Accutane Log: Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces
Posted 10 February 2010 - 01:05 PM
Well, after extensive research and frequent stalking of several people's profiles, I decided to take the accutane plunge. My acne history is basically the same sob-story as everyone else's: started out mild, then started getting cysts, topicals didn't work, antibiotics didn't work, yada, yada, yada. I even went so far as the “all natural” approach complete with tea tree oil and goat milk soap (that did shit) and then decided to stop washing my face (that did further shit.) One doctor already suggested accutane when I was at the tender age of fifteen, but I got scared of all the potential side-effects and decided that living my life for the next four years looking like the surface of Io was way better. If only I could go back in time and tell my younger, less-pimple ridden self what I know now.
I just got back from getting my bloodwork done. I've gotten a lot of bloodwork done in this short life of mine already and for some reason, I like to watch when the needle gets all foggy with heat and the blood pools in. Every time I do this, the person taking my blood always goes “Are you alright?” as if she's terrified I'm going to faint at any second. If the bloodwork comes back good, I'll be picking up my prescription tomorrow.
As of now, there are three cysts on my right cheek, one on my left temple, a generous sprinkling of whiteheads on my forehead and the so-called “pimple moustache” on my upper lip (sometimes it can go as far as turning into a pimple-goatee). Of course, I don't make things any better by slathering cover-up and foundation on every morning, but I'd rather be cake-face than zit-head.
My Current Living Situation: Going to college, first year, five hours away from home, doing a useless General Studies course. Living with my uncle, who I believe is Joseph Stalin reincarnated. The college is one and a half hours away on bus (three transfers). I work part-time at a dodgy coffee place that smells kind of like meat and have no idea how it hasn't gone out of business yet. All in all, I think every aspect of my life would be better if I didn't have a small mountain range growing up out of it.
Posted 10 February 2010 - 01:22 PM
Anyway, yay for Accutane! I'm happy for you. I'll be starting my second course of 'Tane in March, so I'll for sure be checking in on your log to see how you're doing. Good luck and hang on to your sense of humor!
Posted 10 February 2010 - 01:22 PM
Posted 10 February 2010 - 04:18 PM
Wow – thanks for the comments. I didn't actually expect that. Just finished classes here at the old college (economics = shoot me. What is the point of this course? Seriously? If someone asked me what it was, I don't think I could tell them and yet I have to find a way to scrape through it with a passable mark) and I am now in the school library typing this discreetly on the library computer. I managed to tint the screen dark so no one will see my acne musings...
Anyways – the reason WHY I'm using the library computer instead of my own is because mine decided to go ballistic on me and screw me up with some shizz called “kernel panic” (hence my user name.) So, that really sucks since I despise where I live and computer games really pass the time so I don't have to hang around Joseph Stalin.
I get to go and see AVATAR tonight (third time) and had to buy tickets ultra-early because 3-D still sells out super early. I get to go with my cousin and his girlfriend. Just for the record, I was living with said cousin during the last term of college, which made the experience slightly less dreadful, but then him and his girlfriend decided to move in together and that would have just been one step below menage-a-trois if I lived with them, hence taking up residence with Stalin. Why I am telling you all of this? I have no idea. Oh wait – I actually did remember. I meant to start this paragraph saying that even though I have horrid, cystic acne, I try not to let it get in the way of my social life. It's hard, and sometimes I would rather crawl under a rock than go out in public, but I do it anyways. I'm also ESTATIC that I'm going to be “home” late tonight (preferably anything over midnight would be great) so I can avoid Stalin and his reluctant crew.
Someone just took the computer beside me and they smell like onions and cumin, so I'm going to have to sign off now before I die.
Posted 10 February 2010 - 08:50 PM
Economics and English are my life. Maybe I just like the letter E?
ANYWAY--Congratulations! Accutane is a big step, but it's a big step in the right direction! I'm looking forward to reading your log.
I like to watch the blood go into the viles as well! My nurse has gotten used to it now though.
Also, I don't know why I'm starting a new paragraph after every line or two.
Posted 11 February 2010 - 10:47 AM
this is DAY ONE:
Forgot to mention yesterday: that little link on my signature took me FOREVER to figure out. I accidentally linked it to several other people's posts before finally getting my own. Oops.
AVATAR was fucking sweet! How come that movie never gets old? Not to mention that Sam Worthington is one sexy stud muffin. Anywho, raging hormones aside... I'm sooooooooo excited for today! I feel like it's the night before christmas. ANYWAYS, here are my peripherals:
5 ft 1
Going on a four month course of accutane
That's about all I can think of now. I don't even know what my accutane dose is yet, since I'm going to pick up my prescription today after class, then pop my first pill tonight. Already looking forward to drying up like a bit of apple under a dehydrator.
I was thinking about putting up pictures on my progress, but am not because one: I'm lazy and two: I'm inept at almost everything computer related. My skin's pretty much the same as yesterday. Some of the forehead treats popped and a couple more decided to spring to the surface. I'm really glad I found this website, since now I can vent and (hopefully) get some support while I'm on my course. I'd much rather take my accutane course while I'm at home, God knows that Stalin here would never offer any support. He just stood and stared at me after I sliced open my finger on a knife. Interesting story: so I go to peel this cucumber for a salad, but its still in it's wrapper. I get out a knife and try to cut the plastic off to no avail and start having a bit of a tantrum. That's when I realize that the neighbour is watching me from his backyard and the position of my hands on the cucumber was... well, nothing that would be acceptable on network cable vis-a-vis: it looked like I was giving the cucumber a hand job. So I sort of hid the cucumber behind the counter and tried to slice it, but the knife slipped and I ended up slicing my finger open instead. That was when Stalin came in the room and when I showed him my finger gushing blood, he simply said – and I am not making this up - “Well, what do you want me to do about it?” Do about it? Do about it?! I want to you drive my to the fucking hospital, that's what I want you to do about it!! Luckily for my quickly-dwindling blood supply, his wife came into the room then and drove me to the hospital and waited while I got stitched up.
What was I talking about in the first place? I have no idea. Sorry for going tremendously off-topic, for anyone that's still reading this and didn't hit their back browser when this started drifting away from the topic of acne.
Edited by kernel.panic, 13 February 2010 - 01:18 PM.
Posted 11 February 2010 - 11:46 AM
Posted 11 February 2010 - 02:03 PM
Posted 11 February 2010 - 08:47 PM
THIS IS STILL DAY ONE
Well, I just popped my first pill with supper tonight, since I heard your supposed to take this stuff with fat. I'm taking 60 mg for now. I'm pretty sure my doctor was telling me about dosages and stuff, but I wasn't really listening (a terrible habit I have of doing). Getting the pills went fine, I love how the pharmacist sort of looked at me as if to size me up to make sure that my skin was worthy of taking it. He then proceeded to go on about all the pregnancy horror-stories and suggested that I don't dye my hair while I'm on this stuff because it could all fall out. Yes, thank you, but I don't dye my hair anyways. I also stocked up on stuff to use while I'm on accutane. The list goes as follows:
-SpectroJel as a cleanser
-Cetaphil lotion as a moisturizer (actually London Drugs brand knock-off, but cheaper with the same ingredients)
-Burt's Bees Chapstick
-Vitamin B Complex pills since multi-vitamins are a no-no because of the vitamin A.
That's all I could think of at the time, and these items have throughly exhausted my monthly budget. If there's anything else I forgot to get, please feel free to tell me. Also, if anyone knows how Mill's On Liberty is related to Feyerabend's How to Defend Society Against Science that would also be great, since it is a question that will be in my Philosophy mid-term that makes absolutely no sense to me.
Posted 11 February 2010 - 09:22 PM
I had my mother pick up my prescription because I didn't want the pharmacist to see me. Also, I had applied for a job there a few weeks earlier, and they called me up about two weeks ago and said that they had filled the position with someone who could get there thirty minutes earlier, even though I am "more qualified." Opportunity costs. Heh.
I'm SO excited that you're only a few days behind me. 'TANE BUDDY! MWUAH!!!!! Super good luck to you, and don't obsess over one single side effect. If you're anything like me, you'll end up convincing yourself that you're pregnant and worry for the rest of the month. Even if you've never had sex. Even if you've never seen a man before.
Posted 12 February 2010 - 06:13 PM
No side effects to report yet, but I have to say that I didn't really expect that much anyways. The skin is no better or no worse, although I did get a small cluster of whiteheads on the left side of my mouth that went away by the time I got back from school. I ended up falling asleep in Geography today (useless class anyways) since trying to make that 8:30 class is somewhat of a tiring hassle with the bus transfers and whatnot, so I end up missing that class more often than not. I made friends with a smart person in that class solely so I could copy their notes. It's funny that I don't really have a lot of friends in college, more just class-acquaintances. More often than not, I just hang around with my cousin and his circle of friends, which all happen to be lovely people.
I finally got my computer back today (curse you kernel panic for making my life stretch out infinitely for the past two weeks!) I guess it had a fried video controller card, plus waaaaaaay too much stuff on it for the hard drive to be able to support itself. I pretended to act all cool like I really knew what the computer guy was talking about when in reality it sounded like he was trying to explain Quantum Mechanics to me (which actually are somewhat interesting to, from what I gather on Wikipedia). I just nodded and said, “So, that means I have to delete some stuff?” And that's what I'll be doing for the better chunk of tonight, since my computer is all clogged up with illegally-downloaded movies that were supposed to go on my iPod for my watching pleasure, but really, is there any pleasure in watching a movie on a screen the size of a match-box? Seriously?
I also somehow found myself signing up for a credit card at Zellers today, not entirely sure what I was doing the entire time because the woman ringing me through had a REALLY thick Hungarian accent and I just kept saying “Yeah” to everything that she said to me, and the next thing I know, she's handing me a document to look over and sign and it's like “Oh shit – this is for a credit card.” So, I have no idea whether or not my purchases were actually paid for today and have added “cancel Zeller's card” to my ever-expanding list of mundane things to do.
I do, in fact, realize that most of this entry had nothing to do with my skin, but I keep telling myself that I'll start talking about it when I start to see/feel side effects. In reality, this is probably going to end up being one of those blogs that ramble on about nothing in particular.
Posted 12 February 2010 - 08:27 PM
Posted 12 February 2010 - 10:26 PM
Also, blogs that ramble on about nothing in particular are excellent. X]
Posted 12 February 2010 - 11:12 PM
As other posters have already mentioned, your ability to play with words is truly amazing!
We started at almost the same time, hopefully we both come out with clear skin by the end of our courses
By the way, I hate kernel panics
Posted 13 February 2010 - 03:26 PM
Thanks for all the compliments on this blog guys. Maybe I'll just become a freelance writer and forget this college stuff.
I realize that these updates are getting a little ridiculous, I really do. I'll try and refrain myself from updating until there actually IS something acne-related. I'm loving having to take my zit pills with fat, particularly of the peanut butter variety. So far, not much dryness. More just whitehead overturn and the cysts on my cheek seem to be going down, but I have the sinking suspicion that there will be plenty more of these suckers to come in the next few months... I also love not having to bother with topicals and shit. It's just wash and GO!
Currently, I'm on my break at work. After today, I don't work for at least a week. I suspect this is because this place is so dead, they cannot afford to pay all their employees. I move that they pay me in coffee, instead, since I can't seem to live without at least five cups of the stuff a day. It's right up there with my foundation dependance.
Also, this place isn't all that bad to work at solely for the reason that the best-looking guy in the world also works here. I swear to God, he looks like something that an artist would draw if they tried to depict a Greek God. There is a downside, however: I'm also certainly positive that he is gay. Of course, he hasn't admitted that much to me yet, but I've caught him on several occasions checking out the asses of the occasional but rare men that drift in and out of this decrepit coffee shop. I often find myself dilemma-ed whether or not to actually straight out ask if he's gay or not, but then decide that it could turn out awkward either way. I'm tempted to take a picture of him just to determine how symmetrical his features really are, I just have to do it in a sneaky fashion. And charge my camera...
Alternatively, I found some mascara in my bag that claims to be waterproof, yet can wash off with water. How is this even possible? What sort of deceiving product trickery are you trying to pull on me, Avon? I put some on anyways and fully expect to have raccoon eyes by the end of the day.
In addition – I also have to check out other people's logs that I'm following, just so they know that I'm not neglecting them. We swears we'll get some comments up on there tonight. You have not been abandoned! I appreciate all your support and I fully intend on returning it.
Posted 13 February 2010 - 07:34 PM
Posted 14 February 2010 - 03:40 PM
Posted 14 February 2010 - 08:52 PM
You're almost halfway through your first week! I love your blog. X]
How're you feeling?