It's a cooler day today. We've had almost a whole week of 30+ temperatures and now there's a nice maratime breeze. It must have carried away my last active because i went to the mirror today and POWWW. My other two actives were gone with the wind!! Zap! No More! Catchya Later!

And there you have it. A very happy Erin.
Been a bit over four months and I never thought i would be here. All cured. Well... nearly all cured. And, so happy. And comfortable. The feeling could be likened to having someone play a cruel trick on you. Can this be for real? Can this be an all lasting cure?
And the questions come.
And maybe with a tipple of fears:
Thoughts like "OH NOO..... I have a whitehead...!!"
will have all this new legitimacy since this RoAccutane gig is over.
And I hope i'm not plagued by this fear of relapse either.
That'd suck.

Does anyone have any post-accutane updates to share? Votes of positivity??

Over n out and flood yourself with water.

Erin

P.S. jojoba oil for the eyes and lips at nighttime is killing it.

So much for no news is good news.
In my sleep my eyes have undergone their own little freakshow job, and i've woken up the last two mornings like a sinister post-apocolyptic devil!! No shit, my eyes are crazy dry and it might very well be this 30 degree whether (Celsius not Faranheight!)
Alas, mum and I are going to get a blood test tomorrow morning. STAT.
Hope it comes with a some free something afterwards.
Hehheheh... frogut....
Accutane is like frogurt (ref.simpsons)...
so much joy...
and laced with wonderful POISON! hehehhe

Over n Out.

P.S. skin still lookng better and different each day.

It's shaping up to be another hot, pretty damn sexy summer day in Melbourne.
CHUUR! Guess who's' a cheap date? Had two knock-off drinks after work last night and was off my rocker. Literally. I used to have such a great tolerance and now i'm back to ground zero.
Skin front: quite red and shiny today, caught some sun yesterday which is so good 'cause it's bad... but i'll be more careful today. UV's are out so i've slipped slopped slapped and gonna get some jojoba under my eyes cos that area has been a bit irritated since the start of the week.

Super dehydrated so I'm drinking filtered water and lotsa peppermint tea to combat the over-hearting. Other than that, i'm loving this no makeup thing. Go to the supermarket, nada. Uni. Nada. Work? Light foundation and concealer for the redness/itching under my eyes and that's the cruxt of it. Before Accutane I was in the bathroom putting my face on for almost 30 mins. I don't miss it.

Have a very happy weekend troopers

P.S. I recommend witch hazel (natural skin toner) only $8 AUSD a bottle, smells a mit mingin' but really alleviates the redness.

Why.. hello there.
I just looked at the calendar, counted the weeks and... yep, my last post was about 4 weeks ago.
They are right: no news is good news AFTER ALL!!
The last few weeks have been amazing in the skin department. Even though I'm in the most stressful and last week of the year (WAHOO), my grandad has been really sick with cancer and my driving test is coming up in a few weeks, accutane and my skin progress have not wavered. I'm guning it. My puss has well and truly exploded, hence my blog name.

To be honest, I thought that by my fourth month I'd have no new active pimples. But boy was I wrong. Now, they are nothing like the huge mother f**king breakouts I used to have, but I still notice that small bouts of whities, yellowies, bits that swell up and disappear in two days. I think you just have to work with it and keep your hands in your pockets, or on a glass of water, or in a massive bucket of jelly, OR in a journal.... In retrospect, it seems to me that before you do your head in with the time factor, you just have to remember that patience will get you everywhere. No-one's case is the same is yours. mmhhhmmm

On another "joint" level, I've not smoked any green for a long long while. Why? Because it's the devil. And, so great sometimes, but still... it is the mother of all FEINDS!!, sorry to any of you who are quite partial or stoners even, but the ganj, theoretically, does not agree at all with acne...or the healing process for that matter. (my derm seems to agree) I've also quit smoking tobaccho and I can't tell you how good I feel. Something to do with the THC and the slowing down of the heart...i'm sure of it.

Yesterday my lips were so dry and I realised on the bus- on which i was the only passenger- that I had left my balm at home. And, for some reason, a wave of idiocy came over me and I thought I might ask the bus driver if he had any on him. They were burning, "house on fire, throw some water on me, please God, please sweet mother mary"... etc...etc... I didn't ask, but... yep, it made me realise how the old lips have taken the worst battering and my joints are coming in a close second. Since the demise is so slow and imperceptible, it just hits you one day. You can't get out of bed without wincing and you go, "Shit, Is it my bed, or me?" and then "ohhhhhh that's right... Accutane."

All the messy side-effects aside, I'm clearer than I've been for the past 2 years and I owe it all to accutane and my admirable and NECESSARY joint effort.

Goodluck with your treatments and hope your all lubed up...wherever you are.

P.S. I would never be here right now if it weren't for all your hilarious, motivating and sincere posts... I love every single one and read almost every day. BLESSS

Tonight I feel like having a massive WAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaa for the pure and simple reason that my lips are sore. I've had this massive split in my top lip for over 8 days now and I DO believe after close inspection that there's an effing evil little bugger spliting itself on my lower lip. Not only that but it hurts to smile, laugh and do most other orrifice-related-activites that are needed to get through a normal day. I have considered staying at home for a few days but I can hardly get a docs certificate saying "sore lip" could not attend uni. Grrr.

Other than my mouth, I'm great. My skin has never looked this good. No new breakouts since stupid shiny dimples and they are fading now anyway. Didn't even pop 'em. Yahuh...live it learn it.
My diet, however, has taken a dubious turn of recent as I've moved back home with Mum and Dad. This spells, like many of you can imagine, a bit more emotional stress (perhaps revelation?), more chillaxing time and, of course, more oil-coaxing acne-fiendish food like cake/biscuits/dairy. They always seem to be there for the consumption whereas living alone, I'd never really buy them. And since I'm not drinking, smoking mj or tabaccho I'm like HELL YEAH BRING IT ON ARNOTTS...!!!

Hmmm....No good really. Belly not happy. Skin looking duller. Not as bright and bushy and feeling much guiltier than I'm comfortable with. No Addiction makes a Happy Erin. And just to add insult to injury I can't help but think of the nasty Catch #22 (#86): accutane absorbs remarkably well into the bloody via high carb/fat foods but muscles, joints and skin hurt to hell when exercising. Grrr....

Oh well, more on the lips nextweek. My GP prescribed me this steroid lip ointment that i'll give a go this weekend so fingers and toes crossed.

You Still Are Beautiul looking like a Pirate. You Still Are Beauitful looking like a Pirate.

hehehhehe
Good times n happy lubing to you all.

Yep, ItS DONE IT AGAIN! the old under the carpet trick.
I've got 3 new actives in places where cute little dimples normally feature. And, added to the irony is the fact that they are practically identical in shape size and position, so... yeah...I'm kinda laughing that 90 percent of my face is clear and i've got these shiny red things that look somewhat painted on. gotta love the ol' tane. Keeps ME on my toes that's for sure.

Hmm.. so yeah.. my horoscope said that this week i should pay attention to conversations and trust my instincts which I interpret as do what you want to do when you have the urge to do it. LISTEN!!! And, i reckon i've not done too bad. Cycled up a massive hill that buggered me royally (and now i want to do it again). Accepted a date for Wednesday with an old French flame AND had a double date with my twin sister, her boyfriend and his mate (THEIR PLOT ENTIRELY!!) which went very smoothly. Feels nice to be back in the game ya know? And, yeah, I see these little bumps in the road are just like a poor comedy skit that i'm looking forward to seeing as a short-lived, and mostly painless interlude. oooommm

Hope your respective journeys are growing, moving, revealing.
Stay strong and keep up the good work y'all.

Erin

Great band recommendations:
Band of Horses
Fat Freddy's Drop

Accutane, glorious accutane, I'm going to write a song about your marvels.
Hmm..soo.. what's new. This weekend I spent the weekend in Port Fairy, a cute little coastal town 3 and a bit hours out of Melbourne. Although it felt nice to head out of the big smoke, I drank for the first time in a month, knocked back heaps of junk food and icecream... and alas, my lips got super dry, got moody and woke up sluggish with more redness/shinyness. It made me feel quite out of control and anxious too. I guess being used to a healthier, more comfortable lifestyle made the experience all the less enjoyable. Oh well, I figure I know that now and see it rather as a step forward towards my conviction in staying toxin-free. I also drived all the way back home today which was AWESOME! Cant wait to get my P's next month! (license)

Hoorah!!!
Pay Day Today, so might get me some new foundation this week. Laura Mercier is hot to trot. thanks for reminding Nikki.

Cheers people

For tonights' journal, I’ve borrowed a little line from a childhood favourite. It's a diddy about soldiers climing up a hill. I’m not sure what the first lyrics are, but they realise once they are half way up the hill (probably sweaty and hanging for a coldie) that they can go get one either at the top or down the bottom for they are neither up nor down. Just in the middle at a neutral point. And even though they’ve climbed however many amount of treacherous stairs, they can stay positively zen about it. They are where they are. Now… this interpretation might be a a bit too Dr.Phil for some. Or nothing to do with journeying for a beer. HAHAHA But fuck it. It works for me. Today I feel I have climed a bloody mountain and a HALF for it is my 3 month anniversary and I'm celebrating with a massive pot of tea and a nice CD (Band of Horses) whilst lying in bed.

At the moment i'm going between 60/80mg a day, which is tough, but my body (intelligent as it is) has adapted very nicely. I had one new active this week, a huge red bulbous looking pimple straight outta puberty came up. Like a sore blind pimple. But I know now not to touch or even think about it, and alas, it has started to fade into nothing. My diet has also improved in leaps and bounds of recent. I really recommend to anyone willing to try a diet consisting mainly of fruit, raw veggies, fish (mostly raw) and some salads. If only for a week or 4 days, it really enables the inflamation to settle and cleanses the system beautifully. There are days when my face seems traffick light red and shiny like an apple. So to cool my body temperature I steer clear of heating (yang) foods and up water even more. Works a treat, especially since I know what my body and digestive system tend do with different foods.

Anyway, to reminice, there have been a plethora of positive moments and realisations today. And I’m so glad because accutane and the hope one builds in relation to its' success is mighty scary and unamusing for most of us. So much effort and resilience is needed to clean, moisturize, eat well, abstain from the toxic drugs available, embrace sobriety, wear makeup, NOT wear makeup, stay hydrated, encourage, rebuild hope and reach out for support during this journey. Mmmhmm... The only word for this plight… is….P-R-I-D-E. The good kind that is.

In some respects, the drying and scabbing is getting easier day by day because I feel more proud and connected to parts of my body that I have come to resent during b/outs and the like. These being, my thighs, stomach, arms, legs and breasts. I feel more confident now as rejoining the pathways to hidden quadrants - wherein latent sorrows and memories lurk- has been made easier. They are all there inside; landmines and bejewelled boxes. Good luck to each and every one of you and keep believing. It works.
PEACE

What's hard and white and red all over? he he....HE
Okay...so cyst jokes aren't the funniest. And real cysts (such as mine and yours) certainly aren't a laughing matter either...
But, that said, it is good to have a sense of humour on this journey to clear skin.
I'm starting to see a miraculous difference, and, ironically enough, the more I smile and the more I brave the world makeup free, the better my skin gets.

I'm still using QV daily face wash, a collagen lotion from these skin specialist dudes, a beautiful organic moisturizer and lotsa sunscreen even though it's only spring and not scorching at all. I also just read about this calamine lotion and bicarb soda exfoliant thing which I'm definitely giving a burl tomorrow. Am a right sucker for home-job beauty products (dirt fromthe garden and salt...
On the recommendation from my derm, i'm oscillating between 60/80mg from day to day which is heaps. I wouldn't go 80 everyday because the side effects have been shockers. It's mainly the ithciness and the sahara-like-grusomely-split-wish-I-had-a-new-pair lips that see no respite. EVEEERR!!!

However, I couldn't really give a damn because my skin is on the mend and all i've had to do is be vigilent with alcohol/drugs, laugh a hell of a lot more and research new and plentiful ways to show myself love and care.
Hoorah!!
Goodluck, times, dreams and motivation to you all.

This too will pass.

This friday will make it 11 weeks since i started people.
No drink since a fortnight. Going to give smoking up for the longest break humanly possible from now onwards too. (attempt #16) Isn't it strange how you never imagine yourself to be a smoker as a youngster and then gradually you just learn a behaviour? Like realizing you love a favourite pair of shoes even though they pinch you in the heals a little and make you look "sexy"? I hate that I can't undo becoming the smoker. How do I stop for good? 9 years on and I feel like I'm being devoured....aslmost as if a t-rex had come out of a flesh-fast and I'm standing on a mountain of hotdogs and chops. *shudder*

So, anyway, my side affects are somewhat better than they have been. No more echzema patches all over arms, legs, tummy (you name it), but my but cheeks still itch like hell. I do have two heffer-sized whiteheads on my right cheek and they hurt. And they are in no acne territory, which is a fairly terrifying prospect for me as i appraoch week 11. I wanna yell COME ON! WHAt THE HELL? And fly kick the air like an acne-fighting NINJA ... but then I might look angry. and then I might be giving more ammo to those stupid statistics saying that accutane causes depression. I don't think it does. I think thoughts cause depression. So here's my sollution:

New mantra: I trust in time. I trust in time. In time I will heal. In time i will heal.

Aaaaaaahhhhhh (10 to 1)

That's better. Dabbing on Clindatech. Bit of peppermint tea. mmmmmm

Night everyone and dream of nice clear faces and feelings.