3018 replies to this topic

[IndigoRush]

Fuck it, you guys.
I'm going to fucking kill myself.
What's the cunting point any-fucking-more?
I'm sick to my head of this.
What a pointless fucking life.
My family are against me, as if I need that!

I just hear them shouting about me.
My balls have been on my mind all day. They're pulled really tight towards me, instead of hanging down (been going on for a while) and my scrotum has been tingling uncomfortably.
My penis has been shrivelled and shrunk too, and that's pretty much gone on for ages.

I'm doing my best and it doesn't even matter.
I'm eating like a healthy-person would, and I just get fucking worse.

Why bother? Really?

[rewopwspe]

Ok I cannot seem to sign in as "jgsdghjkhjkl" so I'm now under a new user name.

Indigorush, I hear ya. Aside from the fact that I couldn't sleep last night, I have had terrible nausea and digestive problems, and today I wake up and my left knee is inflamed and I can't even walk on it...WTF?

Someone mentioned earlier that they would have killed themselves already if it were as simple as an on and off button. I couldn't agree more. But I hve no means of killing myself so until then I am stuck here. Doctors are assholes and don't even care. It's disgusting.

I hope Roche and the FDA are happy. The DEA (what a joke) spends all their time trying to stop the growth of PLANTS (cannabis) when the real and dangerous drugs are legal and easily accessed via prescription.

I really wish I had something positive to say now but I don't.

I think my nausea is from the fact that I am virtually intolerant to every food on the planet.

Since I've been doing a liver detox + lemon water for the past month or so, I've been waking up with dull liver pains that go away after I eat something. It's not an intense pain or anything, but to me this is saying that my liver is in need of a good cleanse and is NOT doing well. I'm glad I'm not working today because I wouldn't be able to walk. I'm 23 and it's like I am an old man. Digestive problems, joint problems, cartilage problems, environment sensitivities, hair loss, insomnia, the list goes on and on...This is fucked. I'm going to an allergist to get tested for food allergies soon.

Edited by rewopwspe, 15 December 2011 - 11:38 AM.

[IndigoRush]

It's the waiting that sucks the most.
And the helplessness.
We're all so willing to do anything to get better, and yet we don't know what really to do.
Life is cruel and unfair.
I wish it wasn't.
Right now, I don't have anything optimistic to say.
Not that I'm saying anybody should kill themselves, I'm not sure why you'd say you have no means of killing yourself?

I'm bored of all of this, and don't have the energy.
8 users are reading this topic.
Fucking 8 people right now are probably looking for an answer.
How can we all get together and protest against Roche?
It's not doable really, is it?

I can't believe how bad things have got.
It's really crazy.
I called Samaritans (a suicidal thoughts hotline).
I don't know what I was expecting.
Nice lady, but they're just there to listen.
They don't give advice or anything.
I really don't feel I have anybody to turn to.
I went to bed at around 9.30 last night.
Even after 10 hours of sleep, I feel tired and anxious.

I've lost the strength to care anymore.

[rewopwspe]

10 hours, I wish I could get that much.

I was referring to a gun - the quick, easy, painless way.

I just sent in an email to one of those accutane lawsuits site. They said they are reviewing my case. Money would never make me happy but I'm getting desperate to at least be able to afford the supplements that are keeping me functioning (sort of). I think people on this forum should at least consider filing a suit, even if it gets rejected (crohns/IBD is what the lawyers are really looking for), it's worth a try!!

[Lukez]

chrons/IBD is what they are looking for? So what do you need for a diagnosis?

I wonder whether you need proof you took the drug from medical records. I took it in the late 1980s. I don't know if that is on file anywhere.

I have something very similiar to IBD and a lot of food sensitivities. Is there something like a main site, the best site or organization, if I wanted to take legal action?

____________________

Indigo, sorry I have nothing positive to say. I have to watch my diet like a hawk just to be able to barely function.

We know there is no real cure or anything. My diet is making stocks/broth with varying meats with a few vegetables and white rice. In some ways it's like Joseph's, just without the strong focus on fish. It sort of works when I can follow it closely, at least to get semi-functional. It's not a conventional 'healthy diet', although it's certainly not unhealthy.

Maybe look into the lawsuits and try the broth/stock making and see how you feel? At least that is some potentially constructive action.

[oli girl]

Well, I have tried to read through the posts lately, but only skimmed them as my attention span isn't what it use to be before Accutane.
I will say that there are some who have had to have even more extreme diets then Joseph. To who stated thier Knee is inflamed, is it visually inflamed?
Well I think I saw someone post Accutane is like a prison sentence. Well usually Iam upbeat, I remember a someone posting this on my story of the old ragfourm It is like....instead of being sentenced to life in prison, you are sentenced to live. Life in prison would pale in comparison with living an "Accu-tainted" life. I always did say, Accutane is not enough to kill you outright, it is enough to make you wish to God you were dead

Indigo & others - I know its hard, and some days it feels like a loosing battle, just hang in there. I wish I had an answer better yet a cure for us all, but I don't. As for thoose damaged in the 80's or 90's they do want records, I spoke with a victim from the 80's and they couldn't do anything for her No suprise there.
Anyways if you guys want to keep up on the lawsuits here is a link. http://info.courtroo...g/?Tag=Accutane

Please guys don't do anything stupid ( I think I posted about a certian meditation that helped with depression) and I wish all my fellow accutane suffers a Happy Holiday and New Year!

[JosephBuchignani]

If you want to kill yourself, make sure you research it carefully so you don't botch it.

You may think life is hell now, but just wait until you are a permanent ward of the medical system. Imagine having Roche x10 messing with you daily. There are worse lives than what you have now. Those in the hospitals are the most tortured souls in America.

Now, if it were me personally, and I was that bad, I'd nuke the problem before I gave up.

That means, drop down to a diet of scallops and rice only.

I'll tell you something else... smoking helps. A lot. It upregulates glutathione, acts as an anti-depressant, helps focus, and a million other things. Smoking let me keep my sanity through the suffering. It makes you tough like a motherfucker.

I didn't mention this until now, because it's so controversial. But I don't believe it causes cancer. There's only ever been correlational links. All the animal trials failed to show cancer when they tried to induce it. Read the forum posts of Nightlight on places like longecity and forces.org to learn the whole, sick story. It's another example of government and big biz coming together to screw the people out of a health-giving herb.

By the way, handrolled cigs are way better in all ways, including health, than manufactured.

Anyway, if you're suicidal, you may as well try one of the most effective, low-impact anti-depressants in existence. It's not like you'll be around long enough to get cancer anyway.

Again, I never intended to tell anyone about this. The only reason I'm doing it is because of all this suicidal talk from multiple people.

You need to get through a rough patch, get some cigarettes and watch The Wire at 1channel.ch for free. And eat scallops and rice until your strength comes back.

Edited by JosephBuchignani, 15 December 2011 - 09:39 PM.

[rewopwspe]

That's the worst part about it. Accutane gave me GERD. Basically, if I smoke, I get acid reflux up the ass not to mention all the pain that goes with it. I can't drink my sorrows away either because my liver aches in the morning and it scares me to think what drinking would do. The prison analogy is dead on. I literally cannot escape.

Yes, you need 1) an official doctor diagnosis and 2) proof that you took the drug. I've been diagnosed with non ulcer dyspepsia, IBS, and GERD (esophagitis). Unfortunately I don't think there is such a thing as a diagnosis for food sensitivities otherwise I would be all over that. Either way, I'm sick of waiting around and I'm pursuing a lawsuit. Cases can take years at a time anyway, so might as well start now! The majority of these cases are based off contingent fees - ie, lawyers only get paid if you win. You've got nothing to lose and before I die by age 30 (if I even last that long) I'm at least going to try to put a small hole in those bastards' pockets.

As for inflammation of my knee, it's very swollen. I've had some terrible joint and bone problems after my course of tane. Honestly, I cannot walk on it and I'm getting worried that it might be broke. I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow. There is something seriously wrong with my body if my knee/leg is fractured without me doing anything to cause it...

but honestly, if you can get a doctor's diagnosis of IBD (you might have to get a colonoscopy for this diagnosis though, unfortunately), you'll have big bucks sitting nearby. I'm not even kidding. We are in this together, don't give up (I'm really only saying this half-heartily).

I honestly believe I have IBD but they didn't find evidence during my colonoscopy... I get many similar symptoms as those with crohns disease/IBD (weight loss, malnutrition, mucus in stools, etc). It's sick.

Edited by rewopwspe, 15 December 2011 - 11:01 PM.

[JosephBuchignani]

You are into some severe chronic shit. I respect your level of pain. I don't want to think about trying to cope with this without the cigs.

If I were you, I'd look into atomized weed.

Once I get on my feet, I want to make it a priority to try to help people in the same boat.

Try the scallops and rice diet, man. And check out my blog, this page, see if any of these supplements look promising. There's a few on there, like Sustain and the other gastro stuff, that might help you. http://www.aquatic-a...ng-first-round/

YOu need vit K2 to fix your bones. Check out RIchard Nikoley's recent blog posts about it. But first you have to fix your gut, or you can't absorb it.

One thing that doesn't make sense to me, is we've got suicidal people here with gastro issues, and nobody willing to try scallops and rice.

I guess it's a question of how bad do you want your life back.

[taluce]

You are into some severe chronic shit. I respect your level of pain. I don't want to think about trying to cope with this without the cigs.

If I were you, I'd look into atomized weed.

Once I get on my feet, I want to make it a priority to try to help people in the same boat.

Try the scallops and rice diet, man. And check out my blog, this page, see if any of these supplements look promising. There's a few on there, like Sustain and the other gastro stuff, that might help you. http://www.aquatic-a...ng-first-round/

YOu need vit K2 to fix your bones. Check out RIchard Nikoley's recent blog posts about it. But first you have to fix your gut, or you can't absorb it.

One thing that doesn't make sense to me, is we've got suicidal people here with gastro issues, and nobody willing to try scallops and rice.

I guess it's a question of how bad do you want your life back.

Hey, where can I buy scallops for cheap. Also, how would one prepare these?

[JosephBuchignani]

I just get them frozen at the grocery store. They aren't cheap, but they're so nutrient packed your appetite will go way down.

For max digestability, I boil them in rice with no burning (use a non stick pot).

They can be good refrigerated after cooking too.

[The Spy]

It's not like these people want to be suicidal, Joseph. Even you have to admit that rice and scallops is an extremely limiting diet that puts off the vast majority of people. Bearing in mind that Accutane has severely drained our energy (and thus willpower or motivation to try certain things), you've got to choose your words wisely, otherwise you just come across as being a dick, quite frankly. I know you're trying to help, but just convey your points with a bit more sensitivity and sympathy; you've taken the drug yourself, so you should know exactly what they're going through.

I have no idea what to comment with on the smoking part...I'm completely against it, but if it helps you then there you go.

Indigo; how consistent have you been with your eating and sleeping habits in the past month? Ie. have you been asleep by 10pm every night for at least 3 weeks, for example? I know that I sound like a broken record, but there's not much to say that hasn't already been said. Just know that we're all here for you, mate!

[JosephBuchignani]

Yes, I know exactly what it feels like.

From friends and family, you need love and support. From internet randos, you need the truth and solutions. Instead, we typically get love and support off the internet, and (false) truth and solutions from family and friends. Small comfort, I say.

Fix your health, and you'll get the love you need from the people who count. Don't, and you won't. That's the cold hard truth.

I've lived it long enough to know it. And I have too much respect for the pain involved to lie about it.

[IndigoRush]

Yeah, I've gotta say - The smoking thing.
C'mon. People clearly damage their health through smoking.
It's not good for the body, and definitely the lungs.
A 'smokers' cough is not a sign of good health.

I don't think Joe is a bad guy, but he says some dumb shit.
It's not like we aren't trying with all our might to fix this.
None of us believe that your bloody scallops are the answer though.
Even if it was, it's not sustainable for most people.
It's not logical. And I'd bet it wouldn't work for all of us. Just you.

I'm definitely going to look into allergies and that.
I FINALLY got my licorice root and other supplements of iHerb, so I will be taking them.

I went to the Doctor's today.
It turned out to be a lady, which I wasn't expecting.
I got my tackle out anyway.
She couldn't find any lumps, but i'm still left with the problem for now (and possibly for a long term - as I'm aware lots of Propecia/Accutane people get this problem).
So, yeah.. Odd. My balls are still tight, and my penis looks a ridiculous size unless erect (which is fuckin' rare these days).

I've scheduled a blood test for various things like my thyroid, immune system, sex hormones, general.
I'm aware when they say 'normal' it means shit, so I'll get the results in paper form this time.
Again, I think a blood test isn't fully accurate (like a saliva test) because it's not picking up on a cellular level.

I emailed my Nutritionist.
A stool test is over £300 by the time I have a follow up appointment with her.
That's fuck loads, but maybe it's worth doing.
I had my job interview, which went okay. I didn't come across nervous (because I'd already shown my penis to a lady beforehand, and a job interview didn't seem much in comparison).

TheSpy - I wish I had someone like you to hang out with.
You never seem to sink down with us, into despair.
I know you've not been suffering as long, but it's envious.
Maybe we can talk on the phone some time, as I see you're from the UK.
I've started (only the past 3 days) strictly going to bed at 10.
I had trouble sleeping last night though, because I keep feeling very cold and needing to pee. Plus I was worrying about my balls.

People with thyroid/adrenal problems are less able to fight infections, so I could have a water infection or something.
I'm thinking about seeing a therapist/CBT person again.
The one I saw wasn't suitable, and I've really been struggling lately (as you may have noticed).

My Mum is such a fucking useless bitch right now.
Sick of her.
She just came home, and no matter how I explain the situation, in her ignorant head it's not possible.
Her and my Step-Dad (who I don't like) googled about penis shrinkage and it said it's not possible.
Yet, yesterday I found may people in one conversation who had it.
I know I'm not insane.
I know what I see.

I need to be away from this stupid house, but I have no other option (other than homeless).
I don't feel like I'm part of my family anymore.
I barely speak to them.
When I do, I have no connection.
I'm the odd one out because of this.

I honestly think if I had all the proof in the world that this is the worst drug in history, my Mum wouldn't believe me.
I'm not going to waste my time with her any more.

[JosephBuchignani]

Well. I might be back in a while. But for now, I've lost interest.

EDIT: By the way, after 8 years of this, I have a lot of inner darkness. It's a part of me for life. I'm in a better mood now... my girlfriend came home. Still not completely recovered from the damn melatonin, I guess. Yep, I went to my dark place.

Edited by JosephBuchignani, 16 December 2011 - 10:24 AM.

[IndigoRush]

Similar maybe, but I hear Propecia can make men grow boobs.
In a way, you have to laugh.
Maybe it's God saying 'Don't be Vain, people with Acne and Hair-loss, or I shall smite you down with titties!'
I BET that some people who take Accutane then take Propecia to reverse the hair loss.
Ah, Drugs, how bad you are.

[Lukez]

Indigo,

See Dr. Kevin Pezzi for a doctor's report on the sexual side effects of accutane.

[jmsil]

It is like....instead of being sentenced to life in prison, you are sentenced to live. Life in prison would pale in comparison with living an "Accu-tainted" life. I always did say, Accutane is not enough to kill you outright, it is enough to make you wish to God you were dead

Sentenced to live. So, so true. That sums it up perfectly. And about Accutane not enough to kill you outright - yes, it would be a lot better if this drug killed you whilst taking, rather than having to live with the effects after.

From what you've said oligirl, I assume it was sheefa, I think that was the name, that was talking about you in a post I read some months ago. If I remember rightly, it said you used to be healthy and running 5 miles every day before you took the drug. And I remember some of the replies to it, some of which were just nasty, really, and questioning or denying, that Accutane could ever cause such problems. Obviously this happens a lot and are just from those who are taking the drug and don't want to believe the truth.

I'm a bit surprised by a lot of people's reactions to Joe. Maybe those who think he doesn't know what he's on about haven't (yet) developed severe food allergies, or noticable ones. I hate to think what my allergy test results would look like. They keep mounting. From reading on here it seems most people's diets have at least been comprimised, forcefully, because of Accutane. My mum and dad often ask me why I don't have some pasta - what harm can pasta do? But I am allergic to it - even the wheat/gluten free stuff, as when I had some earlier this year I was bad for a few days. I've also noticed that some fruits irritate my eyes, as well as give me slightly less energy. But all these reported side effects of bowel disorders, the thousands that are being filed for lawsuits, it's no surprise that this has to be a connection. Accutane has seriosuly dammaged the digestive track/bowel and the immune system for all this to happen, Then there's the obvious damage to the liver too. Kidneys probably... infact pretty much everywhere in your body. All these strange and wide spread side effects I keep hearing, it seems there is nothing Accutane can't give you. It seems Accutane is the drug that keeps on giving... but not in a good way.

I don't know if this has been posted on here before, but I recently posted it in another thread. Maybe those considering Accutane and are looking in this thread will want to read it:

http://articles.merc...e-for-good.aspx

Note the heading "Avoid One of the MOST Dangerous Drugs Ever Made". I'm sorry, but you have to feel sorry for yourself when out of ALL the drugs in the world, and when you've only ever taken one, that you had to take the WORST drug.

Just going by what some of you have said, life is very hard now indeed. It feels like I'm being left behind whilst everyone else is moving foward. It's a horrible and dejecting feeling, and I am powerless to it. I don't think anyone who hasn't taken this drug can understand what it does. How it impacts.

If only we knew about natural healing, and the dangerous, unnatural way of drugs and modern medicine before we took Accutane.. If only...

But at that age (16 for me), that is the default thing to do.

I don't understand (well, actually I do) is why the docters/derms, from everything I have read, and in my own experience, when prescribing the drug, they only mention the minor side efects, and nothing else, as though they don't exist. Why don't they inform you beofre taking it, of the worst possible outcome instead? When I was given an asthma pump, as another example, I had to ask the specialist what the side effects were before I left, otherwise he would never of told me. I've read about some more on these forums, and luckily I have found that there are one or two "sensible" dermatologists out there, who aren't willing to give Accutane out to those that see them.

Sorry to hear the problems at home Indigo. Hopefully it's just a tempory thing that won't last long. I'm sorry I can't be more positive either.

Edited by jmsil, 16 December 2011 - 11:23 AM.