11 replies to this topic

[PrettyInside]

I really dislike the time that it takes to treat my face. In fact, it equates to sleep lost, which especially irritates me.

To clarify, I hate having to wash my face, then wait--usually a 20-minute minimum--before applying a medication like BP or a retinoid. (Heck, I give my skin time to dry before applying even a sulfur-based med., which I'm currently using.)

And if I need to use a moisturizer to combat dryness, I wait another time period before applying it over the medication. Then if I'm going out, I apply makeup, which forces me to wait before putting it over the medication/moisturizer. Gah!!!

What's really disgusting is that my husband has perfect skin, and he only washes it once daily. And he uses Lever bar soap. It feels very unfair. But I feel especially peeved that he gets more sleep simply because he doesn't need to do the song-'n-dance that I must do to keep my skin under some semblance of control.


P.I.

[ClearDreaming]

God yes! It takes me an agggeee to do my makeup with all the waiting time in between things. If I get up late, I'm late, my bf on the other hand just puts clothes on and goes. Such a joke.

[PaulH85]

Yeah! Always felt like I had to plan everything in advance and work a regimen into my schedule. I guess I resented it because I didn't see good results for a long while. That was mainly because I hadn't found the root cause of my acne, but I didn't know that at the time. It always seems like everyone else can go about their business at a moments notice without giving their skin a second thought.

I think what gets me the most is the way I let my skin influence whether I did stuff. So maybe someone would invite me somewhere in two days and I'd think, 'There's no way my skin will look alright by then', so I'd make up some lame excuse. Or I'd be getting ready for something, get really anxious about it, cancel the plans and just end up picking my face to pieces for the evening. Lost so many, many hours and missed a lot of things because of that. Turns out, it's a really hard mentality to break.

[pokeblaa]

you see, i hate that i had to experience this uglyness even in a minute of my life, yet i still experience it. my records all together are broken and flawed. i cant forgive this ever. and i cant express it because i dont know words and literal ways but to say i despise it is the same as saying flowers are very sweet. '~'

[snsdgirl14]

Ughhh, yes. Back when I had really bad acne I had an entire PROCESS of medicating my skin then doing makeup before I saw anyone for the day. And often times, I showered before it too, so factor that in and it took me like 2 hrs to get ready. My friends always made fun of me saying I was always late and took soo long to get ready. I usually just told them it's cause it takes me forever to blow dry/straighten my hair...when in reality it just took me forever to do my skin!

I still feel self conscious about my skin. And if I feel like it's bad, I won't want to do anything. I won't even want to attempt to put on makeup cause I'm afraid I'll do even that and still not like the way that I look. I'm very tired of feeling this way...letting my skin dictate what I do. One day I'm feeling happy and okay with this, the next day I'm sad and anxious and thinking "Why?" I just want to be more carefree. I'm tired of being a slave to this.

[PrettyInside]

Yeah! Always felt like I had to plan everything in advance and work a regimen into my schedule. I guess I resented it because I didn't see good results for a long while. That was mainly because I hadn't found the root cause of my acne, but I didn't know that at the time. It always seems like everyone else can go about their business at a moments notice without giving their skin a second thought.

In my original post, I forgot to mention the planning/scheduling around a face treatment regimen. I feel that pain, too. So we're losing sleep and dancing around others' (carefree) schedules. It just plain sucks.

BTW, if I may ask, what did you discover as being the cause of your acne? And how did you uncover this info.?

I think what gets me the most is the way I let my skin influence whether I did stuff. So maybe someone would invite me somewhere in two days and I'd think, 'There's no way my skin will look alright by then', so I'd make up some lame excuse. Or I'd be getting ready for something, get really anxious about it, cancel the plans and just end up picking my face to pieces for the evening. Lost so many, many hours and missed a lot of things because of that. Turns out, it's a really hard mentality to break.

I definitely know what you mean about passing up fun opportunities due to how you feel/felt about your skin from one moment to the next. I've done the same thing--and carry the same regrets. And, yes, it is very much a difficult mentality to break.

. Back when I had really bad acne I had an entire PROCESS of medicating my skin then doing makeup before I saw anyone for the day. And often times, I showered before it too, so factor that in and it took me like 2 hrs to get ready. My friends always made fun of me saying I was always late and took soo long to get ready. I usually just told them it's cause it takes me forever to blow dry/straighten my hair...when in reality it just took me forever to do my skin!

I, too, have fibbed about the reasons why I've been late due to a lengthy skin-prep. regimen. And I've also made excuses as to why I must be "made up" before anyone could see me.

I still feel self conscious about my skin. And if I feel like it's bad, I won't want to do anything. I won't even want to attempt to put on makeup cause I'm afraid I'll do even that and still not like the way that I look. I'm very tired of feeling this way...letting my skin dictate what I do. One day I'm feeling happy and okay with this, the next day I'm sad and anxious and thinking "Why?" I just want to be more carefree. I'm tired of being a slave to this.

My husband is the only man who's seen me without any makeup. I'm still self-conscious around him at times, though I know it's my own hang-up. And, yes, even the state of constant self-consciousness is tiring.

I think Paul said it best when he wrote: "It always seems like everyone else can go about their business at a moments notice without giving their skin a second thought." People with problem-free skin haven't a clue about how much time/energy we acne sufferers spend obsessing about and tweaking at our faces. If I had flawless skin, I would not wear a stitch of foundation. I'd wash/moisturize my face and go. How freeing that would be....

[PaulH85]

BTW, if I may ask, what did you discover as being the cause of your acne? And how did you uncover this info.?

Well, part of me wonders if I simply started to outgrow it. I know for sure that there were other factors and things which I can directly influence - essentially dictating whether or not I break out, rather than feeling like I have no control at all - but it did seem to naturally start to calm down towards the end of last year.

The biggest problem was that I used to pick my face constantly so there was a lot of soreness and inflammation there. That became a vicious cycle and it lasted thirteen years. Much like with breaking that mentality of letting our skin dictate things, it's hard to let go of these destructive habits, even when I know it's the total opposite of what I want to be doing. I'm sure I could have had all sorts of experiences, friendships or even relationships, had I not let the habits and the mentality control things. As it was, I let all that slide in favour of spending countless hours in front of the mirror picking my face to pieces.

The only picture I have of the damage I caused was when I promised myself I was going to clear my acne for good. That was last December. At the point of taking the picture, I was probably only dealing with mild acne, but there was a ridiculous amount of inflammation and damage from picking. I took an intolerance test and found a number of things which I was advised to cut out. Primarily, boiled milk, melted/cooked cheese, processed food, and overly spicy foods were the biggest issues. All featured heavily in my diet. I cut those and saw results straight away. Further to that, I began supplementing Vitamins A, B and D3, Zinc, and fish oil. I also take an antihistamine which I believe helps counter things should I indulge in the odd thing I'm intolerant of.

The changes brought improvements week on week and the only times it went downhill were when I gave in to the urges to pick my face. I'm much more occupied these days and having a job now means that my weekdays offer a distraction from that particular compulsion. Evenings and weekends tend to present a bit of a problem because I've literally nothing to do and nobody to spend my time with. I've even resorted to doing extra unpaid hours at work to pass the time; as lame as it may be, I'd rather that than sit at home, lonely and battling urges to pick.

I can show you the results of the eight months progress actually because I happened to have my picture taken at the weekend. As a direct comparison, here's the picture taken last December when I was ready to try and tackle the picking and get rid of all the inflammation and soreness.





I'm happy with the results and proud of the progress. I'm even more proud that I'm maintaining it because I've really had to push myself out of my comfort zone and into a new job, yet I haven't been stressed or phased by it and I haven't wanted to fall back on picking as a release. I still have my moments where I hang around in front of the mirror and I'm constantly insecure about my physical appearance, but it's something I'm just going to have to learn to accept. That lack of confidence and self-esteem and general dislike of myself on a physical level is something I've nurtured for more than half my life now, as well as it being something my dealings with school bullies and a couple of other unfortunate experiences reinforced along the way.
I've always said that when there are factors like those involved, the severity of the acne becomes irrelevant because it's then all about whether or not the person experiencing it is strong enough to hold their heard up and battle through. There are some people who carry on regardless through severe cystic acne and, equally, there are those who really struggle with any degree of perceived "imperfections". I fall into the latter category and I was so insecure that I allowed it to define and consume me.

Now I need to learn to move forward, leave all that in the past, and hopefully be lucky enough to find people I can allow into my life who like me for who I am and perhaps even appreciate my appearance. The good thing is that I can try and figure out how to make these thingshappen without being distracted by an ongoing battle with active acne.

[jennyband]

your looking so well and happy Paul! ALL THE BEST

JB

[omarcomin]

WOW! your skin looks brilliant Paul. It's great you've found what works for you, shows all of us that there is hope as long as we keep trying.

Edited by omarcomin, 02 August 2012 - 05:48 PM.

[PaulH85]

Thanks. Seems as though there are still plenty of things I don't like and I seem to constantly be at odds with my appearance anyway, no matter what my skin is doing, but I don't think it's a battle I'm going to win so maybe I'll just have to learn to accept what I've got and try and learn to be comfortable in my own skin.

[snsdgirl14]

Thanks. Seems as though there are still plenty of things I don't like and I seem to constantly be at odds with my appearance anyway, no matter what my skin is doing, but I don't think it's a battle I'm going to win so maybe I'll just have to learn to accept what I've got and try and learn to be comfortable in my own skin.

But your skin looks so beautiful! I would say you have won the battle for sure!

[PaulH85]

But your skin looks so beautiful! I would say you have won the battle for sure!

Thank you.

Pretty sure I've won the battle in terms of dealing with acne, in the sense that I don't have breakouts of acne anymore, but it's the other things I struggle with which seem to be just as difficult to overcome. What I said above about trying to overcome picking, for example; it's been the best part of two months since I picked my face but I caved today and did a bit of damage. It's not so bad at all but it makes my insecurities kick in and I hate that. Plus the physical act of it hurts and distracts me and makes me shut down and want to hide.

All started after I went out for lunch and happened to chat to a girl who clearly liked me. We talked and she was obviously flirting and being really complimentary, but it was kind of awkward for me and in the end I left without letting her know who I was or anything like that. I was thinking about going back but then I caught sight of myself in the mirror this afternoon and before I knew it I was picking at my face. I had considered going back to chat to her but there was no way I could do it. I mean, she would have surely been looking and thinking, 'Wait a minute, those blemishes weren't there a couple of hours ago...'

Yet again it's a weekend I've spent by myself, feeling down, and in that one moment where something nice happened - as pathetic as it may sound, something I haven't actually experienced before - it's like it freaked me out and so I actively went out of my way to ruin it and make myself feel bad. It's as if I do that in order to justify hiding away because I'm too scared to push myself out of my comfort zone. Goes back to what we were talking about at the start of the thread because all I've ever done is shy away from things and lose loads of time because I was too scared to face people when my skin was bad. Now, when I'm scared, I seem to revert back to those ways and replicate the skin problems by picking. I really don't know how to beat that and I know from chatting with people in online support groups for compulsive pickers that there are people twice my age dealing with this and the thought of still being stuck in these patterns in twenty-something years time just seems so depressing. I want it to stop but I don't know how to change it so that I feel better and so that I actually like what I see and, well, like being me.