I wouldn't single it out one way or the other to be honest. On that basis, I wouldn't choose someone because they had acne as I'd see that as being on a par with not choosing someone because they had acne. Either way, I'd feel like I was making a decision based on how their skin looked, I will however say that I do think acne can add something to a person, depending on how they cope with it. I can think of at least a few girls here who seem more attractive to me because they lead happy and confident lives and do what they please, despite their acne. I'm the polar opposite so that degree of confidence is unquantifiably attractive to me.
I must admit that I have wondered where I would stand on the situation had I never experienced acne. It's perhaps a safe bet that I'd be pretty superficial about it because I'm pretty sure that my acceptance of acne on others and indeed my ability to look beyond it was formed purely because of the empathy and understanding gained during my own battles with acne. I suppose it's irrelevant now because the main thing is that I have those qualities which, in theory, make me a better person should I eventually manage to be brave enough to put myself out there.
In terms of being in a relationship with someone, something such as acne is trivial and totally insignificant. I'd imagine that if two people get to that point in terms of how they feel about each other on a physical level and as a partnership, something like acne would mean nothing at all. The problem comes when you have to put yourself out there in order to meet someone in the first place and get to that stage with them because, to me at least, it would feel like an almost insurmountable to get around the confidence and self-esteem issues caused by acne.
The biggest frustrations with acne, I think, regardless of the severity, is indeed the ability it has to damage confidence and self-esteem if a person lets it get to them. By definition, acne is a physical imperfection and so it's extremely easy to think that people will struggle to see beyond that imperfection, especially where first impressions are concerned. That's something I definitely struggle with, to the point that I will attempt to avoid pretty much anyone and everyone for fear of what their first impression may be. The fear I have there is still in place even when my skin's good and when it's not so good or if I even just the odd pimple, that fear comes flooding back and I'll bail and hide away.
This weekend's a perfect example of that for me - I was supposed to be meeting up with a girl tonight but my anxieties about stepping so far out of my comfort zone and the stress that brought has evidently made me break out a bit this week. In a panic, I made it all worse. It's not so bad now in truth but in my mind the damage is done and I just feel too insecure and lacking in confidence to be able to go along and make a good impression. Massive vicious cycle there and one I'll never break unless I can be display a bit of bravery, but the fears I have with regards to the first impressions others have of me - especially meeting girls in those situations - are massive, to the point where it seems safer not to try. That gets harder as more time passes, it seems.
I suppose the irony could be that there are lots of girls out there who are seeking guys who look beyond acne, but they struggle to find them because those guys are struggling to put themselves out there too for the very same reasons, and vice versa.
As always, I really do appreciate your input Paul, I had to equip my reading monocle for this
. I wouldn't choose a girl based on whether she has acne as, as you said, that'd be the same as not picking a girl who has acne. However, I have to be honest with myself and say that a girl with acne, I find, is 200x more attractive than if I saw a girl with clear skin. I (and quite a few others I spoke to in the gym) find it 'different' yet 'beautiful' whilst representing a multitude of things such as common ground (for me specifically) and confidence you have to respect (the men I spoke to) . Tattoos, piercings, body modification, you could call those acquired tastes, just like having a preferance for girls with acne, but I will say that it's more common than you may think, just too many men/boys don't mention it (when they actually don't mind/prefer it) because their shallow friends would ridicule them for it.
I often wondered what my stance on such a topic would be, had I not endured acne. Any opinion I give now may seem biased, but I'll go ahead and say that I would've developed into the same man that I am today, considering the fact that before I had acne, my girlfriend at the time was suffering with it, and I loved her even more for it, we're still best friends now, she's still suffering but I still rate her a 20/10 because, as a whole person (appearance included) she's that amazing. (I hope she never reads that though, she'll be smug for eternity
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Yeah I agree, when it comes to a relationship, be it friendship/love,
should be a trivial matter, although that's no always the case, it's all relative to each relationship really. It could be dire to the acne sufferer, it could be trivial to the partner of the sufferer or vice-versa e.g some people enter a relationship with clear skin, develop acne and then their partners see them as less attractive, sad but true. If you did manage to find a partner who is truly blind to such things or even better, appreciates it, hold onto them. I for one am one of those people, hence this thread
. It's always difficult to conquer your fears, but that's where my profound respect stems from, those who aren't shackled by acne, those who can and will show their confidence, regardless of it.
I understand what you're saying in the last paragraph, in fact I relate to it completely. Believe me, if I had a worthwhile answer for this recurring dilemna, I would share it with everyone, but I don't. The only thing I can say is, surround yourself with good friends and good people, stop looking for what you DON'T like about yourself and find those many things that you DO like about yourself. Finally a Japanese proverb states that
"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows". Conciously alter the way your mind works, realise that there is certainly more to yourself and people, than what's on your skin, exude your brilliance, force your character through the fears and I think, in time, you'll be able to destroy those negative thoughts or even supress them to a point where you can either; ignore it or convert it into something humerous e.g "Look at the size of that spot on my forehead, I guess unicorns do exist "
Edited by Lee1234, 28 January 2012 - 11:18 AM.
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, we personally think it's beautiful and shows a lot of character, something that says "I'm human", to me, it's beautiful. With my own personal bout with acne (which is thankfully over) I've developed a profound respect for those who have acne, but don't let it cripple all aspects of their lives, and this applies to men too (all homo)
