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Well i’m completely new to this online forum palaver ... have never posted anything anywhere before (other than facebook!) ... so please be nice ...
The reason i’ve decided to post is to seek support / take on board some advice from likeminded people. I guess i’m also looking for a bit of sympathy! I know i’m not the only adult out there with acne, but i’m feeling quite alone, as none of my friends, colleagues or family have ever had more than a few tiny zits or blackheads (and you should hear them complain!!).
So a bit about me ... i’m almost 34, and have had acne since my mid-teens, although it is by far the worst it has ever been now. I feel like i’ve been severely ripped off – its one thing to have pimples when you’re a teen – pretty much everyone does! But you’re not supposed to have acne when you’re an adult right?!! Hhhhhmmmmmm !
In my teens and early 20s i always had pimples, mostly on my face (t-zone, chin, jawline), mostly whiteheads and small papules, sometimes pustules and rarely, horrible big blind pimples - i don’t remember ever having a day where i had completely clear skin – if i had pimples which were healing, and about to disappear, i’d be bound to wake up the next morning with a least one new bright red bump! I always felt too self conscious to leave the house without trying to cover them up with foundation / concealer (still am!), but that generally worked ok. I also would get a few pimples on my back/shoulders – not too many, but these ones were typically bigger, nodular blind pimples. I don’t remember the pimples being better or worse during specific times of my ‘cycle’- i was on the pill (Levlen) by then (sorry boys, to go there!), but everyone i spoke to said acne was a hormonal thing, so i went to the doctor and was prescribed a different pill which was supposed to help with the acne. This pill was called Diane. And it worked ... to a degree. Getting pimples on my back became a very rare occurrence. Still got them on my face, but definitely significantly less than before. I was on this pill for the better part of 10yrs, until about a year ago. I had to come off the pill, because during the time i was on it, studies came out saying that in women who have had migraine with aura (i’ve had 2 in the last 10yrs), there is a slightly increased chance of having a stroke if taking the pill ... and even though i’d been on Diane for so long, going back each year to get a repeat prescription, the doctors obviously never asked the ‘right’ questions to find out that i’d had some migraines... and then a little over a year ago the doc did ask this question and refused to prescribe the pill to me again ... i tried to argue that this was a risk i was prepared to take, given how few migraines with aura i’ve had, but the doctors didn’t agree!! I have basically been told that other than the mini pill, i cannot use oral contraceptives anymore.
Anyway, in the first few months after i came off the pill my skin got progressively worse ... really bad on my back as well as my face ... worse than what it had ever been a decade ago before i went on Diane. At first i put it down to my hormones stabilising and adjusting to not being controlled by the pill anymore ... but when i didn’t see any improvement after 4-5 months, and in fact it just got progressively worse, especially all over my back, i decided to see a GP. I was prescribed an antibiotic – doxycycline, and differin gel ... and they did diddly squat!! The GP had said to give them a go for 3 months ... so needless to say after the 3 months i went back to show him how ineffective they’d been! So we changed to another antibiotic and cream ... this time it was minocyclin, plus another cream (cant remember what that was called, but i believe it was a mixture of benzyl peroxide and a topical antibiotic ...) ... once again there was very little effect ... there was perhaps a marginal improvement on my face, but no change on my back at all. I was very disheartened by this!! You see, I’m currently single, and although am happy in most areas of my life (great relationship with family, wonderful friends, just bought a house, good challenging job etc etc), i have been single for quite a while and often feel desperately lonely
( This is made worse by the fact that i’m at an age where most of my friends and peers are settling down / married, and starting their families. This is something that i long for, and i am acutely aware of the fact that if i don’t do something about it soon(ish), i may never be able to have a family of my own. But i barely have the confidence to leave the house some days (i’ve never actually chucked a sicky because of my skin, but have certainly considered it in the last few months!), and every day i look in the mirror i want to cry ... and if i’m repulsed by what i see, how on earth can i expect some guy to feel any different ... i know looks aren’t everything, but lets face it, there has to be some initial physical attraction to get each other’s attention, so that conversations can ensue, and the guy can find out what a great personality i have ;-) I guess i’m just really worried that i’ll never meet my ‘perfect match’ because nobody is every going to find me attractive given the state of my skin! Might seem a bit dramatic or exaggerated, but i’m just putting it out there how i feel )Wow, well that felt good... very therapeutic getting it all out! Sorry, if you’ve bothered to read and found it boring!
So my current situation is that my GP referred me to a dermatologist (wow, do they charge the big bucks or what?!!), and i’ve just recently started accutane treatment, 40mg per day (i’m approx 176cm tall, 67kgs) ... i’m almost 3 weeks in. After one week there was no change in my acne, but i definitely noticed some of the mild side effects – my lips were getting dry (easily fixed with lip balm), and the skin on my arms and legs was dry, but not so much the skin on my face by this stage. Then during week two i started to get the dreaded ‘initial breakout’ on my face, as well as more dryness of my skin (everywhere) and lips, and slightly achy joints (but bearable) - although there is a slight improvement on my back ... but the worst thing is that now, in week 3, this face initial breakout is getting much worse. For the last 4 mornings i have woken up with 2 more huge nodules (forehead, chin, cheek, temple, nose) ... thats right folks, i currently have about 8 big nodules which are painful, and this is along with all of the healing marks from the smaller papules and nodules which started in week 2. This week my face feels worse than it ever has before in my nearly 34 years!! But i know i have a long way to go on the accutane treatment ... i just really hope that this treatment works for me. I have read so many blogs / posts on this and other forums where people say it has, but equally as many where people say their acne comes back, and they regret going on it at all!
So, i guess what i would like to know if anyone else has had similar experiences, especially with the worstening of the acne in the initial stages of accutane treatment ... how long did any initial breakout last for you? Have you noticed anything else which makes your skin better or worse whilst on accutane? Also, how do you combat the ‘down’ feelings / self loathing / hating what you see in the mirror (which incidentally i don’t believe are at all being ‘caused’ by the accutane, but are being caused because the state of my skin depresses me – these feelings haven’t changed in the last year, irrespective of whichever drug i’ve been on). Which foundations/concealers (ie which brands) work best, and any tricks for applying makeup to best conceal the pimples? And if you’re a guy, how much of a turn off is a women with bad skin ;-) ??
Ok, so i guess thats about it for today ...
Looking forward to hearing some responses
)*not sure what happened with the emoticons there! They were just supposed to be some sad or happy faces!!
Answered
