10 replies to this topic

[Soon2BGone]

im posting here because i feel its the only place people can let out there emotions

back in december i stayed over at a friends house , it was getting late and time for me to sleep i washed my face with my soap but had forgotten to pack my vaseline , so i asked him if he had any " Yeahh its in the container next to the shampoo "
there were 2 containers both blue
what i thought was vaseline i put over my face only to wake up 7 hours later to feel 1 side of my face burning slightly and the other side under my eye completely completely red .

When i asked my mate what the fuck was that , because its sure as fuck isnt vaseline " oh nooo dont tell me you used .. oh noo thats my steroid ointment what i use for my psoriasis .

I dont know if anyone here has seen dermovate ointment or felt it , it looks and feels just like vaseline . My mate never ever mentioned to me once he was on this stuff .

it has fucked up my face completely , i now have visible blood vessels ( telangiectasia ) under my eyes , hypopigmented skin 1 side is more apparent then the other .

i have never ever in my entire life felt like this , i cry everyday , when i look in the mirror i dont see the face i once had

and what absolutely destroys my soul is that 1 and a half year prior to this i had a nose job . I was born with the biggest most hideous looking nose which held me back from so much , making friends , having a gf , it made me feel withdrawn and that i'd rather be alone because when ever i spoke to some1 they'd instantly be looking at me like .. " what a big ugly nose .

When i had my nose job done it was perfect , my surgeon was able to give me that turn up nose ( with the curve ) i looked so much better , girls would talk to me and want to get to know me , alot of females said i had a cute face .
i had courage and confidence , i started using sites like profilepic.com and meeting alot of girls from there having 1 night stands and having a few friends with benefits , i enrolled in japanese classes , got myself a new job with pc's .

It felt like i was living and had a life now with my brand new better face .

Now ive quit all of that , im in doors 98% of the time i dont hang out with my friends anymore , i cant talk to my mum because she has anger issues and isnt really some1 who would help , rather call me thick and stupid that i deserve it . All i do is wake up eat , search the internet for treatments and lie in bed thinking " why why me what did i do to deserve this im a good person i dont harm others " i constantly have thoughts of the times i was meeting up with those girls off profilepic and
what is was like when they look into your face and your eyes , touch your face and kiss you telling you how cute you are , that feeling knowing that a girl wants and likes you , nothing compares to that . Now its all gone i dont want to go on living the same hell like when i had my big nose , actually this is worser then the big nose at least then i had normal skin .
The other night i was laying down and put some weights what my mum bought me when i was 13 , ( 5.kgs ) on my throat the bit what you hold when your lifting . . It felt like the air was being choked out of me the only thing what made me stop was that i have alot of electrical goods in my room and i dont want my mum or her boyfriend getting there hands on these .

I just dont see any future for me ,my skin toned looks serverly fucked and 1 side under my eye the red blood vessels stand out so much its a discusting site

looking in the mirror is so hard my skin is ruined , i have no dertermination or will power left . Once you lose your face you've lost everything i dont think im gonna make the end of the year like this , i lived my teenage and early adultlife feeling ugly and replusive , i cant go through that shit again

sorry for the long post i just had to let that out , at least i know im not the only person out there who suffers like this

Edited by Soon2BGone, 30 March 2012 - 12:31 PM.

[faiintx]

i know how you feel. i used to have a perfect face but then it got messed up in the past several months.

did you go to a doctor? i'm sure it will heal in time. it takes a LOT for an ointment to permanently disfigure...i don't think that would be the case.

[Coppedsynergy999]

Get off your butt. Go to a doctor. and solve this problem. Sulking is bad for you. Dont get me wrong. I feel your pain man and I dont want to come across as a jerk. But really, dont fall into a trap me friend. Solve this shit. Believe you can solve it and then solve it. Maybe God doesnt want you going around having one night stands because what he has in store for you is a beautiful fulfilling relationship. Turn your problems into oportunities. The only way you wont learn something from this is if you refuse to. Turn it around. Cmon man you can do it. Youve gotten this far havent you? Why the fuck give up now??

[lightersUP]

I feel your pain completely, but I'm also sure that 1 night application of that steroid cream couldn't possibly ruin your face for life?? Research what really happened to your face and do something to help correct it. Believe me, I've gone from absolute rock bottom, acne all over my face to perfectly clear and smooth. It is possible if you put your mind to it. Don't let any setback bring you down like this because things really do get better with time and the proper treatment.

[*Can*I*Live*]

looking in the mirror is so hard my skin is ruined , i have no dertermination or will power left . Once you lose your face you've lost everything i dont think im gonna make the end of the year like this .

i know how you feel

[Soon2BGone]

thx for your replys

i dont know what to do about these broken blood vessels and thread veins on my face , some areas you can just about see the thread veins other areas its so red , i have bought novitil for repigment but how do i go about removing these blood vessels im covered everywhere with them where the ointment was put .

im very worried about trying laser even though that may be the only option , especially after reading these horror stories , veinwave people have said their veins returning even worse after a few weeks

http://messageboards...ser-treatments/

i feel so sad and like there's an empty feeling in my stomach all day long , its the 1st thing i think about when i wake up .
i still think of the months before this happened how happy i was to the extreme , i dont know how much more of this i can take it hurts all day everyday

i used to listened to this song from the crow my favourite film after i had my nose job and always thank god for how it all worked out , giving me the right surgeon , choosing the hospital group , the female over the phone on the consultation to see this specific surgeon over the 1 i was originally gonna see.

when i listened to this song again today i just burst into tears , ive never cryed like that before
http://www.youtube.c...feature=related

if i cant fix my face to how it was before , i'll just leave a note for my mum to play this at my furneral

Edited by Soon2BGone, 30 March 2012 - 01:54 PM.

[Samsamsamsamsam]

Is it really as bad as you think it is? Have you been to a Derm? Plastic surgeon? Focus all your negative energy on something positive. Get into working out/physical fitness (you could do it from home), etc. Are you in school? College? Go make some money. Focus your time on that. Does make up cover it?

Feel better, dude.

[Soon2BGone]

samsam its not as easy as that when you look like a total freak , big patches of hypopigmentation on your cheeks, underneath the eyes . and im noticing more broken capillaries just from shaving . Ive never in my life had any broken caps on my face .
The doctor says there's nothing that will work on hypopigmentation , for the BC laser's an option but then there's the risk of my face fucking up even worse from laser and i'll still be prone to getting BC . Im of indian / colombian mix so it looks so bad on my face .
Not only that but my facial skin has thinned also .

My mate had 1 of the most potent steroid ointments dermovate 0.05%

Last night i called the samaritans , told them my situation and im suicidal , how great my life was before after getting my nose job and now everything is over . Im never gonna experience the normal things , finishing my level 3 electronics course getting a job from there , getting married , buying a house / car .
she was of no help just saying ummm / ahhh / umm / ahhh and asking dont you think you could still be happy even though whats happened to you , looks arent everything whats inside that counts .

Well thats easy for you to say let me put this shit over your fucking face and see if you still say the same shit after
The first thing people see is your face doesnt matter if your a nice person and kind hearted inside you get judged on first impressions

No matter what treatments are there , i'll never look how i did before this happened
everytime i wake up i think of my old face , the only time i feel at peace is when i sleep or eat

im just sad my life is ending like this , i love my mum and little brother my grandma , my mum has been asking me why am i hiding in my room all the time but i cant tell her .

i'll be gone within the next 6-8 weeks just have to sort out some things . The good die young

Edited by Soon2BGone, 31 March 2012 - 10:52 PM.

[Prim]

I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for here but I doubt for it's for us to give you a going away party. We are not suppose to talk about suicide on the boards. I really do feel you're pain, and I've thought about it too, but when it comes down to it I think you know that it's just unrealistic and not the best response to your situation. I won't tell you it's not that bad bc I don't know, I haven't seen it. But I do know that many people on here know what it's like to have a "disfigured" face and I am so impressed with the courage they all have.

If this happened in December, you've given it like 5 months. How many doctors have you talked to? That dr who said you can't do anything to improve pigmentation honestly sounds full of it. I would say go to a plastic surgeon.

Call the manufacturer and tell them what happened. They make the stuff. They will care about it because it's their reputation on the line here. People use that ointment on their skin and they are aware of hypersensitivities that can occur. It sounds like this is what happened to you. I would def call.

And as for that hotline person you talked you, it sounds like they were new and didn't know what they were doing so whatever to that. I've been to real therapists who just said idiot things sometimes. You can't always hang your hat on things that therapists or doctors say. They're human too.

Looking back at everything you said, it looks like historically you put too much importance in your looks. You said a LOT of good things about yourself. You have a family who loves you, a good education, good job, know PCs. But none of that seemed important to you at all! I don't want to sound like a jerk either....but really?

I hope you try again though, with a real counselor this time. A good one won't just say "you should still be happy." They will take your feelings for what they are, real. But also help you find ways to continue to live and find happiness. I bet they would also help you develop a good plan to find new doctors etc to help see what else could be done. This was an ointment meant to be put on skin afterall. Honestly, I find it hard to believe there is nothing and I sure wouldn't bet my life on it.

[mistertibbs]

Why don't you put make up on your face to cover the hp? it won't make your face how used to be, but it will cover the damage.

[free falling]

you make some completely valid psychological points in your story. I myself have felt the same way. not to be rude or anything but a lot of the people on her, including myself, have permanent facial damage like actual tissue scarring, and I don't really think blood vessels are that severe. Usually discoloration and such other disorders occuring under the skin go away after a good amount of time. your saying since december this has affected you and you posted in march.. well i think your a little foolish not to give it more time.