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#1 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 03 October 2010 - 01:16 PM

I just felt that I need to let this out. It's been building inside me for a while now and I feel people on this website would have a better understanding of what I am going through...

I've been dealing with acne since I was in middle school around the age of 14. My acne was fairly mild growing up until I hit the age of like 18-20. That's when it all went downhill. My face was extremely disgusting. I had super oily skin, blackheads, whiteheads, cysts, whatever you think I had, I probably had it. I just got my acne under control about a year go through the regimen under my signature but even now I still have a few pimples and whiteheads. I still have alot of blackheads but thats because my skin is so oily that blackheads seem to come hand in hand.

The main problem for the past few months is that I started to obsess over my acne scarring. When I say acne scarring, I mean boxcar, icepick, and rolling scars all over my face. My right side is so severe that sometimes when Im next to someone or talking to someone, I would try to face them on my left side or turn more to my left. It seems that everyday I wake up, it only gets worse. I find new scars on my cheeks everyday. They first look like enlarged pores than they end up getting bigger as the weeks go on.

I've tried medium deep chemical peels but I feel that only made my skin worse. I've also tried getting fillers in some of the scars but it didn't really make a difference and kind of made my cheeks look shiny in some areas and also the face that it's only temporary. The scarring has really made my self esteem plummet. I get so irritated when I look at pictures of myself when I was in high school with clear, scar free skin. I feel that I took my skin for granted. I wish I would have controlled my acne sooner so I wouldnt have all these scars and now that I don't really have acne, Im still getting scars. I feel so hopeless.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look at my reflection without feeling emotional. I cry every night and don't even want to go out. I'll go to work because I have to but being at work makes me even more self conscious. I'm soo annoyed with myself. I now have a tendency to stare at other peoples skin and compare theirs with mine. I dont know if I have BDD or acne dysmorphic disorder or whatever you want to call it but I'm just so frustrated. I hate my skin so much that it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, I try to think positive and look on the brighter side of things like "someones always got it worse" or I should be thankful for other things but even than, I still feel like shit because I know I look like shit. FML.

Im sorry. I just had to rant. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please feel free to comment. I just really need support right now.... cry.gif
Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.

#2 Lily87

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Posted 03 October 2010 - 01:45 PM

Hi,

I feel exactly the same as you. I really am at my lowest point. I seem to spend all my time crying at the moment, making excuses not to see friends, i've even pulled a sickie at work a few times. And when I did, I didnt step foot outside my flat for 3 days. I completely broke down the other day, I really thought I was going nuts.

It's ridiculous, I just cant go on like this but I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do with myself. So, I've decided at the moment just to try to make the best of what I do have, and what I can control.

I'm not overweight, but I've decided to join the gym and start a really good fitness regime. Exercise always gives me a bit of a lift and if the result is an amazing physique then I'm hoping maybe it will be some consolation for my awful face. So to go with that I'm going to eat really healthily, drink loads of water and get early night whenever possible. I'm going to avoid doing anything that could contribute to my state of feeling so mentally and physically unwell- i.e avoid alcohol.

Whether this will work or not, I don't know. The only thing that ever cheers me up slightly is sunshine and warm whether, but with it being rainy and cold, that option isnt available.

When you said "tired and emotionally drained" you summed up my thoughts exactly- so even if my health kick idea doesn't sound like it will help you, you can at least know that you are not alone in your despair.

Let's just soldier on and hope that one day we will get some relief from this awful problem.

Best wishes.
xx

#3 deletethisshit

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Posted 03 October 2010 - 04:19 PM

Hey,

I am not in the exact same situation as you, but I can relate to what you're feeling. Long story short I had beauty marks on my face which I hate and had them lasered off thinking it was no big deal, and now 2 years later, I'm still dealing with the exact same red marks where the brown blemishes used to be. These things fuck with my mind so much, and I like you am so emotionally drained.

I only like when people look on my right side, my "good side" with no red marks, and hate shaving (which makes them so fuckin bright red). No one prepared me for this, not for what these red marks would do, and for how long they would do it. I thought it would take a month to fade. I have had 2 V-beam treatments as i believe the marks are more vascular since they get faint then red, and still they persist. I feel so hopeless, and my life has been on hold for the past 2 years atleast. I rarely make eye contact w/ people unless i cover them up with make up enough so I feel comfortable (yes, I'm a guy), but even then I'm not really happy cause I know I'm living a lie. It's made me avoid relationships or even pursuing one cause I'm an emotional wreck. I've never cried so often before in my life. Before I became obsessed with these marks (like in high school) I remember being like "wow, it's been soooo long since I've cried" like years. Now it feels like I breakdown atleast once a week.

And I'm pretty sure I have BDD over these things, because I pretty much have all the symptoms. I feel like the innocent real me has died and I'm this new shit version of myself. I would give anything for my sanity back, and to feel emotionally stable again.

Anyways, the point is, you're not alone. Trust me. I really feel your pain in my own way, and I hope you find your way out of this depression, and I as well.

*Moderator edit,  – please read the board rules*


#4 Aithne

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Posted 04 October 2010 - 06:21 AM

QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 3 2010, 09:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just felt that I need to let this out. It's been building inside me for a while now and I feel people on this website would have a better understanding of what I am going through...

I've been dealing with acne since I was in middle school around the age of 14. My acne was fairly mild growing up until I hit the age of like 18-20. That's when it all went downhill. My face was extremely disgusting. I had super oily skin, blackheads, whiteheads, cysts, whatever you think I had, I probably had it. I just got my acne under control about a year go through the regimen under my signature but even now I still have a few pimples and whiteheads. I still have alot of blackheads but thats because my skin is so oily that blackheads seem to come hand in hand.

The main problem for the past few months is that I started to obsess over my acne scarring. When I say acne scarring, I mean boxcar, icepick, and rolling scars all over my face. My right side is so severe that sometimes when Im next to someone or talking to someone, I would try to face them on my left side or turn more to my left. It seems that everyday I wake up, it only gets worse. I find new scars on my cheeks everyday. They first look like enlarged pores than they end up getting bigger as the weeks go on.

I've tried medium deep chemical peels but I feel that only made my skin worse. I've also tried getting fillers in some of the scars but it didn't really make a difference and kind of made my cheeks look shiny in some areas and also the face that it's only temporary. The scarring has really made my self esteem plummet. I get so irritated when I look at pictures of myself when I was in high school with clear, scar free skin. I feel that I took my skin for granted. I wish I would have controlled my acne sooner so I wouldnt have all these scars and now that I don't really have acne, Im still getting scars. I feel so hopeless.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look at my reflection without feeling emotional. I cry every night and don't even want to go out. I'll go to work because I have to but being at work makes me even more self conscious. I'm soo annoyed with myself. I now have a tendency to stare at other peoples skin and compare theirs with mine. I dont know if I have BDD or acne dysmorphic disorder or whatever you want to call it but I'm just so frustrated. I hate my skin so much that it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, I try to think positive and look on the brighter side of things like "someones always got it worse" or I should be thankful for other things but even than, I still feel like shit because I know I look like shit. FML.

Im sorry. I just had to rant. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please feel free to comment. I just really need support right now.... cry.gif


I totally understand you!
I've had acne since the age of 16 and I'm 21 now. But last year my acne got really bad! I took a bcp and it went away, without scarring.
In May this year, all of my acne returned. So now I'm almost 2 months on accutane(20mg).
But this time my cheeks have scars all over and I still break out.
Last week I had to stay home 3 days from work, 'cause I'm so depressed about my skin. I'm really obsessed. I'm also loosing my hair, 'cause I'm so stressed.
I just hate waking up and seeing my f*cked up face in the mirror every morning. I just wanna stay home in my bed all day long.
I even wake up in the middle of the night touching my face, to feel if I haven't got any new pimples. I'm always trying to hide my face for other people. Even my boyfriend... I don't wanna stay the night with him anymore, 'cause I don't want him to see my face without make up. I used to sleep over, like all the time...
When I talk to somebody, I always stare at their skin. I even observe my boyfriends skin and when I see some scarring on his face, it makes me feel better... That just ain't right... Or when he gets a pimple I'm like yaaay and I feel better?!
I'm so unhappy... And I just don't know what to do. cry.gif

#5 happy23

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Posted 04 October 2010 - 07:05 AM

QUOTE (Aithne @ Oct 4 2010, 06:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 3 2010, 09:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just felt that I need to let this out. It's been building inside me for a while now and I feel people on this website would have a better understanding of what I am going through...

I've been dealing with acne since I was in middle school around the age of 14. My acne was fairly mild growing up until I hit the age of like 18-20. That's when it all went downhill. My face was extremely disgusting. I had super oily skin, blackheads, whiteheads, cysts, whatever you think I had, I probably had it. I just got my acne under control about a year go through the regimen under my signature but even now I still have a few pimples and whiteheads. I still have alot of blackheads but thats because my skin is so oily that blackheads seem to come hand in hand.

The main problem for the past few months is that I started to obsess over my acne scarring. When I say acne scarring, I mean boxcar, icepick, and rolling scars all over my face. My right side is so severe that sometimes when Im next to someone or talking to someone, I would try to face them on my left side or turn more to my left. It seems that everyday I wake up, it only gets worse. I find new scars on my cheeks everyday. They first look like enlarged pores than they end up getting bigger as the weeks go on.

I've tried medium deep chemical peels but I feel that only made my skin worse. I've also tried getting fillers in some of the scars but it didn't really make a difference and kind of made my cheeks look shiny in some areas and also the face that it's only temporary. The scarring has really made my self esteem plummet. I get so irritated when I look at pictures of myself when I was in high school with clear, scar free skin. I feel that I took my skin for granted. I wish I would have controlled my acne sooner so I wouldnt have all these scars and now that I don't really have acne, Im still getting scars. I feel so hopeless.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look at my reflection without feeling emotional. I cry every night and don't even want to go out. I'll go to work because I have to but being at work makes me even more self conscious. I'm soo annoyed with myself. I now have a tendency to stare at other peoples skin and compare theirs with mine. I dont know if I have BDD or acne dysmorphic disorder or whatever you want to call it but I'm just so frustrated. I hate my skin so much that it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, I try to think positive and look on the brighter side of things like "someones always got it worse" or I should be thankful for other things but even than, I still feel like shit because I know I look like shit. FML.

Im sorry. I just had to rant. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please feel free to comment. I just really need support right now.... cry.gif


I totally understand you!
I've had acne since the age of 16 and I'm 21 now. But last year my acne got really bad! I took a bcp and it went away, without scarring.
In May this year, all of my acne returned. So now I'm almost 2 months on accutane(20mg).
But this time my cheeks have scars all over and I still break out.
Last week I had to stay home 3 days from work, 'cause I'm so depressed about my skin. I'm really obsessed. I'm also loosing my hair, 'cause I'm so stressed.
I just hate waking up and seeing my f*cked up face in the mirror every morning. I just wanna stay home in my bed all day long.
I even wake up in the middle of the night touching my face, to feel if I haven't got any new pimples. I'm always trying to hide my face for other people. Even my boyfriend... I don't wanna stay the night with him anymore, 'cause I don't want him to see my face without make up. I used to sleep over, like all the time...
When I talk to somebody, I always stare at their skin. I even observe my boyfriends skin and when I see some scarring on his face, it makes me feel better... That just ain't right... Or when he gets a pimple I'm like yaaay and I feel better?!
I'm so unhappy... And I just don't know what to do. cry.gif


I know how you feel, i feel the same right now, what makes it worse for me are friends in my life who go on and on and on and on about how bad their skin is, when they are blessed with the best skin ive ever seen, they see their one tiny red spot as the end of the world, when theyve never had to wear make up in their life, so what do they see mine as then? i feel like just saying SHUT UP sometimes. I suppose its kind of nice to know that im not the only one feeling so low.



#6 kamran

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Posted 04 October 2010 - 06:28 PM

i know how you feel too. its like acne plays with my mind and its so mind boggling!!
at times my skin is like okish you know "acceptable" for me not perfect but ok and then you get another breakout out and its like damn all the efforts gone down the drain and then you gotta harden up to face the new break out the marks or scaring that comes along with. im at a low point too but im better than before much better than before come to think of it. ive got a tendency to go shopping though to make myself feel better like buying clothes and improving other things about me in order to look better if you get what i mean?

i really do hope you feel better though and you get what youre aiming to achieve.

#7 Vicious Lyss

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Posted 04 October 2010 - 07:31 PM

Yes, I can relate. It's my life 24/7. So yeah.

Acne is about a 1 on a scale of ten of all the shitty things in my life. Don't take everything else you may have for granted.

#8 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 05 October 2010 - 02:34 AM

QUOTE (Lily87 @ Oct 3 2010, 02:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi,

I feel exactly the same as you. I really am at my lowest point. I seem to spend all my time crying at the moment, making excuses not to see friends, i've even pulled a sickie at work a few times. And when I did, I didnt step foot outside my flat for 3 days. I completely broke down the other day, I really thought I was going nuts.

It's ridiculous, I just cant go on like this but I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do with myself. So, I've decided at the moment just to try to make the best of what I do have, and what I can control.

I'm not overweight, but I've decided to join the gym and start a really good fitness regime. Exercise always gives me a bit of a lift and if the result is an amazing physique then I'm hoping maybe it will be some consolation for my awful face. So to go with that I'm going to eat really healthily, drink loads of water and get early night whenever possible. I'm going to avoid doing anything that could contribute to my state of feeling so mentally and physically unwell- i.e avoid alcohol.

Whether this will work or not, I don't know. The only thing that ever cheers me up slightly is sunshine and warm whether, but with it being rainy and cold, that option isnt available.

When you said "tired and emotionally drained" you summed up my thoughts exactly- so even if my health kick idea doesn't sound like it will help you, you can at least know that you are not alone in your despair.

Let's just soldier on and hope that one day we will get some relief from this awful problem.

Best wishes.
xx



Hi Lily

Thanks for responding to my thread. I'm glad that you found something for you to work on. Working out seems to be an option for alot of people who basically want to better themselves and keep their mind off of things. I wish I could work out but I absolutely hate working out. Its a funny thing too because I work as a receptionist for a gym.

Thanks for the support!
Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.

#9 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 05 October 2010 - 02:59 AM

QUOTE (Aithne @ Oct 4 2010, 07:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 3 2010, 09:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just felt that I need to let this out. It's been building inside me for a while now and I feel people on this website would have a better understanding of what I am going through...

I've been dealing with acne since I was in middle school around the age of 14. My acne was fairly mild growing up until I hit the age of like 18-20. That's when it all went downhill. My face was extremely disgusting. I had super oily skin, blackheads, whiteheads, cysts, whatever you think I had, I probably had it. I just got my acne under control about a year go through the regimen under my signature but even now I still have a few pimples and whiteheads. I still have alot of blackheads but thats because my skin is so oily that blackheads seem to come hand in hand.

The main problem for the past few months is that I started to obsess over my acne scarring. When I say acne scarring, I mean boxcar, icepick, and rolling scars all over my face. My right side is so severe that sometimes when Im next to someone or talking to someone, I would try to face them on my left side or turn more to my left. It seems that everyday I wake up, it only gets worse. I find new scars on my cheeks everyday. They first look like enlarged pores than they end up getting bigger as the weeks go on.

I've tried medium deep chemical peels but I feel that only made my skin worse. I've also tried getting fillers in some of the scars but it didn't really make a difference and kind of made my cheeks look shiny in some areas and also the face that it's only temporary. The scarring has really made my self esteem plummet. I get so irritated when I look at pictures of myself when I was in high school with clear, scar free skin. I feel that I took my skin for granted. I wish I would have controlled my acne sooner so I wouldnt have all these scars and now that I don't really have acne, Im still getting scars. I feel so hopeless.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look at my reflection without feeling emotional. I cry every night and don't even want to go out. I'll go to work because I have to but being at work makes me even more self conscious. I'm soo annoyed with myself. I now have a tendency to stare at other peoples skin and compare theirs with mine. I dont know if I have BDD or acne dysmorphic disorder or whatever you want to call it but I'm just so frustrated. I hate my skin so much that it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, I try to think positive and look on the brighter side of things like "someones always got it worse" or I should be thankful for other things but even than, I still feel like shit because I know I look like shit. FML.

Im sorry. I just had to rant. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please feel free to comment. I just really need support right now.... cry.gif


I totally understand you!
I've had acne since the age of 16 and I'm 21 now. But last year my acne got really bad! I took a bcp and it went away, without scarring.
In May this year, all of my acne returned. So now I'm almost 2 months on accutane(20mg).
But this time my cheeks have scars all over and I still break out.
Last week I had to stay home 3 days from work, 'cause I'm so depressed about my skin. I'm really obsessed. I'm also loosing my hair, 'cause I'm so stressed.
I just hate waking up and seeing my f*cked up face in the mirror every morning. I just wanna stay home in my bed all day long.
I even wake up in the middle of the night touching my face, to feel if I haven't got any new pimples. I'm always trying to hide my face for other people. Even my boyfriend... I don't wanna stay the night with him anymore, 'cause I don't want him to see my face without make up. I used to sleep over, like all the time...
When I talk to somebody, I always stare at their skin. I even observe my boyfriends skin and when I see some scarring on his face, it makes me feel better... That just ain't right... Or when he gets a pimple I'm like yaaay and I feel better?!
I'm so unhappy... And I just don't know what to do. cry.gif


Hi Aithne

Omg I totally relate to you. Doode, last week I also called in sick b/c I was just feeling so low and depressed about my skin. I am so pissed cuz today I just got a cyst in the same area where I have alot of my acne scars. Ugh, I swear. I feel like this is a neverending cycle. I do the same exact thing where I touch my face at night to make sure I didnt get a new pimple. I have so many bad habits. All I want to do is stay at home and hibernate like 24/7.

Its funny b/c I don't even wear makeup. I just got so fed up with putting hella shit on my face trying to conceal everything and it just got so time consuming. I feel like if people are going to look at me, they need to see me for ME. Without all the makeup and what not. I just really gave up on my face. I always stare at peoples skin too. Man I wish i could just stop being such a negative nancy but its sooo hard.
Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.

#10 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 05 October 2010 - 03:07 AM

QUOTE (jamesy90 @ Oct 3 2010, 05:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hey,

I am not in the exact same situation as you, but I can relate to what you're feeling. Long story short I had beauty marks on my face which I hate and had them lasered off thinking it was no big deal, and now 2 years later, I'm still dealing with the exact same red marks where the brown blemishes used to be. These things fuck with my mind so much, and I like you am so emotionally drained.

I only like when people look on my right side, my "good side" with no red marks, and hate shaving (which makes them so fuckin bright red). No one prepared me for this, not for what these red marks would do, and for how long they would do it. I thought it would take a month to fade. I have had 2 V-beam treatments as i believe the marks are more vascular since they get faint then red, and still they persist. I feel so hopeless, and my life has been on hold for the past 2 years atleast. I rarely make eye contact w/ people unless i cover them up with make up enough so I feel comfortable (yes, I'm a guy), but even then I'm not really happy cause I know I'm living a lie. It's made me avoid relationships or even pursuing one cause I'm an emotional wreck. I've never cried so often before in my life. Before I became obsessed with these marks (like in high school) I remember being like "wow, it's been soooo long since I've cried" like years. Now it feels like I breakdown atleast once a week.

And I'm pretty sure I have BDD over these things, because I pretty much have all the symptoms. I feel like the innocent real me has died and I'm this new shit version of myself. I would give anything for my sanity back, and to feel emotionally stable again.

Anyways, the point is, you're not alone. Trust me. I really feel your pain in my own way, and I hope you find your way out of this depression, and I as well.



Hi James,

I totally understand how you feel. We may not have the same thing to stress about but we're still stressing over something similar. At least you can cover or conceal your red marks with makeup. There's really nothing you can do to conceal pitted acne scars. Putting makeup over it just makes it worse and more noticeable. I too feel like the real me has died and been buried 6 feet under and Im just a zombie version of myself living each day like its unreal and fake.

I never even really used to obsess over my skin until the past 5 months. I use to have really bad acne and used to cover it with makeup and still feel good about myself in the past. Now that I got all these pitted scars it really took a toll on my self esteem. There is so many things that I want to do with my life but I feel like my appearance holds me back so much. I too hope that I can find my way out but I feel like things are only going to get worse. Not to mention I got a huge cyst RIGHT where all my acne scars are. I feel like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode.

Thanks for the support and I wish you too the best of luck.



Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.

#11 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 05 October 2010 - 03:11 AM

QUOTE (kamran @ Oct 4 2010, 07:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i know how you feel too. its like acne plays with my mind and its so mind boggling!!
at times my skin is like okish you know "acceptable" for me not perfect but ok and then you get another breakout out and its like damn all the efforts gone down the drain and then you gotta harden up to face the new break out the marks or scaring that comes along with. im at a low point too but im better than before much better than before come to think of it. ive got a tendency to go shopping though to make myself feel better like buying clothes and improving other things about me in order to look better if you get what i mean?

i really do hope you feel better though and you get what youre aiming to achieve.


Hi Kamran,

Omg I also shop to take my mind off of things. I have so many clothes and shoes because I was buying things on impulse so basically I have a closet full of shit that I dont' even wear. Another bad habit of mine. Thanks for the support.
Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.

#12 Aithne

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Posted 06 October 2010 - 02:36 AM

QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 5 2010, 10:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Aithne @ Oct 4 2010, 07:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 3 2010, 09:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just felt that I need to let this out. It's been building inside me for a while now and I feel people on this website would have a better understanding of what I am going through...

I've been dealing with acne since I was in middle school around the age of 14. My acne was fairly mild growing up until I hit the age of like 18-20. That's when it all went downhill. My face was extremely disgusting. I had super oily skin, blackheads, whiteheads, cysts, whatever you think I had, I probably had it. I just got my acne under control about a year go through the regimen under my signature but even now I still have a few pimples and whiteheads. I still have alot of blackheads but thats because my skin is so oily that blackheads seem to come hand in hand.

The main problem for the past few months is that I started to obsess over my acne scarring. When I say acne scarring, I mean boxcar, icepick, and rolling scars all over my face. My right side is so severe that sometimes when Im next to someone or talking to someone, I would try to face them on my left side or turn more to my left. It seems that everyday I wake up, it only gets worse. I find new scars on my cheeks everyday. They first look like enlarged pores than they end up getting bigger as the weeks go on.

I've tried medium deep chemical peels but I feel that only made my skin worse. I've also tried getting fillers in some of the scars but it didn't really make a difference and kind of made my cheeks look shiny in some areas and also the face that it's only temporary. The scarring has really made my self esteem plummet. I get so irritated when I look at pictures of myself when I was in high school with clear, scar free skin. I feel that I took my skin for granted. I wish I would have controlled my acne sooner so I wouldnt have all these scars and now that I don't really have acne, Im still getting scars. I feel so hopeless.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look at my reflection without feeling emotional. I cry every night and don't even want to go out. I'll go to work because I have to but being at work makes me even more self conscious. I'm soo annoyed with myself. I now have a tendency to stare at other peoples skin and compare theirs with mine. I dont know if I have BDD or acne dysmorphic disorder or whatever you want to call it but I'm just so frustrated. I hate my skin so much that it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, I try to think positive and look on the brighter side of things like "someones always got it worse" or I should be thankful for other things but even than, I still feel like shit because I know I look like shit. FML.

Im sorry. I just had to rant. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please feel free to comment. I just really need support right now.... cry.gif


I totally understand you!
I've had acne since the age of 16 and I'm 21 now. But last year my acne got really bad! I took a bcp and it went away, without scarring.
In May this year, all of my acne returned. So now I'm almost 2 months on accutane(20mg).
But this time my cheeks have scars all over and I still break out.
Last week I had to stay home 3 days from work, 'cause I'm so depressed about my skin. I'm really obsessed. I'm also loosing my hair, 'cause I'm so stressed.
I just hate waking up and seeing my f*cked up face in the mirror every morning. I just wanna stay home in my bed all day long.
I even wake up in the middle of the night touching my face, to feel if I haven't got any new pimples. I'm always trying to hide my face for other people. Even my boyfriend... I don't wanna stay the night with him anymore, 'cause I don't want him to see my face without make up. I used to sleep over, like all the time...
When I talk to somebody, I always stare at their skin. I even observe my boyfriends skin and when I see some scarring on his face, it makes me feel better... That just ain't right... Or when he gets a pimple I'm like yaaay and I feel better?!
I'm so unhappy... And I just don't know what to do. cry.gif


Hi Aithne

Omg I totally relate to you. Doode, last week I also called in sick b/c I was just feeling so low and depressed about my skin. I am so pissed cuz today I just got a cyst in the same area where I have alot of my acne scars. Ugh, I swear. I feel like this is a neverending cycle. I do the same exact thing where I touch my face at night to make sure I didnt get a new pimple. I have so many bad habits. All I want to do is stay at home and hibernate like 24/7.

Its funny b/c I don't even wear makeup. I just got so fed up with putting hella shit on my face trying to conceal everything and it just got so time consuming. I feel like if people are going to look at me, they need to see me for ME. Without all the makeup and what not. I just really gave up on my face. I always stare at peoples skin too. Man I wish i could just stop being such a negative nancy but its sooo hard.


It's nice to know that we're going through the same thing! I just wish I had a friend who I can meet in real life and talk about my feelings... 'cause nobody seems to get me... My parents are like, Oh Enya (that's my real name) you're such a dramaqueen, stop talking about your acne, you're driving us crazy... I'm like whaaat? I'm driving you crazy? What about me? I have to wake up every morning with these things on my face!

So last week I went to see my doctor and he was like, you shouldn't stay home for something like acne, it will go away in time, there are much worse things out there. Thanks for the support doc rolleyes.gif

I just hate going to work, 'cause everbody's got like perfect skin and than there's me... And I have to see clients all day long and when I get home, I just start crying like crazy. I can't help myself anymore. I even eat alone at my desk, 'cause I'm taking accutane and the whole area around my mouth gets flaky, ,dry and disgusting when I eat...

I thought I was the only one who wakes up in the middle of the night! Don't you just hate the feeling when you find a new pimple? I just can't get back to sleep if I know that there's a new zit on my face...

Yeah about the make up, I just use a concealerstick and powder... But it even makes me look worse, 'cause my skin is now dry and I've got like the worst pimples ever... But I just can't walk outta the door without something on my face.

When I read my post, I just feel so helpless and pathetic cry.gif

Sorry for my bad english, haha, I'm from Belgium (europe) smile.gif

Hope you'll have a nice day

X







#13 Polka

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Posted 06 October 2010 - 02:53 PM

everyday is pretty hard, i just go through the motions

maybe we will find a light, or a silver lining.

im just waiting

#14 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 06 October 2010 - 10:53 PM

QUOTE (Aithne @ Oct 6 2010, 03:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 5 2010, 10:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Aithne @ Oct 4 2010, 07:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 3 2010, 09:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just felt that I need to let this out. It's been building inside me for a while now and I feel people on this website would have a better understanding of what I am going through...

I've been dealing with acne since I was in middle school around the age of 14. My acne was fairly mild growing up until I hit the age of like 18-20. That's when it all went downhill. My face was extremely disgusting. I had super oily skin, blackheads, whiteheads, cysts, whatever you think I had, I probably had it. I just got my acne under control about a year go through the regimen under my signature but even now I still have a few pimples and whiteheads. I still have alot of blackheads but thats because my skin is so oily that blackheads seem to come hand in hand.

The main problem for the past few months is that I started to obsess over my acne scarring. When I say acne scarring, I mean boxcar, icepick, and rolling scars all over my face. My right side is so severe that sometimes when Im next to someone or talking to someone, I would try to face them on my left side or turn more to my left. It seems that everyday I wake up, it only gets worse. I find new scars on my cheeks everyday. They first look like enlarged pores than they end up getting bigger as the weeks go on.

I've tried medium deep chemical peels but I feel that only made my skin worse. I've also tried getting fillers in some of the scars but it didn't really make a difference and kind of made my cheeks look shiny in some areas and also the face that it's only temporary. The scarring has really made my self esteem plummet. I get so irritated when I look at pictures of myself when I was in high school with clear, scar free skin. I feel that I took my skin for granted. I wish I would have controlled my acne sooner so I wouldnt have all these scars and now that I don't really have acne, Im still getting scars. I feel so hopeless.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look at my reflection without feeling emotional. I cry every night and don't even want to go out. I'll go to work because I have to but being at work makes me even more self conscious. I'm soo annoyed with myself. I now have a tendency to stare at other peoples skin and compare theirs with mine. I dont know if I have BDD or acne dysmorphic disorder or whatever you want to call it but I'm just so frustrated. I hate my skin so much that it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, I try to think positive and look on the brighter side of things like "someones always got it worse" or I should be thankful for other things but even than, I still feel like shit because I know I look like shit. FML.

Im sorry. I just had to rant. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please feel free to comment. I just really need support right now.... cry.gif


I totally understand you!
I've had acne since the age of 16 and I'm 21 now. But last year my acne got really bad! I took a bcp and it went away, without scarring.
In May this year, all of my acne returned. So now I'm almost 2 months on accutane(20mg).
But this time my cheeks have scars all over and I still break out.
Last week I had to stay home 3 days from work, 'cause I'm so depressed about my skin. I'm really obsessed. I'm also loosing my hair, 'cause I'm so stressed.
I just hate waking up and seeing my f*cked up face in the mirror every morning. I just wanna stay home in my bed all day long.
I even wake up in the middle of the night touching my face, to feel if I haven't got any new pimples. I'm always trying to hide my face for other people. Even my boyfriend... I don't wanna stay the night with him anymore, 'cause I don't want him to see my face without make up. I used to sleep over, like all the time...
When I talk to somebody, I always stare at their skin. I even observe my boyfriends skin and when I see some scarring on his face, it makes me feel better... That just ain't right... Or when he gets a pimple I'm like yaaay and I feel better?!
I'm so unhappy... And I just don't know what to do. cry.gif


Hi Aithne

Omg I totally relate to you. Doode, last week I also called in sick b/c I was just feeling so low and depressed about my skin. I am so pissed cuz today I just got a cyst in the same area where I have alot of my acne scars. Ugh, I swear. I feel like this is a neverending cycle. I do the same exact thing where I touch my face at night to make sure I didnt get a new pimple. I have so many bad habits. All I want to do is stay at home and hibernate like 24/7.

Its funny b/c I don't even wear makeup. I just got so fed up with putting hella shit on my face trying to conceal everything and it just got so time consuming. I feel like if people are going to look at me, they need to see me for ME. Without all the makeup and what not. I just really gave up on my face. I always stare at peoples skin too. Man I wish i could just stop being such a negative nancy but its sooo hard.


It's nice to know that we're going through the same thing! I just wish I had a friend who I can meet in real life and talk about my feelings... 'cause nobody seems to get me... My parents are like, Oh Enya (that's my real name) you're such a dramaqueen, stop talking about your acne, you're driving us crazy... I'm like whaaat? I'm driving you crazy? What about me? I have to wake up every morning with these things on my face!

So last week I went to see my doctor and he was like, you shouldn't stay home for something like acne, it will go away in time, there are much worse things out there. Thanks for the support doc rolleyes.gif

I just hate going to work, 'cause everbody's got like perfect skin and than there's me... And I have to see clients all day long and when I get home, I just start crying like crazy. I can't help myself anymore. I even eat alone at my desk, 'cause I'm taking accutane and the whole area around my mouth gets flaky, ,dry and disgusting when I eat...

I thought I was the only one who wakes up in the middle of the night! Don't you just hate the feeling when you find a new pimple? I just can't get back to sleep if I know that there's a new zit on my face...

Yeah about the make up, I just use a concealerstick and powder... But it even makes me look worse, 'cause my skin is now dry and I've got like the worst pimples ever... But I just can't walk outta the door without something on my face.

When I read my post, I just feel so helpless and pathetic cry.gif

Sorry for my bad english, haha, I'm from Belgium (europe) smile.gif

Hope you'll have a nice day

X


Omg lol. I swear I feel the same way you do! My family members especially my mom, dad and sister are like "doode, its not even that bad or stop worrying, it'll go away eventually or you're hella overreacting blah blah blah" Im like doode, if only you know how i felt. I really wish I could meet someone in person who's going through the same things as me. Im at work right now and one of my coworkers pointed at my acne scars and was like "whats happening to your face?" i literally felt like crying right there.

I absolutely hate going to work or really public places b/c i get so jealous of other peoples skin and im like "god why?". I mean yeah, things could be alot worse but still... Im always constantly touching my face which is a really bad habit but I can't stand the fact that theres always a new pimple or new acne scar showing up randomly. This shit has really taken a toll on my self esteem.

How long have you been taking accutane now? Are you getting any results? I was thinking about going on accutane but b/c of all the side effects and negative things i've read, I dont think im ready to risk my health or life. Plus im really sensitive to medication so it might fuck me up. I really wish there was like a miracle drug to get perfect skin. Probably when thats invented, ill be old and wrinkly.

Your english isnt even bad at all. I wouldnt have even guessed you were from another country. Man if only we can meet up in person haha. We'd have so much in common!

Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.

#15 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 06 October 2010 - 10:54 PM

QUOTE (Polka @ Oct 6 2010, 03:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
everyday is pretty hard, i just go through the motions

maybe we will find a light, or a silver lining.

im just waiting



Im seriously waiting too. Whats the point of living each day when I don't feel alive inside?
Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.

#16 Jlisondra

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    misalnya u tidak tahan ketika aku pergi.

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Posted 07 October 2010 - 02:09 AM

comfort.gif

i def relate to a lot of what you're feeling. i've been thru phases of depression, and i know that acne was a large part of it.

i can't really put into words how frustrating it is to get over your severe acne, and realize that was only half the battle. it seems like my scars and hyperpigmentation won't ever go away. and the worst part is trying to rebuild some self-esteem ... after feeling like shit about my appearance for so many years.

OP, one of the things that keeps me a little more positive about my skin is knowing how strong the influence of media is. would we all want clear skin skin if we weren't constantly being told that it's going to make you happy thru all those advertisements? i'm not saying no one deserves clear skin, and that we all shouldn't have that, but i believe that hearing all those commercials about acne, beauty products, only adds to the stress. ignoring a number of commercials, and skipping thru stupid ads on the radio or internet about "beauty" has helped my self-perception.

good luck with everything.
natural is beautiful. but glamour is fun.

#17 Aithne

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Posted 07 October 2010 - 08:09 AM

QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 7 2010, 06:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Aithne @ Oct 6 2010, 03:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 5 2010, 10:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Aithne @ Oct 4 2010, 07:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (frannymae @ Oct 3 2010, 09:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I just felt that I need to let this out. It's been building inside me for a while now and I feel people on this website would have a better understanding of what I am going through...

I've been dealing with acne since I was in middle school around the age of 14. My acne was fairly mild growing up until I hit the age of like 18-20. That's when it all went downhill. My face was extremely disgusting. I had super oily skin, blackheads, whiteheads, cysts, whatever you think I had, I probably had it. I just got my acne under control about a year go through the regimen under my signature but even now I still have a few pimples and whiteheads. I still have alot of blackheads but thats because my skin is so oily that blackheads seem to come hand in hand.

The main problem for the past few months is that I started to obsess over my acne scarring. When I say acne scarring, I mean boxcar, icepick, and rolling scars all over my face. My right side is so severe that sometimes when Im next to someone or talking to someone, I would try to face them on my left side or turn more to my left. It seems that everyday I wake up, it only gets worse. I find new scars on my cheeks everyday. They first look like enlarged pores than they end up getting bigger as the weeks go on.

I've tried medium deep chemical peels but I feel that only made my skin worse. I've also tried getting fillers in some of the scars but it didn't really make a difference and kind of made my cheeks look shiny in some areas and also the face that it's only temporary. The scarring has really made my self esteem plummet. I get so irritated when I look at pictures of myself when I was in high school with clear, scar free skin. I feel that I took my skin for granted. I wish I would have controlled my acne sooner so I wouldnt have all these scars and now that I don't really have acne, Im still getting scars. I feel so hopeless.

I'm getting to the point where I can't even look at my reflection without feeling emotional. I cry every night and don't even want to go out. I'll go to work because I have to but being at work makes me even more self conscious. I'm soo annoyed with myself. I now have a tendency to stare at other peoples skin and compare theirs with mine. I dont know if I have BDD or acne dysmorphic disorder or whatever you want to call it but I'm just so frustrated. I hate my skin so much that it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't get me wrong, I try to think positive and look on the brighter side of things like "someones always got it worse" or I should be thankful for other things but even than, I still feel like shit because I know I look like shit. FML.

Im sorry. I just had to rant. If anyone has any advice or words of wisdom, please feel free to comment. I just really need support right now.... cry.gif


I totally understand you!
I've had acne since the age of 16 and I'm 21 now. But last year my acne got really bad! I took a bcp and it went away, without scarring.
In May this year, all of my acne returned. So now I'm almost 2 months on accutane(20mg).
But this time my cheeks have scars all over and I still break out.
Last week I had to stay home 3 days from work, 'cause I'm so depressed about my skin. I'm really obsessed. I'm also loosing my hair, 'cause I'm so stressed.
I just hate waking up and seeing my f*cked up face in the mirror every morning. I just wanna stay home in my bed all day long.
I even wake up in the middle of the night touching my face, to feel if I haven't got any new pimples. I'm always trying to hide my face for other people. Even my boyfriend... I don't wanna stay the night with him anymore, 'cause I don't want him to see my face without make up. I used to sleep over, like all the time...
When I talk to somebody, I always stare at their skin. I even observe my boyfriends skin and when I see some scarring on his face, it makes me feel better... That just ain't right... Or when he gets a pimple I'm like yaaay and I feel better?!
I'm so unhappy... And I just don't know what to do. cry.gif


Hi Aithne

Omg I totally relate to you. Doode, last week I also called in sick b/c I was just feeling so low and depressed about my skin. I am so pissed cuz today I just got a cyst in the same area where I have alot of my acne scars. Ugh, I swear. I feel like this is a neverending cycle. I do the same exact thing where I touch my face at night to make sure I didnt get a new pimple. I have so many bad habits. All I want to do is stay at home and hibernate like 24/7.

Its funny b/c I don't even wear makeup. I just got so fed up with putting hella shit on my face trying to conceal everything and it just got so time consuming. I feel like if people are going to look at me, they need to see me for ME. Without all the makeup and what not. I just really gave up on my face. I always stare at peoples skin too. Man I wish i could just stop being such a negative nancy but its sooo hard.


It's nice to know that we're going through the same thing! I just wish I had a friend who I can meet in real life and talk about my feelings... 'cause nobody seems to get me... My parents are like, Oh Enya (that's my real name) you're such a dramaqueen, stop talking about your acne, you're driving us crazy... I'm like whaaat? I'm driving you crazy? What about me? I have to wake up every morning with these things on my face!

So last week I went to see my doctor and he was like, you shouldn't stay home for something like acne, it will go away in time, there are much worse things out there. Thanks for the support doc rolleyes.gif

I just hate going to work, 'cause everbody's got like perfect skin and than there's me... And I have to see clients all day long and when I get home, I just start crying like crazy. I can't help myself anymore. I even eat alone at my desk, 'cause I'm taking accutane and the whole area around my mouth gets flaky, ,dry and disgusting when I eat...

I thought I was the only one who wakes up in the middle of the night! Don't you just hate the feeling when you find a new pimple? I just can't get back to sleep if I know that there's a new zit on my face...

Yeah about the make up, I just use a concealerstick and powder... But it even makes me look worse, 'cause my skin is now dry and I've got like the worst pimples ever... But I just can't walk outta the door without something on my face.

When I read my post, I just feel so helpless and pathetic cry.gif

Sorry for my bad english, haha, I'm from Belgium (europe) smile.gif

Hope you'll have a nice day

X


Omg lol. I swear I feel the same way you do! My family members especially my mom, dad and sister are like "doode, its not even that bad or stop worrying, it'll go away eventually or you're hella overreacting blah blah blah" Im like doode, if only you know how i felt. I really wish I could meet someone in person who's going through the same things as me. Im at work right now and one of my coworkers pointed at my acne scars and was like "whats happening to your face?" i literally felt like crying right there.

I absolutely hate going to work or really public places b/c i get so jealous of other peoples skin and im like "god why?". I mean yeah, things could be alot worse but still... Im always constantly touching my face which is a really bad habit but I can't stand the fact that theres always a new pimple or new acne scar showing up randomly. This shit has really taken a toll on my self esteem.

How long have you been taking accutane now? Are you getting any results? I was thinking about going on accutane but b/c of all the side effects and negative things i've read, I dont think im ready to risk my health or life. Plus im really sensitive to medication so it might fuck me up. I really wish there was like a miracle drug to get perfect skin. Probably when thats invented, ill be old and wrinkly.

Your english isnt even bad at all. I wouldnt have even guessed you were from another country. Man if only we can meet up in person haha. We'd have so much in common!


Haha yeah family... they'll never get how much we suffer because of our acne... My brother has acne too, but he used differin gel and it went away in like 2 months. I tried it too, but it didn't work at all for me. I've tried everything, LOL.

Oh no, that's really rude of your coworker. It's the same here, where I work.
They're like, wooow Enya, what happened to your face? You're like 21, why do you still have acne? You should wash your face with this and that... Yeah like it is that simple, like I haven't tried that yet.

Me too, I'm always touching my face. I even have a little mirror at work and sometimes I just stare at my skin in that little mirror, haha! It's such an obsession. Sometimes I really feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I've been on accutane for 2 months now, but I'm still breaking out like crazy. Maybe 'cause I'm on such a low dose? the first month I was on 10mg, and now my second month on 20.
Here in Belgium, they never go higher than 20mg...
I just don't get it... In America you can take like 80mg a day and here they're like woow 20mg, you're on a high dose! Naaah don't think so.
But I'm kinda happy that I'm not on such a high dose, 'cause I don't wanna risk my health either.

Hope you're doing fine! smile.gif

#18 Florida Guy

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Posted 07 October 2010 - 12:39 PM

I think if there's any positive to be taken from having acne, it's that it reveals a lot about the people around you. Kind of like falling out of money tells you who your real friends are, it's nice to know who's shallow and who values you for the person you are.

I know that doesn't make living with it any easier, but when my acne was at its worst (late teens, early 20s) it was at least good to know the people in my corner were genuine human beings.

Hang in there.
My very simple regimen (I have mild to moderate acne):

Use only Kirk's Castile bar soap
Apply BenzaClin before bed
3000 mg daily of fish oil (omega-3) softgels
Plenty of water throughout the day
No soda, candy, potato chips, fried food, etc.

After several months of doing this, my skin is almost completely clear and smooth. I have the occasional pimple, but it's always tiny and goes away in no time.

#19 cvd

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Posted 10 October 2010 - 03:29 PM

Hi Frannymae

You've really summed up my feelings! I also check out other people's skin and I'm constantly amazed at how other people can eat and do anything and still have great skin. Doctors are terrible about understanding how this affects us emotionally...I think they don't have a clue or are clueless about how to handle the emotions. The only thing I can say is that you're still young so hopefully your skin will calm down.

Don't be afraid to try Accutane because it can do wonders and is especially good for adult female acne. Also I think Spironolactone is good and very safe. If you're scarring then it's really important to get the cysts under control.

My family also tells me that my acne isn't that bad but then they have beautiful skin and have no idea what it's like to wake up every single day to new pimples...and to have that happen for years and years and years. Even when my skin is clearer I still have the feeling that my skin looks bad and I think that's because I've got gotten traumatized over it.

Thanks so much for sharing all of your feelings - again, you really said it well...

Status - 99.9% clear

Morning - Panoxyl 4 Cleanser (BP), Cleocin-T, DML Lotion, Physician's Formula SPF 30 Mineral Pressed Powder, Spiro 100 mg

Night - Cetaphil Antibacterial Bar, DML Lotion

Monthly - Professional microdermabrasion

Diet - Whole high nutrient unprocessed foods.  Avoid oils, dairy, sugars, bread, nuts, alcohol, caffeine, and fermented foods.

Supplements - Opti l-zinc, citrical + D3

Daily - Walk, breath deeply, meditate and do yoga daily, wear hats for sun protection 

 

 


#20 Goneandnvrcominbak

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Posted 15 October 2010 - 03:42 AM

Hi. Thanks for responding. Yah it's a really bad habit of checking out others people skin. I actually can't take accutane anyways even if I wanted to. I have a bad health history so I'm technically disqualified from taking it. I've also taken antibiotics which just made me breakout in hives so everything that I do to control my acne has to be done topically. I haven't been breaking out like I did before but it seems like every pimple I get leaves a depressed scar. Lately I've been feeling worse so Its hard. I hope u feel better too.

QUOTE (cvd @ Oct 10 2010, 03:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Frannymae

You've really summed up my feelings! I also check out other people's skin and I'm constantly amazed at how other people can eat and do anything and still have great skin. Doctors are terrible about understanding how this affects us emotionally...I think they don't have a clue or are clueless about how to handle the emotions. The only thing I can say is that you're still young so hopefully your skin will calm down.

Don't be afraid to try Accutane because it can do wonders and is especially good for adult female acne. Also I think Spironolactone is good and very safe. If you're scarring then it's really important to get the cysts under control.

My family also tells me that my acne isn't that bad but then they have beautiful skin and have no idea what it's like to wake up every single day to new pimples...and to have that happen for years and years and years. Even when my skin is clearer I still have the feeling that my skin looks bad and I think that's because I've got gotten traumatized over it.

Thanks so much for sharing all of your feelings - again, you really said it well...


Eff my life. I'm done. Eff everything.