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My Journal - Sunstroke


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#21 sunstroke

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Posted 01 October 2011 - 06:25 AM

This morning went well.
I´´ll check in later. (where I WANT to have some work done)

#22 sunstroke

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 04:12 AM

I´m gonna try to do this journal again, about treating my skin and myself well! Starting now!

I´m gonna go put on some makeup and then get out of the house and get some work done (on my final paper).
I´ll check in tonight.

Best to you all.

#23 sunstroke

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Posted 18 June 2012 - 07:46 PM

So today was day 0. It´s now been about 15 hours of treating my skin well.

I´ll check in when I get up tomorrow.

#24 sunstroke

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Posted 19 June 2012 - 02:47 PM

So this morning went quite fine.

This night i was taking a shower, and thougt it went fine, godt out, dried myself, and then looked in the mirror... end somehow ended up picking, the "just looking at one thing.. leads to another". Feeling sad.

So that was about 33 hours of being good to my skin.

I´ll check in tomorror when I wake.

#25 sunstroke

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 02:49 AM

Washed my face this morning, went okay.
I´ll write a bit later today

#26 sunstroke

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Posted 20 June 2012 - 06:34 AM

Took a shower a couple of hours ago, went well.
Gonna put makeup on now.

I´ll write later today/tonight.

#27 sunstroke

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 08:35 AM

Yesterday went okay. (I ended up just going to bed instead of checking in, was so very tired).

Today has gone well so far. So this is now day two that´s "on".

I´ll check in later today/tonight.

#28 sunstroke

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 11:10 AM

So i just wrote a couple of hours ago that things had been going well today so far.
And now, I´ve just picked! Half an hour or so.
I had decided to go for a run, and decided that I would try and remove my makeup before (and cover the worst marks/scores with concealer), so i began removing makeup, looking closely to the mirror, looking at some places where a tiny tiny something probably could come out. i started rubbing at those places, pulling at those places (to get the stuff out without squizzing at the skin). But ended up picking in the end, and continued with that.
I was standing there, thinking that I should then write here that I´d picked, feels almost kind a like a small confession. I noticed that I´m not berring and understaning with myself about enough. I notice that when i start most of the times I continue. And afterwards I´m feeling lower and sader than before I picked.

I´m now thinking that in order to help myself more, I will try and write here everytime BEFORE I go to the bathroom to wash up and so on. Just to remind myself before i go out there what my plane is, and to write down what time it is, in order to see how long I use washing or putting on make up. Then I will write here afterwards as well.
I did that a while ago, wrote here before and after, and it´s my hope that it will help me.
And I shoulde "get my mind" around that "confession" thing, reminding me that I´m only doing this for my own sake, and that I sholde never ever beat myself up about it!

And, in the furture, as things are right now at least, it will be better to run FIRST, and then wash, so I get some of the stress out by running berfore I go wash. And it will be good to keep kinf of a naturel or larger distande to the mirror, to focus on the whole of me and not some tiny imperfections on my skin.

I wish to treat myself well in every way.
I´m thinking that I have to somehow accept this piscking problem, and that I´ve had if for years, forgive myself for it, and try to deal with the sorrorw about it, and most of all, try to accept the fact that i pick and accept the urge, in order to let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I´ve had som body therapy since last year when I wrote here, and that seems to be the most heldful I´ve ever done for myself, he understood everything about the picking, without me even having told him those things in any sort of detail. i felt much more understood than orther kinds of treatment that I´ve tried. So, I´m gonna keep going down that road as well.

Now I´m in kind of a hurry, have to go in an hour, and get ready and all first, shower, make up, eat.

I´ll write tonight BEFORE I go to the bathroom to wash.

#29 sunstroke

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 04:48 PM

Ok. Gonna go wash. Pretty tired.

The time now: 00.48

I´ll write afterwards.

#30 sunstroke

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Posted 21 June 2012 - 05:29 PM

So. Went okay. Used a peeling mask (wich I can use max twice a week, that meens not any sooner than sunday).
My face feel smoother now.
I can be even more gentle to my skin.

I´ll check in forst thing tomorrow.

ps. the time now: 01:29

#31 sunstroke

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Posted 22 June 2012 - 10:26 AM

this morning went well.

afternoon didn´t.

Didn´t write before going to the bathroom

I´m gonna do some good for myself in other areas, cleaning up for instance, to get out of the feeling of being stuck in other ways. Going for a run as well.

I´ll check in tonight/later.

#32 sunstroke

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Posted 10 August 2012 - 03:45 PM

MUST begin to check in again.
Been doing really bad these past days, at a time where I thought I would do better. Picked twice to day, one of them just now before writing this.
Under quite alot of emotional stress. Doesn´t know when or if to tell about my problem to new people I meet in my life.
Want the whole thing to go away. Feeling sad, frustrated, wanting to run away, hide, escape.

Something important is coming up sunday, and I don´t want to look as bas as now (I want to look great!!)
But better, and not picking from now on, will also be good. Taking it from here no matter what.

But, I´ll try to check in from NOW and then at least every morning and night, and before I go to my own bathroom to wash or shower (or at any tim ectually, cause, you never really know)

So it´s a quater to midnight. And I´ll go wash up now. I´ll chech in afterwards.

PS. Feel free to coment.

#33 sunstroke

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Posted 10 August 2012 - 04:46 PM

That went fine.
I really really REALLY want it to look better than now! Soon!!

I´ll tjeck in when I get up.

#34 sunstroke

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 08:30 AM

Washed my face twice today, went okay.

I´m gonna take a shower now.

My date tomorrow is postponed, so now I have the chance to heal more without worrying about tomorrow.

I´ll check in after showering and make up.

#35 sunstroke

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 12:19 PM

That went fine.

Healing, looking so much better with and without make up, in any clothes, that´s my goal.

I´ll write tonight before washing of make up.

#36 sunstroke

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 05:11 PM

Gonna go wash up now.

It´s been a 25 hours of being good to my skin now.

Needs time, peace and healing!

Had such an inactive day, feeling tired.
I want to go for a run tomorrow, clean up at home and I´d like to get some body-sds exercise done.

Well, I´ll check in after washing, before going to bed.

#37 sunstroke

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Posted 11 August 2012 - 06:17 PM

Went okay.
Check in tomorrow when I wake.

#38 sunstroke

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Posted 12 August 2012 - 03:35 PM

I think I need to change approach and strategu to this. From tomorrow monday, I will keep track of how minutes/hours a week I pick. Out of the thought that 5 minutes is better then than minutes, two hours is better than ten hours. Because right now I kind of feel that I loose and start over every time I pick, and I think that leads to giving up, kind a, and just keep on picking once I start. I think you know what I mean.

From tomorrow, counting the time spend picking. Ofcourse the goal i 0 minutes spend, but I hope that it will encourage me to stop sooner than I would if I didn´t count the time spend. So theres some reason to stop, and not just think the whole thing is lost or something like that.

I find that some of the hardest is to stop once you start, and that is why I¨ve keept more to the all or nothing stratery, but I need to do this as well, in orde to give my self a better chance I thing.

I´ll check in tomorror when I wake

(sorry for the bad english)

#39 Stevil

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Posted 14 August 2012 - 05:40 PM

that strategy could work, I'd like to see how it goes for you. good luck.

#40 sunstroke

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Posted 22 February 2013 - 04:05 PM

it´s going so so bad with my picking.. almost every night.. and some days to.
there´s alot of stress and nervousness going on..
should try and check in more often, to try and help myself..

how are you doing with this?

 

And wow, my very first comment! Thanks.. And then I didn´t see it ´til now..