How ya feelin' about your acne today?
Posted Yesterday, 05:15 PM
It has been a few months since I've been back on the forum.
It has been a huge few months. Firstly, my skin was starting to get a bit better. Daily breakouts of courses but small ones, on the surface, easy to get rid of by the slightest squeeze etc.
Because my skin was getting better, I was able enjoy going out a bit. I had to organise and go to my brothers bucks night, which involved going outside during the day, in the sun. I avoid that at all costs. It involved being in hotel rooms with a group of guys,mea ing to go to bed extra late and get up extra early to wash my face and put some stuff to conceal the red areas.
Of more importance, I started seeing someone. This was a big step for me. I'd been on the occasional date, but never more than once. This was the first time I was able to see someone. Sleepover and not even wash my face (just one time at night). My skin was still scarred, but the tone if it was better from less pimples and thus less Hyperpigmentation.
I had my brothers wedding, I was photographed for hours in the bridal party. This was enough to send me into meltdown/panic mode, but I dealt with it.
My skin improved even more and I was starting to see a possible future. I was excited that perhaps I'd soon be able to start scar treatment with the minimal breakouts.
I had my first heartbreak, and met someone else that seems really nice.
But.....for the last couple of weeks, my skin has been a mess. The last week has been the worst. After not having a cystic/nodule/deep boil in so long (just your regular pimples) I have started getting these cysts again. The last two days have been horrible. I got one on my right cheek, next to some indented scarring and just above a big rolling scar. It went straight or the weakest point on my face. It swelled so large. It was raised so far off my face, and the lump was like someone had put a hard rock under my skin. It is horrible. It has gone down a very tiny bit, but I have spent the last two days broken and all that.
I don't want this one to scar also. I have barely been able to deal with the scars I have. A new indented scar will out me over the edge. I dealt with these huge cysts constantly everyday from 2013- mid last year. I am so afraid it is getting back to that state. I will,not and cannot handle another year like that. I will refuse to be here. It was the worst experience for me. And I have had major illnesses in the past. I can say this has destroyd me far worse, crazy as that sounds.
My parents just bang on the wall when they hear me in my room, and tell me to be quiet. To stop whining. To shut up. That I'm crazy or psycho. They cannot fathom it, because no one in my family has gone through this hell, especially not for nearly 8 years.
My skin is destroyd, a mess. This person that I now like, I can't see them this week and next week, just because of this huge breakout. Because of course they have beautiful skin. Who wants to be with a monster?
I'm so depressed, so down. I can't breathe. I can't.
Posted Yesterday, 05:51 PM
First, breathe. It can help. I swear haha.
Secondly, you are not a monster, or a psycho, or a crazy. You just have acne.
Have you changed something in your skin care, the last weeks? What made you cysts go away the last time they appeared?
Edited by Mandarine, Yesterday, 05:55 PM.
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