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Learning to accept Acne

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#1 o Havoc o

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Posted 03 August 2010 - 09:31 AM

Hey guys.

For those of you who don't know me I am a long term member of the org. I've been here since 2002.

The aim of this thread here is to share some knowledge on how to deal with acne and the psychological effects. I want everyone to know that you can beat it and be happy.

Brief history on me. I've had acne since i was 13. I am now 26, i still have acne but i have it under control. I use the DKR which keeps me clear. Now days i do it when i can be bothered as i'm not that bothered about acne anymore. It's more physically painful when i shave if i let it get out of control as opposed to it damaging me mentally.

I've read a lot of people's stories on here, infact i remember posting a few "help me" threads when i was 18 trying to deal with it.

One thing that sticks above all else is how everyone allows acne to control them. I've been there as well. It kept me in my house for 2 years and i was depressed as hell. I spent so much time online that my online life felt more real than my actual life. However this lead to a downward spiral. I got so comfortable with my online life i started lying to people and making stuff up, albeit i would use real aspects of my life and just glamourised it.

Spending your life inside your house and on the net is not the answer. It is the worst thing you can actually do.

So why does acne destroy us mentally? Well i've come to the conclusion it's laregely down to the world we live in where we see actors on t.v who look perfect and are beatiful. We see adverts advertising beauty products and we are conditioned to believe this how we have to be. However i would say 10% of is our own ego as well. Real people don't look like this. Real people are not photoshopped to look good. No one is perfect, everyone has inperfections on their body.

The day i started to accept my acne was a day that changed my life. It was just a normal day. Everyone was out working or having a good time and the world was passing me by. I had a bad breakout that day and was feeling very low. I was coming back from my local shop and across the street i saw a group of friends laughing and joking and having fun. One girl in this group caught my eye. She only had one arm but she couldn't be any happier. I thought to myself this girl has got it a lot worse than me and look how she is enjoying her life. She had lost an arm and didn't have a care in the world.

From that day i started putting things into perspective. It took me about a year to get fully back on my feer but i got my life back. After a while breakouts just didnt bother me anymore, i just refuse to let it stop me.

We have to keep in mind that there is always someone worse off than us. Most of us have a family, a roof over our heads, we know where our next meal is coming from. I make this assumption because everyone who can read this has computer and internet access so things can't be that bad. You have to take stock of what you have in life and make the most of it.

Life is too short to let is pass you by. You have to accept that you might have acne the rest of your life. If someone told you that you only had 6 months left to live would you sit there and feel sorry for yourself or go and make everyday count? Acne is a horrible thing but it will not kill you and i for one refuse to let it stop from living. I will not be hostage to it ever again.

You are the only one who can help you. Websites like this can support you but you have to walk through that door, you have to make yourself better. The more you sit there and do nothing the harder it will be.

I was in the pits of depression 5 years ago. Now i have great friends, good family, a good job, a nice car. i go to the gym, I go out most weekends and i just bought my first house. I'm not boasting i'm just letting you know what can be done in 5 years and that you can do this to.

I'm not saying i'm anyone special, i'm not saying i'm anyone's saviour. I'm just a guy who chose to change the way things were. I may lose and lose big but atleast i can say that i tried.

#2 Lifes NOT fair :(

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Posted 03 August 2010 - 12:41 PM

I have 2 threads up both titled,

'WHY acne is so 'wrong''

and 'WHY we have acne'

Those threads go off on the topic almost like accepting acne, knowing why it is so wrong and why we even have it at all. I am only 13, but I have it pretty bad, I have accepted it to some extent, but I feel as it will last until I have moved out of my parents house. I started puberty at 11 and got acne at 12.

#3 o Havoc o

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Posted 03 August 2010 - 01:41 PM

QUOTE (AshleyNicole @ Aug 3 2010, 06:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is very much true.
I find that the more time I spend online trying to find ways of clearing my acne, or just thinking about my acne (which is 90% of the time), I feel much worse. A few years ago, when I first started breaking out, I disliked my skin but I would still constantly go out with friends after school for hours, even meeting new people and not letting that get in my way of having a good time.

I think that I need to get over my acne, go out with some friends and stop hiding my face from people when I'm out in public. It's not really helping my confidence much. I guess if I were still wearing makeup, I'd be more comfortable, but if guys can go out without makeup while breaking out, so can I!

I actually went for a walk/jog this morning, and I didn't even think about my acne the entire time even though there were some people around. I think that just getting out of the house, keeping your mind on other things, will really help people get over their acne. My friends all like me despite my skin being imperfect, so why can't I?


It's the way to do.

It's going to be every where you go just as much as your arms and legs are with you every where you go.

Life has to go on. We either move on with the rest of the world or get stagnent and forgtten

#4 rentstuff

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 10:57 AM

QUOTE (Nicky D @ Aug 3 2010, 08:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are the only one who can help you. Websites like this can support you but you have to walk through that door, you have to make yourself better. The more you sit there and do nothing the harder it will be.

I was in the pits of depression 5 years ago. Now i have great friends, good family, a good job, a nice car. i go to the gym, I go out most weekends and i just bought my first house. I'm not boasting i'm just letting you know what can be done in 5 years and that you can do this to.


That was a good read, quite inspiring. Mind over matter, the brain is too controlling tinydan.gif Thanks for sharing wavey.gif


#5 o Havoc o

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 02:51 PM

QUOTE (rentstuff @ Aug 6 2010, 05:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Nicky D @ Aug 3 2010, 08:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You are the only one who can help you. Websites like this can support you but you have to walk through that door, you have to make yourself better. The more you sit there and do nothing the harder it will be.

I was in the pits of depression 5 years ago. Now i have great friends, good family, a good job, a nice car. i go to the gym, I go out most weekends and i just bought my first house. I'm not boasting i'm just letting you know what can be done in 5 years and that you can do this to.


That was a good read, quite inspiring. Mind over matter, the brain is too controlling tinydan.gif Thanks for sharing wavey.gif


My pleasure mate i hope it can help you.

It can be done. It hurts and the chances it will get worse before it gets better. I learned that it was me stopping myself from living, no one else. No one made fun of me about my acne, it was all me.

After years on here and talking hundreds of people i would 95% of acne sufferers bring themselves down about it. Just have to our way of thinking and reprograme ourselves.

#6 john1234

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 02:58 PM

I agree with you in many respects. But an important point is that the acceptance should be complete acceptance, and more importantly, truthful acceptance.

Let me explain. Sometimes we lie to ourselves that we don't have bad acne, that acne doesn't make us look worse, that no one really notices, that people won't judge us for it -- and in doing so, indirectly accept our state of being. Then we look in the mirror, realize that people do judge us for our acne, and we are at a constant disadvantage -- and our so-called acceptance washes away. This type of acceptance should not be encouraged.

Rather, we should recognize and admit that our acne does make us look worse, that people of course do notice, that some people will judge. Then ask yourself: so what? Being able to ask yourself and accept those two words will be the beginning of your emotional recovery.

So what if I have acne? Yes it make me look worse. But does it say anything about my character? I still have parents that love me. Life still goes on. Many people are in worse conditions. Acknowledging that acne is a disadvantage and then trying to make up for it in different respects in life, whether it's getting a better body, obtaining more knowledge, reading more books, smiling more often.

Edited by john1234, 06 August 2010 - 03:01 PM.


#7 o Havoc o

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 03:21 PM

QUOTE (john1234 @ Aug 6 2010, 09:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I agree with you in many respects. But an important point is that the acceptance should be complete acceptance, and more importantly, truthful acceptance.

Let me explain. Sometimes we lie to ourselves that we don't have bad acne, that acne doesn't make us look worse, that no one really notices, that people won't judge us for it -- and in doing so, indirectly accept our state of being. Then we look in the mirror, realize that people do judge us for our acne, and we are at a constant disadvantage -- and our so-called acceptance washes away. This type of acceptance should not be encouraged.

Rather, we should recognize and admit that our acne does make us look worse, that people of course do notice, that some people will judge. Then ask yourself: so what? Being able to ask yourself and accept those two words will be the beginning of your emotional recovery.

So what if I have acne? Yes it make me look worse. But does it say anything about my character? I still have parents that love me. Life still goes on. Many people are in worse conditions. Acknowledging that acne is a disadvantage and then trying to make up for it in different respects in life, whether it's getting a better body, obtaining more knowledge, reading more books, smiling more often.


Agreed.

Wise words, and i am happy you have got to where you are.

The fight againest acne has to be fought just as much in the mind as it does on our skin.

#8 Guest_fugleee_dumbBUNNY_*

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Posted 07 August 2010 - 01:21 PM

i didnt even read your post (must be about how personality matters more than looks etc etc)
but i can tell u right away, i will never never hear me NEVER accept acne and i will accept nothing less than perfect looks after all the damn shit mad.gif and i dont care about no goody stuff anyone of u might say, id choose to be pretty, lucky but bad personality (which i am anyways even with acne gahahah xD) over good goody person with acne, in any time of the day catdance.gif lol.gif

#9 Sad_one

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Posted 07 August 2010 - 05:23 PM

I just can't believe what a disaster acne is.. All hurt feelings are the same. Sometimes I'm thinking: ok, cut off my head, it's so so hard. I have another health problem, but it's ok. But I'm so depressed about my acne. My acne is not a worst. Some people has got it a lot lot worse than me, sometimes my skin looks beautiful, no pimples and so on.. But in those moments i start to realize it's not over. So I don't wanna have a girlfriend, because I don't want her to feel bad about me. I don't want to get a job, I don't want to do anything. I'm so mad at myself, but I can't do anything. I suffer from thinking about acne, acne and acne all the time. Can anybody create an acne world and invite me in? I would like to meet you guys someday in real and have a good time. eusa_shifty.gif

#10 o Havoc o

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Posted 07 August 2010 - 06:27 PM

QUOTE (fugleee_dumbBUNNY @ Aug 7 2010, 08:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i didnt even read your post (must be about how personality matters more than looks etc etc)
but i can tell u right away, i will never never hear me NEVER accept acne and i will accept nothing less than perfect looks after all the damn shit mad.gif and i dont care about no goody stuff anyone of u might say, id choose to be pretty, lucky but bad personality (which i am anyways even with acne gahahah xD) over good goody person with acne, in any time of the day catdance.gif lol.gif


Fair enough.

I'll just say this. You have been conditioned to think this way as were we all and your post is a classic conditoned response. You need to think differently and adapt

I wish you well but you won't get anywhere with that outlook.



#11 Vicious Lyss

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Posted 07 August 2010 - 08:04 PM

agree with all of this. nicky, you are a very wise and smart individual. for that, i respect you a lot. ace advice.

#12 o Havoc o

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Posted 08 August 2010 - 06:03 AM

QUOTE (Ḻyssa @ Aug 8 2010, 03:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
agree with all of this. nicky, you are a very wise and smart individual. for that, i respect you a lot. ace advice.


Thank you young one smile.gif

However you have made me sound old. I'm only 26 hahaha.

#13 lameleah

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Posted 10 August 2010 - 04:47 AM

QUOTE (Ḻyssa @ Aug 7 2010, 09:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
agree with all of this. nicky, you are a very wise and smart individual. for that, i respect you a lot. ace advice.


me too.
and you do sound old haha lol.gif

Edited by lameleah, 10 August 2010 - 04:47 AM.


#14 o Havoc o

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Posted 10 August 2010 - 06:19 AM

QUOTE (lameleah @ Aug 10 2010, 11:47 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE (Ḻyssa @ Aug 7 2010, 09:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
agree with all of this. nicky, you are a very wise and smart individual. for that, i respect you a lot. ace advice.


me too.
and you do sound old haha lol.gif



I shall have my revenge! ninja.gif wink.gif biggrin.gif

#15 ChrisfromEssex

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Posted 10 August 2010 - 03:28 PM

Great advice Nicky.

A lot of us on here are our own worst enemy. Acne is no excuse to give up.

#16 cutie1991

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Posted 10 August 2010 - 11:38 PM

Not everyone has to accept acne. I've been using proactiv since I was in the seventh grade and my face has been flawless ever since! I use it morning and night and I LOVE the green tea moisturizer it hydrates my skin and it looks sooo healthy. My aunt uses it too and she has used it for years too. I don't understand why people are not finding success with it. You do have to let your face get used to the benzol peroxide because yes it will dry it out and irritate it but my derm told me to dilute the solution at first and THEN use full strength when you become use to it. I love this product I swear by it. The only problem is that it is time consuming but who cares its worth it!

#17 o Havoc o

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Posted 11 August 2010 - 02:15 AM

QUOTE (ChrisfromEssex @ Aug 10 2010, 10:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Great advice Nicky.

A lot of us on here are our own worst enemy. Acne is no excuse to give up.


Indeed.

I think people can just lose sight of what they have to do. I've been guilty of that. Acne is a very selfish condition where we feel that no in the world can possibly feel as bad as we do.

When we can break the cycle and realise we haven't got it so bad we start move and just accept that we have it.

QUOTE (cutie1991 @ Aug 11 2010, 06:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not everyone has to accept acne. I've been using proactiv since I was in the seventh grade and my face has been flawless ever since! I use it morning and night and I LOVE the green tea moisturizer it hydrates my skin and it looks sooo healthy. My aunt uses it too and she has used it for years too. I don't understand why people are not finding success with it. You do have to let your face get used to the benzol peroxide because yes it will dry it out and irritate it but my derm told me to dilute the solution at first and THEN use full strength when you become use to it. I love this product I swear by it. The only problem is that it is time consuming but who cares its worth it!


I disagree. If one is to overcome the psychological effects acne can have then accepting it is the first step to being able to cope with it.

I'd say about 80% of people still feel depressed even once there acne has cleared, at least from the people i have spoken to anyway.

The battle has to be psycologically just as much as physically. Actually i would argue more has to be done to combat it psychologically.

If you're dealing with the mental aspects then that is great. May be you can share your thoughts on how you deal with it?

#18 mebe

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Posted 11 August 2010 - 09:43 AM

good posts. I will try to remember these ideas of loving myself and acknowledge that the acne does look bad. Got to just find other aspects in which to gain confidence.

#19 onedaysoon

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 08:47 AM

This was a spot-on post. eusa_clap.gif
I am 22 and have had sparkly skin, until I turned 17. In the beginning, no big deal, but then it turned into a reclusive, inhibiting, debilitating disease for me. The ONLY thing that kept me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed was the fact that I have very young and impressionable almost tween sisters, (three to be exact!) and they need to know that everyone is different, and everyone has a quality (or physical aspect) of themselves that others may not have, and we should accept differences, not turn our noses up. I also have a 2 yo son, and I want him to know (along with my darling seesters) that our goal is not perfection, it's self acceptance. There is nothing wrong with accepting acne, and there is also nothing wrong with accepting to wrestle with it! I am sad for people with the mindset that if you don't look like a Kardashian you aren't worth a damn, and in my opinion that's not living. Life is fun, you just have to find your footing and make your mark!!

#20 o Havoc o

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Posted 18 August 2010 - 12:22 PM

QUOTE (onedaysoon @ Aug 18 2010, 03:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This was a spot-on post. eusa_clap.gif
I am 22 and have had sparkly skin, until I turned 17. In the beginning, no big deal, but then it turned into a reclusive, inhibiting, debilitating disease for me. The ONLY thing that kept me bright-eyed and bushy-tailed was the fact that I have very young and impressionable almost tween sisters, (three to be exact!) and they need to know that everyone is different, and everyone has a quality (or physical aspect) of themselves that others may not have, and we should accept differences, not turn our noses up. I also have a 2 yo son, and I want him to know (along with my darling seesters) that our goal is not perfection, it's self acceptance. There is nothing wrong with accepting acne, and there is also nothing wrong with accepting to wrestle with it! I am sad for people with the mindset that if you don't look like a Kardashian you aren't worth a damn, and in my opinion that's not living. Life is fun, you just have to find your footing and make your mark!!


Very well said.

If i was struggling to deal with it i'd print out what you said and read it everyday smile.gif