11 replies to this topic

[Jacinthaa]

Hi guys!

So I'm just wondering if there are more people out here who have this condition called body dysmorphic disorder, and to be more specific: acne dysmorphia.

I've been recently diagnosed with acne dysmorphia, and to be honest, it's ruïning my whole life.

Just a quick history:

I never had acne as a young teenager, maybe some clogged pores on my t-zone, but nothing red or inflamed. It still bothered the hack out of me, and so I went to my doctor for the first time. She prescribed me some erythromycine-gel which cleared me up beautifully for about a year.
So when I turned 15 I became resistant to it, and I got benzyolperoxide. Again, it cleared me up beautifully for about a year. When I turned 17, I started getting some inflamed bumps high on my cheekbones (still nothing serieus, but it bothered me anyways). On a bad skinday I would have a red bump on both sides of my cheekbones, and maybe 1 or 2 pimples on my chin/forehead. So still, nothing serious, don't know if you can even call it "acne".

When I turned 18 I started BC (microgynon) and that's when my skin EXPLODED. I had all these pimples on my jawline, and sore bumps around my nose and on my forehead. I was so depressed and went to the dermatologist. She prescribed me minocycline 200mg, differin, and erythromycine gel, and my face cleared up to nearly perfect in 1 month (during that month I never left the house because I was so ashamed and depressed). After 4 months I slowely weaned myself of minocycline and kept using differin and erythromycine. In 2 months my skin got from perfect to again, pimply.

This whole time, from when I turned 17, to now (almost 19), i've been SO obsessed with my skin, and right now I'm extremely depressed.
I started marvelon BC a couple of weeks ago because of heavy periods, and my skin exploded (even my back and chest got pimples, and sore cysts on my chin). Been off marvelon now for about 2 weeks and my skin is still recovering from yet again an outbreak from BC.

I know my skin isn't horrible, and I know I don't have bad acne, but it's só depressing. I'm not leaving my house anymore, and my life sucks at the moment. I have so many friends and such a sweet family, but all my concerns go to my skin. I feel so ugly and ashamed of myself, I can't even look my own parents in the eye because I'm afraid of what they might think of my skin. It's just so sad, cuz I think I'm really pretty if my skin is good

So obviously I started seeking for psychological help, and I'm starting a special Body dysmorphic disorder therapy in October. Untill then I have to cope with my skin. I seriously don't know what to do now, going back on antibiotics, or going on BC (yasmin or diane 35). What do you all think?

So yeah, I'm just looking for some encouragement, and people who know what I'm going through. Cause frankly, I don't think my parents even understand what it's like to feel só bad about yourself.

[Sasch83]

I think i have this at times so i can relate to you. I make plans around my acne outbreak and it sucks. I go to therapy but weirdly enough, this is one issue i do NOT bring up - its like my own personal embarrassment. My acne is bad FOR ME but it could be worse. Glad you are getting help for it.

I find that once i am out and about, i pretty much forget about my acne so my advice to you is:

get up and go

Avoid mirrors, they are liars and the devil

[PaulH85]

My doctor never diagnosed BDD but we did talk about it and it was something I also discussed in cognitive therapy sessions last year. We concluded that my main issue was my acne and that I definitely had things out of proportion there. That was when I found out about acne dysmorphia.

It started out when I was thirteen I suppose, back when my acne became more noticeable. I just kind of went along with it but bullies at school targeted me and made a big issue out of my skin. From then onwards, it heightened the amount of focus I put on my skin and changed how I viewed myself. After that, any blemish was potentially a reason for me to be targeted in school so it felt like it was all-or-nothing. Over time, the context of that approach evolved and it was applied to whether or not I left the house or went out with friends, etc.; if my skin was alright then I'd carry on, but more often than not I didn't like it so I just hid away. Aside from battling through at work and stuff like that, things are still that way and have been for about eight years now.

My skin is generally fine these days because I brought my acne under control, but the feelings are just the same and they're ultimately what influence my actions so that's still how I define myself and that lack of confidence and those huge insecurities about my skin and appearance overall dictate the things I'll do. I dropped off the radar during that time so don't really have any friends anymore, but it does present huge barriers where getting out and meeting people is concerned because I feel like everyone left me behind years ago and I always feel so inexperienced and out of my depth.

In terms of advice, Jacinta, the biggest thing I can offer is with regards to how you view yourself in the mirror. Don't stand right up to it, take a step back, and make sure you view your face as a whole rather than focusing in on one thing negatively. It's all about trying to keep things in perspective. If your issue is with how people may view you and that gets to you because you're not totally sure what it is they see, if there's anyone you're close to and you're curious as to how they see you, ask them. That's something my doctor suggested to me and I've tried it a couple of times. I usually find that it gets me thinking because the way I view myself and the way other see me seem to be polar opposites. The more you expose yourself to that opposite - a positive view - the more you'll start to belive it.

[Andreaw30]

I can totally understand what you are going through. I have even stayed home from hanging out with my friends because of minor acne breakouts. Im 18 years old and my skin has never been very bad but i have been dealing with acne on and off for about 4 years. I really recommend spironolactone. I first heard about it through a friend who was taking it and she had amazing results. I started taking it about 2 months ago and i had an awful initial breakout. My skin has improved a lot and my derm said it will only get better. Im really happy with my decision to get off birth control and switch over, mainly because bc has been linked to side effects:( But i hope you see improvement in whatever you decide to do to clear your skin!

[Jacinthaa]

Wow, thanks guys!

It's just that nobody has éver seen me with acne on my face. When I was young I had maybe like 1 or 2 pimples, which aren't noticable if you put a little bit of conceiler on it. So it's like my whole life people saw me as the girl with no acne whatsoever, and now it's like BAM ACNE on my face.

Maybe something important: I started to get some more acne when I turned 17, and that was the time when I gained weight. Before that I was about 5ft5 and I weight aprox. 105lbs. So yeah I was very thin, primarely because I had such a busy lifestyle with many sports and activities. When I turned 17 I thought it was about time that I gained some weight and became more feminen! So I put on about 15lbs, and that's when I started to get skinproblems, and I DID eat healthy. So that's when I recently thought about my hormones. I've always had very irregular periods when I was underweight, it even stayed out for about a year. Now it's back FULL force and it must be my hormones just being out of control.

Sasch12 I try to do things but I just feel só bad about myself. Luckily I have the best friends, so they're coming over tomorrow. I'm flipping out because my skin is ruined

Paul, that sounds aweful! It's so depressing when people bully you with acne, because everyone knows it's something you can't controll. I've never been bullied but I can totally relate to the sucky-feeling you must have had in highschool.
I try to look past my skin in the mirror, but I just can't. When I get up in the morning I feel okay, but when I take a shower and looked at myself in the mirror I just burst down in tears. It's so horrible, and I really don't know what to do anymore.. My psychologist sais that if I start therapy, I'm not allowed to use any acne-medications because they want you to focus on something else than your face. So that freaks me out, because I don't know what my skin will be like if I stop everything.. They just want you to cope with the worst skin you can have, so when it gets better, you're on top of the world.

My best friends all know about my problem, and my lovely girly told me that many girls would want to have my skin. But the only thing I can think of is "oh but you haven't seen me with the skin I have NOW, so you'll probably say that because I had nice skin a month ago..)
I lost my boyfriend over this problem. He just didn't understand and I didn't want to put him through all of this, so I broke things off. And to make matters worse, a girl who I thought was my friend, is hooking up with him. That's just so wrong and I feel as down as I can be right now. Just defeated and lost.

I'm so proud that you found some way to deal with your skin, and awesome that you got it under control! I hope that therapy starts soon, and that I can be myself again. Cause frankly, I really don't know myself anymore. I don't recognize anything about myself. I'm ususally not a down person, but it's all I can be lately.

Andreaw30,
Great that your skin is clearing up! In my country we don't have spiro, so that's not an option. Therefore I'm just researching yasmin and diane35, cause they seem to help with skinproblems.

[Clearwaters]

I have body dysmorphic disorder. I was diagnosed at 14 and I just turned 25. It's a crushing and debilitating disorder that's brought me to the brink of my life a number of times. I do have actual skin issues and a moderate acne problem but the anxiety, depression and obsession of body dysmorphia has turned these relatively mild and common complaints into a hellish living nightmare.

I suspect there may quite a few people with Bdd on these boards, wellat least bdders with a skin fixation. Its hard to know for sure though, because the real emotion struggles of acne aren't too dissimilar to that of Bdd. The difference bring with Bdd it becomes all consuming, irrational, clinically severe etc.

[QuietJamie14]

I know what you’re going through.

This is something I’ve been wondering about lately. To be honest, I’m not sure what I’m dealing with anymore – acne or acne dysmorphia? I definitely had moderate/bad acne in my late teens and was prescribed tablets for it by the doctor. But now, in my late twenties, the acne has certainly cleared up a lot (but I also suffer with dry skin and scarring which complicates matters).

My friends and family always reassure me that my skin isn’t that bad, that they can hardly notice it, etc. But I don’t know whether to believe them or not. I went to my GP again recently for an objective opinion and she noticed that my skin was quite dry, but didn’t mention my acne and said that my scarring was too mild to receive treatment. On the other hand, I’ve been single for so long that I know there must be something unattractive about me, and usually lay the blame on my skin.

Sometimes I try to look at my reflection in the mirror as if I’m a stranger and I can say that, well, acne isn’t necessarily the first thing I’d notice - it doesn't 'leap out' at me, so to speak! But then I see my reflection in bright lighting or close up and my skin looks horrible and I feel angry that those people who reassured have been lying to me. The fluctuation in how well my skin behaves, and the difference that good or bad lighting makes, means it’s hard to form a consistent opinion of myself.

I’m not sure how to move forward with this really, whether my issues are psychological or whether I do need to see a dermatologist. Then again, will I ever be happy with my skin now that acne has made me obsessed with it?

I think that perhaps, for a lot of us, there is a continuum between acne and acne dysmorphia and that, once a bad breakout makes you focus on your skin above all other features, it’s difficult to maintain a ‘healthy’ and balanced view of your own appearance.

[Jacinthaa]

Clearwaters just wondering, did you ever take accutane? I know I'm not allowed to because my acne is very mild, but with moderate acne and such psychological problems, you must be allowed to take accutane aren't you? I must say, I'm so proud of you for coping with BDD for such a long time. I don't know if I can take the psychological pressure thát long. I agree with having a thin line between the psychic pressure of acne and acne dysmorphia.
A friend of mine, who has quite some hormonal chin and jaw-acne, doesn't seem to be bothered about it. To me, she's still beautiful but I wouldn't agree having it myself. So I guess that's about having acne dysmorphia and not accepting your skin.

I really do hope that you'll learn to live with yourself and your skin, and actually be quite happy about it. Have hope!

Quietjaimie14I think that you should always listen to outsiders. To me people with acne dysmorphia can't look objectively to themselves. That's why it's so important to rely on opinions of others (atleast to me that's important) So if they don't see that much acne, and if even your dermatologist didn't mention it, then I guess you can say that your acne is ór extremely mild, or just not that noticable

Oooooh and lightning, I know all about it! I don't look at myself in the bathroom-mirror cause the light there is bright yellow/orange, so anything red on your face will stand out. I totally know where you're coming from. I think you should just take 1 mirror in your house, in the light where you prefer, and keep that one as a check-up. That's what I'm doing, and it seems to help. I can understand your confusion, so maybe it's just time to ask for a professional opinion if your skin is really bothering you.





So guys today went a little better I've got an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow, and we'll discuss some acne treatments and medications for my moodswings. Feeling a little bit more positive today

[Jacinthaa]

So I'm feeling better and better about my face.
Sadly I had 2 mosquitobites in my face yesterday, but they died down and aren't red anymore this morning, you can't see them

Also I went to the doctor yesterday, for my heavy periods and the fact that my skin gets WACKO the week before and during my period.
She sais Yasmin BC is a really good option, because it's a light pill and perfect for light to mild acne. So I got the real Yasmin-brand BC and I started yesterday.
So far no good, no side effect


Also, I did something I would NEVER do yesterday. I've been reading all these positive messages on this board, and I just thought: what the heck, maybe I'm sad, maybe I don't feel like doing anything, I'm just gonna GO do something. So I went to the cinema with 3 friends, and it was a lot of fun You couldn't even see the mosquito bites because they were like on my temples, so my hair covered them.

A dear girlfriend of mine, who I saw yesterday, also had a big break-out on her face. She had beautifull blemish-free skin during highschool, but once she went on Microgynon BC her skin went wacko aswell. Although she doesn't like it, she doesn't even wanna stop. Her face doesn't bother her that much, and she's just not keen on trying another BC.

I'm so PROUD of her, and I envy her aswell, wish I had the balls to not give a damn about my face.

Will keep you guys posted with my experiences on Yasmin BC!

[Faded12]

So I'm feeling better and better about my face.
Sadly I had 2 mosquitobites in my face yesterday, but they died down and aren't red anymore this morning, you can't see them

Also I went to the doctor yesterday, for my heavy periods and the fact that my skin gets WACKO the week before and during my period.
She sais Yasmin BC is a really good option, because it's a light pill and perfect for light to mild acne. So I got the real Yasmin-brand BC and I started yesterday.
So far no good, no side effect


Also, I did something I would NEVER do yesterday. I've been reading all these positive messages on this board, and I just thought: what the heck, maybe I'm sad, maybe I don't feel like doing anything, I'm just gonna GO do something. So I went to the cinema with 3 friends, and it was a lot of fun You couldn't even see the mosquito bites because they were like on my temples, so my hair covered them.

A dear girlfriend of mine, who I saw yesterday, also had a big break-out on her face. She had beautifull blemish-free skin during highschool, but once she went on Microgynon BC her skin went wacko aswell. Although she doesn't like it, she doesn't even wanna stop. Her face doesn't bother her that much, and she's just not keen on trying another BC.

I'm so PROUD of her, and I envy her aswell, wish I had the balls to not give a damn about my face.

Will keep you guys posted with my experiences on Yasmin BC!

Just a heads up I was prescribed Yaz ( Yasmin's sister pill) and although it cleared my skin significantly, I had the absolute worst side effects from it. It made me severely depressed with suicidal thoughts and made me have constant ringing in the ears and dizziness. I was so desperate to have clear skin. that the fact that I discontinued this medicine even though I was seeing great results says a lot...

[Jacinthaa]

Ahh I'll keep an eye on it! Thanks for sharing your experience

For now, nothing new. Skin is looking good, no side effects from yasmin.
1 tiny pimple on my chin, 1 pimple on my forehead, maybe some clogged pores but That's aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalll!

[geekboy]

I can relate, I've been depressed for about half a year due to my severe acne and it affected everything, my sleep(had to go to a psychologist for that), my grades, my social life. It was horrible.
However, i can safely say that it's all in the past now.

The big game changer for me was that one of my acquaintance, was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. What really struck me was that she was one year younger than me and had such a bright future ahead of her (straight A student).
Then i reflected on myself moaning about my acne, while people who are suffering from much more serious diseases are still optimistic about their lives.

Acne is an interesting disease as ultimately, you can decide how it affects your life.

When i'm caught up with my acne and notice myself getting sad, I present 2 possibilities to myself

a) I could spend my time whining and being sad about my acne and waste the best years of my life and probably regret it as HELLLL when i'm old,weak and fat
OR......
b) Just live it up and stop paying attention to my acne. Because hey, you can't have everything perfect in life right? It would be too easy ;p

I know it's easier said than done, but in a much wider perspective, acne is a a hugely common and almost all young (and even old) people go though it. Hope you chin up!