50 replies to this topic

[5ive]

I have had acne for 12 years. 12 miserable, suffering years. There were moments of being clear, but mostly I led a spotty existence. I have been on these boards for 7 years, been on Dan Kerr's Regime (DKR) six years and been wishing for clear skin for God knows how long.

Like everyone: I've tried everything. The only thing that has ever worked for my skin is this routine:

Morning and night (with 10-12 hours in between):

-Spectro Jel cleanser (wait 5 minutes)
-Spectro Vanishing lotion 2.5 Benzoyl Peroxide solution (wait 10 minutes or longer)
-Spectro Hydracare Acne Prone skin with Salicylic Acid
-Under eye and lip vaseline
-Zinc supplements (try to, but usually only take when it's really bad, I don't really find much of a difference, honestly)
-gentle, gentle, GENTLE. HUGE POINT (probably the most important)
-when my skin is responding really well I take a day off in the week to let it heal

I threw in the salicylic acid as I found this product extremely effective on my moderate bacne.

I would like to quote myself on my current signature:

95% clear with this routine and the other 5% is purely psychological so I am working on that and getting off BP.

5% was NOT psychological. My acne, like my bacne, without treatment gets worse.

DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU OTHERWISE. This whole "natural" way is a bunch of hippi bullshit. If you get cystic acne or back acne then you have ACNE SKIN. And you NEED to take care of it.

After I got off Benzoyl Peroxide (BP) I started breaking out like crazy. 3 months after of getting whiteheads that were inflamed and would not heal I decided to go back on. I even got a cyst and I only dealt with these while I was quitting smoking.

Below are two pics.

First picture: This is my skin in what I despise now: High Resolution HD Cameras and natural lighting. It was like this for months on DKR.

Second picture: Note the circular rainbow where I got a cyst and a reminder in a form of a hyper-pigmentation scar to never get off the regime again.

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Edited by 5ive, 02 August 2011 - 06:27 AM.

[5ive]

Well, about a week into being back on BP and I have already seen amazing results, although not perfect.

I am not looking for perfection, but rather the pain from my whiteheads to seize. I had to take tylenol the other day because it was so bad.

My skin, right now, is painless and healing. I have tiny whiteheads all over but they aren't inflamed and are only seen when close up. So frankly, I could care less.


I have an interview today and I am SO HAPPY that I don't have huge whiteheads, a cyst, or any really painful papules. Thanks BP and DKR.

First pic: Right after a shower, no moisturizer or anything, quite red.

Second pic: Me after my regimen is applied and skin has settled down a bit from the shower. Breakout resembles razor bumps. If only I wore make-up, my skin would look flawless. But I've been down that route and make-up is horrible for your skin: clogs all of your pores! And plus, I am a guy so I'm more self-conscious about the make-up rather than the acne.

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Edited by 5ive, 02 August 2011 - 06:30 AM.

[5ive]

LIES.

Blah blah blah. "My skin's not that bad" is one of the many lies I fed myself over the years. Yeah, it's not that bad, there's a hell lot worse out there. But I want this suffering to stop.

Remember how I said it was getting better? Well, yet another lie I fed myself. I broke out with at least another 4 whiteheads since my last post. All on my chin. Two of which are side by side which is just dandy.

Sure, maybe it is an "initial breakout" from getting back on BP. Point is, I want my skin to never even do this. I want my skin to have bacon grease rubbed on it and still not be able to produce this p. acne bacteria.

On the same note, another lie is: I should change my diet, workout more, stop drinking, stop swimming, stop going to the sauna, stop going outside, stop eating bad foods, stop living life because my skin. This is BS. Stop the madness if this is you. Live your life. Kill acne so you don't have to worry about it.

I checked my skin maybe 6-10 in the mirror today because my chin kept stinging. And guess what? One of those white heads split open and emerged in open air. Great. As one did the day before. So it pretty much forced me to get all that gooey shit out.

And of course it didn't stop there. I squeezed more pus out of the ones that were side by side which I cut open with my razor blade this morning.

I will say this though: the cycle of my pimples has shortened a bit. Whereas before a red bump would emerge then a whitehead would form 2-3 days later and last for a week, now it seems to do all of that (usually skipping the red bump stage) in a few days.

As you can see, from my pic below, I have wonderful scabs all over my chin. Sexy. Thanks Mom and Dad for the acne prone skin you lovingly bestowed upon me.

So I'm finally going to see the Derm this Thursday. I am begging for antibiotics cause BP is just not cutting it. I want this disease to get knocked out. I can't believe it took me so long to see a Derm.

I didn't go the derm because of all the excuses I gave myself: "This breakout is caused by coffee. Or drinking. Or that pizza I ate. Or the sauna I went in. If I don't do that I won't breakout." And: "Antibiotics are bad for your body. I can do it topically without affecting my insides."

Acne is a stubborn piece of shit disease that needs to burn in hell.

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Edited by 5ive, 02 August 2011 - 06:31 AM.

[5ive]

Well, my boyfriend moved out to go to school in Australia. And honestly, it was pretty stressful so maybe that is why I broke out the way I did. Still, however, I'm going to be going through stress in my life all the time. To not stress is impossible for me. I want big things for myself.

Tomorrow is my Derm appointment. And hopefully the day I get my antibiotic. There's that part of me that feels like I won't get it and they'll be like "have some BP." I'll update on that though.

Other than that, I decided to quit my old job and get a new one. My last one sucked. It was in a crappy office and it was about cars which I am so not interested in.

I'm a freelance media producer as a job. It's my passion. From videos to music I do it all. But I am missing ONE KEY THING: being on camera. Not that I solely want to be on camera, I just feel like I am missing out on the potential to do so. I refuse to wear heavy make-up, and in this HD world even if I did the bumps would show.

So I want this acne situation to be gone. My friend yesterday recommended I use a clean towel every night when I sleep. She has perfect skin and does nothing. I just explained to her that it probably wouldn't help that much as much of my acne is hormonal and I'm going to go on antibiotics. I want to just not worry about it anymore.

I also saw my ex-manager on the street who has flawless skin. We were talking and I noticed he kept staring at the breakout on my chin. I had perfect skin all while working there so I'm sure he was wondering wtf was going on. Getting off BP. That's what was going on.

There are so many things going on in my life that I have to worry about. Money, jobs, bills, rent, food, working out, and in general taking care of myself. At the top of this list is my SKIN. That's all I think about. I want that to stop so I can think of other things.

Judging by my skin it looks like I don't take care of myself. Which is not true. I don't OWN my acne. This disease is not who I am. It doesn't define me, and I've been letting it do just that.

Here is a pic I took today. It is in natural lighting, not the dark lighting as before. I believe the mac cam made it overexposed which made my skin look GREAT as what makes my skin look awful is the amount of redness.

I switched around my entire apartment so my cam is in new lighting. I made a lot of changes the last few days: booked a Derm appointment, rearranged my apartment, became domestically single, switched jobs, and switched banks. My life before this wasn't working out. I was a product of the environment I was in. I was friends with people because they became friends with me. I had a job because that's the one I could get in my field. Now it's about me taking control.

Acne makes me feel out of control.

As you can see, there is still that big zit on my chin. I was shaving today and of course I purposely nicked it with a razor and squeezed the hell out of it. It has THREE whiteheads. Disgusting. I want this dam thing to go away. I think I got a good bit of the infection out.

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Edited by 5ive, 13 July 2011 - 06:44 PM.

[5ive]

ACCUTANE

Yes, that's right. I went to the Derm today. Specifically the Toronto Acne Clinic and met Mr. Sliwowicz with his iPad. The moment I walked I was greeted by a lovely receptionist. Then she got me to fill out a form that asked me some basic questions. In particular if I broke out when the seasons changed ("yes") and what medication I have used and are currently using.

I walked in there wanting to get Accutane. I explained to him how I had acne now for 12 years and have been on BP for about 10. I've also just started Salicylic Acid as a moisturizer with mild results. I've also tried different antibiotics without much help.

He took a look at my skin and was like "It's all over cheeks, actually, it's all over your face." Which is SO surprising cause he made it sound way worse than it actually is. Mind you, it was really bad fluorescent lighting in his office (and in the blood room, too).

He also took a look at my back and described it as moderate. Which is true, there is a bunch of red marks but hardly any active pimples.

So he prescribed me Accutane. In the past I always thought Accutane was for those horrible cases, I didn't think I would ever get prescribed it. But I did. And I'm somewhat apprehensive about it as it is $120 a month without a drug plan.

My acne also has gotten a lot better since going back on BP. But it's still there. I was in the waiting room for blood work and was considering just running out of there. But I knew I had to do it.

Right now I am trying to figure out my finances to make this work. I am done with acne. DKR has helped, but only to a certain extent.

Our minds are programmed to forget pain. And sometimes I forget all of the pain acne has given me. It has destroyed some of my dreams of being on camera. It has destroyed my confidence. My ability to enjoy life. All I have to think about are the days I would look in the mirror and feel so defeated and begin to cry in the corner of my bathroom praying to God for some relief. It has driven me absolutely crazy to the point to where I thought I needed a therapist.

All I need to think about are those horrible times when I got zits so painful that they would swell up and give me this intense stinging pressure as if they were trying to get out for days and days. It's about time. And what is $600 for clear skin? It's an investment to my health, my future and my career.

Joe

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Edited by 5ive, 15 July 2011 - 09:11 AM.

[5ive]

I've been super apprehensive about Accutane after reading these boards. There seems to be a ton of people out there who have had some really negative experiences. One in particular which scares me a lot is losing my hair. I already have male pattern baldness happening.

But nonetheless, I think I am going to definitely take the plunge. I can't help but think "what if." And it's pretty much the only thing I haven't tried. I seriously want to kick acne's ass after all the years of suffering it has put me through. All the times I was scared to take off my shirt. Sad, really.

So I set out to beat this thing, and Accutane is a really viable option to do so. It pretty much is the only thing I haven't tried. Next week is when I get the prescription and I cannot wait!

The last straw was when my last job HIRED me to be on camera. This was around the time I had PERFECT skin but then I decided to get off DKR (Perfect skin on my face, definitely not my back). I was in production so I could get away with making videos for a bit, that's when I kept getting nasty whiteheads (luckily that was after the big ass cyst on my face disappeared). And I'M SORRY, but the thing that will RUIN anyone's ability to be on camera is ACNE. It just looks horrible on camera, especially in HD. And it's so distracting. UGH. I cannot wait until acne is just a bad dream.

I never did take the initiative and went on camera. Yet another missed opportunity due to acne at 24. Thanks zits. Thanks a lot. Love you too (bitch). Insert Nicki Minaj's intro to "Moment 4 Life" here.

First Pic: The nastiness that is the breakout on my chin. I got these massive whiteheads that kept popping on their own and coming back after quitting DKR. They are all pretty much scabbed over now and are painless, finally. Probably due to going back on BP. But a new whitehead popped up next to a one that was healing (upper left). Luckily it is just a whitehead without any red bump surrounding it. It's painless but overall my chin is a mess. Luckily I don't work today.

Second Pic: Right after a shower and a shave. The scabs just flaked off by themselves and the big one at the bottom of my chin came off with the razor (yeah, of course I forced it a bit, but I'm happy I did.) Of course there was a white head underneath the scab and of course I squeezed it til there was blood. Not too hard though. Anyway, this is just the miracle of BP. My skin would've NEVER done this before.

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Edited by 5ive, 15 July 2011 - 10:14 AM.

[5ive]

Yay! I woke up with clear, well as close I get to clear, skin today. It seems as though after months of breakouts my skin has finally got back to how it reacted on DKR. All due to the fact I got back on BP. Word to the wise: do not get over-confident in your skin.

I woke up with a tiny, non-inflamed whitehead that came off when I shaved and gently pushed out the whitehead. Hardly worth mentioning. I am not a picker but this whole whitehead takeover of my chin where I shave has made it irresistible to do it.

I'm just happy all those really inflamed zits have left the building. And that the cystic acne is gone. I currently have some pain on my nose that feels like a cyst or pimple, but there is nothing there.

This whole getting back on BP thing and my skin rapidly clearing and loving it has made me seriously question going on Accutane. I mean, yeah, it'd be nice to just not have to worry about my skin anymore. But seriously, I'm afraid of my hair falling out, as, again, I already have thinning hair! And it's a chemotherapy drug! AND it will cost me $160 a month. Seriously considering both options.

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Edited by 5ive, 31 July 2011 - 12:42 PM.

[5ive]

Well, yesterday I skipped all applications so that my acid mantle can repair itself (I do this once a week). My skin is doing great. There are some tender areas that I don't touch, and of course I'm still getting white heads. One of which on my chin and is inflamed and kind of painful but I have a feeling this is remnants from that huge breakout I got from getting off BP. You can see the VERY attractive chin picture below. The others are just small, uninflamed things I could care less about.

I'll see how the next couple of days go as Thursday is the day I get my Accutane. Dun dun dun. But if my skin is like this I'm not going to get it.

I just am still living life preparing for that next zit or that next breakout. The idea of not having to do this anymore would be a dream. But then I'm guessing there would be other things I'd be worrying about, like hair loss.

I start a NEW JOB today, so excited. Kind of a boring administrative video editing job. I'm excited about the new office and experience. My boss who is a woman is SO beautiful. And guess what? She has acne scars. I noticed because she was in a video filmed in HD with natural lighting, so that when the sun hit her face on a certain angle you could see them. I found that made her even more beautiful.

I'm lucky I don't scar. But I think people with acne scarring are so compelling. Cause they usually have perfect skin but with acne scarring. Like in Lady Gaga's "Judas" video. It's very visually stunning and beautiful. I don't think acne when it is active is, however.

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Edited by 5ive, 18 July 2011 - 06:53 AM.

[5ive]

Well that zit on my chin decided to develop throughout the entire day. It was stinging and when I looked in the mirror it had sprouted at least another 4 whiteheads on it. Making a total of 5 whiteheads on one pimple. They were small whiteheads that would eventually join into one big fat one.

I got home and it was hurting so I popped it and it splat onto the mirror. Haven't had one of those in forever. It also made a lovely popping sound and blood started coming out. Why does God make this SO satisfying?

I have a whitehead beside my nose which is uninflamed but really dry. I know I can't pop it as it doesn't have that beloved "girth" redness surrounding it.

Despite my skin still producing lovely bacteria, I know it's getting better and improved drastically. The zits are less frequent and the one on my chin was a leftover from that previous breakout. If that one was gone I'd say my skin was clear.

Don't get off the regime people.

[sweetchildomine]

Hey there, handsome and fellow Torontonian!

I've been reading your log for the past week or so and I love the way you write. I too was foolish enough to get off of Benzoyl Peroxide (to go "natural") early this year and it was horrendous. Life of being an acne-proned person is to first and foremost accept the fact that you're going to have to treat it for a good chunk of your life, so back to the BP I went. Seriously, this stuff has saved me years of heartache and embarrassment because it works really well. I'm happy to see you're clearing up.

I hope whatever decision you choose to treat your acne, is the best one and will make you ultimately happy in your own skin. Life is too short to have to constantly worry about your skin and if there is something that can put this stupid acne bitch in remission, I know personally, it would be something I would definitely consider.

I also agree on what you said about acne scarring. My best friend's roommate is gorgeous and has acne scarring on both cheeks and it looks so badass... the effect kind of reminds me of vintage clothes: the wear and tear, rustiness, and discoloration makes the piece of clothing a million times more beautiful. Although to be quite honest, I think the scarring would not look good on me. I would never know how to carry myself with it.

I'm going to keep reading your log for the rest of the summer and cheering for you all the way, so I hope you do update. And for what it's worth, as I've already mentioned before, you are a very handsome young man and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that you don't have a shortage of admirers vying for your attention. Your boyfriend is a lucky dude.

I'm looking forward to your next post!!!

[5ive]

I decided to not go on Accutane. Where would I be without my acne? It has told me to smarten up and stop drinking and smoking, work out, eat better, and not be so superficial and vain.

I think the doctor who prescribed me it was foolish as my acne is nowhere near sever enough to risk the side effects. I would not be surprised if he had some sort of stake in the drug.

I think my obsession with acne is a symptom of a greater disease: insecurity.

I was bullied when I was younger and it's hard to see myself as an attractive person when I look in the mirror, even though, I know I am.

This sort of insecurity has manifested in another way: my binge drinking. This also causes me to breakout so it's a horrible cycle.

I have really tried to work on these issues and not beat myself up when I look in the mirror. Usually I get up real close to my skin and criticize my pores. Kind of like in Gulliver Travel's where he becomes super tiny and can see all the crap in all the all the pretty ladies pores and finds them repulsive.

I feel so vain. I used to work in a clothing store and all I would do all day is stare at myself in the mirror, noticing my acne. My manager told me, "You look in the mirror and just think you're so pretty, don't you?" And I was like, no, I look in the mirror and look at all my imperfections.

Right now, my skin goes from looking really amazing and flawless to, within a day, whitehead galore. The BP is really cycling these zits away, coupled with the intense humidity in Toronto it's like a free for all for all my pores to clean themselves out.

Given the rollercoaster ride that is my skin as of late, I'm starting a challenge to NOT over analyze my skin. Kind of hard considering that my morning and night routine requires me to spot treat and shave around acne.

I got the idea from a show called Obsessed where there was this woman who was a skin picker. Her therapist made her stand in front of a mirror from a normal distance and control her anxiety.

Edited by 5ive, 02 August 2011 - 06:38 AM.

[5ive]

Sexy.

I read this book available free online called "Skin Deep" by a Harvard Psychologist.

One of the points was that your skin is telling people to not find you sexy. This somehow comes from a deeper psychological urge to regulate your sexual appeal.

Well. Its working.

This was a very tiny zit. I really didn't even care about it at all. And then, look what happened overnight! This used to happen to all of my acne constantly before I went on DKR.

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Edited by 5ive, 02 August 2011 - 06:40 AM.

[5ive]

I realized that I need to treat my skin like a lady and be super gentle. I've been rough with it: spending time in the sun, pushing out whiteheads, etc. I find my skin reacts best when I'm super delicate and treat as if I'm not doing anything to it, but secretly am with my BP!

So every time I do my routine I just keep reminding myself to be gentle, cause sometimes when I am in a rush I can forget.

Nothing overly exciting to report besides the breakouts constantly happening on my chin which NEVER happened while I was on DKR. I had this one that took up the bottom left hand corner of my chin and stung for days. It finally came to a head today and hopefully it will be gone within a couple days. That's the good thing about this regime, it seems to speed up the process quickly.

I ended my contract with that media job I had and I've just been so lazy with life. I have all these personal projects I should be working on but I've seem to take my health as a priority. For one, I am trying to hit the gym again. When I had a steady job for awhile I didn't work out for a month and I put on like 5 pounds. This was also when I went off BP. Great.

So I've just been dieting (i.e. eating more raw foods) and drinking loads more water. I started thinking of what I put into my body as medicine for it. That attitude is essential.

I've also decided to give up drinking again. You see, I had a bit of a drinking problem at the age of 23 (last year). I was drunk for months on end. Now that I am finally over that I tend to binge drink. This past weekend was a perfect example. I wouldn't be surprised if this greatly affected my acne.

Edited by 5ive, 26 July 2011 - 01:07 PM.

[5ive]

I wish i had never gotten off DKR. I've done this like twice now and each time I always wish I hadn't.

I'm cool with my skin right now. Yeah, there is a huge effin whitehead on the bottom of my chin but it is what it is. I'm trying not to focus on it or touch it. I've decided to put a ton of trust in my skin/DKR to do its thing.

I started this attitude where I do things that are "only gonna help." For example, eating more RAW foods and not drinking for a while. It's only gonna help. Taking Zinc supplements and fish oil capsules (which my boyfriend left behind)? It's only gonna help. Avoiding the sun, limiting my coffee consumption, drinking more white tea, going to the gym? It's only gonna help. You see what I'm sayin'? Sure, it might not completely solve the problem, but it's about a lifestyle that promotes a healthy body and a healthy epidermis.

Overall, my complexion could be better as there are red, healing areas. The zits are less frequent. And the healing process is truly all over the map. I can get a zit that lasts just a day, and get another one that lasts a week. I'm still adjusting to being back on DKR that is a long, drawn out slow process that requires patience as we all know.

I've come to the conclusion that I have naturally extremely sensitive skin. It's sensitive to all factors but a big one is what I put into my body. I realize now that alcohol gives me acne. Since I stopped drinking my skin always improves. My mood improves. And I'm more productive. It's just, a miracle.

It's just so obvious that the healthier my lifestyle, the healthier my skin. When will I apply what I know?

I'm my own worst enemy and I'm pre-disposed to self-sabotage. I just need to get things straight and stick with it. Enough with this teenage angst, already.

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Edited by 5ive, 31 July 2011 - 12:52 PM.

[accushame!]

Your skin looks great, so much improvement from the first pic! I also made the mistake of trying to go "all natural", spent like 200 bucks on all natural products.. they kicked my ass and left me naked on the sidewalk... covered in cysts.

[5ive]

So, it's been a week without alcohol. It's pretty obvious that this is a factor in my breakouts as most experts on clear skin dieting would agree that spiking your insulin causes excess sebum production and more breakouts. Alcohol is all sugar so it probably has this effect on my body and coupled with the fact that it's a toxin my skin is trying to purge it through means of hideous breakouts.

A friend of a friend died of cancer way too young. It depressed me a bit and really motivated me to stop drinking altogether. It's been an entire week and I have been going through slight withdrawal (irritable, tired, etc.).

I have a zit on my lower chin. It lasted a week so far and happened the day after I got black out wasted (yeah, I have a problem but that's a whole other board). As I was caring for it by staring at it real close up in the mirror it started to let out a little blood on its own. Now the white head is attached to a blood scab that is peeling off. It's quite sexy. But it's cool to see how my skin heals itself.

Other than that, I'm just doing what I did before I got off the regime. Truthfully, I am only use a very small amount of BP, like a penny size on the tip of my finger. I just dab it gently over my active zits and, if an area doesn't have any actives, I just put a bit in the center of that area. Then I just gently spread it around for like 30 seconds so that it ends up covering my face. The whole process is meant to be super gentle to my skin and just "help" it rather than change it.

I feel for far too long I've been trying to change my skin. This has resulted in some very irritable activities such as steaming or scrubbing. I need to put more faith in my skin and let it do what it's gotta do. Of course, with the help of BP.

Edited by 5ive, 02 August 2011 - 06:41 AM.

[5ive]

That huge zit on my chin with the scab attached to it? Gone!

But I just got another breakout near it. At least these whiteheads are not inflamed and came out within a day and are relatively painless. This is a drastic change to the red bumps that hurt and lasted a couple of days before forming a whitehead.

I just want whatever is in my skin to come out. Especially when it's behaving like this.

Ironically I treat my skin better when it's clear than when it's broken out. I barely touch my skin and I am so gentle when it's clear but when it's broken out it's a different story. I'm working on that issue.

I've also been really trying hard not to over analyze my skin, but it's hard when you're going through a breakout. I need to smile more.

[5ive]

That breakout beside that other breakout? Gone as well! It's always a great feeling to wake up to skin that's better than the night before.

I haven't been taking pictures because my chin has been breaking out non-stop since going back on DKR. It's like, when one goes, another comes up. It's been about a month so I know this is the initial breakout phase, and, quite honestly, it's not any different from being off the regime. Except the zits have a shorter life span.

I feel that the frequency of the breakouts are slowling down. And the severity is also way, way down. And, like I said, it heals one hell of a lot faster. It's just the red marks that suck, but my skin is kind of red to begin with.

This log will hopefully remind me to never get off DKR for awhile. I just remember looking at myself in the mirror like 3 months ago and not being able to recognize myself because my skin was so clear. Now it's just red mark, breakout, scab galore on my chin. FML.

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[Jesscakes]

I decided to not go on Accutane. Where would I be without my acne? It has told me to smarten up and stop drinking and smoking, work out, eat better, and not be so superficial and vain.

I think the doctor who prescribed me it was foolish as my acne is nowhere near sever enough to risk the side effects. I would not be surprised if he had some sort of stake in the drug.

I think my obsession with acne is a symptom of a greater disease: insecurity.

I was bullied when I was younger and it's hard to see myself as an attractive person when I look in the mirror, even though, I know I am.

This sort of insecurity has manifested in another way: my binge drinking. This also causes me to breakout so it's a horrible cycle.

I have really tried to work on these issues and not beat myself up when I look in the mirror. Usually I get up real close to my skin and criticize my pores. Kind of like in Gulliver Travel's where he becomes super tiny and can see all the crap in all the all the pretty ladies pores and finds them repulsive.

I feel so vain. I used to work in a clothing store and all I would do all day is stare at myself in the mirror, noticing my acne. My manager told me, "You look in the mirror and just think you're so pretty, don't you?" And I was like, no, I look in the mirror and look at all my imperfections.

Right now, my skin goes from looking really amazing and flawless to, within a day, whitehead galore. The BP is really cycling these zits away, coupled with the intense humidity in Toronto it's like a free for all for all my pores to clean themselves out.

Given the rollercoaster ride that is my skin as of late, I'm starting a challenge to NOT over analyze my skin. Kind of hard considering that my morning and night routine requires me to spot treat and shave around acne.

I got the idea from a show called Obsessed where there was this woman who was a skin picker. Her therapist made her stand in front of a mirror from a normal distance and control her anxiety.

Jesus Christ!! You sound so much like me it's unreal!!! I also binge drink because i don't like the way I look (read insecurity) AND i have the same looking in the mirror thing. I am try to go on accutane but don't know if it's a good idea. I mean, really my skin isn't terible at all. Please, get nin contact with me so we can help eachother out!! honestly, you're like my acne double!!

[5ive]

Yeah. I would say that drinking isn't directly because of my acne. It's more because of my greater insecurity.

Anyway, the zit that I thought went away appears to have not. I noticed it was really swollen yesterday and overnight it had found some P. Acne friends to make a cute little colony like they were Columbus settling North America or somethin.

The thing is, I really wouldn't care that much if it were small. But it's actually quite substantial with swelling, scabbing and infection all rolled into one. See picture below. Notice how my chin is covered in red marks? That's because it was like every single pore became infected when I started the regime.

I hate this process of going back on it so much. I find it comparable to quitting smoking in that I would never want to do it again. Yet I've done it 4 times. Each time going back on the regime it never gets any better, you get the same effects as you did the first time around. And you always tell yourself, "NEVER AGAIN."

It's been a hurdle trying to get my life to have some sense of normalcy when breaking out like this. I go out with friends every now and then. I've just been "taking it easy" and "taking care" as people like to say when they tell me goodbye.

I have an interview on Monday for a Bartending job and I want clear skin confidence for that. I also have to work tomorrow with the public so hopefully the swelling goes down a bit today. I just got to stick with it to get it back under control again.

I'm increasing my dosage up dramatically on my chin. I sort of had a divine intervention today on these boards in that every message I saw was "increase your dosage after a month." It's been about a month so I'm doing just that.

Before I quit BP (and a reason why I did so) I was barely using any Benzoyl Peroxide whatsoever. Just maybe a penny size on my face (most went on my chin). I was clear. So I kind of went back on thinking I can just pick up where I left off, but I soon realized that I really need to disinfect the living SH*T out of my chin. It's really bothering me.

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Edited by 5ive, 04 August 2011 - 07:31 PM.