back in december i stayed over at a friends house , it was getting late and time for me to sleep i washed my face with my soap but had forgotten to pack my vaseline , so i asked him if he had any " Yeahh its in the container next to the shampoo "
there were 2 containers both blue
what i thought was vaseline i put over my face only to wake up 7 hours later to feel 1 side of my face burning slightly and the other side under my eye completely completely red .
When i asked my mate what the fuck was that , because its sure as fuck isnt vaseline " oh nooo dont tell me you used .. oh noo thats my steroid ointment what i use for my psoriasis .
I dont know if anyone here has seen dermovate ointment or felt it , it looks and feels just like vaseline . My mate never ever mentioned to me once he was on this stuff .
it has fucked up my face completely , i now have visible blood vessels ( telangiectasia ) under my eyes , hypopigmented skin 1 side is more apparent then the other .
i have never ever in my entire life felt like this , i cry everyday , when i look in the mirror i dont see the face i once had
and what absolutely destroys my soul is that 1 and a half year prior to this i had a nose job . I was born with the biggest most hideous looking nose which held me back from so much , making friends , having a gf , it made me feel withdrawn and that i'd rather be alone because when ever i spoke to some1 they'd instantly be looking at me like .. " what a big ugly nose .
When i had my nose job done it was perfect , my surgeon was able to give me that turn up nose ( with the curve ) i looked so much better , girls would talk to me and want to get to know me , alot of females said i had a cute face .
i had courage and confidence , i started using sites like profilepic.com and meeting alot of girls from there having 1 night stands and having a few friends with benefits , i enrolled in japanese classes , got myself a new job with pc's .
It felt like i was living and had a life now with my brand new better face .
Now ive quit all of that , im in doors 98% of the time i dont hang out with my friends anymore , i cant talk to my mum because she has anger issues and isnt really some1 who would help , rather call me thick and stupid that i deserve it . All i do is wake up eat , search the internet for treatments and lie in bed thinking " why why me what did i do to deserve this im a good person i dont harm others " i constantly have thoughts of the times i was meeting up with those girls off profilepic and
what is was like when they look into your face and your eyes , touch your face and kiss you telling you how cute you are , that feeling knowing that a girl wants and likes you , nothing compares to that . Now its all gone i dont want to go on living the same hell like when i had my big nose , actually this is worser then the big nose at least then i had normal skin .
The other night i was laying down and put some weights what my mum bought me when i was 13 , ( 5.kgs ) on my throat the bit what you hold when your lifting . . It felt like the air was being choked out of me the only thing what made me stop was that i have alot of electrical goods in my room and i dont want my mum or her boyfriend getting there hands on these .
I just dont see any future for me ,my skin toned looks serverly fucked and 1 side under my eye the red blood vessels stand out so much its a discusting site
looking in the mirror is so hard my skin is ruined , i have no dertermination or will power left . Once you lose your face you've lost everything i dont think im gonna make the end of the year like this , i lived my teenage and early adultlife feeling ugly and replusive , i cant go through that shit again
sorry for the long post i just had to let that out , at least i know im not the only person out there who suffers like this
Edited by Soon2BGone, 30 March 2012 - 12:31 PM.