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How ya feelin' about your acne today?


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#6001 Lilly75

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 05:43 PM

Yay! happy for you!
Have you ever used a product with BHA in it before? Just as a heads up, you may experience a reeeeeally short initial breakout that fades really quickly. But it makes your pores nice and clear afterwards. AHA is awesome though for hyperpigmentation! biggrin.png Good luck!

Thanks for the warning!

 

I have used BHA before but always ended up stopping early because it would break me out! I always just thought my skin didn't like it and for some reason never thought about it being an initial breakout rolleyes.gif

But now I know to stick it out if it happens :)



#6002 Exister

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 08:08 PM

High, lengthy shower water pressure on my face dries my skin out and prevents me from breaking out.

 

But it makes the texture look terrible. All rough, pasty and red. I wasn't aware of how bad it was until today when I saw myself in a well-lit mirror for the first time in weeks (my bathroom at home is dimly lit).

 

Tomorrow I'm going camping for 3 days, with my girlfriend and 3 people I don't know well. Not enough time to take a shower break for a few days and build some healthy skin back up. Craaap.



#6003 goodz19

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 01:55 PM

My skin is not quite has good today as I think it has been recently. Got some small spots on my neck and jawline and one or two on my cheeks. From a distance they are barely noticeable though.

 

At work today, my manager gave me the task of training a new lady who has just started in our office. Doing the training wasn`t a problem but it did mean that for most of the day I was sat right next to the lady. I really dislike people getting close up to me - the thought of people seeing my flaws and blemishes really makes me anxious. However, even though it made me a little uncomfortable, she didn`t seem to mind being in close proximity to me and if she did notice any blemishes, she didn`t say anything or seem to care.

 

It was totally unplanned but in a way it was as useful as a lot of the stuff that I have been doing for CBT. I was inadvertently exposed to a situation that would normally make me anxious and it turned out a lot better than I anticipated. Definitely has given me more food for thought about how people really perceive me.

 

Hope you are all ok.

Oh man, Ive been there.  Im always the person that has to train the new guy.  I feel the same way you used to feel.  I hate having someone in close proximity like that.  And in my pessimistic mind, I know that maybe they didnt notice, or didnt care, or didnt say anything, but if they did, would they really ever tell you?  So in my mind, its just as bad because I think its repulsive and disgusting, and they must too, even though they didnt say anything.  I dunno, do you get what Im saying?  I dont need someone to make a horrid face when they see me for me to not feel comfortable; I only need to look in the mirror and not like what I see for me to get myself down.  No one's ever said anything about my skin; in fact, most people that I tell that Im having a problem w/ it, tell me they dont notice anything.  Thats no consolation because I can see it, and Im not blind, and thats good enough reason for me to be pissed off, upset, anxious, angry, and then I start to self loathe. 

 

Every day starts same as the next.  I used to not be able to sleep until I got all these psych meds, so thats not a problem now.  But from 505am when I wake up and go into the bathroom to take a shower, until 930pm when I decide to lay down and watch TV, my obsessive thoughts will not stop.  I never expect anyone to say anything about the condition of my skin; but they dont have to, its my own thoughts that matter.  And when your own thoughts are distorted, you quickly begin to spiral. 

 

I am truly glad that the CBT you received has helped feel more comfortable in uncomfortable situations.  I am seriously contemplating going back, maybe to someone new, and putting forth a real effort, cuz what Im doing every day to myself is not helping the situation.



#6004 Bodie81

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 03:50 PM

My skin is not quite has good today as I think it has been recently. Got some small spots on my neck and jawline and one or two on my cheeks. From a distance they are barely noticeable though.

 

At work today, my manager gave me the task of training a new lady who has just started in our office. Doing the training wasn`t a problem but it did mean that for most of the day I was sat right next to the lady. I really dislike people getting close up to me - the thought of people seeing my flaws and blemishes really makes me anxious. However, even though it made me a little uncomfortable, she didn`t seem to mind being in close proximity to me and if she did notice any blemishes, she didn`t say anything or seem to care.

 

It was totally unplanned but in a way it was as useful as a lot of the stuff that I have been doing for CBT. I was inadvertently exposed to a situation that would normally make me anxious and it turned out a lot better than I anticipated. Definitely has given me more food for thought about how people really perceive me.

 

Hope you are all ok.

Oh man, Ive been there.  Im always the person that has to train the new guy.  I feel the same way you used to feel.  I hate having someone in close proximity like that.  And in my pessimistic mind, I know that maybe they didnt notice, or didnt care, or didnt say anything, but if they did, would they really ever tell you?  So in my mind, its just as bad because I think its repulsive and disgusting, and they must too, even though they didnt say anything.  I dunno, do you get what Im saying?  I dont need someone to make a horrid face when they see me for me to not feel comfortable; I only need to look in the mirror and not like what I see for me to get myself down.  No one's ever said anything about my skin; in fact, most people that I tell that Im having a problem w/ it, tell me they dont notice anything.  Thats no consolation because I can see it, and Im not blind, and thats good enough reason for me to be pissed off, upset, anxious, angry, and then I start to self loathe. 

 

Every day starts same as the next.  I used to not be able to sleep until I got all these psych meds, so thats not a problem now.  But from 505am when I wake up and go into the bathroom to take a shower, until 930pm when I decide to lay down and watch TV, my obsessive thoughts will not stop.  I never expect anyone to say anything about the condition of my skin; but they dont have to, its my own thoughts that matter.  And when your own thoughts are distorted, you quickly begin to spiral. 

 

I am truly glad that the CBT you received has helped feel more comfortable in uncomfortable situations.  I am seriously contemplating going back, maybe to someone new, and putting forth a real effort, cuz what Im doing every day to myself is not helping the situation.

Goodz19, I can totally relate to everything you have said in your post.

 

I`ve been in your situation and I still feel like it at times. Even though no one necessarily has to say anything, because you in your mind think that you are repulsive, hideous and ugly, you automatically assume that is what everyone else thinks of you.

 

I know exactly what it is like to look in the mirror and absolutely detest what you see. I`m ashamed to say this but at times it has gone beyond thinking I`m repulsive, hideous and ugly. I have on occasions shouted expletives at my reflection and spat at it and referred to myself as vile scum. I have on one or two occasions smashed mirrors because of the disgust I feel at what I have seen.

 

Doing CBT has not only helped me curb the mirror obsession, it has also helped me to realise that all this stuff I feel about myself are just my thoughts and no one elses`. As my CBT therapist says, thoughts are just personal feelings - not facts. I know you probably won`t believe me but what your mind is telling you is not true. Where is the evidence other than what you think you see? Do any of your friends` or family tell you that you are hideous and ugly? You will probably say that people are being nice or don`t notice but trust me, most people are too concerned with their own problems to even notice or care.

 

As I say CBT has really helped me. It is something that I have to keep working at though as it would be really easy to relapse and go back to the negative thought patterns. I seem to remember you saying that it didn`t work in the past but that may have been due to the therapist or it being the wrong time for you. Definitely think that it is worth another shot - you`ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose.

 

All the best.



#6005 MG02

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 04:27 PM

Well today I'm feeling quite optimistic. :)

My acne has definitely calmed down; I'm about a month into the Regimen, and the pimples are beginning to dry out thanks to the medication. There are still three annoying red pimples on my nose (though one of them is starting to dry out), which constantly worry me since I am starting eighth grade in about a week. I'm afraid of going to school with acne on my face, but it can't be helped; I started the Regimen too late into summer to expect clear skin for back to school. However, I know if I give my skin some time, the pimples on my nose will go away either with the medication or on its own.

As for the rest of my face, there are about two pimples on my forehead (which I cover with my bangs) and  three pimples around my chin. There is plenty of hyper-pigmentation around my mouth region as well; I'm hoping they will go away eventually. If that doesn't happen, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to start wearing makeup to cover it up. I personally believe I am too young to wear heavy makeup, so I'm going to think of that as a last resort- just in case the medicine doesn't work out. 

For now, all I can do is just wait for the Regimen to work its magic and keep on living my life. I don't really mind waiting. Although acne is definitely a low blow to my self-esteem, I won't let my life revolve around my acne. I need to focus on my school work if I want to go to early college next year, so I can't let myself get worried sick over my skin problems anymore. I'm not going to let me acne destroy me like it did before. Instead, I am just going to try to fix the problem in a calm, reasonable way. If it works, then I will be extremely happy and confident, but if it doesn't... Well I'm just going to have to get over it and move on. My skin isn't perfect, I'm just going to have to accept that and learn to love myself as I am.

Sorry for the long reply, but I really need to vent how I feel. I really want more people to understand that you shouldn't let your skin control your life. So what if you have acne? That doesn't decide who you are or what you can do. Go out, have fun, make friends. Don't limit yourself simply because your skin is not flawless. If you keep hiding from the real world, years from now, when you're old and can't do the things you want to do anymore, you'll think to yourself, "Why didn't I live it up when I was young? Oh yeah... It was because I had acne... I wish I would have just ignored that and done something with my life... But instead I just sat in my room alone all day..."

Please don't live like that. Don't have any regrets; do what you want to do, say what you want to say, never let acne control your life, what you do, the people you see, or who you are. You are you, you are beautiful, and you deserve happiness, so if you lock yourself up from the world because you don't feel beautiful enough... Screw the world! Get out there anyway! You don't know how much you're missing! One thing's for sure, you'll be a lot happier if you stop focusing on your skin and just have fun. You are your worst critic, so stop focusing on your flaws and see your true beauty. :)



#6006 Lilly75

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 07:54 PM

Feeling pretty good today - I took some update regimen progress photos and was SO surprised when I compared them to ones I took a week before starting the regimen! I knew my skin had improved but I didn't think it was by so much. My camera isn't the best quality though as it makes it look like my hyperpigmentation isn't that bad - but in 'real-life' / when I look in the mirror they are darker and more obvious looking. But I can still see that my skin has improved so much. I'm hoping the regimen continues bringing great results and hopefully I'll get to the point where I stop breaking out. It has decreased but I do still break out a bit.

The only annoying thing is that my skin has been a bit flaky yesterday and this morning since starting AHA but it isn't terribly bad. 



#6007 WishClean

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Posted 16 August 2013 - 09:02 PM

so BLAH lately. My skin texture is awful but everything new I put on my skin just irritates it so I'm leaving it alone. I'm getting high frequency next week, that always helps. In other news, after over 2 years of quitting smoking, I had a few cigarettes today. My body is probably confused. It's been a hell of a year, probably the most difficult year of my life and I'm so glad acne.org exists because only people here understand the psychological impact of acne and scarring. I hope everyone is doing well, or at least better than I am right now. 



#6008 Flaxen

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 01:32 PM

so BLAH lately. My skin texture is awful but everything new I put on my skin just irritates it so I'm leaving it alone. I'm getting high frequency next week, that always helps. In other news, after over 2 years of quitting smoking, I had a few cigarettes today. My body is probably confused. It's been a hell of a year, probably the most difficult year of my life and I'm so glad acne.org exists because only people here understand the psychological impact of acne and scarring. I hope everyone is doing well, or at least better than I am right now. 

I'm really sorry to hear you're having a hard time. It's so frustrating how little control we have over our skin really. Sometimes I think products make a difference other times I'm not so sure and if everything is irritating you I guess theres not much you can do other than give it a bit of a rest! I hope you're not giving yourself too much of a hard time over the cigarettes. Do you think you will be able to stop again? I'm so glad I never started because I really don't think I could give it up if I had so I think two years is really impressive! You're so right about this place and understanding about the psychological impact of acne and scarring - it is huge and people don't get it.

 

 

I am actually verging on euphoric about my skin today! I keep looking in the mirror and smiling!! My skin is 100% acne free, and it isn’t even dull or dry or flaky or oily... It actually looks glowing and radiant!! People keep telling me how well I look :) If only I had known it would only take two side effect free months on Roaccutane!!! I still have over 100 red marks :( but they have faded so much that they are mostly covered with green cream and foundation so that I don’t feel I have to spend hours painting each one with concealer every day – I just do it if I want to look particularly good and even then it doesn’t take me half the time it used to :) I worry the green cream makes me look a bit of a funny colour... but my dermatologist recommended it so I gave it a go and it does help cover but I'll try without it tomorrow. I do have some shallow scarring which none of my potions will hide but it's not too bad really, unless you're right up close in good light my skin looks pretty damn good :D (with makeup on.) 

 

However... I have WASTED a HUGE amount of time recently OBSESSING about my post roaccutane skincare regiment - basically planning an aggressive red mark fading campaign with retin-a aha bha vitamin c, other antioxidants and cell communicating ingredients... I'm frustrated not being able to do much with topicals whilst on roaccutane and I'm tempted to start now because my skin isn't the slightest bit dry or irritated but I guess I should leave well alone...


Edited by Flaxen, 17 August 2013 - 01:38 PM.


#6009 Pianina

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 03:33 PM

Middle of the month, how would I not get some breakouts :) They're so punctual that I don't even have to be suprised over getting few pimples here and there after being completely clear for 3 weeks. But I noticed that they get less each time - last month I had only 5 breakouts during my ovulation, this month - 3 so far, can ofc get more. I'm really sick right now, so I guess the breakout can be stronger this time, especially with all those weird things happening to my body lately. 
I have soar-throat, swollen gums, wisdom-tooth pain, soars all over my tongue and EXTREMELY painful chapped lips, with a layer of hard skin (feels like my lips are wounded, seriously) which doesn't get softer with vaseline and is painful to take off. I still drink a lot, so I don't understand what's happening, my mouth is in pain and I can't eat anything, damn... 



#6010 Bodie81

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 03:34 PM

I`ve broken out a little on my cheeks and neck in the past couple of days. Not sure why exactly - it could be down to my daily cappuccino per day, lack of sleep or my genes rearing their head again.

 

It`s not terrible but when I was shaving this morning, some of the negative thoughts about being ugly etc did start to kick in. Managed to distract myself and get away from the mirror before it got too bad though.

 

This afternoon, I did my charity work as I normally do on a Saturday afternoon. It is customer facing and as I have a mild breakout, I was a little worried about what the customers would think of me. However, no one said anything, seemed to notice or care. I know it might not sound like much but every time I successfully negotiate a social situation like this, I consider it to be a small triumph. Hopefully the day will come where I do not even think about my appearance, skin etc at all.


Edited by GUNNKE, 17 August 2013 - 03:49 PM.


#6011 katesay

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 05:14 PM

.


Edited by katesay, 24 August 2013 - 06:29 PM.


#6012 hitea

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 10:42 AM

Middle of the month, how would I not get some breakouts smile.png They're so punctual that I don't even have to be suprised over getting few pimples here and there after being completely clear for 3 weeks. But I noticed that they get less each time - last month I had only 5 breakouts during my ovulation, this month - 3 so far, can ofc get more. I'm really sick right now, so I guess the breakout can be stronger this time, especially with all those weird things happening to my body lately. 
I have soar-throat, swollen gums, wisdom-tooth pain, soars all over my tongue and EXTREMELY painful chapped lips, with a layer of hard skin (feels like my lips are wounded, seriously) which doesn't get softer with vaseline and is painful to take off. I still drink a lot, so I don't understand what's happening, my mouth is in pain and I can't eat anything, damn... 

HI Pianina,

 

Glad your skin is improving :D I'm not a doctor, but your symptoms are really indicative of Oral Thrush. I've had it once and those were pretty much my exact symptoms (besides the wisdom teeth pain). Look at your tongue-- is it pink like it supposed to be or does it look a little funny? Stress can bring about Oral Thrush...it's a yeast infection of the mouth. Look it up and see if you think that might be it. When I can't eat, I'm super miserable! haha, so I hope you can resolve this!



#6013 Pianina

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 11:00 AM

Middle of the month, how would I not get some breakouts smile.png They're so punctual that I don't even have to be suprised over getting few pimples here and there after being completely clear for 3 weeks. But I noticed that they get less each time - last month I had only 5 breakouts during my ovulation, this month - 3 so far, can ofc get more. I'm really sick right now, so I guess the breakout can be stronger this time, especially with all those weird things happening to my body lately. 
I have soar-throat, swollen gums, wisdom-tooth pain, soars all over my tongue and EXTREMELY painful chapped lips, with a layer of hard skin (feels like my lips are wounded, seriously) which doesn't get softer with vaseline and is painful to take off. I still drink a lot, so I don't understand what's happening, my mouth is in pain and I can't eat anything, damn... 

HI Pianina,

 

Glad your skin is improving biggrin.png I'm not a doctor, but your symptoms are really indicative of Oral Thrush. I've had it once and those were pretty much my exact symptoms (besides the wisdom teeth pain). Look at your tongue-- is it pink like it supposed to be or does it look a little funny? Stress can bring about Oral Thrush...it's a yeast infection of the mouth. Look it up and see if you think that might be it. When I can't eat, I'm super miserable! haha, so I hope you can resolve this!


Hi Heitea, 
Thanks for your reply! It could be some milder form Oral Thrush, because my tongue is white and looks quite sick. But I have no painful white lesions that seems to be a common symptom... And I did have loads of stress lately, no wonder my body is totally falling apart, lol. But your post about me possibly having oral thrush made me realize it's time to visit a doctor, so thanks! :))

And anyway, stress, daily tears and mental load didn't affect my skin at the slightest, even though it gives me other problems, like some mysterious symptoms in my mouth and bloating... But my skin seems to only get worse during ovulation and nothing more in this world, lol...



#6014 Bodie81

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 02:05 PM

The breakout that I mentioned yesterday, has unfortunately got a little worse today and I`m getting what looks to be a cyst on the left side of my neck. It`s sooo frustrating because I go through periods where I am more or less clear and then I breakout again. There is absolutely no pattern or consistency either and it really messes with my head.

 

I`m afraid I`ve lapsed a little bit today and indulged in quite a bit of mirror checking. Certainly haven`t liked what I`ve seen and right now I don`t feel or look the greatest. I was supposed to see my sister and nephews today but I cancelled because I didn`t want to go out. Feel bad about that now though. My nephews always look forward to seeing me and they are too young to notice or care what I look like. Because of my stupid hang-ups, I`ve let them down. All in all a pretty poor day but hopefully tomorrow will be better.

 

I`ve resisted for a long time but this evening I have made the decision to completely give up caffeine. My diet is ultra-strict apart from having a cappuccino every day or every other day. I`m really loathe to do it as it is the only vice or treat that I have (that sounds pretty pathetic) in my diet. However, I`ve been browsing through some of the threads on the Hormonal and Diet and Holisitic forums and so many people seem to think that giving up caffeine has helped them I`m going to give it a try. Also going to try to get back into a better sleep routine as I haven`t been sleeping that great recently. Not entirely sure how successful these measures will be as I`m pretty sure the reason I continue to breakout is genetic but I`m going to give them a try.



#6015 WishClean

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 08:46 PM

I'm feeling so much more relaxed today. Sad to say, but smoking a few cigarettes has helped calm down my anxiety about starting a new job. I feel disgusting about this habit that I tried so hard to quit, but it gets easier to quit after a few times and I will do it cold turkey. So ironic that everything else in my life is super healthy apart from this and stress. Next week I will head back to the gym, do yoga, acupuncture, and try to attend some fitness classes. I wonder if I'll find the time and money for it.

Tomorrow I'm getting a high frequency facial along with red & blue light treatment. This is to fix the reaction I had to another facial that irritated my skin. I hate wasting money, but need to get the situation under control. Ironically, my skin is doing better than it was when I booked the facial, but it's too late to cancel now. I really can't recommend high frequency enough. I have been getting it since high school and it helps me much more than products or topicals. It disinfects and calms down the redness. Red light seems to help too with collagen production, but I'm not so sure about blue light. 



The breakout that I mentioned yesterday, has unfortunately got a little worse today and I`m getting what looks to be a cyst on the left side of my neck. It`s sooo frustrating because I go through periods where I am more or less clear and then I breakout again. There is absolutely no pattern or consistency either and it really messes with my head.

 

I`m afraid I`ve lapsed a little bit today and indulged in quite a bit of mirror checking. Certainly haven`t liked what I`ve seen and right now I don`t feel or look the greatest. I was supposed to see my sister and nephews today but I cancelled because I didn`t want to go out. Feel bad about that now though. My nephews always look forward to seeing me and they are too young to notice or care what I look like. Because of my stupid hang-ups, I`ve let them down. All in all a pretty poor day but hopefully tomorrow will be better.

 

I`ve resisted for a long time but this evening I have made the decision to completely give up caffeine. My diet is ultra-strict apart from having a cappuccino every day or every other day. I`m really loathe to do it as it is the only vice or treat that I have (that sounds pretty pathetic) in my diet. However, I`ve been browsing through some of the threads on the Hormonal and Diet and Holisitic forums and so many people seem to think that giving up caffeine has helped them I`m going to give it a try. Also going to try to get back into a better sleep routine as I haven`t been sleeping that great recently. Not entirely sure how successful these measures will be as I`m pretty sure the reason I continue to breakout is genetic but I`m going to give them a try.

Tomorrow is another day, I hope it's better for you. You seem very self-aware and you have the tools to improve your mental state so I'm confident you will turn it around. Have you tried replacing coffee with tea? That's how I quit coffee, by replacing it with black tea, then herbal tea gradually. Now I sometimes drink some oolong in the morning but it has very low caffeine. 

The holistic forum has some great tips on lifestyle changes that could benefit everyone not just in terms of acne, but for their general wellbeing. I'm trying to get into a better sleep routine too, I have trouble falling asleep and then have trouble waking up in the morning. 


Edited by WishClean, 18 August 2013 - 08:57 PM.


#6016 Bodie81

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Posted 18 August 2013 - 10:26 PM

I'm feeling so much more relaxed today. Sad to say, but smoking a few cigarettes has helped calm down my anxiety about starting a new job. I feel disgusting about this habit that I tried so hard to quit, but it gets easier to quit after a few times and I will do it cold turkey. So ironic that everything else in my life is super healthy apart from this and stress. Next week I will head back to the gym, do yoga, acupuncture, and try to attend some fitness classes. I wonder if I'll find the time and money for it.

Tomorrow I'm getting a high frequency facial along with red & blue light treatment. This is to fix the reaction I had to another facial that irritated my skin. I hate wasting money, but need to get the situation under control. Ironically, my skin is doing better than it was when I booked the facial, but it's too late to cancel now. I really can't recommend high frequency enough. I have been getting it since high school and it helps me much more than products or topicals. It disinfects and calms down the redness. Red light seems to help too with collagen production, but I'm not so sure about blue light. 



The breakout that I mentioned yesterday, has unfortunately got a little worse today and I`m getting what looks to be a cyst on the left side of my neck. It`s sooo frustrating because I go through periods where I am more or less clear and then I breakout again. There is absolutely no pattern or consistency either and it really messes with my head.

 

I`m afraid I`ve lapsed a little bit today and indulged in quite a bit of mirror checking. Certainly haven`t liked what I`ve seen and right now I don`t feel or look the greatest. I was supposed to see my sister and nephews today but I cancelled because I didn`t want to go out. Feel bad about that now though. My nephews always look forward to seeing me and they are too young to notice or care what I look like. Because of my stupid hang-ups, I`ve let them down. All in all a pretty poor day but hopefully tomorrow will be better.

 

I`ve resisted for a long time but this evening I have made the decision to completely give up caffeine. My diet is ultra-strict apart from having a cappuccino every day or every other day. I`m really loathe to do it as it is the only vice or treat that I have (that sounds pretty pathetic) in my diet. However, I`ve been browsing through some of the threads on the Hormonal and Diet and Holisitic forums and so many people seem to think that giving up caffeine has helped them I`m going to give it a try. Also going to try to get back into a better sleep routine as I haven`t been sleeping that great recently. Not entirely sure how successful these measures will be as I`m pretty sure the reason I continue to breakout is genetic but I`m going to give them a try.

Tomorrow is another day, I hope it's better for you. You seem very self-aware and you have the tools to improve your mental state so I'm confident you will turn it around. Have you tried replacing coffee with tea? That's how I quit coffee, by replacing it with black tea, then herbal tea gradually. Now I sometimes drink some oolong in the morning but it has very low caffeine. 

The holistic forum has some great tips on lifestyle changes that could benefit everyone not just in terms of acne, but for their general wellbeing. I'm trying to get into a better sleep routine too, I have trouble falling asleep and then have trouble waking up in the morning. 

Thanks Wishclean and thanks for the tips on tea too. I`ll definitely consider the tea alternative.

 

Pleased to say I managed to sleep from 10:30pm to 5:00am last night without any interruptions. As long as I get 6-7 hours sleep a night I`m ok but recently I`ve only been able to manage 4-5 hours per night and it has been fitful at that. The key for me at least is to make sure that I go to bed regularly at the same time each night. Recently I`ve been staying up until past midnight and then not sleeping that well. Will try to stick to going to bed between 10:00pm and 10:30pm from now on.

 

Good luck with your sleep routine - I hope it gets better.



#6017 Lilly75

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 02:21 AM

A bit of a weird day today.

Started off fine. I went off to uni with very little makeup on and hair tied back - not 'hiding' behind it like I sometimes do. My mum then picked me up to bring me to a different campus for a group presentation I was involved in. During the drive I mentioned to her about how an assignment coming up involves submitting our resume and that I'm worried, and embarrassed about this even, because I'm 20 and have nearly no work experience to show. Part of the reason for this is that it's been so hard for me to go out and apply for jobs or stay at jobs that I've started because my anxiety about my skin goes absolutely insane. I also had a horrible experience at my first job in a call center and I think that's also made it hard for me to apply to new places. Mum started going on about how I just need to do it and that it's my own fault etc etc - and she's right. But I said, through tears at this point (we argued a bit), that she didn't know the things I try and cope with that makes it so hard to just go out and apply for jobs etc. I can't just switch on confidence. 

 

But the annoying part was that then I was trying to not start actually crying because I had to do my presentation soon! Somehow it ended up being ok though - the presentation went well.

 

It is getting better for me though. As my skin improves I am feeling a little more confident. And I have been applying for jobs (mostly online though) and checking online job sites daily (and all of this for month and months and months now with no luck yet).

And having my placement for uni is making me feel better about when I do hopefully find a job - because I've been able to 'join' their workplace without having crazy anxiety attacks and crying spells at night - like I have had for some reason when I've had 'real' / paying jobs. It's helping my confidence / anxiety issues specific to the work environment (that I've had for some reason).

 

It's ridiculous but being 20 and not having a job is one of the things that has been really getting to me and making me feel like a failure for a while now. Anyway... hoping that I will find work soon.



#6018 MoonlitRiver

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 05:14 AM

A bit of a weird day today.

Started off fine. I went off to uni with very little makeup on and hair tied back - not 'hiding' behind it like I sometimes do. My mum then picked me up to bring me to a different campus for a group presentation I was involved in. During the drive I mentioned to her about how an assignment coming up involves submitting our resume and that I'm worried, and embarrassed about this even, because I'm 20 and have nearly no work experience to show. Part of the reason for this is that it's been so hard for me to go out and apply for jobs or stay at jobs that I've started because my anxiety about my skin goes absolutely insane. I also had a horrible experience at my first job in a call center and I think that's also made it hard for me to apply to new places. Mum started going on about how I just need to do it and that it's my own fault etc etc - and she's right. But I said, through tears at this point (we argued a bit), that she didn't know the things I try and cope with that makes it so hard to just go out and apply for jobs etc. I can't just switch on confidence. 

 

But the annoying part was that then I was trying to not start actually crying because I had to do my presentation soon! Somehow it ended up being ok though - the presentation went well.

 

It is getting better for me though. As my skin improves I am feeling a little more confident. And I have been applying for jobs (mostly online though) and checking online job sites daily (and all of this for month and months and months now with no luck yet).

And having my placement for uni is making me feel better about when I do hopefully find a job - because I've been able to 'join' their workplace without having crazy anxiety attacks and crying spells at night - like I have had for some reason when I've had 'real' / paying jobs. It's helping my confidence / anxiety issues specific to the work environment (that I've had for some reason).

 

It's ridiculous but being 20 and not having a job is one of the things that has been really getting to me and making me feel like a failure for a while now. Anyway... hoping that I will find work soon.


Aww Lilly I can relate to this far too well! I'm 21 and and didn't get my first paid job until I was 19 which was stewarding at classical music concerts. My parents are always saying I should get a job and making me feel really useless for not having one like normal people and I too feel really self-conscious when I have to submit a CV anywhere because I have almost no work experience. Even the job I did I've now quit because dealing with the public like that used to just get me into a massive panic before every shift and sometimes during it as well. People aren't very kind to stewards who are totally useless at their jobs and I'd have to constantly hold my hands really tight together to stop them visibly shaking. People also always looked at me funny when my voice started to shake or I couldn't quite get the words out properly because I was so nervous which made me feel completely useless. All in all it was traumatic and a disaster so I had to give it up! I'm only telling you all this so you know you're not the only one with this problem and that you're not unique in having had too much anxiety to hold down work in the past or having parents who just don't understand what your issue is. 

But your skin is looking absolutely miles better right now so I'm sure that and the confidence you should gain from your uni placement will stand you in very good stead for getting a real job. Don't feel like a failure for not having one yet. Having had your skin totally sap your confidence in the past is a huge barrier to contend with even if other people like your mum don't understand that. It doesn't mean you can't turn it around now; it just means that an adverse problem that other people haven't had to deal with has made you just a little bit later starting than everyone else is all. :)



#6019 goodz19

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 05:50 AM

 

My skin is not quite has good today as I think it has been recently. Got some small spots on my neck and jawline and one or two on my cheeks. From a distance they are barely noticeable though.

 

At work today, my manager gave me the task of training a new lady who has just started in our office. Doing the training wasn`t a problem but it did mean that for most of the day I was sat right next to the lady. I really dislike people getting close up to me - the thought of people seeing my flaws and blemishes really makes me anxious. However, even though it made me a little uncomfortable, she didn`t seem to mind being in close proximity to me and if she did notice any blemishes, she didn`t say anything or seem to care.

 

It was totally unplanned but in a way it was as useful as a lot of the stuff that I have been doing for CBT. I was inadvertently exposed to a situation that would normally make me anxious and it turned out a lot better than I anticipated. Definitely has given me more food for thought about how people really perceive me.

 

Hope you are all ok.

Oh man, Ive been there.  Im always the person that has to train the new guy.  I feel the same way you used to feel.  I hate having someone in close proximity like that.  And in my pessimistic mind, I know that maybe they didnt notice, or didnt care, or didnt say anything, but if they did, would they really ever tell you?  So in my mind, its just as bad because I think its repulsive and disgusting, and they must too, even though they didnt say anything.  I dunno, do you get what Im saying?  I dont need someone to make a horrid face when they see me for me to not feel comfortable; I only need to look in the mirror and not like what I see for me to get myself down.  No one's ever said anything about my skin; in fact, most people that I tell that Im having a problem w/ it, tell me they dont notice anything.  Thats no consolation because I can see it, and Im not blind, and thats good enough reason for me to be pissed off, upset, anxious, angry, and then I start to self loathe. 

 

Every day starts same as the next.  I used to not be able to sleep until I got all these psych meds, so thats not a problem now.  But from 505am when I wake up and go into the bathroom to take a shower, until 930pm when I decide to lay down and watch TV, my obsessive thoughts will not stop.  I never expect anyone to say anything about the condition of my skin; but they dont have to, its my own thoughts that matter.  And when your own thoughts are distorted, you quickly begin to spiral. 

 

I am truly glad that the CBT you received has helped feel more comfortable in uncomfortable situations.  I am seriously contemplating going back, maybe to someone new, and putting forth a real effort, cuz what Im doing every day to myself is not helping the situation.

Goodz19, I can totally relate to everything you have said in your post.

 

I`ve been in your situation and I still feel like it at times. Even though no one necessarily has to say anything, because you in your mind think that you are repulsive, hideous and ugly, you automatically assume that is what everyone else thinks of you.

 

I know exactly what it is like to look in the mirror and absolutely detest what you see. I`m ashamed to say this but at times it has gone beyond thinking I`m repulsive, hideous and ugly. I have on occasions shouted expletives at my reflection and spat at it and referred to myself as vile scum. I have on one or two occasions smashed mirrors because of the disgust I feel at what I have seen.

 

Doing CBT has not only helped me curb the mirror obsession, it has also helped me to realise that all this stuff I feel about myself are just my thoughts and no one elses`. As my CBT therapist says, thoughts are just personal feelings - not facts. I know you probably won`t believe me but what your mind is telling you is not true. Where is the evidence other than what you think you see? Do any of your friends` or family tell you that you are hideous and ugly? You will probably say that people are being nice or don`t notice but trust me, most people are too concerned with their own problems to even notice or care.

 

As I say CBT has really helped me. It is something that I have to keep working at though as it would be really easy to relapse and go back to the negative thought patterns. I seem to remember you saying that it didn`t work in the past but that may have been due to the therapist or it being the wrong time for you. Definitely think that it is worth another shot - you`ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose.

 

All the best.

Thanx for the reply Gunnke.  I, like you mentioned, have gone above and beyond the normal reactions of having skin issues; things which are almost unmentionable.  Im glad that Im not the only person who thinks this way; wish there was someone in my real life that could relate though.  I am reassessing my need for continued therapy again; its something I really need to consider.  As you mentioned, have nothing to lose.  Thanx again.



#6020 MoonlitRiver

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Posted 19 August 2013 - 06:22 AM

Well over the last couple of days I've been feeling so up and down that I think I'm turning into a human yo-yo! On the plus side I did go out of my house again yesterday which was totally emotionally draining but does make it twice in one week. That may well seem pathetic to you but it is quite an improvement for me! smile.png

Edit: Ok so now I'm on a down again. My mum just looked at my face critically and said: "You know I'm really not convinced that Epiduo's working at all. Your whole face just looks really red." Gee, thanks mum! How exactly does she expect it to produce miraculous effects in just 4 weeks when I've had acne for 8 years?! And why are parents so freaking insensitive all the time?!? I just don't understand it!!!! Feeling seriously demoralised right now sad.png Of all the people in the world you expect your own mother to be able to look past your appearance and look you in the eye when she talks to you but all mine ever does is analyse the condition of my skin instead. I can see her eyes roving all over my face whenever she talks to me, kind of like I'm not even really inside there and she's just looking at the state of an inanimate object. I guess I must just look like even more of a monster than I thought.


Edited by MoonlitRiver, 19 August 2013 - 08:56 AM.





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