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The time has come the Walrus said.

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Day 27

I think this was one of the worst days I've had in a very long time. I haven't been sleeping well in general, even before accutane. So the accutane just makes it worse. Anyways the night before yesterday I went out with my best friend nat and had a great time. I didn't go to bed till 7 just from anxiety of taking my blood test for accutane. I had an eye doctor apt at 10:30 in the morning, that was interesting because I had no idea where I was going. I was frustrated but still in a good mood. After being late and finally seeing the doc, I got a prescription for a steroid to use on my eyes for a month. Apparently i have either dermatitis or blepharais. It was like this prior to accutane but I think accutane is fighting it and therefore it makes it worse.

I get home around 12:45 so I have to leave early to go to my derm apt. I get there at 2, I have to wait of course. My mom meets me there, it's always easier when shes there. The lady comes in and examines my arm (she wasn't very nice) and was like "man you're the fairest I've ever seen," I was like yeah I know. I hate getting my blood drawn, I hate it. I hate it more than people messing with my teeth or hair. It freaks me out that they're taking something from my body to look under a microscope. I don't know why. Anyways, I got really pale I guess. And the lady freaked out. So it made me freak out. She looked at my mom and said, "does she always get like this?" My mom smiled and laughed and said "yeah."

I see my derm. And I told her about my eyes, she didn't seem concerned at all. I told her I had some side effects but they went away. And I requested to do 20 mg every day. She said how about we do 30mg every other day. And when your eyes clear up we can put you back on 40. I was fine with that. My mom seemed in a rush and Rita didn't come back for awhie. So we just left ( wasn't thinking)

I get home, get a call from my derm and she's like you guys left before I could give you a prescription. So I had to go all the way back. And I had work in 40 mins. I rushed there got it and left.

I get home change and try to look semi cute. I'm excited to go to work because it takes my mind off of things.

I get to work and I have a smile on my face and I'm proud that Im showing as much skin as I am. Just a tank with my hair up so you could see my back and neck. It get's to be 7 pm and the rush starts to come in. I start bussing, food running, everything. I bring the hot water to a table and I ask "is there anything else I could get for you guys?" And the lady says "yeah more hot water" so I go to fill up the tea cup I'm bringing it slowly and another waitress bumps into me in front of me. So all this hot water jumps up into my face. It happened so fast I was immediately in shock. I go outside and I start to pace. My parents are eating in the restaurant and I go to their table and I'm like mom "I gotta go to the emergency room" She's like why? I said because I just got boiling on hot water spilled all over my face. And shes like no you don't go back to work. This upset me to my core, it made me freak out even more. I take her to the bathroom with me and I'm like "mom you don;t understand I'm on accutane if I just touch or rub my skin the wrong way it turns pink" Shes like I dont see anuything you're gonna be fine. And she starts laughing at me as I'm crying my eyes out. This made me feel even worse.

So we go to the emergency room in my car and my mom seems like I just killed someone, she wanted nothing to do with me. I started yelling and I was like "why are you treating me so poorly, what did I do? Why"" blah blah blah she stayed mad at me the entire time and still is. I don't care. A mother should never do that.

I get to the emergency room and there are tons of people with real serious injuries (I get it man I get it) I was still cryimg and seeing people with serious injuries made me want to cry even more. I felt so vain. They call my name and they ask me what happened and how long ago it happened. I was liek "idk maybe an hr ago" I started to get real attitudy because they were using attitudes with me. I hate that condescending bull shit, sorry for my frnech but it really pisses me off. They take me to another room and they pull out this bucket with cloths and I'm thinking man it has to be bad what the heck is that. And I ask hes lile "its cold compreses" I'm like o my god really? So I sit there for 20 mins with this on my face while my mom is yelling at me about how retarded I am. How Im so obsesisve with my skin blah blah blah blha lbha lbha lbha jngnfkfkmfdgkflskgs ;fl';sd'f l'd;f d. And i'm still crying. Another doctor comes in and He says my daughter was on accutane it worked but I understand why youre upset. Another doctor came in and gave me two pills. I don;t lile taking things unless I know what they are. As he gave me these things he's lile "guess what, you aren;t going to scar, it will just be a little red." I'm like you don'tknow that His response "I'm a trained professional don't you think I know these things?" I was like yeah but the accutane.... hes like no if you were youre skin would be blistering right now (its still not as I'm typing this).

The pills whatever they gave me began to work and I was on cloud 9 for the rest of the night. I don't know what they were but I've neer been that relaxed. EVER!! I wish I could get a prescription. I couldn't even walk. My face was pale white because I was so relaxed. I LOVED IT. I fell asleep like a baby last night. It was FANTASTIC.

This morming it felt like it was a bad dream. I looked in the mirror and there is nothing there its just a little red (barely noticeable). I have no idea how it will look in a few days but man I'm a lucky and unlucky girl at the same time. My friend nat came to the ER last night and I was just pouring my heart out to her I feel like the entire world is against me sometimes or I was a bad bad person in another life. I'm just over it. I'm OVER THIS GOD DAMN FUCKING OBESSION. Even people who i see have perfect skin DONT! I'm over it. I'm so freaking over it. Im taking this accutane going to wear sunblock for the rest of my life and im never going to worry about it again. IM DONE!

My mom and I are not on speaking terms. She seriously hurt my feelings man, as did my dad. They just didnt hanle it well. My dad is like what do you want us to do and I looked at him "calm me down?" They have no idea how to do that. Its just like I'm a burden. When someone is freaking out I always rub their back or touch their arm, something to that effect. HOW HARD IS THAT!?!

Sorry that was my rant. My skin is fine. No new active. Good thing I guess I can;t wear make up so my skin will be able to breathe easier.

I start on 30 mg every other day on monday.

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hey lips, whyd you ask me if i was at some place? did you see a duplicate of me in real life? was he ugly?

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this might sound weird lips... but i have a twin brother. But he was home that day??

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this might sound weird lips... but i have a twin brother. But he was home that day??

IT was at night. I was working.

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this might sound weird lips... but i have a twin brother. But he was home that day??

IT was at night. I was working.

Maybe it was a brother from another mother?

:shifty:

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Day 29

Everything is really good. I have a few whitheads in random places but nothing serious. Hopefully i'm past the IB. I'm swtiching my dose to 30 mg every other day until the dermatitis from my eyes goes away. The doc gave me a steroid cream and its already helping. My hair has been growing really really fast, does this happen to anyone? I have extremely long hair already and more and more people are like o my god your hair! It also looks different. It looks healthier and fuller. I hve no idea why. I think its cause Im washing it less. and conditioning it sooo much!

My liver tests were fine I have no idea how cause I drank before my blood test ;-/

Still moisturizing twice a day with avene and using vaseline at night ;-)

Anybody know how I can make my pictures smaller so I can post the ones from last week?

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hey lips... so my derm wants to put me on either 20mg tane or 40 mg... but i wanted to try 10 mg.

I am scared for some reason..

:((:

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hey lips... so my derm wants to put me on either 20mg tane or 40 mg... but i wanted to try 10 mg.

I am scared for some reason..

:((:

Oh dude I was freaking for the entire month I had to wait. I think it's pretty normal. I would say ask for like 20 every other day. I'm going to start 30 every other day.

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Day 30

Obviously it's been longer than 30 days. But I just popped my last pill in the box. Tomorrow I will start off with 30 every other day.

Emotionally I've been pretty happy. Thinking that I was going to get a burn on my face and to come out with nothing but some pinkish skin, I'm pretty happy. I haven't really had a new zits I just have a bunch of blackheads that are coming to the surface. If I could post my pictures from my phone I would! ;-( My skin is a little pinkier than usual. But it's just central on my face liek when I was a baby. I hope that I will just have rosy cheeks after this. It's def. dry. I hate having dry skin. argh! And my hair dear god I gotta say I've never seen it look like this. I would get oily hair every 2 days and it would just make my hair look unhealthy to wash it that often. I think I just washed it with shampoo for the first time in a week and I'm deep coniditoning it right now. Trying to stay positive ;-) hehe.

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So I just got my refill of accutane but she gave me clavaris is that okay? I was on amnesteem before and instead of 30mg she gave me 40 mg. Argh.

I'm going to call my derm tomorrow before I open it. I wonder if 30 every other day or 40 every other day will make a difference.

My blackheads on my forehead are pushing themselves out. I pulled one out with a tweezer this morning it was "begging to be plucked" *laughing*

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So I just got my refill of accutane but she gave me clavaris is that okay? I was on amnesteem before and instead of 30mg she gave me 40 mg. Argh.

I'm going to call my derm tomorrow before I open it. I wonder if 30 every other day or 40 every other day will make a difference.

My blackheads on my forehead are pushing themselves out. I pulled one out with a tweezer this morning it was "begging to be plucked" *laughing*

I wouldn't worry about the brand change, the same thing happened to me. For the first 2 months I was on amnesteem, and then from month 3 on the pharamcy started giving me claravis. Your not the only other person i've heard this happen to either. I wonder if something is going on with the amnesteem company, they can't seem to keep up with the demand for the drug.

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Day 26

Since I skipped my pills for a few days I was a tad oiler than usual (it was incredibly nice). I went to an eye doctor this morning, he gave me a steroid cream for my eyes. Why do all doctors look at me weird? I swear either I'm seriously paranoid or my face is so messed up that they just don't know what happened. I'm nervous about using it. I'll see how my skin reacts to it in a few days. My skin is doing well. I have 2 actives on my entire face and blackheads keep surfacing. The overall tone of my skin changes daily. Sometimes I'm less red and sometimes I'm more red. I have a derm apt at 2 and I'm going to request to be on only 20 mg.

hah whoa. same thing happened to me for 4 days about 2 weeks ago. all gone now and back to normal though

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Month 2 Day 1

Everything is going really well my skin just keeps improving and I'm not afraid to wear make up anymore. I wear it almost everyday when I work. I have one active pimple but the rest are red marks. People at work tell me I have such beautiful skin, its really nice to hear that. Im not really self conscious about it anymore. I have had acne so what big deal. I'm over worrying about it especially since I can see the clear road ahead ;-)

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Hopefully this works. These are the photos I've been trying to upload for three weeks sorry guys ;-( Looking through them on the computer I think I def had an initial break out but it was weird cause it was never inflamed acne its just been a bunch of flat surfaced zit type things. I see massive improvement already.

The last four I think I have some vaseline and a some hydrating powder with bronzer.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/66341338@N07/...tream/lightbox/

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Make the pictures public, Cassie.

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Oh and the eye pictures that's when whatever kinda of dermatitis I had flared up really badly. Both of my eyes were swollen. The steroid cream I've been using has already helped rid the problem. I wish I could use that on my face.

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damnnnnn FLAWLESS skin cassandra. congrats

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damnnnnn FLAWLESS skin cassandra. congrats

;-( its still eh but im trying to stay positive

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what?? you are trying to stay positive because you have near flawless skin???

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lips, did you experience any zits at all so far?

your dose is as low as mine will be (20mg a day)

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lips, did you experience any zits at all so far?

your dose is as low as mine will be (20mg a day)

Yeah I had a few in the beginning but nothing huge. I still have one or two now and then.

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lips, did you experience any zits at all so far?

your dose is as low as mine will be (20mg a day)

Yeah I had a few in the beginning but nothing huge. I still have one or two now and then.

Ic. Lips, how long did you research accutane before going on it?

I have the ipledge book with me now... and its all up to me if i want to go on it (i can start whenever i say yes)

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