47 replies to this topic

[dollyapples]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to start this accutane log a week ago, when I popped my first pill. But, oh well, I'm only on day 7. =) Believe me, nothing wonderfully significant has changed since then. I'll try and run by the last 6-7 days for you. =)

My Very First Day!
Well, for starters, I'm taking Amnesteem, 40 mg a day. My acne is considered to be inflammatory. I have very mild acne, but lately it's been acting up. I suffer from whiteheads and papules. I don't have cystic acne, but I do have these hideous red marks that left their spots all over my face! I tried numerous treatments to get rid of them. I tried Microdermabrasion and the Acne Blue Light treatment. Both treatments are wonderful! I suggest you all to use them once off this pill for a while. My only problem is that after my treatments, I'd have new breakouts and more (new) red marks. It's like re-building a sandcastle, close to the shore when the tide starts to come in. It won't work. So, it was a waste of money. It's expensive and insurance won't cover it. they consider it to be cosmetic. I feel like asking insurance people to look at my face and really explain that I'm doing those treatments for cosmetic reasons. Insurance! Argg!I was really nervous to take this pill for many reasons. I had this box of possibly miraculous meds in my hand. A pill just looking at me as if I had either the key to my sel esteem's salvation, or a poison that hasn't yet entered my body. I had actual future playouts playing in my mind about my future. I'm so worried about this drug hurting my unborn children, even though I'd be off this drug for a long time by then before having any kids. I can't help it. It worries me. But I've done my research and have found no correlation between this drug and negatively affected babies of women once off Accutane. Also, I worried about taking this drug since I have such a big problem taking pills. For years, I've been chewing all my meds. Meds such as Aspirin and Pamprin. Yuck! All of them taste really nasty, especially vitamins. I used to chew calcium pills, magnesium pills, and other gross vitamins. But anyway, the first night I took my pill, I took it after a full meal since I hardly eat much anyway. It took me about a half hour to swallow that thing, and by the time I took it, the pill shrunk a bit. That sort of scared me because I know this pill has to be swallowed whole. But it was my first time. I think my body will forgive me. I hope anyway. I felt really good after taking it though. My mind was telling me, as I was trying to swallow the pill, "Ok, you need to do this if you want to have nicer skin." So, I did, eventually. This was my first night.

[color=#CC33CC]Day 2
I'm not sure if this drug can start affecting people really fast, but I think I've encountered my first side affect from this drug. I woke up with drier eyes. I usually don't have that feeling, but I did. I had a headache the entire day. I don't think it was from Amnesteem though. I just think I stress myself out too much with all my worries. I worry abpit this drug affecting me in every possible way. My worries consist of these: "Oh no, my future babies! Oh, I hope I don't have red eyes for the rest of my life! Oh no, what if my acne gets worse! Oh no, what about organ failure! Oh no, what if I lose a lo of my hair!" The list of worries can go on and on. But I'm putting my fears in the hands of God. I hope he looks out for me. =)

Ok, my headache carried on into the evening. All I could think about was taking that pill again! It really worried me. I know it's silly, but I'm a big baby. My brother tried to teach me. He made it look so easy. So, I went to take my pill, took me less time this time around, but still took me a while. About 20 minutes! lol Again, my pill was a bit shrunk in size. I hoped I could finally swallow that darn thing whole! My throat became sore from trying to gulp down all that water at once. But again, I felt good knowing that I took my pill and that I was done with Day 2 of my Amnesteem treatment.

Day 3
I woke up with mildly dry eyes again. I have slightly chapped lips. But I'm not sure if this med is causing my lips to be chapped. The reason I say that is because my brother has very chapped lips too! And he never gets chapped lips. His are cracking at the sides of his mouth. Weirdness. Mine haven't become that bad.... yet. But, I still have a small headache. I know it's not from this med. I just have worries on my mind. I get headaches when I worry too much. I thought about pill time again! Grrr!!! I get so nervous when it comes time to take them. But, evening came, pill time came, I took it in less time. It still took me a while, but nothing like before. It took maybe 15 minutes or so. lol Silly me!

Day 4
Today was an ok day. I really think I've begun to see a small improvement with my skin. I think the oiliness on my face has diminished somewhat. *yayness!* I hated feeling and looking like a greaseball. How embarrassing. I remember being at work, and having some kid ask me, "What did you rub all over your face?" He asked this in front of all the other childre. Not only did I feel embarrassed, I felt sad at the same time. I hated having to face and interact with other people looking that way. SO, I hope this drug helps cure that aspect of my skin as well. I see so many girls with these beautifully matte complexions, and I ask myself, "Why? Why do I have these problems?" I'm prepared to sttill feel insecure about my skin once off this drug. I hope I'm elated about this drug though. I get afraid I won't find someone to love me for who I am. Acceptanc seems so difficult since we're living in a materialistic society nowadays, where flawless beauty is Godley. I mean, I'm a pretty girl, but my skin makes me feel so ugly sometimes. It's a shame. On that note, onto day 5!

Day 5
Today was like any other day. Although I have been feeling another side effect today, back aches. My back has been aching quite often today. It's my lower back that aches, near my kidney area. I also feel this ache during my monthly cycle. Arg. But I know it's common, so I'm not going to get all hysterical over it. My lips are getting drier. It feels so nice to apply soft lips or my chapstick. Nothing major. I do think my skin is improving a bit. I'm afraid to be happy over this because I tend to consider myself and my happiness a jinx sometimes. Knock on wood! Oh, fast fowarding to me taking my pill. I finally was able tot ake it with no problems! Woo hoo! Yayness! That's a big weight off my shoulders.

Day 6
Nothing new today. Oh, except for my lips. they've become really dry. They've begun to crack along the sides. boo! I applied softlips around the corners but I think somehow that irritates them more. Now I'm developing a beautiful pimple on the one side. Gee, looks like a have a case of flaming herpes. oh, that line brings me back to Ferris Buellers Day Off when his sister is at home, and the principle broke into the house, and she tells him she has a horrible case of herpes. LOL! Really funny stuff! Well, so far, so good.

Day 7
[color=#000000] Woo hoo! A week has passed. So far everything is turning out fine. My lips are still very dry, but it's ok. No new breakouts, no oiliness. I'm supposed to go out tonight with my friends and cousins. But I'm afraid I won't look too nice since I have this gross invader in the corner of my lip. Yuck... go away... please! I think lighting is everything when it comes to making skin look nice. In my house, I don't look as terrible without make-up. However...... I went to pick up my brother today, and I went without make-up. I looked in the rear view mirror and became so depressed. I thought that I'm only dreaming, if I really think my skin will be pretty again because of this med. *sigh* I just don't know. I hope everyone is experiencing the most wonderful things because of this medication. Ciao for now!

[dollyapples]

Day 8
[color=#000000] Hi peoples,
When I took my pill tonight, I counted the number of pills I've taken and I'm actually on day 9 now. So, I'll give you my 411 for my 8th day.

My lips are very dry. Bummer. They're so dry the sides of my mouth are very cracked. I have to keep replying my capstick and soft lips to help soothe them. But I really don't know if it's the Amnesteem that's doing this, or the dry cold weather. I'm a native Floridian and I moved to Pa. recently and it's freezing here. It's a much drier climate here in Pa. My dad has the heater blowing all the time, so I wonder if that's causing excessive dryness. My brother has cracked lips too and he's not on Accutane. Oh well. So far so good. I also had minor back aches yesterday and today. But it's nothing to complain about. Thankfully. I see a very minor improvement with my skin. It's no where near where I want it to be. But, I'm only on day 8! Patience patience patience.

Speaking of patience, problems with my insurance have began! I know I couldn't get my long awaited Accutane treatment without some sort of battle. My insurance company said they're going to investigate whether or not I have "pre-existing conditions" because of my acne. That's completely bogus. Every derm visit, blue light treatment, microdermabrasion and peel that I've done within the past two years have been paid out of my pocket as well as my parents. My insurance never covered any of it because it's considered to be "cosmetic." I never really used my insurance policy and now I'm having a problem. I hope I don't have to get off this drug. I'll be super bummed out. =( *crosses fingers.*

Onto other news, I went out tonight to some local place where youngin's my age go. I didn't feel too attractive. I felt as if my skin looked a bit greasy. Accutane, are you working?? You're supposed to stop the excess oiliness! I also have an itchy face. I can feel a couple zits baking on my face, getting ready to make their mark... literally. A lot of my redness isn't actual acne, it's the residue they leave behind. It looks terrible as well since I'm very white. I've been thinking about doing that mystic tan, or some sort of spray on tan. I just feel I'm too white and I'm hoping getting a slight tan would help alleviate the redness on my face. I have a lot of make-up on right now. I wish I didn't have to wear it, but I do. I wouldn't feel secure at all to go out into the world make-up less. I think my skin is conditioned to it as well so not wearing any, I'd just look very weird. Right now, I have concealer on my spots, a powder/foundation and a bit of blush on my face. My face is begging for me to clean it now, which I will do momentarily, but it's such a chore sometimes. I wish I were one of those girls that had such perfect skin. Sometimes I wonder if my wearing a lot of make-up at a very young age is what cause the start of my acne problems. Some doctors suggest that it might be and some suggest that it wasn't implying that genetics plays a roll. I question my genetics. Everyone on my mom's side of the family has beautiful skin. Not one flaw. It makes me really sad too because I feel like the freak because no one can identify with me. To them, it's weird since they really don't know what acne is. Now, on my dad's side, his sister, my aunt, suffered from acne when she was around my age. Maybe I inherited her unfortunate gene. It's just my luck. =( I don't know. Only one person on his side had acne. I guess that's all it takes. But, going back to me wearing make-up at such a young age....... I was about 14 years old. I grew up in Miami, Fla. I'm very faired skin and compared to other kids, I looked very different when it came to skin color. I was teased really bad because kids thought I was too white. A lot of kids were either tanned because of the sun or just had a natural glow to them. I was called Casper, and all sorts of names. So, I started to put on this make-up, really dark, to help feel like I fit in with the in crowd. I was 14. What did I know back then. Kids can be cruel. I put on piles of make-up on my beautiful, non-acned up baby skin. I didn't even match the color correctly, I went about 10 shades darker than my actual skin color. I would just apply it to my face not knowing my neck was really white. lol I walked around, all confident thinking I was tan and just like the other kids, just to have questions being thrown at me as to why my face color didn't match my neck. So, my parents found out, scolded me for it saying over and over again I'm going to ruin my skin. I never listened to them being innocent to what acne is and what it "Was" going to eventually do to my skin. I wish I could go back, listen to my parents and never have put a drop of make-up on my baby skin. I really do sometimes wonder if I caused my acne. I hope I didn't. At least I would feel a little bit better. I learned from this though, if I ever have a daughter, she's not to put any make-up on her face until she's 18, and even then, it's going to be a light make-up... nothing heavy.

I guess I did enough venting for tonight. I'm going to wash my face and get reborn again. lol My best friend and I have this saying, "I'm going to get reborn." Translated, that means, "I'm going to wash my face now." It feels so great to wash my face. So fresh and so clean clean. =) Ciao and good night everyone! I hope Accutane is kicking your acne's butt!

[betty cherry]

Hey Dolly,

Thanks for stopping by my log. I can really relate to a lot of what you have written here, as I am also extrememly pale and the redness left behind by zits causes me a lot of trouble, as you probably saw in my log. I also started wearing very heavy makeup when I was young - around 13 or 14. About the tanning thing - I started getting spray on tans about 6 months before I got the really bad breakout that got me to start on tane. It might have nothing to do with it, but I would try to find out if the spray on tan they use is "non comedogenic", which means that the ingredients don't cause acne. If they don't know what you mean by non comedogenic and you have to explain it to them, don't do it, because it probably will aggravate acne. Most cosmetics contain ingredients that make acne worse, but they don't have to - I think it's just cheaper for the cosmetics companies to make them that way.

Anyway, the very best of luck with your treatment. I hope you come out of this perfect skinned!

BC xxx

[dollyapples]

Hey Dolly,

Thanks for stopping by my log. I can really relate to a lot of what you have written here, as I am also extrememly pale and the redness left behind by zits causes me a lot of trouble, as you probably saw in my log. I also started wearing very heavy makeup when I was young - around 13 or 14. About the tanning thing - I started getting spray on tans about 6 months before I got the really bad breakout that got me to start on tane. It might have nothing to do with it, but I would try to find out if the spray on tan they use is "non comedogenic", which means that the ingredients don't cause acne. If they don't know what you mean by non comedogenic and you have to explain it to them, don't do it, because it probably will aggravate acne. Most cosmetics contain ingredients that make acne worse, but they don't have to - I think it's just cheaper for the cosmetics companies to make them that way.

Anyway, the very best of luck with your treatment. I hope you come out of this perfect skinned!

BC xxx

Thanks Betty! Yes, it's very important to make sure any type of products we place on our face won't cause acne. I thinkyour skin is already looking beautiful and I know once you're off this drug, you're going to be *wow!*

[dollyapples]

Day 9
[color=#000000] Soft lips has really become a great friend of mine. My lips are both very dry and chapped. The corners of my mouth have healed slightly but they still hurt whenever I eat or yawn. Icky. But I feel so much better after applying my soft lips on them. It has menthol in it so it feels great... super fresh. My skin doesn't really look all that bad today. The only thing I feel like complaining about are my red marks. I hope they go away. I guess I can't expect too much of a miracle. They really bother me though. It shows terribly through my make-up. I want to try and get away from wearing so much. I don't know what it feels like to face the world without make-up. I was even embarrassed to sit in my derm's office without my make-up!

I don't really have any bad breakouts to report thankfully! I hope I don't either! My derm explained that some people experience an intial breakout and some people don't. I'm scared because I've read testinmonials from people saying they've been breaking out in places they've never had acne before. Scary! Arg! I hope I don't experience that. I wouldn't understand why though because I thought Accutane pushes out the acne that's already there, formed under the skin just waiting to come out. I don't know.

Anyway, today I feel fine. I have no real back pain to report about. Thank goodness. My eyes were dry this morning. It takes me a minute or so to be able to open my eyes in the AM once I wake up. My lips are dry and my scalp has been itchy both last night and today. I'm fearful of scartching it because I want to immune myself from being bothered by the itch. Oh, I still have a zit that formed itself towards the bottom of my lip, near the side of my mouth. I think it formed there since my lips are so dry. It's pretty big. I feel it's teasing me saying, "Pick me! Pick me! You know you want to pick me!" followed by a sinister pimply laugh. But I won't pick you! Sooner or later, (hopefully sooner!) you'll be gone you little facker, and the rest of your little friends will be annihilated as well.

I want to try this Vitam B5 stuff I've been hearing so much about. My best friend swears it helped her acne and excessive oiliness a lot. I want to try it but I don't want to depend on it forever, to control my acne because I just know my face would eventually build immunity to it like it did to my other acne meds & face washes. My best friend and I have the same type of acne and weirdly enough, we've been suffering with it since the same age, about 16 years old. Plus, we have the same make-up ordeal as well. Makes me think, "Wow! we were meant to be the best of friends!" I say this because we struggle through the same things and we can comfort one another since we're able to identify with each others feelings. Well, she's been trying to get Accutane prescribed to her for a while now. Her doctor told her no twice because he says she doesn't have the type of acne for this medication and it does horrid things to peoples livers. But........... I also read/heard and was told that this medication is used to treat acne that hasn't responded to other treatments as well as other conditions besides acne. My derm told me that she prescribes Accutane to people that suffer from excessive oiliness. She explained that she had patients that tried everything to control their excess oiliness, take Accutane to control it even though they never had acne. Sometimes I wonder if derms don't want to precribe too much Accutane because it would take away from their businesses. It's just a thought. I mean, if you see a young lady that's been going to you since she was 21 years old, and is now 27 and still suffers from acne, prescribe her Accutane if that's what she desires. Oh well....

[lilobebe]

hi!!!!!!!! Hope all is going well with your course!! Accutane should be perscribed upon the patient's needs. Some Derms are too afraid or something. meh. My Derm was hesitant too but thank god she gave it to me. Keep in touch!

[S2000]

Thanks for stopping at my log, good luck with accutane !!!!!!!!!

[MattMyster]

Hiya! I wish you luck on your accutane journey, your only like a few days ahead of me

Hmm, have you had your IB yet? I'm still on amoxicillian Trihydrate for the flu I had over March Break...and Im pretty sure that lessoned the blow to whatever IB I had or haven't had yet.

Hmm well thanks for stopping by my log once again. And hey, Only a few more months till we're home free to clear skin

[dollyapples]

Hiya! I wish you luck on your accutane journey, your only like a few days ahead of me

Hmm, have you had your IB yet? I'm still on amoxicillian Trihydrate for the flu I had over March Break...and Im pretty sure that lessoned the blow to whatever IB I had or haven't had yet.

Hmm well thanks for stopping by my log once again. And hey, Only a few more months till we're home free to clear skin

Hi Everyone! Thanks for stopping by my log!

Lil Bebe- Thanks! I hope all goes well with your course as well. I can't wait until we all graduate from our Accutane course! Woo hoo! Thanks for stopping by!

Acnesuxx- Oh yes, you're absolutely correct. I couldn't agree with you more. Acne does suck! Go away! I hope all is going well for you as well. Good luck to you! Thanks for stopping by!

Canadian Matt- Thank you very much for your well wishes. I hope this drug becomes your miracle. Good thing you're still very young, only 15 years old. You're taking this drug at the right time, clear that skin up and enjoy your youth with beautiful skin! I wished I would've taken this earlier so I never had to feel so insecure about my acne. This problem of mine prohibited me from doing the things I desired since I was a child. Go you!

No, I haven't received my intial breakout yet. Really, I don't know what's considered an initial breakout. I'm developing a few pimples on my very problematic area... my chin. I can feel them coming, they itch. I'm prepared for it though.

I certainly hope you feel better soon! Thank you for stopping by as well.

[dollyapples]

Day 10

My mood today was a bit down in the dumps. I can feel a breakout cooking. I can feel pimples baking underneath the skin of my chin. That's my problematic area. It's strange because throughout the years, my acne has taken up camp in sections. One time it was just mny cheeks, then it was just one cheek, now it's my chin. Weirdness.

My face was very oily today. Not good. I'm oping this medication will help reduce the amount of yucky grease that lay on my face. The past few days my skin has been sweet when it comes to having hardly an greasy texture to it. But now, it's back. Hopefully it will subside... for good!

My back hurt today. Maybe it's because I cramp myself up in an odd position when using the computer and no wonder, this site has become my new best friend!

My hair felt yucky today. Sort of greasy but that's not what's bothering me. I'm used to that. My scalp is feeling itchy. I want to scratch it so bad but I'm afraid to get that started. Monkey.... ooh ohhh ahhh ahhh! But, I've noticed that my hair has been falling today, coming out in a few strands here and there. Now, my hair almost always does this! My hair sheds a lot. My hairdresser says it's normal for hair to shed a lot. That's how our head makes room for new (more) hair. But, I still get worried it's because of this drug. I worry a lot, so I think about the "what if..." a lot.

Tonight I hng out with my brother. He took me out just to get me out of the house. I didn't feel very pretty tonight. Really all I could do was just drown myself in silly sorrows because of my skin. I see all these women that have perfect skin... I mean, I'm happy fot them, but I can't help feeling sad inside wondering why other people suffer with skin conditions.

I don't know how many of you felt this way while on this drug, but tonight, around 11 pm or so, I got this sudden urge to clean to perfection and move all my furniture around in my room. I developed these sudden impulses. Like I had to do it, I had to get it done or else.... or else I wouldn't be satisfied for the night. I guess that's my own way, psychologically to make something pretty, and make myself happy temporarily. I've both read and heard that psychologists stated that re-arranging a room can be therapeutical for people. I know this can be true because I've changed my room around many times to bring about good change.

My lips are better though. Thankfully! They're abiyt 75% better today. Although my mouth still hurts when I open it.

Oh, I don't want this to sound gross, eventhough I know it does, but hey, no secrets on here. But.... I noticed whenever I pee, it smells like vitamins. Has anyone noticed this? I never noticed that before except when taking this pill. Ewww..... lol! I know it's gross, but I hope I'm not the only one that's expereinced this. Don't be shy... admit it if it did.... pretty please.

Ok, so I'm going to gather my side effects for the day in bulleted form so I can organize everything better.

My side effects for today:
[color=#000000] *Dry lips- although they feel better
* sore back muscles
*sudden impulses- my mood changed today. I developed a burst of energy during the late night... to clean. lol!
*itchy scalp and arms/hands- I think it's because of nerves though

Well, my body's asking me to put it to sleep. I'm tired. First thing I have planned tomorrow is to runto the mirror and see what Accutane brought me. Ciao everyone and best wishes!

[Fuman]

My side effects for today:
*Dry lips- although they feel better
* sore back muscles
*sudden impulses- my mood changed today. I developed a burst of energy during the late night... to clean. lol!
*itchy scalp and arms/hands- I think it's because of nerves though

Well, my body's asking me to put it to sleep. I'm tired. First thing I have planned tomorrow is to runto the mirror and see what Accutane brought me. Ciao everyone and best wishes!

Hi, hope your skin clears up with the accutane

what are you using on your lips? If you can find any get some Aquaphor it works great for you later in your course

I think fish oil helps with the sore muscles and joints

not sure what to do about the mood changes, I got them while I took them to

I got ezceman on my hands and legs to which itched alot you just have to moisturize the patches (disgusting) alot then it'll get better

Good luck and take care

[martin06]

You're less likely to notice progress if you're checking all the time! Accutane will do its thing but it will take the full course to do it.

Good luck

[corrine_1980]

Hi dollyapples..
Your avatar is kind of cute..
Welcome to the family.... ..

Since I started Roaccutane.. this site has been very helpful for getting answer for those question.

I also has backpain .. it started after my 1 month of Roaccutane.
My doctor said this is normal..

Hope your skin will be clear soon...

[FrankieBGirl]

Dolly-

Hey girl.. Reading your journal is like taking a peek into my own thoughts. So weird! I'm super paranoid about all of Accutane's side effects. I worry about the craziest things. What if I become insane? What if I try to hurt someone? (LoL Which is so....not me. I dont even hurt bugs..and I hate bugs.) Then, I worry.. What if I have an allergic reaction? What if I ruin my organs? my brain? my eyes? my ears? Damn it!

So, yeah- you are not alone in your worries. I am another worrier. I hate that, some people don't even think twice about stuff and I wallow in it all the time. Oh well, I'm sure we will be fine.


But I'm also paranoid about lips. I don't know WHY but I really, really hate when I get a zit near my lip. It bothers me more than any other zit campground. It looks like a cold sore or something, and I feel like people are thinking ewwww. Did you have a zit by your lip or was it a cold sore? I heard accutane can bring them out, but I dunno... I hope not!

Anyway...Now that I sound like a total germophobic wacko- I will wish you luck with your treatment,and I just wanted you to know that you've got lots of support and anytime you need to ask a question or talk about something...whatever.. Just pm me! We are all going through this stuff together!! No worries!

Hang in there, girl- Time will fly by and you will be one of those girls with the perfect skin. Trust me!

[dollyapples]

My side effects for today:
*Dry lips- although they feel better
* sore back muscles
*sudden impulses- my mood changed today. I developed a burst of energy during the late night... to clean. lol!
*itchy scalp and arms/hands- I think it's because of nerves though

Well, my body's asking me to put it to sleep. I'm tired. First thing I have planned tomorrow is to runto the mirror and see what Accutane brought me. Ciao everyone and best wishes!

Hi, hope your skin clears up with the accutane

what are you using on your lips? If you can find any get some Aquaphor it works great for you later in your course

I think fish oil helps with the sore muscles and joints

not sure what to do about the mood changes, I got them while I took them to

I got ezceman on my hands and legs to which itched alot you just have to moisturize the patches (disgusting) alot then it'll get better

Good luck and take care

Hi Fuman Thanks for your post! Your post sounded past tense, so I'm guessing you graduated from your Accutane course???!! If you did, I hope it worked wonders for you. I'm using Soft Lips for my chapped lips. It works alright. But I've been hearing so much about this Aquaphor stuff you mentioned, so I want to try that. I just found out where I can buy it from.

Yes, I heard about the fish oil pills as well. I just might try them if I feel my joint aches really bother me. So far they're nothing real bothersome, thankfully. But I do want to take the unscented pills since I know the fish oil smell can come out through peoples pores. Ewwk! lol

Yes, I read a lot of people complaining about eczema on their hands and arms. I know that must really bother. Thankfully I haven't experienced that YET! I imagine I will eventually especially if my dose gets increased. I've become a pro at moisturising!

Thanks Fuman for all your advice. It's really helpful for me. Keep in touch and good luck to you as well! Thanks for your well wishes.

You're less likely to notice progress if you're checking all the time! Accutane will do its thing but it will take the full course to do it.

Good luck

Hi Martin! Thanks for posting. Yes, you're right! I know I won't notice any difference if I keep checking my skin all the time, but I just can't help it! lol I'm just really excited about doing something that can be wonderfully powerful in helping my skin to look pretty again. It's been so long since I've looked at my skin in admiration. So, I guess I let my excitement come over me. But you're right.

Thanks for your well wishes. Best of luck to you as well.

[dollyapples]

Dolly-

Hey girl.. Reading your journal is like taking a peek into my own thoughts. So weird! I'm super paranoid about all of Accutane's side effects. I worry about the craziest things. What if I become insane? What if I try to hurt someone? (LoL Which is so....not me. I dont even hurt bugs..and I hate bugs.) Then, I worry.. What if I have an allergic reaction? What if I ruin my organs? my brain? my eyes? my ears? Damn it!

So, yeah- you are not alone in your worries. I am another worrier. I hate that, some people don't even think twice about stuff and I wallow in it all the time. Oh well, I'm sure we will be fine.


But I'm also paranoid about lips. I don't know WHY but I really, really hate when I get a zit near my lip. It bothers me more than any other zit campground. It looks like a cold sore or something, and I feel like people are thinking ewwww. Did you have a zit by your lip or was it a cold sore? I heard accutane can bring them out, but I dunno... I hope not!

Anyway...Now that I sound like a total germophobic wacko- I will wish you luck with your treatment,and I just wanted you to know that you've got lots of support and anytime you need to ask a question or talk about something...whatever.. Just pm me! We are all going through this stuff together!! No worries!

Hang in there, girl- Time will fly by and you will be one of those girls with the perfect skin. Trust me!

Hey Frankie! Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your responses. Don't worry about your fears, I'm the same way! lol about your fear about the Accutane pyschosis problems. You shouldn't worry too much about that. I think, in general, the warning for depression just needs to be out there since people have a deep need to have a nice complexion and feel normal in today's society, and people look upon Accutane as their hope, their *last* resort, and the key to living both a happy and normal life. I think if anything, Accutane will help bring people out of their deep deppressions because it helps to bring back a lost beauty to peoples skin.

lol about you not being able to hurt bugs. I'm the same way! I love all animals, even little bugs. But, I'm afraid I'll have to say I won't hesitate to have a spider squished. I won't do it myself because that means I have to come into some kind of contact with it. lol Spiders are the worst. They scare me.

And don't worry too much about your organs and such while on this drug. Just live a healthy lifestyle and remember you're going to have a doctor monitor your body on a monthly basis. If anything becomes alarming, just stop the treatment. But all this stuff is very rare, but for liability reasons it has to be stated to the public. Every drug has its risks. In case you haven't done it yet, check out the risks for a popular drug such as Aspirin. They're there. Don't worry.

Oh, I know what you mean about the lips. But, I think mine are really chapped because of two reasons, the cold dry weather and my medicine. They look fine and normal except for the gross zit on the side of my mouth. It's still there after two days and it does look like a cold sore, but I've gotten those before Accutane because of chapped lips or maybe because a lip liner irritated my lips. I seem to get those quite often because of certain lip liners.

Thank you so much for offering me your support! You have mine as well! I hope you get your Accutane prescription and your beautiful skin very soon! You have my support and best wishes as well! PM me anytime!

[dollyapples]

Continuation of Day 10
I'm almost through with my 10th day on Amnesteem. So far everything is good. It's weird though, when I woke up this morning, I had about one, maybe two tiny zits on my chin. Now it's almost 3 pm and I can feel itchiness on my skin.... meaning more pimples are baking. I looked in the mirror and sure enough I can see them coming out. Wow, my zits have become super zits! They come and go super fast. Heck, I don't mind about the going super fast part! Please, be my guest. Leave my face!

Anyhow, this morning I woke up and was on my way to church. On my way there, I decided I just wanted to be alone. So, I went to a quiet church. No one was there, it was just God and myself. I guess my mood has been really down lately, not because of the pill (!!!! I can't stress that enough!), it's just because I'm really hoping that this med really helps my skin out. So, I must say how nice it was, being alone, just God and myself in a beautiful church on a Sunday morning. I heard only sounds of nature coming through the windows, just birds chirping and gentle breezes. I felt at peace for those few short moments. The pastor of the church walked down the aisle and he never noticed I was sitting there. I was hoping he wouldn't because I was afraid he'd ask me to leave. Maybe he wouldn't have though.

I think, in general, peoples psychological sufferings because of acne can be linked to a "hierarchy of needs." tThere was this famous Psychologist, Abraham Maslow that came up with this Hierarchy of Needs triangle that consists of five different levels. Each level consists of something that humans need, in their life, to be *happy.*

At the top of the pyramid, is Self Actualization- this is where humans have the need and desire to make the most of their lives. Everyone has a gift, a special talent, and I think it's set in us biologically to take our talents and take ourselves way to the top and become successful. How has acne halted my *self actualization?* Hmm... it prohibited me from going after certain dreams I've had since I was a little girl, all in fear of not being accepted, or being rejected along the way; getting my feelings hurt.

Below Self-Actualization comes Esteem- oh yes, this is an important one too. It's biologically programmed in us to have the need to be respected and for us to respect others. It hurts when I think someone is being disrespectful to me because of my acne condition.

The third need is being loved and needed- I think this is the most important one. People have that built in desire to be loved and needed. We want to feel we belong to someone, something, a group, organization ,club, we want to be liked, desired, and such. Acne has taken portions of this away from me. I feel so undesirable because of acne. I feel really unpretty because of acne. I feel like an outcast because of acne, especially in my family because I'm the only one that suffers from it. Lastly, I feel undesired by the male population because of acne. I know it's important to find someone to love me unconditionally, but I also think it's important for a woman to feel sexy and pretty.

All these things, especially the needing to be loved are very vital to a person's happiness I think. We're a part of nature, we're humans and I think that's why so many people have this desire to have nice complexions because our emotions, our happiness seems to be fueled by. I want to live my life to the fullest and sometimes it becomes so complex because of acne. Grrr! lol Accutane, pretty please work for me, for all of us! Thanks!

Well, I didn't experience much side effects today.

[color=#6666CC]Side Effects Today:
[color=#000000] Dry lips- although they feel a lot better


I'll keep you posted about day 11! Ciao everyone! Best wishes!

[FrankieBGirl]

Dolly- Hey sweetpea, I totally loved ur post!

I just wanted to comment on a few things that I relate to with what you said, and see what you think.

It's so funny but that damn pyramid is true! I feel the same way, though- Acne always made me feel inferior to other people, especially girls. I've sort of become a wallflower.. when I used to (Before acne) the girl that was fearless and carefree, confident and happy, etc. I am confident in my looks BESIDES my acne problem.. I like who I am for the most part, and I used to want to even model.

But then acne hit, and it was like..where did I go? All my hopes and dreams sort of just stopped and fell flat. I wasnt motivated to better myself, or do anything except find a way to get rid of my acne. It was like the only real goal I could set for myself before I could set ANY other goal. I didnt want to start college until my acne went away... Or date anyone seriously, go out with friends anymore.. just all these silly things.

But, in reality they are not silly because that's the things in life that make it fun. And I have had almost NO fun in the last 2 years. So, I hope that Accutane can give us back that feeling of happiness and fulfillment. And I know it will.. It's just such a shame that you have to go through something like this, and be subjected to a medication that could be so harmful.. All to be accepted and happy. It makes me feel shallow, but I don't want to take it because I am shallow... I want to take it because I think it will give me my life back.. simple things as well as fun stuff. I dunno.. I just hope that it's the right decision for us and things will be ok.

[MattMyster]

Hey Dolly, I hope your new and old zits go fast like and leave your beautifull skin and personallity shine through!

Hey, Score!!! Your a church goer like myself!?!? Yays, I go to church myself every week. I'm Roman Catholic...err Christian. I also really like the quitness of the church..Ive found myself in their many a time just sitting there and thinking. Although I usually like going their in the summer when I can hear the birds chirping n that stuff...its on my cycling route in the summer. (Cycling as in racing bike cycling)

Hope your feeling better in general and all those nasty side effects don't both you anymore
If I was " Super Medicine" I'd attack those evil side effects that are annoying you and make them go

lol...happy Tuesday tommoro

[dollyapples]

Dolly- Hey sweetpea, I totally loved ur post!

I just wanted to comment on a few things that I relate to with what you said, and see what you think.

It's so funny but that damn pyramid is true! I feel the same way, though- Acne always made me feel inferior to other people, especially girls. I've sort of become a wallflower.. when I used to (Before acne) the girl that was fearless and carefree, confident and happy, etc. I am confident in my looks BESIDES my acne problem.. I like who I am for the most part, and I used to want to even model.

But then acne hit, and it was like..where did I go? All my hopes and dreams sort of just stopped and fell flat. I wasnt motivated to better myself, or do anything except find a way to get rid of my acne. It was like the only real goal I could set for myself before I could set ANY other goal. I didnt want to start college until my acne went away... Or date anyone seriously, go out with friends anymore.. just all these silly things.

But, in reality they are not silly because that's the things in life that make it fun. And I have had almost NO fun in the last 2 years. So, I hope that Accutane can give us back that feeling of happiness and fulfillment. And I know it will.. It's just such a shame that you have to go through something like this, and be subjected to a medication that could be so harmful.. All to be accepted and happy. It makes me feel shallow, but I don't want to take it because I am shallow... I want to take it because I think it will give me my life back.. simple things as well as fun stuff. I dunno.. I just hope that it's the right decision for us and things will be ok.

Hey Frankie! Thanks for stopping by. You're a doll. By the way, is your screen name Frankie B because of the awesome jeans line? If so, those jeans are super nice!

Yes, I can identify with everything you're feeling girly. Acne makes me feel inferior to other people as well. Some people will say it's silly. Those people are usually the people that never had a pimple in their entire lives. But it's how *we* feel that matters the most because afterall, only we can live our own lives. We know what makes us happy. Don't feel so blue over the wallflower part either. I'm the same way. there have been days where I'd get all decked out, make-up on, showered, clothed and then I finally decide I don't want to go out because of my skin. My skin runs my life, it ran my relationships and my social life. Like you, I'm confident with my looks as well. If it wasn't for acne...... arg! lol

Oh, about the college part, I can identify with that a lot! I actually failed my science lab in college because of acne. lol Sounds funny and strange, but I did. It was a lab, set in a room that had terrible lighting. I remember there was a guy in that class that I had a crush on. I felt so inferior because at times I would have these bad breakouts. I figured he wouldn't like me because of that. So, I never went to class when I had bad breakouts. I remember driving home, crying because I knew I was just damamging my future by not going to class but at the same time, I felt horrible about my acne problem and I felt like my youth was being wasted because of my inferiority complex.

Oh, lol the dating part, I have funny stories about that as well. Acne took control over that too. I was afraid to date, eventhough I flirted with guys, but I was afraid to date because I knew sooner or later a daytime date would happen. Couples can't only see each other at night. I was so afraid to look a guy in the eye in the daytime lighting, what I call "true lighting." Or, I thought it was also bad looking at my crush in what I consider "bad lighting." This can be a bright store, or standing under those street lamps at night time. I was terrible about this. So, I actually had my boyfriend at the time ask me, "Um, why is it that we always go out during the night time? How come you never want to hang out during the day?" lol! Like you, I'm somewhat worried to get involved in a relationship because of my epidermis problems.

No, it's not silly at all, to feel all the things we do. We're supposed to go out there, be happy and live our lives to the fullest. What would be a shame is if we never enjoyed our lives knowing that so many wonderful things and opportunities are out there to experience. I certainly hope Accutane helps bring back that spark we'ev both been missing all these years. I hope this for everyone that suffers from this mess.

Since it's ovious acne really bothers you, you should definitely go on this drug. So far everything is good for me. I'm always here for any questions, concerns, advice, friendly talk that you may need. You'll get your beautiful clear skin one day very soon! No doubts. Thanks so much for stopping by. Keep in touch amiga!