25 replies to this topic

[MeganP]

Things were going so well for a while there...

My acne started when I was 18. It got progressively worse until the skin on my face was seriously deformed. I started accutane when I was 24 in 1997. It worked! My skin has never been flawless, but for about a span of 7 years, it had gotten to the point where I didn't obsess about my skin anymore. I would still be bummed by the occasional pimple, but then my skin would clear again, and all would be right with the world.

My skin went haywire again for about a month when I was pregnant when I was 30, but it went away on its own when my hormones stabilized.

Then, last November, the breakouts came again. I had been using the murad system for about 5 years with great success, but suddenly, they didn't work anymore. I tried different OTC products for 3 months, but my breakouts were not subsiding at all.

I knew it was time to call a derm when it was getting to the point where I was avoiding people at work and avoiding social activities so that I wouldn't have to face anyone.

I met with the derm in March, and she put me on oral antibiotics (minocycline) and topical retin-a. It was not a good experience.

A week and a half into the minocycline, I started getting achey joints. The aches soon progressed to severe pain in every joint in my body. I was unable to turn door knobs, shampoo my hair or walk up and down stairs. I was almost completely bed-ridden and missed almost a week of work. My mother in law had to keep my baby girl for a week because I was in too much pain to care for her. It was awful. I had all kinds of blood tests done to see if it was a virus or some other disease, but they all came back negative. So, although we can't say with 100% certainty, we're pretty certain that my pain was the result of the meds.

It took about 3 weeks for my joints to return to normal. There are still some mornings where my joints are stiff until I walk around and lube them up a bit.

Breaking this up...

[MeganP]

The topical retin-a micro wasn't going much better. I continued using it after I stopped the minocycline. The initial breakout started in the third week. The problem was, that initial breakout never ended...in week 8, the breakouts were still comin'. My skin was also very red and itchy. Clearly, my skin was reacting negatively to the cream...but I was terrified to stop using it without putting something else there in its place...

In the midst of all this, I started taking Ortho Tri Cyclen birth control pills in the hopes that THEY would clear up my acne. I have been taking them for a little over 8 weeks. If anything, they have made things worse. It's hard to know if that's the case, though, with all the other stuff going on...

In any event, I went back to my derm on May 13. I had thought maybe she would put me on another antibiotic before going the accutane route again, but the first thing she said was, "Well, how would you feel about going on accutane again?"

To be honest, I wasn't feeling great about it...but I have not been myself at all since November. I am still avoiding people like crazy and am super-sensitive about every little thing. I want my life back.

So, although I am very nervous about putting my body through another round of accutane, I feel like I need to try it in the hopes that the quality of my life will be better after I'm done with it...

The only side effects I had the first time around were the typical things: cracked lips, flaking skin, super dry nose (inside & out), etc. I also had SIGNIFICANT hair loss. My hair thinned pretty substantially...I was the only one who noticed, but it was very noticable to me. It did eventually thicken up, but never to the degree that it was before the tane...I'm not looking forward to that aspect this time around, but at least this time I know that it eventually tapers off...

[MeganP]

So, I am now on day 10 of round 2.

I am extremely irritable these days. Even though, in my head, I KNOW that this stuff takes weeks or months to work, I want results NOW. The tiniest little things set me off...I sat down on the floor and started crying last night when my almost 2 year old daughter knocked the dog's water dish over for the thousandth time. That is so not like me, but I just lost it. I am so incredibly sad about my appearance right now. I know that there are so many worse problems that I could have, but this one issue is consuming my whole life right now.

It is so hard to be patient. I know that it will be so worth it in the end, but this part is so hard...I wish I were further along in the treatment and looking back at the hard times....instead of being right here in the beginning, with so much longer to go.

My lips started getting dry around day 4. That actually made me happy, since I knew that meant the med was in my system and working...

My face was very red and inflamed for a couple days last week, but that seems to be subsiding...

My skin is dry, but it's not unbearably so right now. I moisturize in the morning with clean & clear moisturizer and at night with neutrogena oil-free for sensitive skin. I cleanse once in the morning and once at night with cetaphil.

I have two very painful cystic pimples on my left chin right now. I picked one of them (bad, very BAD!) so it is now all crusted over and looks 10x worse than if I had just left it alone. I also have two mildly painful pimples on my left jawline.

I have a pesky, mildly painful whitehead on my upper left lip. It looks pretty ugly today, but it's a shallow one...it should be gone in a couple of days. I have two pimples in the middle of my forehead and it looks like another shallow one if forming in the upper right of my forehead. Grrr. The right side of my face is mostly clear, with the exception of some red spots from recent pimples that have cleared.

All of the active ones that I have now (with the exception of the one on my upper lip) are very red and angry. With my fair, fair skin, they are very ugly.

I am very fearful of an "initial" breakout. I feel like I have been dealing with an "initial" breakout since last November. I feel like crying when I think about this all getting worse before it gets better...

I'm just too OLD for this shit, ya know? I'm married, with a beautiful daugher, a great house in a nice neighborhood, a good job...and I can't enjoy any of it right now because of my FACE. I try very hard to keep it all in perspective (there are so many worse things that I could be dealing with), but I just can't help being down about it...

I can't wait until I can look back on all these posts and laugh.

[lannemore]

So, I am now on day 10 of round 2.

I am extremely irritable these days.  Even though, in my head, I KNOW that this stuff takes weeks or months to work, I want results NOW.  The tiniest little things set me off...I sat down on the floor and started crying last night when my almost 2 year old daughter knocked the dog's water dish over for the thousandth time.  That is so not like me, but I just lost it.  I am so incredibly sad about my appearance right now.  I know that there are so many worse problems that I could have, but this one issue is consuming my whole life right now.

It is so hard to be patient.  I know that it will be so worth it in the end, but this part is so hard...I wish I were further along in the treatment and looking back at the hard times....instead of being right here in the beginning, with so much longer to go.

I have two very painful cystic pimples on my left chin right now.  I picked one of them (bad, very BAD!) so it is now all crusted over and looks 10x worse than if I had just left it alone.  I also have two mildly painful pimples on my left jawline. 

I have a pesky, mildly painful whitehead on my upper left lip.  It looks pretty ugly today, but it's a shallow one...it should be gone in a couple of days.  I have two pimples in the middle of my forehead and it looks like another shallow one if forming in the upper right of my forehead.  Grrr.  The right side of my face is mostly clear, with the exception of some red spots from recent pimples that have cleared.

I am very fearful of an "initial" breakout.  I feel like I have been dealing with an "initial" breakout since last November.  I feel like crying when I think about this all getting worse before it gets better...

I'm just too OLD for this shit, ya know?  I'm married, with a beautiful daugher, a great house in a nice neighborhood, a good job...and I can't enjoy any of it right now because of my FACE.  I try very hard to keep it all in perspective (there are so many worse things that I could be dealing with), but I just can't help being down about it...

Hi!
I saw that you posted something on Superstar's journal, which is where I have done most of my posting too. I'm glad you can relate to us, it's harder being older and having to deal with the emotional stress of acne.
I'm 80 days into my Accutane treatment, and it's JUST now starting to get better. I was ready for perfect skin the moment I took my first pill, but it was a constant battle with my patience and my pride. I had lots of teary nights wondering when/if it was ever going to get better. It just didn't seem right to have to deal with this when I'm 27! So I can relate to your pain. I say that to my boyfriend, I feel so superficial being so upset about acne, but it effects your whole self-esteem and confidence.
What's your dosage? I'm taking 40mg/day right now, and will go up to 60mg for my last 60 days (150 days total). I hope it works out great for you!

[MeganP]

Hi!
I saw that you posted something on Superstar's journal, which is where I have done most of my posting too.  I'm glad you can relate to us, it's harder being older and having to deal with the emotional stress of acne.
I'm 80 days into my Accutane treatment, and it's JUST now starting to get better.  I was ready for perfect skin the moment I took my first pill, but it was a constant battle with my patience and my pride.  I had lots of teary nights wondering when/if it was ever going to get better.  It just didn't seem right to have to deal with this when I'm 27!  So I can relate to your pain.  I say that to my boyfriend, I feel so superficial being so upset about acne, but it effects your whole self-esteem and confidence. 
What's your dosage?  I'm taking 40mg/day right now, and will go up to 60mg for my last 60 days (150 days total).  I hope it works out great for you!

Hi, I saw your posts in superstar's journal. Thanks for stopping by here.

I'm on 40mg for the first 30 days. It'll then bump up to 80mg for 120 days. (I weigh 125 pounds.)

[lannemore]

Hi, I saw your posts in superstar's journal.  Thanks for stopping by here. 

I'm on 40mg for the first 30 days.  It'll then bump up to 80mg for 120 days.  (I weigh 125 pounds.)

Hi! You'll have accumulated over 190mg/kg over your course of treatment, so it should hopefully last a long time when you're done! I posted an article that I found about Accutane, that between 120-150 mg/kg of body weight proves to be the most successful. Are you taking Vitamin E? That is supposed to help with the excessive dryness and the other side effects from Accutane. I have been taking 400-800 IU (1-2 pills) of Vitamin E a day, and I think it's helping.
Best of luck to you, and if you're ever feeling really down, know that we can all sympathize!

[MeganP]

Hi!  You'll have accumulated over 190mg/kg over your course of treatment, so it should hopefully last a long time when you're done!  I posted an article that I found about Accutane, that between 120-150 mg/kg of body weight proves to be the most successful.  Are you taking Vitamin E?  That is supposed to help with the excessive dryness and the other side effects from Accutane.  I have been taking 400-800 IU (1-2 pills) of Vitamin E a day, and I think it's helping.
Best of luck to you, and if you're ever feeling really down, know that we can all sympathize!

Yep, assuming all goes well, this should be the last time I have to go through this. You would think I would have outgrown acne by the time I'm *40*, right??

Thanks for the suggestion on Vitamin E. I have only been taking about 30 IU a day. Oops. Well, the dryness is not so bad now...it is managable with moisturizer at this point and lots and lots of lip balm. I apply lip balm about every 10 minutes. I would be lost without it.

My hair is already starting to fall out, though. Yuck. I don't remember it falling out this soon last time into my treatment, but there's a definite difference in the sink and shower in the morning. Oh well.

Day 11. Sigh.

I'm actually feeling OK about things today. I have two new pimples today: one at the very tip of my chin, and one along my lower left jawline. Well, what can you do.

The good news is the skin on my cheeks and forehead feels very smooth and moist today. I know it won't last, but I'll take whatever I can get...

[gamarwil]

Hi! I too am on my second round of accutane....I'm in my 30's, married, with a 3 year old and a 7 year old. It's sad when your child asks about the "booboo" on your face.

Anyway, this is day 12 for me. I completed my first round just one year ago, so I was majorly disappointed that the acne came back so soon. But, I'm trying to stay positive and hopefully this time it will work! I'm taking 40mg/day until day 30 and hopefully my dermo will up it. I weigh 150lbs so it seems like it should go up a lot since you're going up to 80? Good luck and I will continue to read your posts!

[MeganP]

Hi!  I too am on my second round of accutane....I'm in my 30's, married, with a 3 year old and a 7 year old.  It's sad when your child asks about the "booboo" on your face. 

Anyway, this is day 12 for me.  I completed my first round just one year ago, so I was majorly disappointed that the acne came back so soon.  But, I'm trying to stay positive and hopefully this time it will work!  I'm taking 40mg/day until day 30 and hopefully my dermo will up it.  I weigh 150lbs so it seems like it should go up a lot since you're going up to 80?  Good luck and I will continue to read your posts!

I just visited your journal, too. It will be nice for us "older" folks to go through this together.

Thankfully, my daughter is only 22 months old, so she doesn't comprehend the marks on my face. It's a relief not to feel like I have to "hide" them from her. Not that I should feel that way around family and friends anyway, but in my more insecure moments, I do.

It seems like 80 mg is a big jump compared to others I've seen on this board, but I'm glad my derm is being aggressive.

Day 12
Creeping along.

I'm getting tiny bumpy patches on my arms. Nothing major.

I didn't even look at my face at all this morning, so I have no idea what I look like. I could have dirt all over my face for all I know. I decided to live in total denial today. Can't change how I look anyway, so why sit there and stare and stress over it, ya know? It's kind of working. Ignorance is bliss.

[MeganP]

Day 15
No dramatic difference. Not that I expected there to be any this early in the game...but I wouldn't complain! LOL

Still getting lots of active pimples, especially around my chin.

The skin on my face is VERY itchy. Ugh, I want to scratch it right off.

[sissuperstar]

Hi Megan

I thought I would read your journal and drop a line since you visited mine. I hear you about self-esteem. My activities depend on how my face looks. I'm single and my mom gets mad at me b/c I'm a hermit. We live in different states so I guess I could lie and say I go out - but I don't lie to my mom - ha. Anywho - the only thing that is really getting me through is the faith that at the end it will be clear. Yesterday I woke up and went to church and by the time I was leaving I developed a medium sized pimple on the side of my nose (seems to be a frequent visiting place for my zits). I was shocked that it developed in the time of a few hours. It's weird how this morning my face doesn't look the best but could be tons better by tomorrow - it is a roller coaster.

[sissuperstar]

My point in the having faith is that I also have faith you will be clear as well - so keep the hope. Oh ya and you might have known this from my journal but I also went on accutane about 8-9 years ago. So this is the second time around as well.

[MeganP]

Day 16
Hello, and WELCOME to my initial breakout. SHIT. My face exploded with about 12 cystic pimples yesterday afternoon and overnight. I have one giant one smack in the middle of my forehead, one in the middle of my right cheek, and the rest are littered all along my chin and jawline. I can feel them when I chew or talk (from my jawline moving). It's so uncomfortable. And my skin is ITCHY. Oh, god is it itchy.

Sis - thanks for stopping by. I do have faith, but this part just SUCKS so much, doesn't it??

[sissuperstar]

oh i'm sorry - that does suck!!!! I have a cyst on the side of nose (you know the one that swells up your skin from your inner cheeck to the nose). They are the worst!!!! Wow 12 in one day - that's like a blow to the head - literally. I'm sorry I really am. I hurt for anyone w/ acne.

[gamarwil]

Yeah, MeganP, that is quite an "initial breakout"...I've been reading a lot of journals and I don't think I've read about one as bad as that. But I had so many zits on my face the other day the LAST think I wanted to do was count them, so I might have had you beat My face had been breaking out so badly before accutane that I really couldn't pinpoint my major breakout. Hopefully it's already come and they're healing! Mine seem to be drying up and going away, but I get more in different places. Oh well, tis the love/hate relationship with accutane, huh?

[MeganP]

Yeah, I was foolishly hoping that I wouldn't get an initial breakout since I had been on retin-a micro for 8 weeks prior to taking the accutane. I thought maybe the retin-a would have already brought all the yucky stuff to the surface. Guess not. I've only had a couple additional cysts since my last post. The newest one I have on my chin, though, is a monster. It's about the size of a DIME. It's insane. And of course all the other ones from the initial breakout are still around. I read all these posts around the boards from people who think that tane helps their blemishes heal quicker...well, not in my case. If anything, it's taking LONGER!

Still no other significant side effect today (Day 19) other than dry lips or slightly dry skin, though.

I am going on vacation for a week starting tonight, so I won't be back to update again for a while.

[MeganP]

My face had been breaking out so badly before accutane that I really couldn't pinpoint my major breakout. 

That's how my breakouts were the first time I started accutane 7-8 years ago. There were literally so many all over my entire face that you couldn't count them.

It's not to that degree now. Well, it's much worse after this last breakout, but even then, the yucky stuff is mostly popping up around my chin and jawline. This last breakout was a big blow, though. It's the worst my skin has been in 6 months.

Yes, definitely a love/hate thing with tane!!

[sissuperstar]

Megan

I hear you on the long time for the zits to go away. Mine seem to linger quite awhile. Also If I try to pop one (I know bad) the dry scab skin takes weeks and weeks to heal - so annoying.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this - I hope it clears up soon!

[gamarwil]

Hope you're having a great time on vacation! I'm leaving for sunny FL tomorrow, but before I left I wanted to let you know I woke up with a whopper on my neck yesterday ABOUT THE SIZE OF A DIME! I just laughed. What can you do? Anyway, before I leave town I'm going to the derm for my monthly checkup. It's a little before my 30 day mark, but I don't want to run out of pills while I'm out of town. This thing on my neck is killing me. It is the most painful pimple-cyst-whatever I have ever had.

Anyway gotta go pack my sunscreen!

[MeganP]

Day 30:
Seeing some improvement!

My skin is STILL healing from the initial breakout that started on day 16. I have not had any new cysts since, though, thank goodness. I have had 5 or 6 small pimples since then.

I had my first followup visit with my derm yesterday. She bumped my dosage up to 60 mg per day for the next 16 weeks. I had thought she had said she would bump me up to 80 mg at my first appt, but from what I've seen around here, 60 mg seems more in line with my weight anyway (127 pounds).

I have not been as obsessive about my appearance at all lately. It is such a relief not to be thinking about it every single second of the day. I still have a long way to go, but seeing the little bit of improvement that I have already had is very encouraging and really lifts my spirits.

I am not having any side effects but dry lips, and even that is very manageable with ordinary chapstick.