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I Feel Like I Can't Be Happy Unless I Look Perfect


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#1 Jenny P

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 06:37 PM

I feel like no matter how good or better my skin gets, I can never be happy until I find perfection in my skin. I can't be happy unless I'm perfect.

#2 leelowe1

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 07:40 PM

Jenny, i can relate but i am beginning to realize that life is waaaaaay too short and too unpredictable to wait on the if onlys:

if only i had clear skin i could enjoy my life
if only i had clear skin i would meet my friends
if only i had clear skin i would ______________.

Your way of thinking is all in your mind. The love vitamin (a girl from Canada) has a page on you tube and one of her videos talk about not using acne as an excuse to not do things. I took that to heart and every time i think or say a negative thought about myself, i say or think about 2 positive things about myself.

We all know that dealing with acne is a marathon, not a sprint so if you put your life on hold, you could be missing out on living for a long long long time.

Work on your mindset and overtime, you'll find that thinking about your acne every second of every day fades into the background. I'm on week 2 of this positive mindset thing and i feel calmer and happier and my stress level is definitely down

Good Luck Jenny!

#3 OPeggyGordon

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:01 PM

that sucks darlin, cause nobody is perfect an you will never be happy with that outlook :-( I just read an article which pretty much confirms that the more power you give acne over your life, the more stressed you get= the more you will breakout.)

Maybe we need yoga or self love classes, Posted Image I certainly feel unworthy and imperfect but Im getting pretty tired of caring lately.

#4 PaulH85

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 08:20 PM

There's no such thing as perfection. Not true perfection anyway. At best, we all have things we might see as "perfect" in relation to what we do or do not like, so in that respect, it's all relative. Same goes for happiness: that comes in so many forms and there's no sure-fire way of being happy, so what makes one person happy may not tick those boxes for another.

Between perfection and happiness all we can really do is find our own versions of those ideals. Even if we got what we initially thought would be perfect, it either wouldn't be enough or we'd go looking for other things to put our negative focus into. It's better to try and learn to be more accepting of who we are, what we look like, and to learn to be happy simply being ourselves.

Chasing this stuff can be so tiring and all-consuming sometimes. I chased clear skin for half my life and I've lost so much during that time because of how it messed me up and how I focused only on negative stuff. Even with good skin, if you don't focus positively on other areas of your life, you wouldn't be happy anyway. I'm acne free now which I'm happy with, but along the way I lost my friends, my job, and all sense of confidence and self-esteem. Those things don't fix themselves because my skin did. By the same token, having clear skin does not compensate for those losses at all. Part of me wishes I'd been more accepting of what my skin was doing and that it was just part of who I was for that period because perhaps then I would have been free to embrace the good things I had and I would have had my own version of happiness right there, in the form of friends, a partner, experiences, steady employment, and the confidence which comes with those things.

It's not always easy to be happy in yourself or to want to be out there enjoying stuff if you're not especially happy with your skin. In fact, I have found it near impossible on many occasions and I've bailed on most of them, so I appreciate where you're coming from, but it's vital not to let it hold you back because nothing good comes from responding like that. I had to learn that the hard way. Like sasch said, if ever we think that we'd automatically be able to go ahead and do this or that with clear skin, it's in our minds and doesn't usually work out that way, so it's better to try and go ahead and do those things which make you happy, regardless.

:)

#5 Ilovemesomevanity

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 04:32 PM

join the club lol. my skins pretty much cleared up, but its not perfect, and already im finding other features i dont like about myself. like my hairs too flat, i hate the shape and color of my eyes, my skins too tan, etc.
so i just try to stop focusing on perfection and trust that theres got to be SOMEONE out there who thinks im pretty haha

#6 snsdgirl14

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 04:43 PM

Trust me, if you did have clear skin right now, you would not cease to have other problems in your life. When I had a lot of active pimples on my face, I would think the same thing as you; "if I had clear skin, I would be so much happier and carefree right now." But that's not the truth. I have pretty much clear skin right now, and I still have other problems that depress me, bring me down, etc. Now that my skin is looking better, I find myself focused on OTHER things I wish I could change about myself like my hair, etc. Basically, no one is perfect and no one will ever be.

#7 12345tiger

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 05:12 PM

true happiness is unconditional

#8 unbreakable1

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 05:36 PM

Omg I'M THE SAME

#9 Kara =)

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 09:41 PM

Same here. I'm a perfectionist, so I have to do everything perfectly and i have to look perfectly too. I just look in the mirror and just point out all of the things that are wrong with me. I hate being this way :(

#10 amy91

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 11:48 PM

I feel like no matter how good or better my skin gets, I can never be happy until I find perfection in my skin. I can't be happy unless I'm perfect.

1. You're just unable to deal with difficult emotions right now related to your skin disorder ( read about acne dysmoprhia) .
2. Don't panic and try to understand that there's no perfection in this life. It's ridiculous to crave perfection in this imperfect world.

#11 makethatchange

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Posted 28 February 2012 - 07:02 AM

Yeah I'm never happy either. My skin was great when I was on accutane but I felt almost just as bad like when I had acne. Now my acne returned in mild form but this time I know I can't blame it on acne.

Edited by makethatchange, 28 February 2012 - 07:04 AM.


#12 *Can*I*Live*

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 04:28 AM

guilty as charged. sadly though. for someone with so many imperfections, i sure am vain.

#13 k3tchup

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 12:45 AM

Word.

I guess im the type of person that doesn't quit at anything, i dont like accepting defeat, especially this. So i can relate. Nothing wrong with it as you use it as motivation however its a double edged sword. You will never be happy with this mentality

#14 Jenny P

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 03:06 PM

Yeah, that's the thing...I will never be happy thinking this way. But I can't help it. It motivates me and sometimes depressed me to the point where I don't want to live because it seems impossible to reach the standard of beauty I set for myself. And the way I look determines my happyness, like if I don't look good one day it ruins the way I act, it affects how I talk to people and my mood.

Even if I got rid of acne, there are still other things I need to fix about myself until I look perfect and am able to function normally.

I write down all the cosmetic procedures I am going to get and how long it will take to save up and write a timeline of when I will be "ready", and I write down what I am going to look like, like my hair, my skin, my facial features. And I look at pictures of other girls and find one that I really like and I try my hardest to dye my hair, tan, dress just to look as close as possible to her, and act the way she acts, and try and emulate her personality.

I don't want to look like myself, I want to look like someone else....it's more comfortable being someone else than being yourself. Because if you be yourself and someone doesn't like you, it's a stab in your heart.


I feel like no matter how good or better my skin gets, I can never be happy until I find perfection in my skin. I can't be happy unless I'm perfect.

1. You're just unable to deal with difficult emotions right now related to your skin disorder ( read about acne dysmoprhia) .
2. Don't panic and try to understand that there's no perfection in this life. It's ridiculous to crave perfection in this imperfect world.


thanks, ill look that up.

#15 pugrocker

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 03:25 PM

Damn, Im the in the same boat. I'll see one tiny speck and it'll just screw me up like now, my skin doesnt look to bad, but I have this very very little discolored spot in the corner of my forehead and thats all I see when I look in the mirror. Does anyone else ever stare in a magnified mirror and find every little screwed up thing? Unfortunately I do this all the time and in reality, nobody has magnified vision, so they cant see all this screwy skin, but I just need to convince myself of that.Posted Image

#16 trtn48

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Posted 03 March 2012 - 08:44 PM

I thought for the longest time that having clear skin would make me happy. But when my skin began to get clearer, I found some other flaw to worry about. It's all in the head though, perfection isn't something that can ever be reached. I figure why worry about something that, in most cases, I can't control? For me, I try to be the best I can in all parts of life, while keeping in mind that true perfection does not exist. As long as I wake up today a better person than I was yesterday, I am happy.

#17 mm..Brian..

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Posted 04 March 2012 - 02:56 PM

I know that feeling.....

#18 Mariah1237

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Posted 04 March 2012 - 11:25 PM

I feel the same way:( but i know its ppl that are far off worser then me that would rather have acne then aids think about it.......pretty comes from the inside looks will fade oneday this is coming from a person who has been dealing with acne for about 12yrs now im still fighting with acne but i know GOD sees my pain he will never give us something he know we cant bear,just have faith n god he will answer are every prayer we gotta meet him have way...The battle is not urs nor mine its the LORDS....