oh yea, been there.
i thought acne was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and all i wanted to do was kill myself.
then for some strange reasons, i laughed and thought, wouldnt it be just some strange sort of self entertainment to stick around? and actually pretend like actually i could figure all these problems out? no matter how impossible they seemed? because i truly didnt know what i could do, i knew i sucked, and for such a long time, but did i really know i would suck forever? did the fact that because things sucked for like, so many years straigh mean that i would never find a way? maybe yes and maybe no, but that was something i didnt know, and didnt claim to know. i was honest and said i did not know that.
so i decided to do this thing called life, DESPITE the present and past shittiness.
then, i was diagnosed with crohns disease. i guess i was wrong, it actually fucking got worse, hahahaha!!!
how would you like to trade a bloody face for never ending bloody diarhea???
but guess what, i had decided i was doing this thing called life and i was here to stay and figure EVERYTHING OUT and solve every issue.
no i did not solve every single issue, but that was my attitude, and i am surprised i even got as far as i have.\
i have a really bad case of crohns disease and my entire colon is infected along with the small intestine, i have been able to manage my disease with some decent success without drugs for three years now. this sounds like a fucking sad story i know, but it also somewhat triumphant. from meticulous note taking, i have solved many problems on my own without any help from a doctor, this is not typical for such a serious disease as i have, after being to doctors for acne, i had pretty much wised up to how things work, i knew i was mostly on my own, and the doctors didnt know all that much, at least not enough to answer the question i had.
It may sound like im saying i have it worse then you so you shouldnt feel bad, and i might have had it worse then you, but im not telling you how you should or should not feel, if you are ok with where you are im fine with that, if you are pissed and want something else, you are allowed to be. and it also sounds like im bragging, and i kind of am, but i do not care to impress someone on the internet, but i do want my story to be heard to get a point across, its not so much my story i want to communicate as it is an idea, you just dont know what the human mind is capable of achieving, and our human minds cannot predict everything in life, we are not in a very good position to judge what is likely or what is ultimatly possible, we may have a decent general idea, and as we get older, there are less and less surprises, but i know, when i just look at any example of modern technology or any scientific accomplishment over the span of human existence, that ive been duped, i have been lied to, and i know deep within my own mind and heart, that as a human being i am capable of much more then anyone would like me to believe, there are examples all around you of what humans have done to understand this universe with their mind, and to overcome the limits or understand nature, and that to some degree, things can be understood, and conquered, no not all the time, but much more then the people i have come into contact have led me to believe about myself.ive wised up, and still here to stay and to do this thing called life. and i will never give up on the things i want, even if they are a million miles away from me.its crazy and stupid to not have given up after all that i have been through, and thats how i like it, its fun and crazy. its not really over till your heart has stopped beating. And one other thing, i believe i gave up on myself too early and made a promise to learn from that lesson, and to never give up again, if i hadnt given up the time i did or the times i did, i would have been in a much better position then i am now. but you are free to choose to give up if you want, but who knows, your life might actually get better,but not by way of magic, you must do stuff, but i will bet your luck will be better then mine.