What I still don't get is ... Is this the same as chemotherapy?
As far as I was aware chemo makes ALL your hair fall out while taking it.
And it doesn't make sense that some people can take this without ever having problems.
Because if it is like regular chemo, surely it should be a definite that you get side effects.
Maybe we'll never know the answers to these questions.
I feel pretty shitty today, about life in general.
Work is getting me down and I feel incapable of doing my job.
I just took my Dad out for a meal at a Sushi bar.
It was cool.
You have a little conveyer belt running around the tables and help yourself to any dish you fancy.
I ended up trying 9 different things.
Came to £50 for both of us.
Money just goes so easily.
It's f*cking hard to find an infra red sauna around my City.
I've looked online and can find nothing.
Phoned up a gym I used to be a member of, because I knew they had one.
You have to have a platinum membership to use it.
That'd probably be £60-£70 a month, and I don't have time for the gym, or the money for that.
I'd love my own Sauna.
I'd probably use it an hour every day, straight after a stressful day at work.
I do have 3 days off though. Used some Holiday to take Monday off.
Not sure what to do yet.
Might go swimming and use a regular sauna/steam room.
Just fearful of other people's judgements about me.
I washed my hair last night, instead of this morning, and my hair has looked shit all day.
I can't help getting extremely jealous of everyone else, walking around with thick hair.
My hair was so thick before.
But I can't just keep thinking about how things were.
Andrew is totally right.
There's a lot of information about the subconscious mind.
I can't help but think we're trapped now.
I wonder if we'd have as many problems as we do now, if we hadn't of focused on everything in the first place.
It's like the placebo effect.
I wonder if by reading about other people getting certain side effects, we let ourselves become weak and scared.
About the aging thing.
Our faces are probably older looking because of the lack of sebum being produced, and the constant stress/fear from living like this.
I've become very on-edge.
I'm always a bit jumpy when someone talks to me for the first time, or if someone walks over to me.
I feel like something bad is going to happen, and I can't help thinking that despite my logical thoughts.
But James, and I'm not having a go, you seem to constantly look at the worst case scenario with this.
It's up to you what you choose to believe, but you always promote negativity.
You pull out the news that Roche are in trouble, the day the story hits the paper.
While it's good that they're getting bad press, I really think you need to find something to enjoy.
I don't know what you do with your time, of course, but I get the impression that you fill it with this.
Sure, you may be being realistic. Things do seem very bad.
It'd be so easy for us to all talk about how bad this is.
We often do.
But by doing that, we remain depressed victims.
Have you ever witnessed people arguing on who's got the harder life, or the bigger problem?
It's like they want
to feel worse than the other person.
It can feel good to blame external factors, but it's very harmful.
Yeah, I've had a shit day at work again, and I've spent £50 on food that was enjoyed for an hour.
But it's done now. It's in the past. I can't change it.
I'm home now. I'll save my money for better things in the future.
It was a nice meal, and I owed it to my Dad.
Same situation with this really.
Except for the fact that we can't fully escape the consequences of taking this drug.
But, we can find little escapes each day.
I watched BBC's Frozen Planet the other day, on Bluray.
Just the first episode.
First of all, it looked absolutely stunning in HD.
But, there was this one bit in the show that made me think 'I'm glad I'm alive... That was amazing'.
It was a penguin stealing another penguin's rocks.
He knew what he was doing.
It was awesome.
Another penguin was stealing the thieves.
But the thief was checking his back.
He caught the second thief and waddled while making penguin sounds.
So human like.
And I love how they walk around with their arms open, like they're going to hug someone.
Anyway, I'm sorry if I sound like a dick by saying that you need to lighten up, but you do.
I, probably like all of you, check this site pretty frequently.
I can't help feeling a sense of dread each time I see you (Jmsil) have posted a new comment.
I read it, and normally feel a sense of despair afterwards.
Basically, you need to realise something.
If you're right...
If you're right about Accutane fucking up our bodies for life, does that make you feel good?
Wouldn't you rather consider more resourceful options?
It's better to keep getting frustrated and let down than feel permanently defeated.
You must realise that your life is in your hands now.
It's up to you to deal with this.
Sure, it'll be hard sometimes... a lot of the time, even.
But you have choices throughout the day.
You can choose what to spend your money on.
You can choose how to spend your free time.
You can choose to feel good, or look for reasons to feel bad.
I'm not trying to critisize you.
You have every right to complain about your life.
But just because you have the right, doesn't mean you need to.
Sometimes it's just better to accept what's happened.
We don't know where we'll be in 10 years time.
This could be a distant memory.
Things could get worse.
I really want to make my family and friends proud of me.
I'm sick of being 'that guy who's depressed'.
I want to be known for something GOOD.
On a side note, my book has now sold 24 copies.
I don't know who's buying it to be honest.
I think it's important to remind ourselves that we can't change the past.
We actually have a lot of energy.
It just gets used up on feeling bad and depressed.
I see energy as a form of soul.
Our souls feel a bit rocked right now.
It's like someone has gone and cut it to pieces.
Maybe we can put the pieces back together.
It may just take a while.
I didn't think I'd have the energy for badminton.
But, because I like it and am quite competitive, I find the energy naturally.
I keep thinking 'My body is going to get strong after a while of this' and it gives me the energy I need to kick some ass.
I don't necessarily think a Sauna will fix any of this, but I'm craving one really bad.
I just want to sit there, all relaxed and warm.
Tempted to go 'fuck what anyone thinks about my patchy hair' and head over to the nearest swimming centre right now.
Edited by IndigoRush, 10 February 2012 - 01:29 PM.