IndigoRush

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About IndigoRush

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  • Gender Male
  • Location UK.

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  1. I'm really struggling at the moment. As soon as I realise all my issues were started because of this drug I get so stressed out knowing I don't have a clue what is going on. 10 years and counting. I just don't know how to go on from here. I can't deal with this chronic fatigue for the rest of my life. Happy 2016 :/
  2. Hi everyone. It's been a while since I even thought about this forum, but someone commented on one of my videos today and it mentioned it. It's crazy that this post is coming up to 1 million views. I hope you are doing okay. I know that you're probably not and that you feel frustrated and lack hope that things will ever be good again. And I'm sorry that you have had to go through this.  Maybe a few of you watch my videos ({LINK REMOVED}) so will already know how I am doing, but for those who aren't aware, I am still pretty up-and-down. I am doing the best I can with what I have learned, but life is still very difficult for me at times, and I still am figuring out things for myself.  Some people message me and say this drug changed the very core of their being. They tell me they were never like this. And I think back to what I was like before this drug. I think I was always going to be this way, to a degree. I was always shy and - in retrospect - I can see I was an introvert and very sensitive from the get-go. I was always a worried child, prone to overthinking and dwelling on my mistakes. With this kind of personality, I am prone to struggling with society and its expectations of me. I'm supposed to be outgoing, funny, happy and enthusiastic, right? I am still trying to find my place in this World.  It has been difficult for me to admit, because I'm still certain this drug triggered depression and anxiety in me - as well as some health problems, like fatigue, but I know that I would have been this way without the drug. And frankly, there is no use in thinking what could have been. And so, after 10 years of this (scary to think it has been so long), all I can really tell you is... I'm still here, and I'm okay. Sometimes I really struggle and at times my mind goes to very dark places - meaning I contemplate suicide and feel unable to cope with life. And yet, I have had so many terrible days that I know I am capable of surviving. I struggle more during the Winter months... I can't get away and escape into nature for hours by myself. But I am better than I once was. And for those who think their brain was destroyed, somehow, by Accutane - know that depression and anxiety are very common. It is our environment that can trigger this. It isn't just the drug, and sometimes my brain works just fine. It all comes with time and understanding. I guess I just reached a point where I was sick of wasting my money and energy and getting no answers. Most of you are still in the trap of trying to force something to happen. I haven't read the recent posts here, so I don't really know what your topic of conversation is, but I have been there too. I have tried to become my own doctor, a scientist and investigator. I'm still none the wiser. A lot of this makes absolutely no sense. And so, the deeper you swim (metaphorically speaking), the darker it gets and the more overwhelmed you feel. If you don't come up for air (take your focus off these problems), you will eventually drown (let this overcome you). My advice, for what it's worth, is to give up searching for the answers. Because they remain forever out of reach, and your life will pass you by if you carry on like this. I feel like I wasted a lot of time - where I could have been focusing on a career, or my interests. I used to read horror stories for hours after work, and I would go to sleep in a state of anxiety. Is it any wonder that healing didn't occur? I strongly believe our minds play the biggest role in this. If you lose that, you lose everything. I don't come to you from a place of superiority or judgement. I am no better or worse than any of you here. I've just been on this journey longer than some of you and, with time, I have realised some things. After trying so many supplements, I now take none. I don't follow a specific diet - I just try and eat healthy for the most part and stay clear of things like alcohol and caffeine, because they mess with me like woahhh. I recently found out I was a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and explains why I feel so on edge, overthink and get drained from life. It's important to understand your personality and needs. I need time to myself and in peaceful solitude, or I become snappy and not a very pleasant person.   If you want to, you can read my blog, here: {LINK REMOVED}   - All the best,   Stefan.
  3. dear Indigorush,

     

    what have happened with you now? did find the solution? hope you are doing fine :)