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Challenging the challenges caused by acne


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#1 jlo1008

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Posted 25 April 2008 - 04:40 PM

Hey everyone. I am making this post so that we can help each other cope with the challenges that we face everyday due to acne. I for example miss out on a lot of things because of acne, because I am embarrassed and choose to hibernate in my room. I've read many peoples forums and we can all relate; acne is really really really depressing.
But I realize that I am giving up on life, and I don't want acne to control my life anymore

SO INSTEAD OF POSTING NEGATIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS ACNE, I WANT FOR A CHANGE TO SEE SOME POSITIVE POSTS ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR ACNE.


what are some challenges/fears from acne that you have overcome? How did it make you feel? Is it something that you were able to continue to overcome?

For example: I went out with a large cyst today. I woke up in the morning. depressed, didnt want to look in the mirror sat there examining my face. Normally i would not go out at all, just hibernate in my room, or go out wearing a hat (which in the end makes my forehead break out more). I got the courage to just say screw it, im going out to face the public and took a walk on a main street. It felt good just to walk and not care what other people might think. Im just starting to make little changes like this. cuz in the end, i think we really do analyze our skin more than other people. we are our worst critic.

I wanna challenge myself to not look in the mirror all the time, or to distract my attention away from my acne; or to go out with friends etc. I will keep you updated to let you know how i do.

this guy said to me the other day, its not what happens in life that important, its what you make of it. so true.



#2 jaybin2

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Posted 25 April 2008 - 06:15 PM

Well I went to Philedelphia with some friends amongst a dozen or so pimples but managed to have a good time

#3 I_Have_Bad_Acne

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Posted 25 April 2008 - 06:48 PM

QUOTE (jlo1008 @ Apr 25 2008, 04:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hey everyone. I am making this post so that we can help each other cope with the challenges that we face everyday due to acne. I for example miss out on a lot of things because of acne, because I am embarrassed and choose to hibernate in my room. I've read many peoples forums and we can all relate; acne is really really really depressing.
But I realize that I am giving up on life, and I don't want acne to control my life anymore

SO INSTEAD OF POSTING NEGATIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS ACNE, I WANT FOR A CHANGE TO SEE SOME POSITIVE POSTS ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR ACNE.


what are some challenges/fears from acne that you have overcome? How did it make you feel? Is it something that you were able to continue to overcome?

For example: I went out with a large cyst today. I woke up in the morning. depressed, didnt want to look in the mirror sat there examining my face. Normally i would not go out at all, just hibernate in my room, or go out wearing a hat (which in the end makes my forehead break out more). I got the courage to just say screw it, im going out to face the public and took a walk on a main street. It felt good just to walk and not care what other people might think. Im just starting to make little changes like this. cuz in the end, i think we really do analyze our skin more than other people. we are our worst critic.

I wanna challenge myself to not look in the mirror all the time, or to distract my attention away from my acne; or to go out with friends etc. I will keep you updated to let you know how i do.

this guy said to me the other day, its not what happens in life that important, its what you make of it. so true.

why post positive things?? we will do it when our acne is better.. until then all i have is negative effects

#4 atrocious

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 05:42 PM

sorry...there's nothing positive about severe acne.
The road to happiness is paved with self delusion.

#5 NyamNyam

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 05:46 PM

QUOTE (atrocious @ Apr 27 2008, 12:42 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
sorry...there's nothing positive about severe acne.


I can think of one, technically. Well, if you have really severe acne, at least you know that it can't get any worse. HUG


***moderator edit***
* Low GI, No Dairy, Lots of Water
* Hide From The Sun Like A Ninja


#6 crazian

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Posted 26 April 2008 - 08:44 PM

I am in FBLA (future business leaders of America), and I had to make a 5 minute presentation to judges about ethics. I woke up with a giant cyst right above my lip. I suck it up and did the presentation (I'm bad at giving speeches/presenting anyway), and I got 7th place. (Hey, at lease I placed)

My

Epic

Regimen



Accutane Once A Day
Wash your face!


"Sometimes i like to pretend that my acne is a bunch of koala's. That way, my acne isn't so bad anymore."-Tyler Evans

寂しいγͺγ‚‰ζ•™γˆγ¦δΈŠγ’γ‚‹γ€‚
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#7 JustaMomToo

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Posted 27 April 2008 - 12:01 PM

[quote name='jlo1008' date='Apr 25 2008, 04:40 PM' post='2272495']
But I realize that I am giving up on life, and I don't want acne to control my life anymore
SO INSTEAD OF POSTING NEGATIVE FEELINGS TOWARDS ACNE, I WANT FOR A CHANGE TO SEE SOME POSITIVE POSTS ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR ACNE.


Great idea for a thread bc sometimes a suggestion or idea turns into a reality for someone else!

I went out with a large cyst today.
haha I began to read "I went out with..." and in my mind I was filling in a person lol then I read "a large cyst" and giggled bc I had that thought totally wrong! But the BEST part of the sentence was that you DID go out even with your little buddy the cyst!

And you are 100% correct when you say... It felt good just to walk and not care what other people might think. Im just starting to make little changes like this. cuz in the end, i think we really do analyze our skin more than other people. we are our worst critic. SO true. People remember your smile, your eyes, your personality, your kindness, your spirit. People will notice your skin for sure, but they won't factor that into whether or not you were a kind person to them. People remember you for how you make them FEEL not for your skin!

I wanna challenge myself to not look in the mirror all the time, or to distract my attention away from my acne; or to go out with friends etc. I will keep you updated to let you know how i do.

I TOTALLY think you can do this! What might be helpful for you is taking a good look at your face in it's entirety. So don't first notice your acne, just kind of look around it and see what you DO like about your face. Your eyes, a clear part of your face lol, your eyebrows might be a great shape, you might have a perfect nose. Whatever you like about your face, that is the part you accentuate and then just 'deal' with the rest of your skin issues. You will find over time, you accept your skin more as you are trying to clear it. Sure you can hate it... but don't obsess over it while you are working towards clearing it.

This goes for your total health and body. Clearing acne takes time and most of all perseverance and patience. It doesn't happen overnight like that stupid zit that just popped up when you woke up! It takes trial and error. BUT, the best part of it all is while you are working on clear skin, you should be working on YOU as a total person. And you as a person includes much more than your skincare regimen.

You asked what people do to help them out. Probably because I am a stubborn person lol, I simply refused to allow it to run my life. And at this time in my life you had better believe I am happier than heck that I made the decision to ignore it the best I can and go out there and LIVE. If I hadn't, I would have wasted mostly my entire life with crappy skin! I simply cannot imagine spending your precious time doing nothing but staring at the four walls of your dorm room or not leaving your house.

There are far too many people out there who are truly unable to leave their houses or beds or hospitals for reasons far more serious than acne, that I have always felt God gave me a healthy body to begin with, why would I want to screw that up!? Just take a walk out and about and look at people. There are people with beautiful skin but horribly overweight. How about that person who spends most of the day in a wheelchair? When I am out and about I always notice people. But while I might feel bad for their situation, I also think how courageous they are to go out there in this society with this or that wrong with them, face up to the glances and stares, and continue living the life they have been given.

I know each and every person reading this has aspirations for their life and dreams they have yet to realize. That guy was right.... this guy said to me the other day, its not what happens in life that important, its what you make of it. so true.

That is not only true but it helps you to actually LIVE the life you have been given. No matter how many times people want to say acne is nothing until you've lived with whatever problems they might have, it's something you have to force yourself to go out and live with bc not many people would view it as an excuse to give up on your life. It's right out there for everyone to see, and it truly is a daunting experience going out among the clear-skinned people of the world. BUT, the fact it is YOUR world too, THAT is what makes the challenge worth it. At the end of the day, you have chosen to give up on life bc of a physical affliction OR you have chosen to overcome your obstacles and enjoy your day.

I definitely feel when you are doing absolutely every single thing you can do to clear your skin, you cannot be asked to do anything further. That is when you have to simply walk away from the situation and make the affirmation to yourself that you will go out there and enjoy life. If you can't stand large crowds of people, you find a friend and go to places that you enjoy that don't have large crowds. Just do ANYTHING to begin the process of being a part of this world. That's what I've always done. You simply must look past your skin. Afterall, who allows the person with clear skin to go out there and enjoy his/her life while the person with horrible skin can't? That answer of course is what you have discovered.

Good luck on your quest to regain jlo's life!

#8 jlo1008

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Posted 28 April 2008 - 12:16 PM

Thanks for the kind words and inspiration to get better!
It's definitely a hard thing to challenge, but that why I made this post. Unfortunately most people haven't posted anything.

One person misunderstood and thought i meant to post the positive things of having acne... what i meant was post what you have done to overcome your fear of having acne. Like instead of spending 30 minutes in front of the mirror examining my flaws (which i do a lot), i spend only 10 minutes and forget about it before it gets to my mind and ruins my day.

I go back and forth daily with positive thinking and negative thinking. I am reading Eckhart Tolle's "A NEW EARTH" and it has really inspired me to make these changes in my lifestyle. Negative thinking anxiety, fear, etc all effect your mind/body, psychologically and physically.

SO ANYWAY, I really did hope that a persons post could become an idea/suggestion for another individual to try.

#9 JustaMomToo

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 12:21 AM

QUOTE (jlo1008 @ Apr 28 2008, 12:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the kind words and inspiration to get better!
It's definitely a hard thing to challenge, but that why I made this post. Unfortunately most people haven't posted anything.

One person misunderstood and thought i meant to post the positive things of having acne... what i meant was post what you have done to overcome your fear of having acne. Like instead of spending 30 minutes in front of the mirror examining my flaws (which i do a lot), i spend only 10 minutes and forget about it before it gets to my mind and ruins my day.

I go back and forth daily with positive thinking and negative thinking. I am reading Eckhart Tolle's "A NEW EARTH" and it has really inspired me to make these changes in my lifestyle. Negative thinking anxiety, fear, etc all effect your mind/body, psychologically and physically.

SO ANYWAY, I really did hope that a persons post could become an idea/suggestion for another individual to try.


To read your posts and to know you're reading A New Earth, makes me believe you will actually succeed in your desire to begin a more positive life! I am happy for you and hope you find that inner strength and peace to not only wear a smile but to actually feel that smile! biggrin.gif

I'll tell you a funny little story you will appreciate bc of the name you chose. I was out hiking with my husband yesterday, and I told him I had just posted something to you because you seem like you really want to begin a new, fresh pattern in your life of positive thinking. He totally agreed. He is a VERY positive person because he firmly believes he only has one life to live so he might as well make it a dandy one lol. Anyway, as we were walking we had to climb over some fallen trees, and another couple was climbing pretty close to us with an adorable little fluffy dog who became entangled in the branches bc it crawled UNDER the tree branches instead of OVER haha. As we approached the couple I stopped talking after I said... "I was writing to jlo..." hahaha Well, you can IMAGINE the looks I got from that couple as they were trying to get their dog untangled and we were all laughing at the dog, but as we walked away I heard one of them say "jlo." lol So then my husband and I laughed bc they must have thought I wrote to JLo! So, you were famous on our hike!

But he commented on your thread and I'd like to write that down for you now to get it from a person with beautiful skin! He said he was really happy that you had decided to take a positive approach bc that always shows through to people. He said he never really noticed my skin much at all, except when I point out stuff which I don't really do bc that's ugh lol, but he notices the personality and the entire look. So, if you take care of yourself both inside and outside, the skin becomes something so insignificant to your whole package you have to offer people. It's really your personality that shines through, not your skin.

I thought you'd enjoy that little story if you read this thread again, and now we BOTH wish you good luck! BarryAllen was talking about A New Earth, which I haven't read, so you should PM him how you like it! Another idea would be to add some interesting things you have thought about after reading it or even as you read it to give some people hopefully a new perspective, as you have already tried doing.

Again, good luck!

#10 jlo1008

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 08:52 AM

Thanks so much! I appreciate your and your husbands encouragement. It really helps. This is coming from a person that was was very hopeless at one point. But its people like you who make a difference in this world smile.gif I am halfway through the book and I love it. Its great, and it really makes you AWAKEN and gain a better perspective of LIFE. Thats a good idea about making a post, I will recommend it to others on this forum.
Your hiking story made me laugh. Funny thing is my name is really Jennifer Lopez, so you did talk to J.LO, (just not the celebrity haha). But about hiking, i've only been hiking once and that was like 10 years ago!! I love nature and would love to go hiking this summer. These are the type of things I am hoping to do as I start my new journey with a positive attitude gasp.gif)

Thanks again!

#11 P-Unit26

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 09:21 AM

I had two majoy events recently I had to organize and preside over, and throughout both of them I practically ignored my acne and did all of it as if I were clear. The days before these events I noticed the acne getting worse, but my mood and attitude not being affected. It's quite odd for me, but I'm not complaining.

Since then I've considered my acne getting better, and my attitude still hasn't come down from the "high" point it was a few days ago.

I credit much of the attitude change to this website, being able to talk to and hear from people going through the same ordeal. I have renewed hope for the future, and my 111 day deadline for getting acne free doesn't seem as daunting as it did a few weeks earlier.
Currently Attempting Treatment(s)-
Mornings- Differin
Evenings- Duac
Milk of Magnesia Shower Washes
Neutragena Blackhead Cleanser
No Soda diet.

"Now we must all fear evil men. But there is an evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

#12 jlo1008

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 09:48 AM

Thats great! Even though you have acne, I have acne, I find that when I forget about it and ignore it, I just feel happier. Stressing about your acne, prob causing more acne!

#13 BarryAllen

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 02:13 PM

Thank you for starting this thread, I hope it grows and eventually gets pinned because people really need to realize that you can react to acne in a more positive way. It's your CHOICE people!!!! Are there times where you're going to feel hurt and frustrated? Sure, but now what are you going to do about that? Hide in a cave? Be a hermit? End up on a milk carton? Oh yeah, that's great, that'll work I can hear it now:

MISSING: 19 year old college student, ATTRACTIVE TO OTHERS, last seen attending classes at XYZ University with their chin down and wearing a hat. Always seemed a recluse and didn't want to engage in any social or extracurricular activites. Shut out their significant other effectively ending all chance at a life. DIDN'T REALIZE LIFE WAS ALL IN FRONT OF THEM, THEY ONLY HAD TO SHOW UP WITH A SMILE AND A POSITIVE ATTITUDE OF CARING. Last seen leaving class, then called in sick to work. Possibly still in room staring at wall feeling sorry for self. If you've seen this person, please call the National Center for Acne Strategies at 1-800-FUCK-ACNE or online at www.fuckacne.com

In the end, most people are going to understand your acne because they've had it too. They have yeah. Are there going to be stupid, ignorant people who think they can judge you for it? Yes, but that just makes them as a person who needs to judge others because of their own insecurities. That's what that's really about, it doesn't make you into what they call you or cut you down, it's their issues, not yours people. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT AND THEY ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY IS YOURSELF.

So what can you do about it? YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY

1. Remember what you think about grows and expands. It gets bigger it has to!!!! IT'S A LAW!!!!!! So if you're thinking about how "ugly" you are,or how bad your skin is STOP eusa_hand.gif and start a new thought like, "I'M NOT MY ACNE, I'M BEAUTIFUL." and tell yourself that or something like it in the mirror. SMILE WHEN YOU DO THIS, FORCE YOURSELF SMILE surprised.gif SAY IT UNTIL YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!

2. As said in above posts, give your acne only so much time in the day. Set a time limit. You can only deal with it for so long until it's not productive anymore. MOVE ON.

3. Keep your posture straight and your voice and body language open to others. DON'T HIDE or become self-conscious. Look people straight in the eye when meeting them and SMILE even if you don't feel like it SMILE biggrin.gif

4. Discharge any feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, self-pity and worthlessness. Feel what you need to feel and MOVE ON! It's all relevant to feel things, but don't dwell on them. Remind yourself you're dealing with things and finding solutions to your acne and you will, but you're going to have to do things different.

NOTHING CHANGES UNTIL YOU CHANGE. YOU CAN'T BLAME THE WORLD BECAUSE IT DIDN'T MAKE YOU, YOU MADE YOURSELF, STOP BLAMING AND GIVING POWER TO OTHERS AND START TAKING AN ACTIVE APPROACH TO SOLVING YOUR LIFE'S PROBLEMS. YOU'RE THE ANSWER YOU JUST DON'T REALIZE IT YET!!!!!!!!!!

Did I mention to smile? biggrin.gif Laughter is good medicine too!!! lol.gif

and jlo1008 you might like to read Wayne Dyer too!!!

#14 Shaara

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Posted 10 May 2008 - 12:22 AM

This thread is a great idea biggrin.gif

I was filmed to be on TV the other day. redface.gif And not for just a few seconds, it was like a 15 minute segment. shock.gif I was so terrified that my skin looked like crap, but I did my best (I'm an English teacher) and smiled the whole time.

My boyfriend taped it for me, and when I watched it I was amazed that I actually looked good shock.gif lol Sure my skin didn't look perfect, but I sounded great, and looked happy! And that's what I think people will notice the most.

Just think about what you notice about other people! I always notice someones smile, and personality and find it leaves way more of an impression than their overall appearance. wub.gif




Please visit my blog about trying to treat my acne naturally :)

#15 xblackskiesx

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Posted 11 May 2008 - 03:52 AM

One positive thing i can say acne has brought me , awesome friends. Friends that dont care about the way you look ect just for who you are. Acne has let me see what people are worth creating friendships with and who are just plain idiots.

#16 misselizabeth

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Posted 11 May 2008 - 02:06 PM

Hmm... Positive affects of acne...
1. I've gotten used to the idea that I'm gonna be alone all my life so I have no high expectations of marriage, long-term relationships, etc. Therefore, I'm never let down.
2. I've gotten used to the fact that I am ugly and have learnt to just deal with it and try not to think about it.

Haha. I'm just kidding... Sorta.

I think acne makes you stronger. You can deal with bullies/people staring at you and things like that. But I think it could be A LOT worse. We should be grateful we only got acne and not some serious illness. I know what you're thinking, how comes some people get no acne and no illnesses. Hmm... That I can't explain.

I personally also concentrate more on 'important' things like my studies. For the time being, anyway... If I can't be pretty, I will be rich, RICH I TELL YOU!!

lol.

#17 gracieb

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Posted 14 May 2008 - 01:19 PM

I try to be positive, but today I feel like shit.

I started at a new work place and have about 8 white heads and 1 pustule; everyone else had clear skin. I felt so embarrassed.

#18 fucboi

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Posted 19 May 2008 - 07:04 AM

Yea, I feel stronger and better each time I grew older. Now I am gonna turn 18 soon later this year and I hope I become a better man and not that childish boy who worries about his skin so much that he don't want to talk to anyone at all. My skin is better after 3 years of healthy diet and caring. I am starting to interact more with ppl now. Hope I can really be the best man that I want to be.

#19 Rooth

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Posted 26 May 2008 - 08:10 PM

Uh, so...I don't care much about my acne, mainly because the people I care about don't even notice it much anymore. It's also the fact that my particular environment values intelligence, goodness, etc about 20 levels higher than physical beauty). Though I am always surprised by the extent of my cysts when I see pics of myself. (I'm moderate-severe...surprising I know).

I've got huge eyes and a really expressive face (i wanted to be a clown when i was 6) so if I meet a person and I can tell if they're ONLY looking at "Fernando" (the huge migrating cluster of cysts on my neck) and then I know that they probably aren't the type of person I'd want to associate with.

My positive thing: let your acne pre-screen shallow persons! It worked for me!!

My LOG - ROUND 1
Accutane started May 26, 2008
(40mg - for 4-6 months) - 22 female 

Result: Only 6 months of being clear and a long lasting impression that the drug f-ed me up mentally

 

My LOG - ROUND 2

Clarus started November 1, 2013

(40mg - for 6 months) - 26 female (~96 lb)

Maybe not going on the drug has f-ed me up mentally


#20 Alyosha K.

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Posted 28 May 2008 - 11:07 PM

Hi everyone....this is my first post on the forum, but I think this topic is great and I wanted to say some things and, if you don't mind, share my thoughts and experiences, what this life has taught me so far, and what I'm struggling to learn.

Firstly, it is important to remember that human beings, for as awful as we can be, never give up in persevering. I feel like no matter how much I want to indulge in thinking and worrying about the bad stuff, as long as I have decided that I have no choice but to stay alive, I, like a bubble of oxygen in water, will always somehow float to the top. I would like to believe that anyone who has made the decision to live will eventually comes to this realisation.

I developed mild adult acne after I graduated college 4 years ago. For the first year it didn't phase me, but gradually I began to obsess about it to the point that anything I had accomplished in my life until then fell away from me and I literally lost almost all of myself while putting everything on hold until I found a cure. It's ridiculous how you can go from being so idealistic about the world to being on the brink of suicide over something like the change of your appearance, but such are the natures of people---we want so badly for others to recognize our inner worth and to be approving of us--we want so badly to love and to be loved as when we were children--that when we don't get it we lose faith in ourselves and feel guilty or get angry. Add to that others' tendency in this competitive society to treat one another terribly, and its a wonder that not everyone is sitting in an institution somewhere heavily medicated and trying to drowse away the hours.

Eventually I did find a cure, through extreme diet regimens. I was becoming happy but still hid behind makeup because of scarring. I didn't know about facial peels or anything like that. Smoking also worsened my skin's appearance, and I soon quit. What I didn't realize and had a small suspicion about, however, was that these diets were fucking with my ability to concentrate. Maybe I was beginning to feel more confident, finding myself more attractive and acting on that impulse, but working in academia where ideas are what I bank on, I had the suspicion that my thoughts were slipping, that my energy was going away. I developed chronic fatigue syndrome. On the outside I looked beautiful and could "perform" intelligence, but my inside didn't correspond. I was unable to do my work at the level I had in undergrad. I couldn't even carry an intelligent thought properly through its course because I'd get tired so easily. My speaking skills suffered and I was slow in being able to think immediately or respond proficiently. Where before I couldn't engage in conversation because I had become so mortified of my appearance, now I just sat pretty and looked engaged. For two years of gradschool I fooled myself into thinking that because I looked good, everything else was good. When I started doing peels and seeing drastic results, my delusions increased. However, something happened this semester that made me realize how wrong I was. I started sensing that despite my confidence in my own intelligence, others were beginning to doubt me, because I couldn't carry conversations, because I was so slow. I sensed myself being treated like an airhead which, when I thought seriously about it, was more insulting than being treated as ugly. I was so weak and fraile this semester that, just to be able to finish a term paper, I decided out of desparation to eat meat after 3 years of rigid diet regimens, I decided to hell with the adverse affects of acne, my livelihood was at stake.

It is crazy how immediately restored I became. Tasks that before seemed impossible, hours that before seemed too tiring and too long, became easier and more fluid for me. Meat is the only thing I changed about my diet...everything else is raw and I daily mix a liter of orange juice with 4 tablespoons of first cold press extra virgin olive oil and sip from it throughout the day whenever I need more energy. In a few days I began to notice minor imperfections in my skin, almost miniscule red inflmations isolated to one spot. The texture of my skin changed. I almost went back to the diet again bc it brought back such awful memories of trauma. Even though, truth be told, this was nothing compared to before. Then I remembered this site and had some bp and decided to try the regimen again.

Bp works for me apparently, my skin looks fine, but I have two small blackheads which I'm having a tough time accepting. I know its not big deal, in fact I look much better than in undergrad, and I've done research about how facials are good for extracting difficult pores like this. This weekend I went to my in-laws house, however, and they have seen my whole progression from acne to here. His mom in particular has this nasty habit of shamelessly inspecting my skin each time I see her. It makes me feel humiliated for her to focus on me that way, and it makes me sad that only if my skin were flawless would she admire me fully, but otherwise it doesn't matter how much I accomplish.

In the last few years society has become increasingly obsessed with skin and age and perfection. I find myself admiring women much older than me who have managed to beat the clock and remain hopeful that I'll be able to do the same when the time comes. But it's a slippery slope. Acne and aging are relatively similar obsessions. I made a mistake when we got back this week and searched Botox and acne and found that some people broke out horribly when taking the drug. I became obsessed with the idea that, either this will happen to me, or, that by the time I become older, everyone else around me will be youthful and "perfect" looking, and I'll be the only old person, that wrinkles will replace acne, and that his family will always have something to judge me for.

I found myself spiralling into this obsessive pattern of thought I'm sure many people are familiar with, and it's been this way since the weekend. I realize there are other underlying issues that affect my obsession with my appearance-- bad childhood experiences, body dysmorphic disorder, etc. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have thought (though not seriously) wistfully about having the courage to commit suicide and letting go of the pain, which I for some reason seem to internalize so actuely. I can't even say what it is that hurts me so much. I know I can get the blackheads removed. I know there's hope with antiaging and the whole thing is sorry and unimportant. I know I'm pretty. But maybe it's just society that has disappointed me. Maybe I feel the fear that appearance is such an idle, evil obsession that, regardless of how much one wants to be "pure", even spiritual, even noble, even a completely good person, especially as a woman, appearance can not be avoided as an important factor in determining initial estimations of your worth to other people. You will never feel as confident or as lovable as you did when you were truly in your youth. This is mortality.

So I came to this forum and found this post and it lifted my spirit to be reminded that what matters more, what is more eternal than youth, more noble than the appearance of perfect beauty, is the ability to communicate with people and to want to serve them. So I have decided that, while I can't entirely let go of this body/self-worth dillema, I'd like to include a new obsession that will hopefully override the old one. I want to be a good person and I want to enjoy my life. I want to find and fall in love with the idealism I once had and I want somehow to give something back to the world. I want to tell you all that what you're doing just by posting out to one another, by talking, by transmitting love, by being a vehicle of support to each other by making threads like this and everything else you do here, is an example of our so much more miraculous and important abilities as human beings. That we shouldn't blame ourselves, but should be outraged and saddened by how far away our culture has gotten from what we all, deep in our hearts, know really matters. eusa_dance.gif

- Aly K.