Jump to content

Photo

What About Our Kids?


49 replies to this topic

#21 mm97

mm97

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 134
    Likes: 16
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Joined: 10-September 11

Posted 11 September 2011 - 06:42 PM

QUOTE (UghWtf @ Sep 11 2011, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (mm97 @ Sep 11 2011, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My family on my dad's side is prone to both acne and panic disorder. My family on my mom's side has perfect skin and no anxiety. I had the luck of ending up with both acne and panic disorder. But there was a chance that I wouldn't have had either, as my mother never had either. I guess what I mean by this is that there is no guarantee that because a person does or doesn't have acne, their child will or will not. The same goes for mental illness. It could be passed on, or it could not. And it takes two people to have a child - one person might have the genes, the other might not. You just never know. If I ever have children it will break my heart if they go through what I went through. But what if they don't? How would I feel then?

You can never know for sure... if you want children, if you'd be an amazing parent, you should have children. If they have acne, make sure they get the best treatment possible, and do as much as you can to instill in them good self-esteem and high self-worth, because it's the loss of those last two things that makes acne truly devastating, not the acne itself.



Just to play devil's advocate, my question is why risk it? I ask because I would like to know what makes giving birth to a kid so important to you (not to you directly, its a general question for anyone to answer) that you would feel as though its worth risking passing on what you know would be "bad" genetic traits, knowing the possibility it will make your kids life that much harder. (along with all the other hardships life has piled on)?

On a side note, I am a stand up comedian, and find this particular subject interesting, so don't take anything personal, I only quote your post because it gives the lead in to a question I have (why even take the risk, why do we feel the need to even have children this bad?)


If everyone with "bad" genetic traits decided not to have children, the world's population would die out fairly quickly. Almost everyone has a family history of something - diabetes, heart attack, cancer, depression, addiction, high blood pressure, whatever. They all risk it. The answer is not for everyone to stop having children, it's to come up with cures for these diseases that more and more people suffer from each year.

I personally do not feel the need to have children that badly at all, but I think that there are some people who would not feel fulfilled if they didn't. I think a large part of it is also the social norm, that getting married and having kids is "the thing to do", and people feel like they've failed or there's something wrong with them if they don't.

#22 Renegade Angel

Renegade Angel

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 48
    Likes: 3
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Maryland
  • Joined: 19-May 11

Posted 11 September 2011 - 06:48 PM

QUOTE (jjn @ Sep 3 2011, 05:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it is right to have children if your family has a history of severe acne. If you really want to have kids, there are many children out there abandoned by their biological parents who are looking for a loving home. Adopt!


Are you people serious? Don't have kids because of acne? How illogical is that...that's like telling people with cancer, diabetes, or some other disease not to reproduce. Just get them treatment if they have acne, and keep it moving. I'm really shocked by the ludicrous responses in this thread...

#23 Evelynne Smith

Evelynne Smith

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 51
    Blog Entries: 1
    Likes: 0
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Joined: 11-July 11

Posted 11 September 2011 - 07:26 PM

I think more people should adopt. There are plenty of children that needs homes. Children in foster care also need good homes. However, I can see why people want to have kids. It kind of feels like "killing" your future child. PLEASE don't overreact to that statement. I can't find the words to completely express what I'm trying to say. For example, I have a genetic speech impediment that my brother and I inherited from our dad. It really sucks, but I am really glad that I was born. Sure it's really tough living with a speech impediment and acne, but I am really glad my parents had me despite the risks. I can see why it's not someone's cup of tea, but I sometimes wonder if my future kid would want to be born.

#24 y3rfd0g

y3rfd0g

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 158
    Gallery Images: 32
    Blog Entries: 86
    Likes: 30
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:San Diego
  • Joined: 27-January 11

Posted 11 September 2011 - 08:06 PM

I've actually thought about this, if my kids will inherit the acne gene. Acne runs in both sides of my family unfortunately. But when I started puberty and started getting very mild acne, my mom put me on birth control (around 12 years old). I can't tell you if my acne would have been much worse if I had not been on it, but when I went off of it when I was 17, I had the worst most horrifying breakout of cysts on my temples, neck, and cheeks of my entire life. My mom warned me not to go off of it.

However, to not have children because of not wanting to pass on an acne gene is very sad. Ya, I wish desperately I had glowing skin and never went through all this psychological stress. However, my life has been very very full and I am very content with how I know I've made and continue to make a difference in the lives around me. I know that many companies from prescriptions to makeup have been started because the founder struggled with skin problems. This inspired those people to try to create a better world and future for those struggling with acne.

Like another pointed out, there are MUCH worse conditions that are linked to genes- heart defects, mental illnesses, substance/alcohol abuse, DM, obesity, kidney problems, cancers, etc.

I feel like acne has allowed me to talk to very vulnerable and hurting people who are depressed. When my skin was the clearest (maybe 1 pimple a month), my now closest friend said that when she first met me she was intimidated with how pretty I was, and didn't know how to talk to me. Now, as I've made myself vulnerable, it's allowed my friends and people I care about to be vulnerable because I'm not trying to hide myself anymore.

So bottom line, if my child is starting to get acne, I will educate them on how to gently treat their skin, use no harsh products, don't touch/pick skin, wash hands frequently. Depending on what my husband would agree too, if I have a daughter I might just put her on birth control like my mom did for me. If I marry my boyfriend, I think my kids will have a 50/50 chance. He has great skin and it is totally hereditary.

Do not choose to not have children and bring life into this world because you're afraid of them getting acne. Something worse could happen to them, and you would probly wish they had acne instead of a devastating disease.



#25 UghWtf

UghWtf

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 44
    Likes: 1
About Me
  • Joined: 17-September 08

Posted 14 September 2011 - 06:20 PM

QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 11 2011, 06:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (jjn @ Sep 3 2011, 05:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think it is right to have children if your family has a history of severe acne. If you really want to have kids, there are many children out there abandoned by their biological parents who are looking for a loving home. Adopt!


Are you people serious? Don't have kids because of acne? How illogical is that...that's like telling people with cancer, diabetes, or some other disease not to reproduce. Just get them treatment if they have acne, and keep it moving. I'm really shocked by the ludicrous responses in this thread...



Now I see what you are saying, and where you are coming from, but thats looking at it from a strictly personal standpoint. Why even give birth if your family has a history of those things? All you are doing is helping to continue a cycle of bad genetics? The people you give birth to are the ones who have to suffer what you passed on. Then potentially their kids, and their kids.

If you have a kid, and they end up getting severe acne and come home depressed every day from school because their face is filled with holes, are you going be like, suck it up and get treatment.

Sure, it's easy to say, "hell, they can treat it!" but to me, thats even more illogical, when you can just skip the pain and suffering in the first place right?

If I told you, you would be reborn and you would have diabetes and cancer...would you seriously be like "sweet! I can just treat it!"


#26 freeliving

freeliving

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 340
    Likes: 0
About Me
  • Joined: 30-August 11

Posted 14 September 2011 - 08:43 PM

just so you all know, almost no body ever really plans kids, only a few, it just sort of happens

#27 jjn

jjn

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 81
    Blog Entries: 2
    Likes: 8
About Me
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Life, Liberty and pursuit of Happiness
  • Joined: 13-June 06

Posted 14 September 2011 - 08:55 PM

QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 11 2011, 08:48 PM)

QUOTE (jjn @ Sep 3 2011, 05:19 AM)
I don't think it is right to have children if your family has a history of severe acne. If you really want to have kids, there are many children out there abandoned by their biological parents who are looking for a loving home. Adopt!

Are you people serious? Don't have kids because of acne? How illogical is that...that's like telling people with cancer, diabetes, or some other disease not to reproduce. Just get them treatment if they have acne, and keep it moving. I'm really shocked by the ludicrous responses in this thread...


Yea just get them treatment and they'll be alright Posted Image If it was that simple, there wouldn't be a www.acne.org forum.

I suffered from severe cystic acne for almost two decades. I tried treatment after treatment with no success. I would never want to put my child through what I had to go through. If you would be willling to put a child through it just to satisfy some biological urge to procreate, then you are being very selfish and not putting the well-being of this child first and foremost.

If you have severe acne and you want to have kids, you can and should adopt. That is what I will do and I want to adopt several kids.

Edit: I added more thoughts on to another post made on 22 September 2011 - 06:04 AM. Please read that as well.

Edited by jjn, 01 February 2012 - 05:19 AM.


#28 jjn

jjn

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 81
    Blog Entries: 2
    Likes: 8
About Me
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Life, Liberty and pursuit of Happiness
  • Joined: 13-June 06

Posted 14 September 2011 - 09:12 PM

QUOTE (UghWtf @ Sep 10 2011, 10:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Now I know alot of people are not going to agree with me on this, and that is quite alright.

But in this day in age because of all the pain and suffering and genetic disorders and just plain shitty genes running around through peoples family backgrounds, I really wish people would either

a) think twice about having kids just because "they" want them. I dont think people should have kids just to have them. We have gotten to the point where not everyone needs to reproduce for the safety of our species.

or b) seriously study you and your partners genetic background so your kid doesnt have to suffer (or help alleviate the suffering) from so many different crappy conditions people have running through their bloodlines.

The main thing is, when people have kids out of "love" or accidents, they dont take into consideration the actual KID's life, the person they are bringing into this world. They have the kid because THEY want the kid. You often hear people say "I didnt ask to be born", and they are right.


I cant fathom having a kid, and having them have to suffer all the acne and scars that I have to.
Are you serious? And at the same time I consider my self lucky it wasn't something more serious I inherited since there is a history of cancer on both sides of my family.

*Now, at the same token, my whole philosophy on life is to each their own, so if you want to have a billion kids go ahead. Just saying how I personally feel on the matter.*

Summary: Not everyone should be having kids just to have kids. I know the responses to this will be "well who are you to say who can and cannot have kids".

If you say that, you miss the point of my post. The point of this was if you are going to have kids, take into consideration the actual person you are going to bring into the world, because everything they inherit from you, from their genes to their lifestyle will effect the experiences they have, the memories they will endure, and the person they grow up to be.

You don't want your kid spending hours online looking at message boards for them trying to find a cure for some shitty condition they got from you just because you and you're partner were bored/in love/or needed to fill some void in your life with a family.

*Note, I am not advocating anyone else believe what I believe, once again just stating my opinion*


Very well said, UghWTF.



#29 Renegade Angel

Renegade Angel

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 48
    Likes: 3
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Maryland
  • Joined: 19-May 11

Posted 14 September 2011 - 11:00 PM

Obviously, I know treatment doesn't work for everyone, and may not be a quick fix, but I still totally disagree with you.

First of all, cancer and diabetes aren't even close to comparable to acne. Obviously, If someone told me I'd be born with a disease like that, I'd still want to live a little before dying. It's either live a little, or go back to a non existent nothingness.

Just because you have a seemingly untreatable case of acne and don't want kids doesn't mean you make sense for doing so. Everyone doesn't have some biological urge to get knocked up. That's what people do. They fall in love, and desire to procreate and build a life and family with the one they love. If you don't want kids at all regardless of acne, fine, I respect that. Everyone doesn't want kids. But if you want to let your acne control such a special element of life, go ahead. But don't be so ignorant as to say others are selfish for not allowing acne to control their lives. I'm not going to get angry with my mother and father for passing their acne to me. And why would I? They couldn't control it either, but that's not going to stop them from giving love to their child. What would I say? "Gee Mom and Dad, you should've had that abortion instead of giving me these darn bumps! Sure, I'm loved and taken care of, and alive, but damn you for the acne!" Sure there's adoption, but I want my own child...that I created. No offense.

And sorry to sound insensitive, but not having children because of acne is just unintelligent. Yes acne is terrible, and hurtful, but to say you'll never procreate because of ACNE? COME ON. Think a little. That's immature. There's people who have a history of much more serious ailments and still have children. And no, they aren't selfish. They're just not dumb enough to not bring a life into the world due to something beyond their control. I can't imagine the looks on your future husbands/wifes face when you deny them a child because of, of all things, acne. That's just really sad.

Don't let circumstances control and ruin your life. Especially this.

And as far as I'm concerned, "they" know how to cure acne. "They" just choose not to. Cures don't pay the bills if you haven't realized. But that's just my opinion of this corrupt world we live in.

Edited by Renegade Angel, 14 September 2011 - 11:07 PM.


#30 Casablancaa

Casablancaa

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 277
    Likes: 22
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:Clear Skin
  • Joined: 19-July 11

Posted 15 September 2011 - 02:28 AM

Chances are if I have a child, he or she WILL have acne. Fortunately, my acne responds well to treatments and since I know way too much about acne treatments their mom will be their in house dermatologist biggrin.gif lol

#31 UghWtf

UghWtf

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 44
    Likes: 1
About Me
  • Joined: 17-September 08

Posted 15 September 2011 - 12:58 PM

QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 14 2011, 11:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Obviously, I know treatment doesn't work for everyone, and may not be a quick fix, but I still totally disagree with you.

First of all, cancer and diabetes aren't even close to comparable to acne. Obviously, If someone told me I'd be born with a disease like that, I'd still want to live a little before dying. It's either live a little, or go back to a non existent nothingness.

Just because you have a seemingly untreatable case of acne and don't want kids doesn't mean you make sense for doing so. Everyone doesn't have some biological urge to get knocked up. That's what people do. They fall in love, and desire to procreate and build a life and family with the one they love. If you don't want kids at all regardless of acne, fine, I respect that. Everyone doesn't want kids. But if you want to let your acne control such a special element of life, go ahead. But don't be so ignorant as to say others are selfish for not allowing acne to control their lives. I'm not going to get angry with my mother and father for passing their acne to me. And why would I? They couldn't control it either, but that's not going to stop them from giving love to their child. What would I say? "Gee Mom and Dad, you should've had that abortion instead of giving me these darn bumps! Sure, I'm loved and taken care of, and alive, but damn you for the acne!" Sure there's adoption, but I want my own child...that I created. No offense.

And sorry to sound insensitive, but not having children because of acne is just unintelligent. Yes acne is terrible, and hurtful, but to say you'll never procreate because of ACNE? COME ON. Think a little. That's immature. There's people who have a history of much more serious ailments and still have children. And no, they aren't selfish. They're just not dumb enough to not bring a life into the world due to something beyond their control. I can't imagine the looks on your future husbands/wifes face when you deny them a child because of, of all things, acne. That's just really sad.

Don't let circumstances control and ruin your life. Especially this.

And as far as I'm concerned, "they" know how to cure acne. "They" just choose not to. Cures don't pay the bills if you haven't realized. But that's just my opinion of this corrupt world we live in.




Now I dont want to seem like I am trying to change your mind, I am only responding because you say its unintelligent to have this stance. (which is your opinion and is fine to have)

But it seems,the way you are looking at is, is as if everything will be perfectly A-OK for the kid.

You do realize you are on a message board right now, that has an entire forum dedicated to the psychological effects of acne right? How is it unintelligent to try and prevent a person you are bringing into this world from needlessly suffering? In my opinion, from not only an empathetic standpoint, but also a scientific stand point, what you are saying is unintelligent. (not meant as insult, I dont think you are dumb at all)

You say there are tons of people out there with worse conditions who still have children, and you are right. Should they? Probably not. Because how many hours, days and nights do you think that person spent crying, feeling lonely and just pissed off at the world before they finally mustered up enough courage or strength to "try" and move on? Why even risk putting your kids through something like that? Why continue the cycle?

It doesnt matter how long you live with something, that feeling doesnt go away. A guy in a wheel chair might "say" he's gotten used to it, or over it, but when he wakes up in the morning or when he needs to do something he can't do as easily as others, those feeling come right back, if even for a second.

Now substitute wheel chair for whatever genetic disorder you want. Now you will say you cant compare having acne to being in a wheel chair, ok, tell that to this guy

http://topnews.in/la...evere-_acne.jpg

or this guy http://s1.hubimg.com/u/243736_f260.jpg

or this guy
http://acnequestions...09/07/acne8.jpg

And a thousand other guys and girls who are sitting in their basements too afraid to go outside because their skin is covered huge cysts and holes. They might as well be in wheelchairs, because when they go into the general population, people will look at them like "wow did you see that guy?" Why should a person be brought into this already shitty world (or corrupt as you yourself put it) and not only have to deal with the horrible things that happen every day, but ALSO the crap they inherited from you that they have no control over?

You act as if I am talking about a little pimple here and there. Do you know how much pain acne can actually cause? I dont even mean emotional pain, the physical pain of having your skin swell up on your back and chest and face, where your shirts rub you the wrong way and causes a sharp pain and causes your skin to burst open., then leaving you with scars for the rest of your life.


I am sorry, but if you know the risks involved, and still advocate that thinking of the potential risks your child will have does not matter,will not shape the person they grow up to be, will not cause them to come home crying every night, then I have to say your opinion on this is unintelligent. But I respect your right to have it.

And as a final note, I do think people have kids for selfish reasons most of the time. otherwise, why else would you have them? You have them because you want them (or an accident), not for some reason of greater good to populate the world to make it a better place.

For every 1 person you see "happy" and "living life" with what ever genetic inheritances they have, ask yourself, how many hours have they spent crying? Seriously. From now on, when you are outside or the mall or where ever, and you see someone with horrible cystic acne, or a hunched back, or has some form of mental disorder. Ask yourself how many hours has this person spent crying, alone, been picked on, or treated like shit.

Try it out, I bet you might start to look at the world differently, and hey if not, kudos to you. You are able to escape having to feel empathy for other people.

Maybe I just like people too much and dont want to see them suffer more then they already need to, that's probably why I became a comedian.



#32 UghWtf

UghWtf

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 44
    Likes: 1
About Me
  • Joined: 17-September 08

Posted 15 September 2011 - 01:05 PM

On a side note, (if thats you in your profile picture) you are pretty cute and I love you're hair. Afros are really hot and I wish more girls would wear them. eusa_drool.gif

#33 Renegade Angel

Renegade Angel

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 48
    Likes: 3
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Maryland
  • Joined: 19-May 11

Posted 15 September 2011 - 01:32 PM

QUOTE (UghWtf @ Sep 15 2011, 11:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 14 2011, 11:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Obviously, I know treatment doesn't work for everyone, and may not be a quick fix, but I still totally disagree with you.

First of all, cancer and diabetes aren't even close to comparable to acne. Obviously, If someone told me I'd be born with a disease like that, I'd still want to live a little before dying. It's either live a little, or go back to a non existent nothingness.

Just because you have a seemingly untreatable case of acne and don't want kids doesn't mean you make sense for doing so. Everyone doesn't have some biological urge to get knocked up. That's what people do. They fall in love, and desire to procreate and build a life and family with the one they love. If you don't want kids at all regardless of acne, fine, I respect that. Everyone doesn't want kids. But if you want to let your acne control such a special element of life, go ahead. But don't be so ignorant as to say others are selfish for not allowing acne to control their lives. I'm not going to get angry with my mother and father for passing their acne to me. And why would I? They couldn't control it either, but that's not going to stop them from giving love to their child. What would I say? "Gee Mom and Dad, you should've had that abortion instead of giving me these darn bumps! Sure, I'm loved and taken care of, and alive, but damn you for the acne!" Sure there's adoption, but I want my own child...that I created. No offense.

And sorry to sound insensitive, but not having children because of acne is just unintelligent. Yes acne is terrible, and hurtful, but to say you'll never procreate because of ACNE? COME ON. Think a little. That's immature. There's people who have a history of much more serious ailments and still have children. And no, they aren't selfish. They're just not dumb enough to not bring a life into the world due to something beyond their control. I can't imagine the looks on your future husbands/wifes face when you deny them a child because of, of all things, acne. That's just really sad.

Don't let circumstances control and ruin your life. Especially this.

And as far as I'm concerned, "they" know how to cure acne. "They" just choose not to. Cures don't pay the bills if you haven't realized. But that's just my opinion of this corrupt world we live in.




Now I dont want to seem like I am trying to change your mind, I am only responding because you say its unintelligent to have this stance. (which is your opinion and is fine to have)

But it seems,the way you are looking at is, is as if everything will be perfectly A-OK for the kid.

You do realize you are on a message board right now, that has an entire forum dedicated to the psychological effects of acne right? How is it unintelligent to try and prevent a person you are bringing into this world from needlessly suffering? In my opinion, from not only an empathetic standpoint, but also a scientific stand point, what you are saying is unintelligent. (not meant as insult, I dont think you are dumb at all)

You say there are tons of people out there with worse conditions who still have children, and you are right. Should they? Probably not. Because how many hours, days and nights do you think that person spent crying, feeling lonely and just pissed off at the world before they finally mustered up enough courage or strength to "try" and move on? Why even risk putting your kids through something like that? Why continue the cycle?

It doesnt matter how long you live with something, that feeling doesnt go away. A guy in a wheel chair might "say" he's gotten used to it, or over it, but when he wakes up in the morning or when he needs to do something he can't do as easily as others, those feeling come right back, if even for a second.

Now substitute wheel chair for whatever genetic disorder you want. Now you will say you cant compare having acne to being in a wheel chair, ok, tell that to this guy

http://topnews.in/la...evere-_acne.jpg

or this guy http://s1.hubimg.com/u/243736_f260.jpg

or this guy
http://acnequestions...09/07/acne8.jpg

And a thousand other guys and girls who are sitting in their basements too afraid to go outside because their skin is covered huge cysts and holes. They might as well be in wheelchairs, because when they go into the general population, people will look at them like "wow did you see that guy?" Why should a person be brought into this already shitty world (or corrupt as you yourself put it) and not only have to deal with the horrible things that happen every day, but ALSO the crap they inherited from you that they have no control over?

You act as if I am talking about a little pimple here and there. Do you know how much pain acne can actually cause? I dont even mean emotional pain, the physical pain of having your skin swell up on your back and chest and face, where your shirts rub you the wrong way and causes a sharp pain and causes your skin to burst open., then leaving you with scars for the rest of your life.


I am sorry, but if you know the risks involved, and still advocate that thinking of the potential risks your child will have does not matter,will not shape the person they grow up to be, will not cause them to come home crying every night, then I have to say your opinion on this is unintelligent. But I respect your right to have it.

And as a final note, I do think people have kids for selfish reasons most of the time. otherwise, why else would you have them? You have them because you want them (or an accident), not for some reason of greater good to populate the world to make it a better place.

For every 1 person you see "happy" and "living life" with what ever genetic inheritances they have, ask yourself, how many hours have they spent crying? Seriously. From now on, when you are outside or the mall or where ever, and you see someone with horrible cystic acne, or a hunched back, or has some form of mental disorder. Ask yourself how many hours has this person spent crying, alone, been picked on, or treated like shit.

Try it out, I bet you might start to look at the world differently, and hey if not, kudos to you. You are able to escape having to feel empathy for other people.

Maybe I just like people too much and dont want to see them suffer more then they already need to, that's probably why I became a comedian.



I read everything you said, and understand what you're saying, but I still feel that choosing not to ever have kids because of acne is ridiculous.

I have acne. I've had acne since the age of 12, and I'm now 19. I've had acne in nearly every place you can imagine. I have acne and blemishes on my back, my face, my chest, hell, even my bikini line for God sakes! and have done drastic things to rid myself of them. It's extremely frustrating, deeply upsetting, depressing, and aggravating. Sometimes I feel so down about it I don't even get out of bed till 6 pm. I know how it feels to have flawless skin and months later end up with blemishes all over your back. I know how it feels to go to sleep one night and wake the next day with pimples, or new blemishes that you didn't have before. And that's not the only genetic problem I have. In addition to acne, I've had persistent depression and anxiety for over 6 years straight, I sweat profusely even in cool weather, my skin is moderately oily, I have no energy as a result of my depression and insomnia (I get 4 hours of sleep at the most, and sleep sometimes till 3 in the afternoon), and for whatever reason, I grow hair in places where hair shouldn't be (knuckles, chin hairs, things like that). And those are all genetic problems. But like I said, am I going to call my Mother a selfish person for having me? It's not like she knew I'd actually have all these problems (nor do think she'd even care, but that's another story for a whole nother' thread -____-)

I've quit jobs due to it, I've lost friends because I lacked any confidence to even hold a decent conversation, I've tried burning my skin off, being dishonest to raise money to correct this problem. I've done and felt many things as a result of my acne. So it's not like I'm someone who has two pimples a month and is insensitive. No, my acne is not disfiguring or severe, but it's definitely bad enough. However, I'm not going to go so far as to never have a child because they may have acne. And I'm not selfish for doing so. I can't imagine a world where everyone in the with an upsetting illness ceased to procreate. In that case, no one would ever be born again! lol. I'm just saying...

There are treatments for acne, and the sooner the problem is taken care of, the better. Everyone's problem isn't permanent, and I hope you're aware that the odds of a teenager, no matter what family you come from, having acne is extremely high. Do you know many people who have NEVER had ANY acne? I know I don't. But my point is, letting your circumstances determine your future in a negative way isn't the way to go about it.

But one thing I will say is this: If you are someone with severe, disfiguring acne, and you don't want children for that reason, I will say that I wouldn't call you illogical. I'd be more understanding, but I'd find it sad nonetheless (that is, if you legitimately want children). I do care about people, and understand their pain, but this still seems extreme. I guess I'm just one of those people who gives life the finger. I don't like not having control over anything, and letting this control my future life with another person is surely one of them.

But thanks for the compliment. Nothing better than being your true self! surprised.gif


#34 UghWtf

UghWtf

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 44
    Likes: 1
About Me
  • Joined: 17-September 08

Posted 15 September 2011 - 02:46 PM

Yea you do have a good point honestly, and thats just the way the world works. We can't create our own Utopian societies where everyone is perfect, I just wish people would be more careful when they have kids and weigh the pros and cons (overall), for not only how their life will change, but how their kid will grow up.

But good stuff, hopefully people will read this and if they get nothing from it, at least they will see people who disagree on things can have a discussion without killing each other and going crazy lol.

#35 blue giraffe

blue giraffe

    Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 100
    Likes: 0
About Me
  • Gender:Male
  • Joined: 26-February 11

Posted 15 September 2011 - 03:33 PM

Good topic here. To make the discussion more interesting, I want to add. The beginning of this post might not seem relevant to this topic, but it comes into play.

The word "illogical" is being used to attack beliefs. The only relevance logic has to human thinking is through rational thinking.
example: If you want to go downstairs, it is logical to take steps down the stairs rather than jump down at one. It is also rational. The rationality of it is based off of the logic that you would could get hurt if you jump down.

In my opinion, what is logical is not always rational (sensible).
example: Someone random person from the street walks past you and you say something mean subconsciously. A few hours later, you remember what you did. You don't think you'll ever see the person again. You may not even remember what he looks like. It would be logical to not feel guilty because the past is the past and there is nothing you can do about it now. Why should you suffer, right? But, is it rational to feel no guilt?

In my opinion, it is rational (and moral) to feel some guilt because when you suffer a little from something you did, you can learn from it and avoid it. In this case, my rational justification for the guilt contradicts the logic. I think that human emotions are very illogical, but they can definitely be rational. It may be illogical to pick the fat kid on your team for you game of football if you want to win, but it can be rational to pick him (even if you want to win) because you feel bad that he may feel left out.

Here is where it gets tricky. I gave you my opinion on what is rational, however, you might disagree with me. Some societies still think it is rational and moral to suppress women, but America doesn't. Most of the world (from my knowledge of history) suppressed women. America changed, and many other societies did as well, but the world is so big that everyone didn't. There are still parts that do suppress women. Those people may HONESTLY think it's rational.

With all of that being said, just because it is illogical to bring a child into the world knowing that there's a great chance he may suffer doesn't mean that it is irrational.

I really don't know anyone who had kids primarily because they want the world to be better. I think the main motive is selfishness (feel happy, feel accepted in society, etc.). At the same time, I do think that having kids for a selfish reasons (to an extent) can be rationally justified.

Personally, at this point in my life (almost 17 years old yes young to be thinking about kids I know lol) I don't think I'll ever have kids. The main reason is that I don't want them to have to suffer through the things I have to go through. Acne is probably the main factor that comes in to play.

I've gone through terrible face acne in Middle School. Now I'm in highschool and my face is generally clear, but from wrestling I got so much body acne (terrible scars on my chest and from the bottom of my back to my shoulders) that I can't even go swimming, let alone get close to a girl. At school I am a confident a charming dude, definitely capable of getting many girls, but I'm afraid to get close to any because of my body acne.

I think I'd be better off adopting a child who has already received the greatest/worst gift of all - life. There are many kids that could use a foster parent.

I find it sad as well if someone wants to have kids, but chooses not to because he doesn't want his children to suffer, and suffers himself because he really really wants to have kids. It's sad, but it is a decision I highly respect as well.

#36 blue giraffe

blue giraffe

    Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 100
    Likes: 0
About Me
  • Gender:Male
  • Joined: 26-February 11

Posted 15 September 2011 - 03:45 PM

QUOTE (UghWtf @ Sep 15 2011, 03:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yea you do have a good point honestly, and thats just the way the world works. We can't create our own Utopian societies where everyone is perfect, I just wish people would be more careful when they have kids and weigh the pros and cons (overall), for not only how their life will change, but how their kid will grow up.

But good stuff, hopefully people will read this and if they get nothing from it, at least they will see people who disagree on things can have a discussion without killing each other and going crazy lol.


I agree with this completely. There are so many things to consider. I believe in situation ethics and the individual person should consider all the factors in his and his potential child's life (where the child will grow up, how much money you have, siblings, will he have a married mother and father, etc.)

I know this topic was devoted to the general discussion of whether you should have kids or not based off of acne, but I think a topic like this emphasizes the acne issue and suppresses all the other factors to consider. When deciding to have kids or not, you should look at the whole picture and make your own decision (and your partner's of course).

#37 Renegade Angel

Renegade Angel

    Junior Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 48
    Likes: 3
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Maryland
  • Joined: 19-May 11

Posted 15 September 2011 - 07:57 PM

Quick reply, but I wasn't using the word "illogical" to attack anyone for their opinion. If anything, I say "illogical" meaning, "making little sense." But I don't mean it as an attack.

But to Blue Giraffe, not to sound rude, but you're only 17. Trust me, people change their minds, especially when they find the right person and get married. Not to say you will, but it happens a great deal. But I agree, people should consider the pros and cons when deciding to have kids, but it's like a natural urge for couples to want to create a family together, and sometimes that urge should be suppressed, lol. It's a beautiful thing, at least it used to be. Now it's just the topic of teenage pregnancy shows on MTV and paternity tests on Maury. Sad. Which is why I'm waiting till I'm at least 27-28 years old. I can't imagine having kids early, I don't see how people people do it...

#38 blue giraffe

blue giraffe

    Member

  • Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 100
    Likes: 0
About Me
  • Gender:Male
  • Joined: 26-February 11

Posted 16 September 2011 - 02:15 PM

QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 15 2011, 09:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Quick reply, but I wasn't using the word "illogical" to attack anyone for their opinion. If anything, I say "illogical" meaning, "making little sense." But I don't mean it as an attack.

But to Blue Giraffe, not to sound rude, but you're only 17. Trust me, people change their minds, especially when they find the right person and get married. Not to say you will, but it happens a great deal. But I agree, people should consider the pros and cons when deciding to have kids, but it's like a natural urge for couples to want to create a family together, and sometimes that urge should be suppressed, lol. It's a beautiful thing, at least it used to be. Now it's just the topic of teenage pregnancy shows on MTV and paternity tests on Maury. Sad. Which is why I'm waiting till I'm at least 27-28 years old. I can't imagine having kids early, I don't see how people people do it...


Oh. It seemed like an attack to me though. If I grow up and choose not to have kids because of acne and someone says that it makes little sense, I will be offended. The person doesn't know what I'm going through. Honestly I don't even care about my face acne. It's generally clear, but I do get like 2 cysts a week. I have little break outs, but I don't even count them because I'm so used to them (even though some people I know would freak out over them). And I have very bad marks on my face because my skin is genetically tan and the melanin works in a way where the littlest pimple will leave marks for months even if I don't touch it.

It is my body acne that would keep me from having kids. I don't know if you deal with it or not, but if you don't, then you don't know what I'm going through. I can't do my favorite sports. Can't wrestle this year or go to the gym and do grappling mixed martial arts. I have to carry many of my heavy books because my bag causes acne on my shoulder. Even wearing a light bag sometimes does. And these pimples can really hurt. To the point where I sometimes can't even sit back in a chair. I avoid doing that anyway because it causes acne. I can't go to the beach which is basically what my friends did all summer. I even stopped using the bench press in my basement because when I have acne it hurts and when I don't have acne I get it.

To say that it makes little sense (not having kids because of acne) - I see that as an attack. If I have kids, I want them to be happy. From 7-9 grade it wasn't fun having no self-esteem and being obsessed with face acne. Now, with great self esteem (with my shirt on), it isn't any better that I have to deal with this body acne. There have been girls that like me that I am interested in, but I don't get attached with anyone anymore.

I want my kids to have what I didn't have. You are right when you say people change their minds. I never said anything that would suggest otherwise. I said myself "in this point in my life, I don't think I'll ever have kids". The "in this point in my life" means that it can change. And even if I don't change my mind, it doesn't "make little sense". I have very good reasons for it. Adopting a child who is in need of parents/family would be much better. If he has no/little acne, then he will feel loved and won't have to worry about acne. If he does have acne, well he will have to deal with it regardless of whether I adopt him or not. I might as well so I can provide support. But why should I bring another life into this world who has to deal with it? I think I have good reasons and it does make sense.

#39 LiveLaughFart

LiveLaughFart

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 537
    Gallery Images: 1
    Likes: 44
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Joined: 19-March 11

Posted 21 September 2011 - 05:22 PM

I decided that I'm never going to reproduce my genes. I plan on adopting so my child won't have to go through what I go through. And when I have a child. I'm going to make sure I give them the most healthiest diet ever, something I wish my parents would have done instead of buying me McDonalds and FORCING me to eat fast food when I didn't want to.


QUOTE (Renegade Angel @ Sep 15 2011, 09:57 PM)
Quick reply, but I wasn't using the word "illogical" to attack anyone for their opinion. If anything, I say "illogical" meaning, "making little sense." But I don't mean it as an attack.


But to Blue Giraffe, not to sound rude, but you're only 17. Trust me, people change their minds, especially when they find the right person and get married. Not to say you will, but it happens a great deal. But I agree, people should consider the pros and cons when deciding to have kids, but it's like a natural urge for couples to want to create a family together, and sometimes that urge should be suppressed, lol. It's a beautiful thing, at least it used to be. Now it's just the topic of teenage pregnancy shows on MTV and paternity tests on Maury. Sad. Which is why I'm waiting till I'm at least 27-28 years old. I can't imagine having kids early, I don't see how people people do it...


Oh. It seemed like an attack to me though. If I grow up and choose not to have kids because of acne and someone says that it makes little sense, I will be offended. The person doesn't know what I'm going through. Honestly I don't even care about my face acne. It's generally clear, but I do get like 2 cysts a week. I have little break outs, but I don't even count them because I'm so used to them (even though some people I know would freak out over them). And I have very bad marks on my face because my skin is genetically tan and the melanin works in a way where the littlest pimple will leave marks for months even if I don't touch it.

It is my body acne that would keep me from having kids. I don't know if you deal with it or not, but if you don't, then you don't know what I'm going through. I can't do my favorite sports. Can't wrestle this year or go to the gym and do grappling mixed martial arts. I have to carry many of my heavy books because my bag causes acne on my shoulder. Even wearing a light bag sometimes does. And these pimples can really hurt. To the point where I sometimes can't even sit back in a chair. I avoid doing that anyway because it causes acne. I can't go to the beach which is basically what my friends did all summer. I even stopped using the bench press in my basement because when I have acne it hurts and when I don't have acne I get it.

To say that it makes little sense (not having kids because of acne) - I see that as an attack. If I have kids, I want them to be happy. From 7-9 grade it wasn't fun having no self-esteem and being obsessed with face acne. Now, with great self esteem (with my shirt on), it isn't any better that I have to deal with this body acne. There have been girls that like me that I am interested in, but I don't get attached with anyone anymore.

I want my kids to have what I didn't have. You are right when you say people change their minds. I never said anything that would suggest otherwise. I said myself "in this point in my life, I don't think I'll ever have kids". The "in this point in my life" means that it can change. And even if I don't change my mind, it doesn't "make little sense". I have very good reasons for it. Adopting a child who is in need of parents/family would be much better. If he has no/little acne, then he will feel loved and won't have to worry about acne. If he does have acne, well he will have to deal with it regardless of whether I adopt him or not. I might as well so I can provide support. But why should I bring another life into this world who has to deal with it? I think I have good reasons and it does make sense.


I totally agree with you. I wouldn't want to bring life into this world if all they are going to do is suffer.

#40 Vanbelle

Vanbelle

    Member

  • Veteran Members
  • Posts & Likes
    Posts: 687
    Blog Entries: 2
    Likes: 114
About Me
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:California
  • Joined: 21-August 10

Posted 21 September 2011 - 06:23 PM

no kids


ever?




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users