, he looked surprise and said, "Oh, because that usually causes all those holes in peoples faces." (Rudely pointing out my scarring)

Not wanting to go to the beach, fear of the sun highlighting all the scars and washing away makeup. Not wanting to even look a guy in the eye in a public place, let alone start a relationship with one and let down enough guards to trust that they don't care about your skin. Feeling inadequate as a female because you are not 'pretty' enough because your skin is not smooth and clear. That feeling where you feel like your skin looks pretty good and so you dress up a little, head out somewhere, and then see yourself in the mirror somewhere and realize you just look like a scarred mess with nice clothing. That feeling that comes after of wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere and be invisible. CONSTANTLY, and I mean, CONSTANTLY, worrying about how your skin. Hating that side mirror on the car, hating overcast days, hating those photobooths at arcades, hating the bathroom mirror, hating doctor's offices, getting your haircut and keeping your eyes downcast just so you don't start crying in the middle of it at how bad you look. Feeling like everything in your life is dictated by your skin, like you are the only one dealing with this, embarrassed to even seek help because it means having your skin examined up close. Embarrassed to travel, constantly worrying about reapplying makeup, having nightmares about not being able to get to my makeup and people seeing me barefaced.
Spending way too much time and money and anxiety on testing new products, new methods. Realizing the only worthwhile ones are the ones that require money and downtime you probably can't afford to give.

I 100% know that the depression and anxiety and brutally low self-esteem are caused just because I had acne and now, acne scarring and I feel like I will never be myself and never live my life fully because of this holding me back.

Today I am so so upset and hopeless feeling. Browsing these boards always makes me feel less alone, so much more hopeful, and wanting to help someone else who might even have it worse. I wish I knew more people with this problem, I know it would help a lot with these negative thoughts I have.
I have been on this board a long time, but am just now getting more involved in it. Any friend requests are welcome, it helps a lot to share experiences!


This is such a sad story. =( I understand exactly how you feel even though I havent been going through this for very long.

I feel sad about a lot of things, words from the past float up from time to time and the pain is as fresh as when it happened. Feels like a sudden punch in the stomach, I remember the heat that rises all the way up your body, the tears that instantly come up, the humiliation. It can still make me cry, to this day. But I am really overcoming it, in the best way I can and I think it will only benefit me in the long run. Make me evolve myself into the best I can be.

Your story legitimately broke my heart. The thing that really sticks with me is how people have been so callous to you throughout your life. I'm shocked by some of the horrible things people have said to you. I'm so very sorry that you've had to go through that. I hope that you have supportive people in your life now, because dealing with acne and scarring is bad enough, you don't need people dragging you down with heartless comments.

Just remember this: You have persevered. While others would bend and break if they were to experience acne for just ONE day, you've gone through life dealing with it. It's made you stronger. It's given you the courage to face the world and endure. You're still fighting, and screw anyone ignorant enough to make cruel comments. They're probably unhappy about their own miserable lives so they look to take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it.

You're an incredibly beautiful girl. On the inside and the outside. You're brave and you're strong, and there are a ton of opportunities out there for you. Don't let anything stop you from seizing them.

I really appreciate this. I appreciate all of these comments, I have heard more kind words on here than I have heard in my life from people I know. The callousness of people have really done a lot of damage to how I see people, the lack of trust I am able to have in people, the way I see myself. It's all pretty rooted into my mind, after years of hearing things like this. I mostly now just prefer to not bring up my skin, so friends and family just don't mention it, and I don't mention it. So I never hear positive things about it. It's either ignoring the problem, the 'elephant in the room', praying someone doesn't say something and make me feel embarassed, or them saying something and making me feel 2 feet tall. I am my own biggest support to tell you the truth, but I know if I look harder, I can find the people out there who aren't completely shallow and stupid and know how to treat a person the right way.

I just still can't believe what people what have said to you. It's unreal how thoughtless people can be. I firmly believe that when people like your stepdad, people at school, and whoever makes comments about your skin, are secretly insecure and are unhappy with their OWN lives, that they have to put others down to make themselves feel better.

We are all human. No one is perfect. The fact that people still have to point out others flaws that are showing 24/7 is beyond me. It's those insensitive fucks that really get me pissed off. Personally, if someone was to say to me what they have said to you, I would punch them straight in the mouth. No joke. I know it's emotionally draining to deal with all that, but have you ever stood up for yourself and fought back (verbally)? If someone makes a rude comment to you about your skin, say "fuck you" and go off and them. Show them who's boss. That's my personality and what I would do.

I feel for you. I really do. Your a beautiful girl and you deserve nothing short of a great life, and I hope you can find happiness despite what flaws you may have with your skin.


Thank you again. I really don't fight back, because I am too embarassed to say anything or I just have to remove myself from the situation so I can be alone to cry and recover. It seriously is like being punched. I can cry so easily if someone says something mean to me about it, because it's my biggest insecurity, and one I always pray no one mentions or notices. Then when they do, I feel lower than shit. So low. So I usually just cower from people who say something, when really I need to embarass them. Make them feel ashamed for how cruel they are. Point out all of their flaws. Just because they don't have MY particular flaw, they think they are better....people like that desperately need a mirror held up to them. So they can see how it feels to have their flaws noticed and thrown at them to belitte them.
Definitely these people are miserable human beings, that need to put others down to feel better. I don't know why my whole life I seem to be surrounded by more than most people :/

#14 k3tchup

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 10:05 PM


So i read your post and i sat for 5 mins wondering, how do i reply, how do i conformt this severly damaged and broken person and how in the hell do i inspire hope or say anything along those lines and make it all believable... well I can't.

But what i can do is extend a hand and say that if you ever want someone to talk to for whatever reason, i'm hear and the whole community behind me as well. And you're not alone.


I know the pain, i know the feeling of being totally ruled by acne and the helpless feeling that gradually takes over. I've been there to the point that the only option was to stop living as life was a chore and i was tired of living it. I've let it dominate me exactly the ways you have described. And you are so right, only those that have truly suffered do they know that exact pain. It is life altering and one of the main reasons i avoid mirros-anywhere except my own bathroom. Sad really...


It really sucks ass when you meet your classmates, the same classmates you will share for a year or more and you look terrible. Whats even worse was when i had to demonstrate a skill on one (of my classmates) and how uncomfortable you are so close to them and then having the instructor watch you.
I forgot to mention that im going to school to be a nurse...

And i must digress.... this is the one thing in life that has been the motivation for me to continue, to continue through the hell i have been both from acne, abusive childhood, divorce of my parents, moving to a new town/school, dealing with Alcoholic parent- one that sends back a holiday card with a message that just makes you want to die. So yes, all that aside this is my motivator. I want to be a nurse so bad, i want that degree, that title, that honor, and that opporunity to do something good with my life.

This is what i fight for. And i guess i say the same to you. All the details, all the past memories, all the bullshit is just that-bullshit- it does not matter in the end. it just matters that you got there (where ever there may be for you, for me its my passion for nursing). So i say to you, i know its hard, i know it sucks, but you gotta believe in something or someone or some idea to get through this. Its great that you are accepting that is like anything else is a disease if you will, but do not dwell on it more than you have to.After that its time for intervention, do something for it. What are you using, what are you doing, what type of skin do you have, what can you do to help your self. And then do it. If at first you dont succeed...An utterly annoying statement but that is life. Keep going.

I am testiment that this "terrible stroke of luck, bad set of cards, ect" does not last. I am making my way once again to being clear. It has been an extremely long and difficult road but i keep going. It will turn around.


I guess it would help if I had something I really felt passionate about to distract me or motivate me, to take up more space in my mind than my worrying about my skin. Right now I feel I am just still on the search for it. I think helping people always makes you feel lighter and better about YOURSELF. It takes your mind off you, you, you. I would love to be in the medical field, but I am really not suited for it. Being a dermatologist seems so perfect, you know, helping someone I know firsthand would be an amazing job. I have to research more. I know I want to do something that helps others, it just makes you feel so much better and active and appreciated.

You sound really strong, and have the same mindset I have had to develop to deal with the hand I have been dealt. But being a strong person doesn't mean nothing gets to you, nothing hurts. I always need time to reboot myself, especially after being in a particularly humiliating situation. I know I have gotten good at self-soothing. But this community is amazing...the empathy is really healing. I appreciate it.


The strong survive to see another day. But i can't agree more, just because i eat nails and piss naplam(not really, but ya get the point) doesn't mean im immune to emotional, psychological, or physical hurt. As i am. We [me in particular] become numb to society, numb to others, and ourselves. Our emotions are on a different level and don't always predict how we feel. I know when people ask me how im doing i say "fine" even though im having a terrible day or if its a good day i still say "fine" because i give myself no gratitude as my self worth is beyond low at times. And to tell ya the truth i havent felt "happy" in years. I used to despise that word and now i don't even know what it is or what it feels like. And im basically clear, however the emotional and mental damage is done- though i cannot totally blame that on acne alone as my own childhood situation had a bigger part in ALL of that too..

A distraction, passion, something to get your mind of "me" helps. I guess we all have our coping mechanisms. This is mine. I really wish ya luck =)

Edited by k3tchup, 03 September 2012 - 10:06 PM.


#15 OutdoorWoman

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 09:58 AM

I have had rude comments about my skin and acne as well. We cannot help our acne. We try and try to treat it but it STILL comes back. Mine for 44 years. I've told my husband that if someone says something about my skin again. I WILL reply with a personal attack about their appearance. Especially if they are overweight. Which IS a preventable condition. We don't make such comments about people with disabilities, and other conditions, why do people feel free to comment about those who SUFFER and I mean SUFFER from Acne or other skin conditions?!!! Private constructive comments are OK, (pre-asked) but to make thoughtless comments that we are inferior or dirty, or do things to aggravate our skin is beyond rudeness. I feel that we need to start SUING people when they do this. Just like people have sued over race or disability comments.

#16 blissbalance

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Posted 21 September 2012 - 08:27 PM

People are so damn insensitive. This world is a horrible place. It's not like we chose to have acne and scarring. Especially coming from boys (not men, because men wouldn't ridicule your skin), their comments hurt, even if you know they're immature a-holes. When I was a little kid I NEVER imagined feeling this way, I thought I would be having the time of my life but it's the exact opposite. I know we have the power to choose how we feel, but it's a serious confidence killer looking in the mirror to a face infested in red bumps and scarring.

#17 rentedname

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Posted 23 September 2012 - 02:21 AM

i think confidence is key. i have been getting a lot of stares at my forehead recently, but it doesn't faze me and when other people see that they move on and stop caring. if i met you and you were confident and sexy, i would have no qualms about dating you. the scarring is definitely an issue to guys but YOU are the one who determines how much it matters.

to me, the answer is to let go of things that are out of your control and to do the best you can for those that are under your control. then you can sit back and say, i did my best. what else do you want from me? if they can't empathize, then fuck you very much Posted Image

Edited by rentedname, 23 September 2012 - 02:22 AM.


#18 sts

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Posted 25 September 2012 - 03:49 PM

I can so relate to you. I am 58 and still dealing with the after effects of acne not only as a teenager but as an adult. I read your blog & feel every single emotional feeling you said you have. I never go to hairdressers or near any make up counters. I never went to doctors when i was younger because I didn't want them to see my skin. I hate going outside night or day. I hate overhead lighting even in my own house.
. I hate family affairs or any other social activity. I never go into public bathrooms to avoid mirrors. I get such anxiety when I have to go somewhere. I put make up on then take it off then put it back on then off again.. Make up seems to only exagerate my scars or looks too cakey.
When I have to go out I look at everyones cheeks. I don't see faces anymore, just cheeks. I look at tv & try to find a mark somewhere on their face. It seems no one has scars. I hate make up commercials. I can't believe theres nothing out there to fill a scar.
My scars are all indented. At 53 I went for a laser resurfacing. I thought finally I can hold my head up. But I came out worse than when I went in. I was left with rolling scars & now a deep square dent along with scars around the scars. I lost 30 lbs from all the anxiety. I can't sleep. I tried fraxel 5 times, perfecta, affirm, every home made remedy & every over the counter cream you can think of. I feel I missed out on so much in life. All the doctors say is go see a theripist so I did & she made me feel worse. She asked me, "so what will you do if you have to live with them forever?" I thought she was going to give me hope instead of making me feel worse. I thought she would at least give me hope.
I would be such a different person if I had good skin. People with nice skin have absolutly no idea how bad skin can effect your life. They take it for granted. My friends gave up on me, they say I'm a hermit & I am. All I do is look in the mirror & search sites how to get rid of pitted or indented scars. Now I'm on meds for anxiety. I have good & bad days. The resurfacing was 5 yrs ago so I've been having treatments for the last few years that makes you stay in & then after getting your hopes up it's back to the same old thing. The dents are still there. I tried needleing. I think it works just as good as some lasers but again you have to stay in from all the red patches & it takes so long to get results but I will try it again.. Now I have my sons wedding coming up & I haven't slept in months thinking about it. I hate to say it but I can't wait til it's over. I feel ugly no matter what great outfit I have on. I tried dermaflage & it is good but it's expensive & hard to do every day for so many scars. I'm so tired of thinking about my skin every minute of every day esp since the resurfacing. I've also had fillers that I haven't been happy with. Spending thousands when it could go to a nice vacation or things for my family. My husband has been an angel but I know he's tired of hearing me day after day. I'm so sad inside. I'm not me. I get quiet, I don't even want to talk a lot of times cause I'm thinking of my skin. I could give so much more if I felt good about myself. I've spent thousands but hiding indented scars doesn't really work. If I had dark spots there are foundations that you can use but indented scars is a whole different ball game. I keep thinking in the future they'll have something but I won't be here to see it. I wish I could make something to help people like us. Some kind of a primer you can smooth on & it would make your scars dissapear. I even wrote to Dermaflage about it. Maybe Dermaflage will work for you. For me I have way too many & not enough money to keep up with it. I just had Sculptra put in to make my face fuller but that takes months to grow so I'm still waiting.
Don't give up. We are here with you & feeling the same feelings you are. My mother was no help either. When I had acne she didn't want to spend a dime on me for the doctors. She would sit me in a chair with a hairpin & push the pimples out which gave me a lot of the scars. It hurt so bad. The only thing I can say to do exfoliate & put a primer on twice.. I just found a primer called Benifit Pore Professional & an exfoliate called Cure Aqua. It's on youtube. It takes the dead skin cells off really easy, falls off in balls. Also a consealer called Hello Flawless by Benefits. Their not miracle workers but they help. There's also a guy on you tube, look up Enkore. He has indented scars & tells you how you can help fill them in a bit with makeup. My heart goes out to you & all us scar sufferers. Maybe one day we'll hear something that can help us all, I just hope it's during my lifetime. And when people look at your scars & have the nerve to say something think to yourself, FU.Your no prize either.
Your beautiful, just think to yourself maybe their not looking at my scars but how pretty I am. I know it's hard. But there are some people who can see past the physical defects we all have. Remember no one is perfect. Vent as much as you want, esp to me. I feel your pain & have been there probably a lot longer than you. Let me know if you find anything that helps & I'll do the same. Just know you ARE NOT ALONE. xo

#19 MJRI94

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Posted 25 September 2012 - 04:01 PM

Wow, there is a lot of hurt in that post. Huge respect to you for getting through those experiences. Never give up.

#20 CherrySoda08

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Posted 30 September 2012 - 12:23 AM

I was reading the 'What Acne Has Taken Away From Me' thread and started breaking down. I know that a lot of denial happens sometimes when you have bad skin, just so you can get through the day. I have been in denial about just how bad my skin is, and now I want to just own up to it and take it for what it is.

I had really bad acne when I was a teenager. Now it's under control, and my skin is filled with indented scarring.
I also wanted to vent. I wanted to vent on how the consequences of acne are so damn understated. How you will NEVER ever understand how it feels to live with this, until you get it. How it will consume your brain, between trying to find cures, solutions, or worrying how you look in what lighting, at what angle, at what time of day. How you rearrange your life around it. How you become a different person than how you feel inside just because you have acne. How you want to not worry about it, not be so vain or feel so defined only by your skin, but it's just really too hard sometimes, to be above it all.
And that time and and time again feeling of hopelessness, low-self esteem and incredible frustration. It's a lot of a person to take. & it's not dramatic--it's a serious, serious issue.

I have been treated like a lower-class person just because of my skin. People's face changing to a closed-off, cold sneer when they glance over my skin in a conversation. People with no filter, saying the rudest things about my skin in the worst way possible. One time I walked out of a job, crying, because the manager left and it was just me and the rest of my coworkers--a group of young, cute high school boys who snickered about me when they weren't just simply ignoring me, and finally one getting irritated with me over something so he yelled at me to get something to cover my face up with.

Sitting at a table in the cafeteria in high school and making a joke to my friend next to me, a boy who was sitting on the other side overheard and said loudly for everyone to hear, "How do you manage to be ugly, not funny, AND have acne, all at the same time?"

Having a crush tell me he would kiss me, but only if I paid him a dollar, because, according to him, I was 'cute' but not 'that cute' and 'you have acne'.

My stepdad, during an argument, yelling to me, "Why don't you just put a hand on either side of your face and just squeeze? Because all you are is just one big ZIT." And also later asking why I was still a virgin because, 'Boys that age will f__ ANYTHING!" and asking me multiple times why I didnt just end it and kill myself.

My mom walking into my room when I had makeup off and loudly asking, with the biggest disgusted look on her face, 'UGH, Why does your skin look EVEN WORSE?"

Working alone at my job in the mall one night, when a strange drunk man sits down and trys to talk to me and asks if I smoke. When I replied no, he looked surprise and said, "Oh, because that usually causes all those holes in peoples faces." (Rudely pointing out my scarring)

Not wanting to go to the beach, fear of the sun highlighting all the scars and washing away makeup. Not wanting to even look a guy in the eye in a public place, let alone start a relationship with one and let down enough guards to trust that they don't care about your skin. Feeling inadequate as a female because you are not 'pretty' enough because your skin is not smooth and clear. That feeling where you feel like your skin looks pretty good and so you dress up a little, head out somewhere, and then see yourself in the mirror somewhere and realize you just look like a scarred mess with nice clothing. That feeling that comes after of wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere and be invisible. CONSTANTLY, and I mean, CONSTANTLY, worrying about how your skin. Hating that side mirror on the car, hating overcast days, hating those photobooths at arcades, hating the bathroom mirror, hating doctor's offices, getting your haircut and keeping your eyes downcast just so you don't start crying in the middle of it at how bad you look. Feeling like everything in your life is dictated by your skin, like you are the only one dealing with this, embarrassed to even seek help because it means having your skin examined up close. Embarrassed to travel, constantly worrying about reapplying makeup, having nightmares about not being able to get to my makeup and people seeing me barefaced.
Spending way too much time and money and anxiety on testing new products, new methods. Realizing the only worthwhile ones are the ones that require money and downtime you probably can't afford to give.

I 100% know that the depression and anxiety and brutally low self-esteem are caused just because I had acne and now, acne scarring and I feel like I will never be myself and never live my life fully because of this holding me back.

Today I am so so upset and hopeless feeling. Browsing these boards always makes me feel less alone, so much more hopeful, and wanting to help someone else who might even have it worse. I wish I knew more people with this problem, I know it would help a lot with these negative thoughts I have.
I have been on this board a long time, but am just now getting more involved in it. Any friend requests are welcome, it helps a lot to share experiences!


Thanks so much for sharing your story. It really touched me, and my heart aches for you. I have such a difficult time fathoming how one's parents can treat their child as awfully as yours have. Granted, I know it was your stepdad who said some of those cruel things, but nontheless you are a young woman who should be loved and built up. Not torn down. I wish I could give you a big hug right now, in hopes that it might ease the pain that you've gone through.

As a young woman who's suffered through cystic acne, I feel as if I can closely relate to your story. My advice is to continue doing what you've talked about in your other thread; seeing a dermatologist that you trust, and maintaining a healthy diet. I wish I would have read this story earlier, so I could have gotten a clearer picture of what you have had to endure. Posted Image I can thankfully say that I've never had to suffer emotionally from the taunts of others, and the verbal abuse of my family because of acne or scarring.

If you'd ever like to have a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on about your struggles with acne, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me. How is your scar journey going as of now?

Take care of yourself. You deserve to be at peace and have contentment in regard to your scars.

Cherry

Edited by CherrySoda08, 05 October 2012 - 01:00 AM.