Food allergies, hormonal, and genetic...?

So I have noticed that while I used to always get cysts on my jawline and neck, now I only ever seem to get them on the upper parts of my cheeks, near my cheekbones.

I used to assume my acne was mostly genetic and hormonal, and it probably still is for the most part, but I read about how some people theorize that certain food allergies may lead to certain areas of the face/body breaking out.

I get what I call 'regular zits' (relatively small, manageable, come to a head within a few days or so, itchy sometimes, tend to crop up in groups) in my T-zone, the parts of my cheeks on either side of my nose. These are generally more towards the center of my face, and sometimes lower. But as I said, my cysts and other more serious spots are further from the center usually, more around my cheekbones at their sharpest point and often below my eyes.

Does anyone know, by chance, of there being a connection between a certain food and this area breaking out? It is strange and morbidly interesting to me how my acne has moved from one area to another.

Anyone's experiences or input would be greatly appreciated.

TEA TREE OIL + other stuff. Worried. :[

So I hadn't had a cyst in like two months because my family doctor gave me tretinoin cream and Tetracycline. But yesterday I noticed that a cyst was growing on my right cheek, out of nowhere. :[

Needless to say, I am FREAKING out. Like crying and isolating myself from everyone. I even tried fasting today, but it didn't work out because my boyfriend bought me sushi (and I cannot say no to sushi).

I am DESPERATE and really, really concerned. So today I went out and bought Rooibos tea (I read about it being helpful in the nutrition/holistic forum) and a bottle of Tea Tree Oil.

So tonight I washed my face with the same Oxy Severe facewash I've been using forever (and really like) and then gently patted my face dry after the shower, then applied tretinoin over my whole face and then I dabbed a ton of TTO onto The Cyst. It kind of feels like it's burning a bit and feels really funny, so I stopped. =/

Wtf. I'm scared. Sooo scared. Idk what to do. I just know it's going to be worse by tomorrow morning... what should I do? 'Cause some people say TTO is amazing, and yet others say it destroys their face and makes them way worse. What if I'm in the latter group? :[ I don't know where to turn now... help??

WHY DO I DO THIS??

So I'm on Tetra and Retin-A and my skin has been slowly improving.

But I have a bad picking problem. I think it's really a psychological issue...


I had this clogged pore/blackhead on my left cheek near my nose under my eye area. And I tried to unclog it. Normal, every day procedure. But it wouldn't come out. And the area around it is now very red and raised up and I'm worried that it may turn into a cyst because I probably pushed the stuff down into the skin further. :[

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

I'm so pissed off at myself. I ALWAYS do this. I don't know how to make myself stop. Just this morning I was like 'Wow I'm starting to look a bit better' and then I go and ruin it like a fucking moron. Why am I so stupid?? It's like my brain temporarily shuts down all logical thinking mechanisms and eliminates all thoughts except "PICK PICK PICK" and then I wonder what the hell happened. WHY DO I THIS?!

My graduation is Friday night and now I'm probably going to have at least one bright red cyst in the fucking CENTER of my face. I'm sooooo upset. And it's all my fault. I did this to myself. My relatives are coming into town tomorrow and now they're going to see me looking so fucking disgusting.

Why can't I be normal? Why? I'm not good enough for anyone. All I do is pick at myself and attack myself until nothing at all is left except a destroyed, ugly, hideous version of myself. I don't deserve any of what I have. I deserve NOTHING. I am worthless. A piece of shit. I can't control my own mind or my own body. I can't DO ANYTHING. I ruin myself. I tear myself into bits, and it's because I deserve it and I'm so used to other people torturing me that when they aren't, I guess I fucking do it myself.

I can't control myself. I can't trust myself. I can't forgive myself.
I guess I'll always be this way. Some people cut themselves or hurt themselves in other ways.
I suppose this is just my own way of punishing myself... for existing and for not being good enough.

I just want to hide and sleep and cry and hurt myself more. I don't want to face the world. I don't want to face my family or my friends or my boyfriend. He doesn't get it. He just wants me to stop. But I mean, I want to stop, too, but I can't. I've tried. I don't want to do this anymore, but I can't save myself. I'm stuck this fucked up way forever, it seems. I just wish I could be beautiful for him, for myself. So I would be worth something to this world. I'm surrounded by perfection and beauty and I don't fit the standard. I never will.

I will never find anyone who can see me without makeup and still want me.
I will never get married.
I will never have a family.
I will never succeed in anything.

I have no future. There it is. The truth. I was born ugly and worthless and I will die the same way.
I'm sorry if anyone is offended or annoyed by what I'm saying. But I have to vent.


And does anyone know if there's anything I can do to possibly reduce or kill the cyst before it forms?? I've been putting globs of Retin-A on it over and over and I'm about to take a Tetra pill.

I don't know what else to do. I've really fucked up. It simply is NOT possible for me to have a good day.

OH NO.

OH NO NO NO.


I've been taking two Tetracycline pills per day for the past month along with generic Retin-A and it's been helping a bit... but I've only got one pill left and I can't pick up a refill till Monday

Will this have a significant effect on my skin?? I'm super worried, because my skin was JUST starting to look a bit better...

I can't believe I forgot to order a refill sooner

I hate everything about myself.

I wake up every morning and immediately wish I hadn't. I go to sleep each night hoping I won't wake up. Half the time, I fall asleep crying.

I'm so fucking tired of everything. I hate the way I look. I feel physically sick when I think about it, and it is literally PAINFUL to look at myself in the mirror.

I went to the doctor to get help a week ago. He gave me a steroid (Methylprednisolone) that was to last for five days, Retin-A (generic), and Tetracycline. I had seen a complete transformation and my skin had improved greatly over the course of like five days. Then, it rapidly went back downhill. The reason I went to the doctor in the first place was to get help for a nasty cyst I had last week because I wanted it to be gone before I had to perform in a play on Monday and Tuesday. It mostly went away. I was soooo happy. And now, a week later, after the steroid has run out, I have TWO CYSTS. Huge-ass ones. Bigger than the ONE I had before.

What the fuck. The doctor essentially made me worse with his shitty prescriptions.

I'm so fed up with these stupid cysts. They don't fucking go AWAY for months. I have the remainders of some from last year, still.

Right now I've got two in the same area on my upper right cheek right there where fucking everyone can see them. I hate myself. I really, truly do. I want to die. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. How can it go from so good to so incredibly horribly BAD so fast? Why does my life suck so much? Why does God hate me? :[