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How ya feelin' about your acne today?


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#7461 tatortots12

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Posted 16 March 2015 - 11:28 PM

Today will be the 4th month I've gone without going outside. I can barely remember the last time I hanged out with friends which was prior to my college's fall semester. I turned 20 soon and I'm glad do no one will know about it. My skin has gotten somewhat better on tazorac (3 month now) I hope it will be better during the 6th month mark. It kinda sucks watching other peers live out their lives on FB/Instagram. 

Oh what could've been. My Occupation is "Shut-in".


Edited by tatortots12, 16 March 2015 - 11:32 PM.


#7462 worldtraveler27

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Posted 17 March 2015 - 07:36 AM

Im at school right now and wont make eye contact with anyone. Im wearing makeup, but to me its just making my skin stand out more. It looks pretty bad today and i wish it would stop breaking out. I dont know whats wrong, im guessing new makeup, but its really upsetting. Im really afraid im just gonna leave, but school is important. I wish i could look people in the eye and not worry about their reaction when they see my skin. Ugh, being in college with acne sucks.

#7463 patflat71

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Posted 17 March 2015 - 10:40 AM

Today I'm feeling very emotional. Is it the acne or the hormones (or both!). I feel like I have the worst friggin pimple in the history of dermatology. I know it's not the case and I don't mean any disrespect towards anyone (like the skinny girl that compains she's fat) but this is how I feel. You know the cold sore commercial where this girl walks around with a spot light shining right on her sore, that's how I feel today. The makeup is covering the redness all right but dang this thing it the size of the tip of my finger. I told my DH today that if I get even just one more pimple, I'm going straight to my GP for HRT (he diagnose me as pre-menopausal last time I was there, therefore my hormones are out of whack and I'm pretty sure that's what's causing the acne - that and being in week 7 of retin-a...). I just want to cry honnest to goodness I want to crawl under a rock. The sun is shining and I should be happy but it's like I'm a vampire (hiiiissss) the sun is not my friend as it makes my bumps the more visible.

What kind of imbalance do you have? I'm curious about the treatment options for hormonal issues. I only know about birth control and anti-androgen medicines. That's great that your husband is supportive though. Lol, I hate that we can't always enjoy the good weather like everyone else.

 

I feel okay about my skin. Some hyperpigmentation that's been bothering me has shown some improvement today. I tried apple cider vinegar for the first time and my skin feels good. Doesn't look good, as usual, but feels good.

 

Kay24, it's the dreaded pre-menopause (I had blood work done to confirm). I'm only 43! But it can last up to 10 years. Apparently you are officially in your menopause once you have not had periods for 6 months. I'm at the 3 month mark now. Basically my body is not producing estrogen which means that there is an imbalance between than and androgen (and that's what would cause the acne). Not sure why my doc prescribed retin-a instead of... anything else really - making my acne worse (thanks to the IB). Anyways, there are some side effects related to estrogen replacement that makes me really wonder if I am desperate enough to go that route (breast cancer and uterine cancer among other). So I'm riding the wave, hoping that retin-a will start working on my acne at some point and trying to supplement with soy proein powder (which is supposed to boost your estrogen levels) and evening primerose oil for hot flashes. So far so good! 

 

P.S. (I think my husband is supportive because he's scared - think PMS x 10!)



#7464 Pianina

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Posted 17 March 2015 - 04:54 PM

Feeling like a complete moron! Used apple cider vinegar as facial toner and then... went outside into the harsh spring sun with no sunscreen... Me, who got 4 fraxels lately. Who wants to get rid of scars... How can I be so careless, feeling so angry with myself. Probably I don't have to say that I've burned my face and treated area got inflamed red, broke out and even the rest of the face is not blotchy, with some mysterious painful spots. Harrrrrrr I should spank myself. 


Diagnosed with PCOS

Occasional acne + rolling scars

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Dermatologica Ultracalming Cleanser
- Paula's Choice Skin Ballancing Moisturizing Gel or Neutrogena Oil free moisturizer
- Occasional AHA masks 



 


#7465 Kay24

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Posted 17 March 2015 - 09:02 PM

 

Today I'm feeling very emotional. Is it the acne or the hormones (or both!). I feel like I have the worst friggin pimple in the history of dermatology. I know it's not the case and I don't mean any disrespect towards anyone (like the skinny girl that compains she's fat) but this is how I feel. You know the cold sore commercial where this girl walks around with a spot light shining right on her sore, that's how I feel today. The makeup is covering the redness all right but dang this thing it the size of the tip of my finger. I told my DH today that if I get even just one more pimple, I'm going straight to my GP for HRT (he diagnose me as pre-menopausal last time I was there, therefore my hormones are out of whack and I'm pretty sure that's what's causing the acne - that and being in week 7 of retin-a...). I just want to cry honnest to goodness I want to crawl under a rock. The sun is shining and I should be happy but it's like I'm a vampire (hiiiissss) the sun is not my friend as it makes my bumps the more visible.

What kind of imbalance do you have? I'm curious about the treatment options for hormonal issues. I only know about birth control and anti-androgen medicines. That's great that your husband is supportive though. Lol, I hate that we can't always enjoy the good weather like everyone else.

 

I feel okay about my skin. Some hyperpigmentation that's been bothering me has shown some improvement today. I tried apple cider vinegar for the first time and my skin feels good. Doesn't look good, as usual, but feels good.

 

Kay24, it's the dreaded pre-menopause (I had blood work done to confirm). I'm only 43! But it can last up to 10 years. Apparently you are officially in your menopause once you have not had periods for 6 months. I'm at the 3 month mark now. Basically my body is not producing estrogen which means that there is an imbalance between than and androgen (and that's what would cause the acne). Not sure why my doc prescribed retin-a instead of... anything else really - making my acne worse (thanks to the IB). Anyways, there are some side effects related to estrogen replacement that makes me really wonder if I am desperate enough to go that route (breast cancer and uterine cancer among other). So I'm riding the wave, hoping that retin-a will start working on my acne at some point and trying to supplement with soy proein powder (which is supposed to boost your estrogen levels) and evening primerose oil for hot flashes. So far so good! 

 

P.S. (I think my husband is supportive because he's scared - think PMS x 10!)

Haha, it'll be nice to say goodbye to periods though. I understand, to a degree. I have pcos and high androgen levels are the bane of my existence. Are anti androgen drugs like spiro an option when you're pre menopausal?

 

Pianina, sunscreen can be so easy to forget!! I did it once right after a peel. Cucumber is always my go to when I need to sooth burnt, irritated skin.

 

I don't know how I feel about ACV, I just started using it and it's making me a bit oily. I'm going to keep it up though. I feel icky overall about my acne today. I got two zits on my jawline, right where all my worst scars are, and I know it's from consuming dairy. Sometimes I get away with ice cream, but I didn't this time at all. Every little blemish gives me so much anxiety because I have so much damage I'm trying to repair. So much hyperpigmetation, so many rolling/boxcar scars. Even the slightest addition to this mess makes me anxiety ridden. I watch tv and kind of obsess over how perfect people's skin is, even on reality tv. It's a reminder that even on a good day I'm still in bad shape.



#7466 leelowe1

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Posted 18 March 2015 - 06:41 PM

Feeling like I need to transfer my focus to accepting my acne than trying to fight it. I am three months into a topical and holistic regimen and I'm broken out right now- it's been worse but it's still pretty bad. It sucks to be that woman with acne but maybe by allowing myself to acknowledge what is, I can finally rid myself of the ridiculous hold acne has on me.

It's a rocky road but like everything else in life, there is always a beginning and an end.  Here's to finding my end.

 

God is good to me..........more than I deserve.

 

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.


#7467 Kay24

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 02:06 PM

I took a picture of my scars in harsh lighting. Mod edit I've been so optimistic because my scars are looking better in flattering lighting. I'm just scared honestly. I'm scared my life is over because of this. I'm scared no one will ever love me again, I'll never have a career, people will always be disgusted by my devastatingly scarred face.

 

I just have to stay hopeful. I'm doing everything I can and need to start researching more expensive treatments to save for. I'm a little scared about visiting a doctor. I feel like they'd be harsh and mean and I'm so sensitive about this. Scared is all I feel today.



#7468 jasminevt

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Posted 20 March 2015 - 06:14 PM

Feeling especially disgusting today. I just noticed acne turns me into a totally different person. It turns me into a person i don't want to be. When i can't stay home and have to show my face to the world I feel like i'm not myself. I become a very quiet person, i just talk with somebody if i feel it's really necessary. The reason why i avoid talking to people when acne is giving me a hard time is not only because i know they will look at my acne (and i honestly don't see the point of going through this situation unless you really need to talk to someone, right?) but also because at those times i feel like anything can make me lose my cool. I turn into a really rude person even though i try not to be. Maybe deep inside i feel a little jealous and like this whole thing is pretty unfair. All of my friend have pretty great skin and probably they don't even know how much acne can affect you. Right now, i'm feeling like i'm battling acne in a one person army. (i don't know if i said this correctly, i'm from brazil, so excuse my mistakes :- ). 

 

Acne: :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:  :badgrin:

me:    :shifty:

 

Oh shit, i went full retard


Edited by jasminevt, 20 March 2015 - 06:56 PM.


#7469 Geeking

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Posted 21 March 2015 - 10:13 PM

Sending good vibes to all struggling to do day to day activities or to look in the mirror~~*~*~
Be kind to yourselves


"...But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see..."

#7470 Pianina

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Posted 23 March 2015 - 06:12 PM

Is it possible to break out from taking the pill irregularly (different times of the day)? 


Diagnosed with PCOS

Occasional acne + rolling scars

Meds:


- Yasmin birth control 
- Spironolactone 50 mg
 
Skincare:

- Dermatologica Ultracalming Cleanser
- Paula's Choice Skin Ballancing Moisturizing Gel or Neutrogena Oil free moisturizer
- Occasional AHA masks 



 


#7471 *DarkHeart*

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Posted 24 March 2015 - 10:32 AM

Feeling like absolute shit about my acne today. It isn't even that bad, mild at most, but with how bad my face got after using glycolic acid (scars, discoloration, thanks AHA+ for ruining my fucking face and life), and zits on top of that, I want to punch a wall. On week 3 of Yasmin so I am hoping I am just having a bit of an IB and things will get better. If they get worse I'll.....I don't know what. Not to mention I think I have BDD, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, my face looks like shit and I'm not imagining that. But it isn't normal to keep looking at the mirror over and over, literally an inch away. And I feel the longer I look at my face, the worse it looks, and then the panic starts, so that can't be normal either. I took a bit of Xanax today to calm my self after crying for an hour and now I feel less anxious and depressed and more just plain pissed at my face. Feels like it is kicking in a bit now, but I think I need a psychiatrist. I just can't get over that within less than 4 months my face went from nearly flawless to something that I cringe at when I look at. FML.



#7472 Kay24

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 11:23 AM

Feeling like absolute shit about my acne today. It isn't even that bad, mild at most, but with how bad my face got after using glycolic acid (scars, discoloration, thanks AHA+ for ruining my fucking face and life), and zits on top of that, I want to punch a wall. On week 3 of Yasmin so I am hoping I am just having a bit of an IB and things will get better. If they get worse I'll.....I don't know what. Not to mention I think I have BDD, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, my face looks like shit and I'm not imagining that. But it isn't normal to keep looking at the mirror over and over, literally an inch away. And I feel the longer I look at my face, the worse it looks, and then the panic starts, so that can't be normal either. I took a bit of Xanax today to calm my self after crying for an hour and now I feel less anxious and depressed and more just plain pissed at my face. Feels like it is kicking in a bit now, but I think I need a psychiatrist. I just can't get over that within less than 4 months my face went from nearly flawless to something that I cringe at when I look at. FML.

For BDD, a real flaw can be present. It's real or perceived, as long as it's not so severe that the defect ends up in a category of true deformity. Like someone with noticeable neurofibromatosis that's bothered by it would probably be diagnosed with depression/anxiety. For me, I was diagnosed even though I have true, visible scarring from 15 years of acne. I look like a normal human being to someone standing ten feet away with no glasses, but you get close and you'll see my skin is damaged and well below average in appearance. I still fit for BDD.

 

The most common BDD focus out of any flaw is skin. I think a dissatisfaction with the nose/facial structure itself is the next. It's all about how much this is taking away from your quality of life. If it's sucking the life out of you, and you can say this flaw has ruined all or portions of your life and all your energy and focus seems to be going into fixing and examining your skin, then you could meet the criteria. BDD has a lot of OCD elements to it. It's an obsession that usually follows with a lot of complusive behaviors.

 

I think speaking to a therapist is worth. I feel like acne and skin scarring is a really isolating issue that can make you feel so alone with all these negative feelings on a daily basis. It's exhausting really. It's also just not something other people understand or want to discuss, so therapy is a great outlet. It took me ten years in and out of therapy to ever reveal this issue, and I was shaking and beyond embarrassed but it was worth it in the end. It also gives you a new perspective and kind of adjusts your focus. If nothing else, speaking to a therapist about self image and esteem even if it isn't full blown BDD is always good if you're struggling.



#7473 *DarkHeart*

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 03:01 PM

Feeling like absolute shit about my acne today. It isn't even that bad, mild at most, but with how bad my face got after using glycolic acid (scars, discoloration, thanks AHA+ for ruining my fucking face and life), and zits on top of that, I want to punch a wall. On week 3 of Yasmin so I am hoping I am just having a bit of an IB and things will get better. If they get worse I'll.....I don't know what. Not to mention I think I have BDD, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, my face looks like shit and I'm not imagining that. But it isn't normal to keep looking at the mirror over and over, literally an inch away. And I feel the longer I look at my face, the worse it looks, and then the panic starts, so that can't be normal either. I took a bit of Xanax today to calm my self after crying for an hour and now I feel less anxious and depressed and more just plain pissed at my face. Feels like it is kicking in a bit now, but I think I need a psychiatrist. I just can't get over that within less than 4 months my face went from nearly flawless to something that I cringe at when I look at. FML.

For BDD, a real flaw can be present. It's real or perceived, as long as it's not so severe that the defect ends up in a category of true deformity. Like someone with noticeable neurofibromatosis that's bothered by it would probably be diagnosed with depression/anxiety. For me, I was diagnosed even though I have true, visible scarring from 15 years of acne. I look like a normal human being to someone standing ten feet away with no glasses, but you get close and you'll see my skin is damaged and well below average in appearance. I still fit for BDD.

 

The most common BDD focus out of any flaw is skin. I think a dissatisfaction with the nose/facial structure itself is the next. It's all about how much this is taking away from your quality of life. If it's sucking the life out of you, and you can say this flaw has ruined all or portions of your life and all your energy and focus seems to be going into fixing and examining your skin, then you could meet the criteria. BDD has a lot of OCD elements to it. It's an obsession that usually follows with a lot of complusive behaviors.

 

I think speaking to a therapist is worth. I feel like acne and skin scarring is a really isolating issue that can make you feel so alone with all these negative feelings on a daily basis. It's exhausting really. It's also just not something other people understand or want to discuss, so therapy is a great outlet. It took me ten years in and out of therapy to ever reveal this issue, and I was shaking and beyond embarrassed but it was worth it in the end. It also gives you a new perspective and kind of adjusts your focus. If nothing else, speaking to a therapist about self image and esteem even if it isn't full blown BDD is always good if you're struggling.

Yeah I am pretty sure I have BDD. I am already OCD with skin picking (my face as well as any other part of my body, especially cuticles) I will obsess over my face. I know I don't look deformed in the least and people probably don't see what I do, but I obsess none the less. I think about it constantly, and you are right, it is terribly exhausting that so much of my mental energy goes into worrying about my skin. I usually look forward to bed time because then I get a rest from it. That is no way to live. I have two kids and want my attention to go to them, not my damn face. I have been considering a psychiatrist/therapy for the past few months. It sucks that my husband is not supportive of this because he hates doctors of any kind for whatever stupid reason, but I might do it anyway because he's sure not helping me get through this. He doesn't like when I take Xanax because he doesn't like the way it makes him feel, and I told him well I love the way it makes me feel, it makes me feel like a normal human being without constant and crippling anxiety. I only take it occasionally when I feel like I can't take it. I know the dangers first hand of taking benzos longterm. I wish they weren't so addicitive, because I'd be on them 24/7. That's terrible but I seriously cannot stand how crazy my brain is. I just want to be normal.



#7474 Kay24

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 05:13 PM

He needs to trust your judgement on this. You're trying to do what's best for your well-being, which im sure he can respect. Having an hour every week or two to release all your stress can help so much. I went into therapy with severe BDD and just being able to express my thoughts out loud and receive rational, supportive feedback has been incredible. I'm very pro-therapy in general though. It's good for your skin too! Little bonus. I know for me stress makes me less healthy and my skin worse. Therapy serves a purpose.

Benzos are great for the reason you have them. If you have panic/anxiety, there's no denying that xanax or ativan are the best emergency fix. You acknowledge the risks, some people don't and seem in denial that they can be so addictive. I'm right there with you. I'm one to be quick to tell people to be mindful of benzos. With that said, I'm on klonopin and take it scarcely cause there's no other alternative anxiety med on the market or therapeutic remedy that's going to bring you down when you're ready to explode from that panicky feeling. The klonopin has been the only thing that's successfully reduced my picking, which is triggered by anxiety. Your mature about this stuff and have your priorities in the right place. I hope your husband sees what helps you and understands that youre going through a hard time. Seeking help with medication and therapy just means your being proactive(no pun intended) about getting better.

Edited by Kay24, 25 March 2015 - 05:16 PM.


#7475 *DarkHeart*

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 05:43 PM

He needs to trust your judgement on this. You're trying to do what's best for your well-being, which im sure he can respect. Having an hour every week or two to release all your stress can help so much. I went into therapy with severe BDD and just being able to express my thoughts out loud and receive rational, supportive feedback has been incredible. I'm very pro-therapy in general though. It's good for your skin too! Little bonus. I know for me stress makes me less healthy and my skin worse. Therapy serves a purpose.

Benzos are great for the reason you have them. If you have panic/anxiety, there's no denying that xanax or ativan are the best emergency fix. You acknowledge the risks, some people don't and seem in denial that they can be so addictive. I'm right there with you. I'm one to be quick to tell people to be mindful of benzos. With that said, I'm on klonopin and take it scarcely cause there's no other alternative anxiety med on the market or therapeutic remedy that's going to bring you down when you're ready to explode from that panicky feeling. The klonopin has been the only thing that's successfully reduced my picking, which is triggered by anxiety. Your mature about this stuff and have your priorities in the right place. I hope your husband sees what helps you and understands that youre going through a hard time. Seeking help with medication and therapy just means your being proactive(no pun intended) about getting better.

You're right, and if I do decide to go to therapy I will just have to let him know I have to do what's best for me, not what he wants. He isn't the one dealing with this, after all. This is affecting me terribly and I feel like it is turning me into a bad mother. Maybe not bad, but not as good as I could be. I don't have as much patience as I would like because I am always stressed, so I yell too much and I hate myelf for it. I do think talking about my problem to someone more receptive would be great. My mom always tells me I am worrying about nothing, and while I think she is trying to make me feel better, it just makes me feel like my concerns are not being validated. Same with my husband, he says he sees nothing wrong with my skin.

 

I took Klonopin for quite a while when I was a teenager. I took it daily, though, and built up a tolerance and was taking 4 mg daily and had a hard time quitting eventually. Before I was ever prescribed Klonopin, though, I got it off my brother. One weekend he was unable to get his prescription filled right away, and I had a seizure at school after being forced to suddenly stop taking it for 3 days. It made me feel great when I took it, just like Xanax, but I know I have to be careful to not take it (or any other benzo) constantly because tolerance builds up very quickly and benzo withdrawal is a nightmare. But I don't even care. A .25 Xanax does wonders to take the edge off. I hardly have any left (I got it from a family member....bad I know) so will need to see a doctor if I want any more. I guess I kept hoping I would "get better" and this little bit I have would get me through the worst of it, but the whole getting better thing doesn't seem to be happening :( I seriously hate being a mental case.



#7476 Kay24

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 06:47 PM

Something that works for me when I'm being hard on myself is asking if I'd say the same negative thoughts I'm having to my best friend in the same situation. We're always so hard on ourselves, much harder than we are on others. To me as an outsider, you're not a mental case at all. You seem intelligent, you're a great mom, and you're handling this in a responsible way. You're right that they aren't validating your feelings. I get where they're coming from, but validation is exactly what you need.

 

As far as validation, my therapist gave me the best little scenario that stuck with me. She said if someone falls out of a tree and breaks their arm, and they're in pain and suffering, is it right to say, "hey, calm down! Not like you have cancer or some terminal illness. It's not that bad." No, you should see that they need help and comfort. Sometimes hearing love ones say stop it, you're fine when you're clearly having a hard time is the worst.They probably see the truth in their eyes, which is that you're beautiful and your skin isn't bad, but you're sad and anxious about it and that's the reality for you right now. This is a big deal for you, and I understand and don't think you're acting crazy about it. It's distressing. I've had my share of panic attacks and crying sessions. I've snapped on love ones because I was so down about it and it really does bring down your mood. I know that acne is distressing in itself, and scarring is even more jarring. I hope you find some calming solutions, and get all the support you need while you recover emotionally and your skin heals, and it will!

 

When you see the psychiatrist, if you mention the issues you had with klonopin they probably wont prescribe benzos, so I'd keep that out. Benzo withdrawals can be fatal, so that's a pretty scary thing you went through. I have a friend who has had suicidal tendencies in the past, so her husband keeps her ativan for OD prevention purposes. She goes to him when she has a panic attack, and that works for them. So if it ever gets to the point that you get worried about dependence, you could give it to someone you trust and go to them when it's an emergency. I think you're okay though, you've clearly learned a lot from that experience. Benzos are what they are, they have that bad side, but damn are they necessary for severe anxiety. Xanax is so hard to get these days though. I've always been given ativan or klonopin. I kind of like klonopin the most because it's 8 hours of relief.



#7477 Lilly75

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 09:38 PM

Well, I'm feeling like a complete idiot today!  :wall:  :doh:  It's embarrassing, but I have longer fair (mostly blonde) hairs on my cheeks / chin / neck which I've been really self conscious about lately. So last night I decided I'd try and use a hair removal cream to deal with them starting with my my neck. BAD idea! I'd tested the product the day before on my arm with no issues, so thought it'd be fine. Completely neglected to consider how much more delicate neck / facial skin is (and that even though I haven't used BP for about a week, it probably still has made my skin even more sensitive). I'm just glad I only applied the cream to my neck and not more of my face, because it's left a lovely red burn / rash on the front of my neck /under my chin :( Thankfully it's not painful anymore like it was last night. I should be on my way to uni now but I can't deal with that today because of this. There's no way I'd be able to put makeup over it either. And I want to be able to try and heal this burn a little today. (Mainly just keeping the skin soothed / hydrated / moisturised and hoping / praying for the best!)

Supposed to be going out with friends tomorrow night so really hoping it's a bit better by then.

 

SO, besides from feeling really dumb, embarrassed and like a complete idiot today, I've been doing ok ha

 

I've been super busy with uni and continuing clinic / prac experience as well as taking on a research project as part of uni. So I'm not really around here much anymore! (But I'll be trying to stop by when I can to say hi :) )

My skin has been breaking out A LOT over the past few months. I've been slack with sticking to the regimen and have been finding BP just isn't as effective as it used to be for me. Didn't seem to help at all with acne that was clearly hormonally driven. 

 

About a week ago I started BCP with the hopes of it helping my acne. I've been told I have PCOS too which is why I've decided to go down the BCP route (and it explains the slight increase of facial hair over the past year or so and possibly the relentless acne I've dealt with since I was about 12).  I'm hoping the BCP clears up my acne and doesn't cause any other issues. It's worth a shot as I've tried everything else. If BCP doesn't help, I guess I'll have to go to spiro or maybe accutane one day? Not sure... so many potential risks / side effects with all these pill options...

 

I've been catching up with an old friend recently too and we've been on a few dates. There's only been a few actual dates (in my opinion, a lot was just getting back in touch again at first in my opinion). He's a really great guy and has been so good to me. It's been so hard to accept him being so nice / complimenting me / accept that yeah someone thinks I look pretty or whatever. Even when my skin is a mess. (For a few reasons, won't be able to see him again for about 3 weeks which I'm really glad about because of this stupid rash/burn thing I've caused myself haha). The other thing is I don't know whether I should be telling this guy about my PCOS (or any other guy I might meet one day).... oh well. I'll figure it out...

 

Overall, despite my skin breaking out a lot and not really knowing what else to do for it (besides hoping BCP helps) I've been good and my skin hasn't been getting to me like it used to. I've just been trying to get on with the rest of my life. And being so busy with uni helps. 

Obviously I still have the down days, but they've been a lot less frequent recently.

 

Anyway... there's an update / vent for anyone interested / the familiar faces around this site :P 

 

Really hoping everyone here is going ok and that things keep getting better or start improving for you all soon :)

Hang in there  :comfort:


Started The Acne.org Regimen 2nd July 2013

 


#7478 John457

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Posted 28 March 2015 - 09:26 AM

The worst part about all of this isn't even my skin. It is by far my eyes, which are constantly in pain from being so dry and inflamed. Between my eyes and my skin and constantly feeling fatigued and barely able to function unless I consistently get 9 hours of sleep each night, I often feel like I am physically chained to my current location. While I love to travel, missing any of my health rituals makes me feel so much worse. Days trips are usually fine but any anything beyond that is a serious challenge.
 
Last summer, flying back from Alaska was probably the worse I ever felt in my entire life and I truly mean that. Earlier on the day of my flight, I had hiked extensively for hours so by the time my plane was set to depart I was already pretty exhausted. But of course I can never sleep on planes. Maybe if I had had a neck pillow and an eyes mask and over-the-ear headphones things would have been different. My flight ended up being delayed for 2 hours while we sat on the plane, then a few hours later, we had a 5 hour layover in Chicago. At this point I had come down with a tremendous cold (being so prone to illness - another sign of my poor health). I wanted nothing more than to take a later flight out and instead get a hotel and sleep even though our next flight was only 2 hours in length. But my group pressed on. The flight from Chicago to Baltimore was one of the worst experiences of my life. I literally felt like death having been awake for close to 36 hours with a monster cold, and unlike most people I don't simply feel tired. Tired for me is a state of extreme adrenal exhaustion, one in which I am scarcely able to cognitively function. When most people feel tired, their eyes feel a little drier as well. For me, everything is magnified because the fatigue is so great and my eyes are already so predisposed to being dry. The itching,burning, throbbing, and dryness becomes nearly unbearable. There is something that is very much wrong with me. It is clearly visible in my face riddled with cystic acne, in the dark circles under my eyes, and in my eyes themselves that are bloodshot and constantly red and inflamed. I just look sick. 
 
So what I am trying to say from the above example is that I need to sleep and rest my eyes at regular intervals, which means never being too far from my bed, despite having a strong sense of wanderlust and more recently a very real fear of missing out (FOMO). So many people I graduated with are studying or working abroad this summer and I've realized that I don't want those kinds of meaningful international experiences to be absent from my own life. I only have a few years before my twenties end, and that realization alone has ignited a kind of panic in me, amplifying any impulse and desire to travel. Time is the only luxury. It doesn't matter how much money you have if you don't have your health, and, in turn, the time, to realize your dreams. I am fascinated by the idea of personal transformation but it is a concept that increasingly feels unattainable and that's what terrifies me the most. It has been a lifelong dream of mine to visit Japan but thinking about where I'm at now, and the 15 hour flight, and everything that would be needed to get from point A to B is incredibly daunting. I am terrified, but also equally enthralled, at the idea of venturing half away around the world and perhaps on my own as well. Knowing how much work would be involved, how much I would have to do to regain my health, and how amazing an existential experience like traveling alone would be is strangely motivating. The goal seems so impossible that it makes me want it all the more. Plus, to be perfectly honest, I would have no one else to travel with.
 
Acne has dictated my entire adult life. It has caused me to avoid social interactions and lose friends but it has also sent me on a journey towards better health. In doing so, in lingering longer in my safety net and delaying major life milestones, I have saved more money. I have the means to travel, which I suspect most other people my age do not as their financial responsibilities are very different from mine. What I don't yet have is the time or wellbeing and mental outlook to venture forth. I want to stay positive and I try to do so but the sheer physical misery and negative thinking is sometimes overwhelming. Some people are very fortunate to clear their skin and take control of their lives through diet and exercise and supplements alone but I do not think I am one of them. At 26 years old, I think I need to very seriously start considering detoxication protocols, things like liver cleanses and temporarily candida diets. I am seeing a functional medicine practitioner on the 29th of May and am very hopeful that that, along with any resulting blood tests, food allergy tests, etc. will shed greater insight into my condition. 

Edited by StillHolding, 28 March 2015 - 09:29 AM.

Current Skincare Regimen

MORNING
Sircuit X-Trap+ Cleanser
Cerave Facial Moisturizing Lotion, AM
Murad Acne Treatment Concealer

NIGHT
Desert Essence Tea Tree Oil Cleanser
Aura Cacia Grapeseed Oil (as a moisturizer)
Mario Badescu Buffering Lotion (as a spot treatment)

OTHER
Monthly Chemical Peels (Salicylic and Glycolic Acid Based)
Supplements: Real Food Multi-Vitamin, Nordic Naturals Fish Oil, Vitamin D (5,000 IU daily), Vitamin C.

Diet: Modified Paleo Regimen (gluten-free, dairy-free, soy-free, organic and non-GMO wherever possible, but still consuming GF grains).


Symptoms: Cystic acne, mild rosacea, dry eye syndrome, mild blepharitis, chronic fatigue, digestive issues, brain fog, social anxiety).

Status as of 03/27/2015: Nothing is helping. Seeing a functional medicine practitioner 05/29/2015.



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