16 replies to this topic

[heyanon_girlx]

when people say you're attractive, but you can't believe it because of your acne?

A person could tell me 10000 times over and over that I'm pretty but I'll never 100% feel it with my skin this way. I still think I'm "gross" and feel like I look disgusting no matter how many times I receive a compliment.

And I always wonder to myself, how amazing would my self-esteem be if I didn't have acne?!
I mean, I like my facial features. I'm sure I would be really confident if not for my skin and it kills me that there is just ONE thing holding me back from really liking myself. It's held me back for way too many years now.

Edited by heyanon_girlx, 18 July 2012 - 02:32 AM.

[nfamousjade]

Omg I know exactly how you feel! Ppl tell me how pretty i am and I cant see it because I feel like its hiding behind the acne. I'm always blinded by it, I look in the mirror and how you said I like my facial features but the acme just messes it up. One day soon i want to look in the mirror and see ME not my stupid acne. But luckily my acne isnt too bad. So I just got wait till I clear up. Good luck on clearing up too!

[QuietJamie14]

I can relate to this. I suppose I am (was?) fairly handsome 'beneath' my acne and other skin problems. I'm starting to wonder whether I have a form of acne- or skin-dysmorphia. It's not all in my mind - I really do have mild acne, and acne scarring, and some eczema, and yet other people tell me they 'didn't notice' or that 'it's only minor'. Then again, these people are usually family or friends who wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. The fact that no women ever find me attractive tells me something else.

The positive is that this condition has forced me to try and draw self-esteem and self-worth from areas other than my looks (my intelligence, creativity, integrity) which I'm hoping will stand me in good stead for the rest of my life. I'm struggling big time at the moment, however, and am thinking of seeking professional help for these feelings of worthlessness that won't go away.

[MJRI94]

Hah, funnily enough this sort of thing happened to me yesterday. I have just recently got my provisional driving license to learn how to drive and have the usual mugshot on it that they require you to take (they say to have a 'neutral' expression and you just end up looking a bit like a convict...) and a few people have said to me that I look handsome in it to which I had no idea quite how to respond so I just said 'nah...' awkwardly, thinking 'what the hell' to myself.

Its odd, before acne I had no issues with how I looked and I didn't particularly care, maybe because I was too young, I don't know. These days though I am very conscious of it, I went through a period of hating my appearance vehemently but these days its not so bad, I eventually stopped criticising my appearance so much.

You could say acne is holding you back from looking the way you want but another part of it is your mind and how you perceive yourself, being less critical and accepting takes time but it will help you out with this sort of thing, don't be so hard on yourself

[PaulH85]

I always used to shy away from such comments. Even worse, if anyone paid me a genuine compliment, I would often end up feeling offended by it and I would assume that they were making fun of me. The irony is, I think all I ever really wanted was some kind of validation physically, and for someone to say they liked what they saw. I guess because I couldn't see beyond the acne, I couldn't see how anyone else would be able to see beyond it either. It seemed safer to lash out and push people away than to risk them potentially being negative or hurting my feelings. Fact is though, we're our harshest critics and I really don't think people see us the way we see ourselves. By the same token, it doesn't take much to get the attention of others for positive reasons because letting personality shine through is the key.

[Murph89]

I can relate to this. I suppose I am (was?) fairly handsome 'beneath' my acne and other skin problems. I'm starting to wonder whether I have a form of acne- or skin-dysmorphia. It's not all in my mind - I really do have mild acne, and acne scarring, and some eczema, and yet other people tell me they 'didn't notice' or that 'it's only minor'. Then again, these people are usually family or friends who wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. The fact that no women ever find me attractive tells me something else.

The positive is that this condition has forced me to try and draw self-esteem and self-worth from areas other than my looks (my intelligence, creativity, integrity) which I'm hoping will stand me in good stead for the rest of my life. I'm struggling big time at the moment, however, and am thinking of seeking professional help for these feelings of worthlessness that won't go away.

I can relate. I suggest you go see a therapist or someone to talk to about the feeling of worthlessness. It helps me.

[Sum1killme]

I used to get angry when sum1 compliments me cause I know their lying or their only saying that shit because I have acne. They wouldn't say shit if u didn't have acne, so it's like a reminder kind of like I'm goin to try to make you feel better because of ur acne. But deep inside you know their full of shit.

[FlaggLives]

Absolutely. And the strange thing is, over the years I've had girls actually approach me and casually mention that I'm good looking or something along those lines. I just say "thanks" because I find it so hard to accept that girls think I'm attractive when I have skin issues. I've had girls ask for my phone # even when I have active breakouts, and I really don't get it. It makes me feel great, but later I look in the mirror and I wonder what they could see in me. But based on my own experiences, I think maybe we are our own worst critics, just like Paul said. Breakouts that we think are horrible could be nothing to another person talking to us and interacting with us, and that's a little shred of hope in and of itself.

Edited by FlaggLives, 18 July 2012 - 09:37 PM.

[mario90]

I always wondered what it would feel like to get a compliment on your looks. If someone ever told me that i was attractive I would probably react the same way. Being called ugly and monster these past ten years, there is no way I could believe if someone said that I 'm attractive now

[Binga]

I was so attractive that a girl even proposed me to be her boy friend. When I look back at those days it really kills me from inside.So many dreams taken away in a flash.

[Jlisondra]

well, no matter what, you're gonna want to improve your looks. i understand that you don't feel physically attractive with acne, but once you get clear skin or have awesome improvement, you might fixate on something else. we're socialized to not be completely satisfied with how we look. i'm not saying you won't think of yourself as generally attractive when your skin clears up, but there are going to be moments of physical insecurity. i know it's difficult, but try to think that people who are giving you compliments right now are sincere. even though you don't feel pretty, acknowledge that someone else does, and took the time to let you know.

[LeaveMeAlone]

Definitely. I've had a few compliments about my looks from girls a couple of times, but I always wonder if they're actually telling the truth or not. I mean, a compliment's a compliment and I'll take it, but it just makes you wonder. It really does.

[snsdgirl14]

well, no matter what, you're gonna want to improve your looks. i understand that you don't feel physically attractive with acne, but once you get clear skin or have awesome improvement, you might fixate on something else. we're socialized to not be completely satisfied with how we look. i'm not saying you won't think of yourself as generally attractive when your skin clears up, but there are going to be moments of physical insecurity. i know it's difficult, but try to think that people who are giving you compliments right now are sincere. even though you don't feel pretty, acknowledge that someone else does, and took the time to let you know.

This is sooo true. I had perfectly clear skin a month ago, for the first time in months. So when that happened, I started focusing on my weight, obsessively. I felt really insecure about my weight now that my face had cleared up. My face is still clear, but it has a new mark from a pimple on it that I've been obsessing over. So, you see, there will always be an imperfection about you that you feel insecure about.

[Jlisondra]

thanks for quoting me, but i want to stress that i'm not trying to be a know-it-all. i know i don't know many, many, things in life, but i do know what acne does. i've had mild acne for a good amount of time, but i've had severe acne before. and it makes me sad to know how difficult it is for someone with acne to believe, and accept a compliment. even though your skin isn't where you want it to be, remind yourself that you are working on it, and putting the effort to see improvement, so why shouldn't someone compliment you? yes, it's true that when someone compliments you, it's not always going to be sincere, but why dwell on someone who's being artificial when there are plenty of people who will be genuine about liking how you look with or without acne? don't let a few bad apples ruin it for you.

Edited by guacohmy, 20 July 2012 - 12:54 AM.

[Nolz]

OMG I so know the feeling! I'm basically clear now, but my hyperpigmentation is so bad that I still look pretty horrrible without make up. I was lucky I didn't get indented scars so with make up, my skin looks perfect. And people always tell me what nice skin I have and how pretty I am cos they can't see my leaopard spots underneath, and I feel like such a fraud

My boyfriend is one of the few people who ever get to see me with no make up on, and because of that I NEVER believe him when he says I'm pretty. I know he probably means it, in a biased way, cos he loves me but still..... I'm so messed up! Stupid acne!

[fplix]

I'm in the same boat; I have good facial features but my skin holds me back at times when it's on the bad side. When I'm clear I'm quite confident in myself.

[Syn1122]

I'm in the same boat; I have good facial features but my skin holds me back at times when it's on the bad side. When I'm clear I'm quite confident in myself.

no worries i have scars it will never fade D; i count you one of the lucky ones :>