ANNA! I have been there as well, believe me. Unable to look in the mirror. Disfigured. Calling myself a monster. I've had strangers stop me on the street and say, "What happened to your face?" I cried all the time and contemplated suicide. My heart goes out to you and your suffering and I hope, since your post, you are doing better.
My worst episode was 15 years ago. I still have occasional bouts with severe cystic acne (including a bad one right now) and I have looked into EVERYTHING. Honestly, ive been on every diet, tried every supplement, had every part of my body chemistry and function analyzed. Ive treated for allergies, parasites, etc., etc., etc. I've also permanently given up gluten which has helped my intestines and sinuses, but not my skin. I feel like ive tried everything although I know that is not true and I'm always open to new things because I believe that sooner or later, i will resolve this once and for all. I believe acne is a disease and for me it is definitely hormone-related.
I'll cut to the chase. You can mess around with a lot of things but there is nothing that works like accutane. I would recommend that you try it. It's a miracle but it is NOT easy to take. If you want to try some other things first, you should!
I also had huge success with a birth control pill called Lo Loesterine Fe. It was INCREDIBLY effective (to the point where, for MONTHS, I was SEARCHING my face for a zit that was not there) but then it stopped working after a year or two.
HANG IN THERE and don't give up. You are here for a reason and you are going through this for a reason and what does not kill you makes you stronger. God Speed.