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I Need A Hug......acne Is Ruining My Life.

sad emotional acne pimples white heads blackheads dermabrasion microdermabrasion

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#1 allrighty

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Posted 27 September 2011 - 10:26 PM

Ugh what a day, I work in an aged care hostel anmd today I hid in the old folks rooms....pretending to be busya nd clean rooms....

I hate my skin and prob have ruined it with all the shit Ive put on it and tried....

I have whiteheads, blackheads and large pores and blackheads on my nose, plus I get ingrown hairs.

I am 30 and for years have been telling myself I will get rid of my acne by the time I turn 30, its not happened. Ive had acne since I was 14...

I need a huge huge, some support....I feel like I cant try anything else...
Ive just spent $1000 on IPL , photo rejuvination and microdermabrasion and its prob just made my face worse...
Trent

P.S. If anyone would like to add me to facebook, then send me a provate message with ur details. Thanks...

#2 Gutterflower

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Posted 27 September 2011 - 10:43 PM

That sucks, sorry your day was not a great one. :(

I very seriously doubt you have ruined your skin! You can always repair the damage, or at the very least, keep from causing more. I know some people are apprehensive about it, but have you spoken to a dermatologist about maybe trying Accutane? If you're 30 and you've had acne since you were 14, it's obviously quite aggressive/persistent so you'd likely be a good candidate for it. I'm just shy of 23 and I've had it since I was 11. I get how you feel. Take it one step at a time - 30 is still young, my friend. ;)

Try not to get too down about it, Trent. You have our support here. Sending you big telekinetic hugs. :)

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#3 allrighty

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Posted 27 September 2011 - 11:17 PM

Thankyou, Ive just had a totally crap day..... lately Ive used micro, photo rejuv and ipl and thats not worked, maybe made it worse. Years ago I sat in front of an old tanning lampa nd gave my self 2nd degree burns.... I have marks all over my face now....
I am kinda ocd with what i useon ym skin, at the moment Im simply using BP and Jojoba oil and taking alot of vitamins.
I went to a dermo and he laughed when I said I need accutane.... I have lots of pores, black heads etc, especially on my nose, thats the part on my face, Im more concious about...its really getting me down....

#4 Gutterflower

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Posted 27 September 2011 - 11:59 PM

I know how it can be. Some days it's easy to shrug it off, and others it's just a bit too hard. I am sure if you give it time the marks will fade. If you're self-conscious about your nose, I'll go right ahead and say that it's not worth worrying about. So many people have blackheads on their nose! I have them, they've been there for years and years... longer than I can even remember. Nobody notices blackheads. :)

I think it's really godawful that so many people here have encountered unkind dermatologists that lack any sense of understanding. The one I went to was lovely. I was so scared I'd get a bad one because of everything I'd read here.

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#5 allrighty

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 12:13 AM

This was aweful and not sympathetic at all. I went to one before him who said I didnt need Tane..
I have large pores from squeezing the blackheads, and dints in my nose...its aweful.... dnt think makeup would even cover up the mess on my nose.
;o(

#6 Gutterflower

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 12:49 AM

Well, maybe the issue isn't really your skin, but your self-esteem? If it's just enlarged pores that you're concerned about, I think you might just be feeling the residual self-esteem damage from having worse skin. It's okay to have large pores, nobody notices, I promise. I have never once looked at somebody's face and thought "Christ, they have the biggest pores ever." It doesn't detract from the attractiveness of a person's face. Makeup tends to sit in larger pores anyway, so it really just looks better au naturale.

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

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#7 allrighty

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 01:33 AM

I know people who love me for me wont judge me, but I see them and feel revolting, dirty even, large pores and wrinkles and black heads all on the nose, are not a good look lol trust me!

#8 LoveLife!

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 06:11 AM

You don`t need a hug, you need Accutane at low dose(from what you have described) and a psychotherapy. Try other derms, don`t give up.

#9 allrighty

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 01:03 PM

I live in the country, we get one derm here every 3 months..and thats it....
;o(
I went to one in the city who said no to tane.

#10 PaulH85

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 02:31 PM

Hey Trent :) Maybe it's worth not doing anything to your skin for a while, see if you can just let it recover and help itself for a bit.
It's hard to do because we tend to feel like if we don't do something then things get worse, but sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy.

I know what it's like to go down the line of options and for nothing to really work. Been there. I tried to get Accutane yesterday and can't even get the referral from my doctor because they refused so I'm on to other options. All you can do it keep moving forward. It's hard and I've felt like giving up on it, but you have to battle on.

Whenever I've had good skin, I've actually felt worse about myself because it because so obvious at that point that my issues regarding confidence and self esteem are still there and are much bigger problems to be fixed. As Gutterflower referred to it, that's all residual damage. Take the acne away and, regardless, I simply don't like being me because of all the stuff my skin has been through and indeed the things some narrow-minded, vile people put me through because of it. I simply haven't been able to let go of that, not even things which affected me maybe ten years ago. I am working on that and I've been seeing a therapist, and I know there are practical things I can do to be happy in certain areas of my life, then the other stuff follows as a natural progression and maybe my skin will improve with it.

Give yourself a break and try not to focus on it so much. I know it's easier said than done but it's the best way.

Thoughts become words
Words become actions
Actions become habits
Habits become character
Character becomes destiny
It is time to change my destiny

 

You look like a guy I banged once.


#11 allrighty

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 03:54 PM

Hey Paul, ia ppreciate ur advise....I can totally relate to what your going through. I think my self esteem is zero and has been for a long time. I ended a relationship about 2 months ago and its been hard moving on and realizing that hey I may have spots but Im still ag ood person, I dont have alot of friends so its hard to talk about how I am feeling, people say TRent its all in your head, you dont have acne, you can only see it cause ur right up in the mirror, people cant see what you see....
Im so sick of people spinning thats hit ya know lol.
I chucked a sicky from work today cause of my 'spots'.... depressing.

Edited by thisisnothollywood, 28 September 2011 - 05:21 PM.


#12 blueberrie

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 04:19 PM

Hi
I totally get how you feel. I stay in lots of time when i really just want to go out and do what i want because of my acne.
It's a selfesteem killer. I'm not sure whether going on accutane is a good or a bad thing, been considering it for years but I'm too scared.
How do you feel about accutane? I've also spent heaps of money on worthless creams, antibiotics, omnilux blue treatments etc...
Maybe it's worth taking the risk. i don't know.

#13 PaulH85

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 05:04 PM

Be careful about skipping work, Trent. It's a downward spiral. I know, I got fired a couple of months back because I wasn't pulling my weight. More pre-occupied with my skin and wondering about how others saw me. It took getting to that point before I realised I needed to change things.

You said yourself that you know you're a good person. Glad that you see it, now you really have to believe it and have that belief reflect in your actions. That will bring confidence. Sometimes with things like that, you have to fake it until you make it. Then you replace the negative habits and thoughts with positive ones. It's hard at first because you have to make a conscious effort, but it does end up becoming an unconscious ability after a while.

It's a shame about the relationship and all. Obviously I don't know the situation but maybe that could be something you could pick up with when you feel you're in a better place. I certainly think you can take comfort from knowing that you have been able to at least enter into a relationship. I guess it's now about letting go of your insecurities so that further down the line you would be able to maintain a relationship. My insecurities are such that I've never been in a relationship, never even tried and wouldn't actually know where to start. That feels kind of lame at the age of 26, but if I don't give up on myself and keep trying to improve things one at a time, it'll all come good one day. All you can do is keep trying and learn to be happy in yourself. You've every right to be happy in your own skin, you just need to find the way to get there.

Thoughts become words
Words become actions
Actions become habits
Habits become character
Character becomes destiny
It is time to change my destiny

 

You look like a guy I banged once.


#14 allrighty

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 06:06 PM

Wow ur so wise Paul lol love the positive thinking too... so whats ur story? Do u still get acne? Do u have scars??
Love to hear ur story if you wouldnt mind sharing it, again, here...

Ive skipped work a few times, and keep telling myself I wont do it again, then when the skin gets really bad, I panic and get very scared adn think fck it I cant go in looking like this....

#15 PaulH85

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 06:35 PM

Well, I've had moderate acne since I was 13, I'm now 26. Sometimes it's mild, literally just a few pimples. It does get bad from time to time but soon calms down, and I'm lucky not to have scarred. Well, I have the odd scar, but scarring hasn't been a problem. I don't like my skin tone, it's pretty uneven, but that's minor I guess.

My main problem has always been the confidence and self esteem issues triggered by it. I was bullied through school because of my acne and that experience has really stayed with me. I pretty dropped off the radar as a result and never quite managed to get that back on track. So my social life is virtually non-existent and I've never been in a relationship or anything like that. These things have really bothered me this year; this idea that I've missed so much because I wasn't strong enough to rise above it; not liking myself at all and feeling inferior to everyone. Fact is, you could give me perfect skin and those things would still be a massive problem. I happened to clear up for a little while earlier this year and that's when I realised those issues would still be there. It freaked me out I guess and I slid into depression. As I said, that ultimately cost my job so now that's something else to deal with. I need to find out who I am, figure out what I want to do with my life, and then actually build one and start living it.

The acne isn't so bad these days. I just don't like what it represents. Regardless of the degree, I see it almost as a physical manifestation of the dislike I have for myself so it bothers me all the time. I tried to set things in motion yesterday to get Accutane and fix it once and for all, but the doctor wouldn't refer me to the dermatologist as my acne isn't severe. I was hoping the impact it has had on my work life, social life and self esteem - they're either non-existent or destroyed - would be taken into account, but it seems it doesn't work that way. So I'm taking Doxycycline instead, going to see how that plays out.

I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago for the confidence and self esteem issues, see if I can start to fix things and find some energy and enthusiasm to get out there, find a new job and see if I can learn to enjoy life as it's supposed to be enjoyed.

:)

Thoughts become words
Words become actions
Actions become habits
Habits become character
Character becomes destiny
It is time to change my destiny

 

You look like a guy I banged once.


#16 Gutterflower

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 06:50 PM

Wow ur so wise Paul lol love the positive thinking too... so whats ur story? Do u still get acne? Do u have scars??
Love to hear ur story if you wouldnt mind sharing it, again, here...

Ive skipped work a few times, and keep telling myself I wont do it again, then when the skin gets really bad, I panic and get very scared adn think fck it I cant go in looking like this....


I've wanted to do this before, but it's not worth it. It's about your work ethic and not about your skin. If you do a good job, nobody will care about the condition of your skin. I booked time off to see a dermatologist just last week, my boss actually asked me why because they oftentimes just do not notice at all... and my acne right now is pretty icky. Keep on keeping on, Trent.

Paul is definitely the wisest. ;) And possibly the most supportive person on this forum. He has helped me so many times. And it goes to show that at the end of the day, people are here for you, even when you feel like you're alone.

(Paul, I have high hopes for your dosage of doxy!)

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

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Hi, I'm Elle.


#17 allrighty

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 06:56 PM

What was their excuse for firing you and what kind of job was it, if you dont mind me asking?
Maybe you dont like yourself and its not cause of the acne?? If you have clear skin, you should be happy right? I hope ur counselling really helps....do u have alot of friends? Whats your family think of all of this?
I do understand how it can destroy ones self esteem, even when my skin was 'okay', Id still stress....go figure.. I am alot like you Paul lol.

Gutterflower do u have severe acne??
Pual and you BOTH seem helpful and wise...thankyou...

#18 Gutterflower

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 07:07 PM

It's not severe, more moderate because it's nodular (the awesome deep ones that scar... excellent!) and I've had it for a good chunk of my life. Sometimes it's horrendous, sometimes it's not too bad, but it's always been there.

I should take my own advice and get over it but obviously it's not an easy thing to do!

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

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Hi, I'm Elle.


#19 PaulH85

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 07:40 PM

Paul is definitely the wisest. Posted Image And possibly the most supportive person on this forum. He has helped me so many times. And it goes to show that at the end of the day, people are here for you, even when you feel like you're alone.

(Paul, I have high hopes for your dosage of doxy!)

I don't know about being the wisest, otherwise I'd have had everything figured out for myself! Posted Image Maybe it really is difficult to take your own advice, I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually. †

And I'm glad one of us has high hopes for this Doxy. I might get into it in a couple of weeks, if it starts showing some results. †
I've been using Isotretinoin gel for a few months and sometimes if I go a bit over the top, it dries my skin out. Used it on my nose at the weekend and I've been in the sun today so my nose really dried out and started to peel. It got me thinking that the same kind of dryness might happen on Accutane, only all over my face and on its own accord. I could cope with it beacause the end justifies the means, as I hope you'll find out in a few months time, but I suppose there is the bonus of that not happening to me on Dozy. †It better work or I'm going back to the doctor and slapping him upside his stupid head!

That being said, thank you for being awesome! Posted Image


What was their excuse for firing you and what kind of job was it, if you dont mind me asking?
Maybe you dont like yourself and its not cause of the acne?? If you have clear skin, you should be happy right? I hope ur counselling really helps....do u have alot of friends? Whats your family think of all of this?
I do understand how it can destroy ones self esteem, even when my skin was 'okay', Id still stress....go figure.. I am alot like you Paul lol.


Well, I'd been turning up late and leaving early, getting panic attacks about people looking at me or thinking my skin was bad. It was strange. Rather than tell someone, I tried to cover it up by fixing the times I was signing in and out of work. They caught but never told me and let me carry on doing it for a few weeks. They built a case against me rather than ask me what was wrong so, in the end, it was clear they wanted me gone. They went through the motions of having a disciplinary meeting and all that but theyíd already made their minds up. I told them I wanted to take time out to see someone about my depression before I ended up jumping out the window or something but they didnít care. I admitted all I'd done and asked if we could work it out so that I could stay and regain their trust, but they weren't interested and fired me. You know, I figure that shit happens for a reason, Iíll be better off without that place in the long run, no worries.

As for the social situation, it literally is non-existent. I shut myself away for years because of my skin and I guess people forgot about me. Some people moved away, the rest moved on. I was unemployed for a couple of years and thatís when I was off the radar. When I finally got a job, I went out there and realised I didnít know anyone. The job was pretty isolating and in the end it got to me, as per what I mentioned above. Looking back, I swapped the isolation of my room for the isolation of my little cubicle at work, so nothing really changed.
Loneliness has been a really big issue for me this year, thatís where my depression kicked in. I just find it really hard, donít quite know how to meet people. Iím not into the whole bar/club scene so Iím not one for just hanging out with random people. I like to connect with people properly and Iíd love to make some really good, proper friendships instead of just acquaintances.
Maybe I am paranoid, a lot of the feelings I had due to being bullied are still there and I often find myself wondering what people are thinking and bracing myself for being insulted or something. It's not justfied I don't think, not in most cases. I canít decide if itís logical, but itís certainly an issue. †
I find that the more I try and surround myself with people to see what happens, nothing happens and the lonelier I feel because I feel as though I fail when itís just so obvious that Iím there alone; that sense of being the odd one out does nothing for my self esteem, but I donít know how to break through that. Take today for example; I was out in the park, enjoying the sunshine, and it was full of couples just spending time together and enjoying being with each other. They were all in their own little worlds and then there was just me, sat amongst them like some oddball. I left in the end, feeling pretty down. That often happens, which is why I donít usually put myself in situations because I always assume itíll turn out that way. It all feels pretty lame and embarrassing to admit, but itís matter of fact so I might as well be open about it.
None of this is directly because of my acne. It's all what's left over because I couldn't just shrug it off. Iím sure I can figure it out though, and the social thing is the next issue Iíd like to discuss with my therapist. There are some group sessions coming up so I think Iíll give those a shot. †Iíve also found a voluntary job at a local charity store so Iím going to apply for that later this week I think. That would give me something to do with my time so I donít slip back down into feeling totally useless, and Iíll be amongst new people with the store being common ground and a good way to start getting to know them. Even if they donít turn out to be people I can hang out with our whatever, itís all practice and itís all confidence building. I guess Iíll just have to try and face those fears and work out where to go to meet new people and how to get to know them.

:)

Edited by PaulH85, 28 September 2011 - 08:05 PM.

Thoughts become words
Words become actions
Actions become habits
Habits become character
Character becomes destiny
It is time to change my destiny

 

You look like a guy I banged once.


#20 Gutterflower

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 07:53 PM


Paul is definitely the wisest. Posted Image And possibly the most supportive person on this forum. He has helped me so many times. And it goes to show that at the end of the day, people are here for you, even when you feel like you're alone.

(Paul, I have high hopes for your dosage of doxy!)

I don't know about being wisest, otherwise I'd have had everything figured out for myself! Posted Image Maybe it really is difficult to take your own advice, I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually. And I'm glad one of us has high hopes for this Doxy. I may well get into it in a couple of weeks, if it starts showing some results. I've been using Isotretinoin gel for a few months and sometimes if I go a bit over the top it dries my skin out. Used in my nose at the weekend and I've been in the sun today so my nose really dried out and started to peel. It got me thinking that the same kind of dryness would happen on Accutane, only all over the face and on its own accord. I could cope with that, but I suppose there is the bonus of that not happening on Dozy. It better work or I'm going back to the doctor and slapping him upside his stupid head!
That being said, thank you for being awesome! Posted Image


It does help out. When I was on doxy it helped with the smaller whiteheads/pustules and stuff I had, but it doesn't really help the really deep ones that scar. So if your skin is pretty mild and you don't get cystic/nodular acne, and you're on a pretty heavy dose, I do truly think you will see results. My friend Deanna gets lots of little spots all over her face, her GP put her on doxy and her skin looks amazing. She doesn't get anything anymore and she's on a lower dosage than you. She's the reason I tried doxy, but we have different acne types so it wasn't as effective for me. I'll find a picture of her for you and PM it, you'll see how great her skin looks.

And no problems, I mean, being awesome is just what I do. :lol: ;)

Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?

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Hi, I'm Elle.