4 replies to this topic

[Darth Hideous]

So many times have I provided the impetus - the original inspiration - for someone to learn something, overcome their fears or otherwise become motivated. And invariably, each individual so inspired goes on to accomlish great things. On the surface that seems wonderful. But the truth is, it's tearing me up inside because I never achieve anything as great as those that I inspire.

A friend, whom I introduced computer animation to, recently won a major contest. At least two other people, who can trace their initial interest in computer graphics to me, have had successful opportunities in the field. Meanwhile, my own skills haven't improved in the 7 years since and I have never reaped any rewards from my efforts. I'm still at the beginner level, while those who only started because of me became masters.

Another friend of mine, who was having doubts just before his first technical interview, successfully got the job he was after. I had a lengthy discussion with him about how he did have what it took and when he was convinced, I could tell he was reassured. At that time, after he got his job, I was still unemployed for a while before I found a job that I didn't like.

It's always like this. I start out with a genuine interest in something; people see that and they learn it. Then they always overtake me. And eventually, they can blow me apart with their mastery.

While a few of my friends have remained grateful, I have yet to see any tangible benefits from being inspirational. It doesn't pay the bills, I don't get $20,000 prizes, I don't even find a job that I like doing. No matter how hard I try, I can't get as good as they are. Coupled with my appearance issues, I just feel completely worthless. I have an utter lack of creativity and intelligence. And it's destroying me. I'll never be anything more than a footnote (if that) in someone's autobiography.

I just felt like venting. If you got this far, I applaud you for your patience.

[Melchior]

Well, sometimes things like art just come naturally, I mean you can try real hard but you'll never be like the naturals. Some things are just like this.

You should look on the bright side of this though, because of you, many people go on to achieve great things. You have the best gift of all, only your gift is manifested through everyone you help. I think that shows a lot more talent than just being the strongest, or the most creative, or the smartest. You help people realize their potential, so to speak. If this is really your gift, you may not be popular, but does popularily really mean a lot to you? Just knowing you are partly responsible for the greatness in others should give you some kind of satisfaction, who cares if everyone knows or doesn't, at least you know, right?

I'm sure you could get a job that deals with this. I know many psychologists are better helping others than doing much else, it's actually very admirable. You're like the guy that takes one for the team, except you're not really losing all that much. I'd rather help even 2 people become something super great than become anything super myself, but that's just me. If theres a such thing as karma, you'll be pretty well off. Even if there isn't, you can be happy knowing that you did just as much for the world if not more than others. Instead of becoming a great artist, you may have inspired the doctor that cure's a serious illness and millions of lives, or you may have inspired someone to try to cook for the first time, and thanks to them lots of people feel good when they eat. There's always a bright side, this gift you have is pretty good in my opinion.

What do you think?

[Darth Hideous]

While you bring up a number of good points, I'm not feeling it. As I've said, at the end of the day, it doesn't pay my bills. I don't get anything out of it, except for maybe a few gestures of appreciation. Any satisfaction I derive from it is simply a consolation prize for a persistent loser. I'm still alone, jaded and wishing very much that I'd be dead in a few months. And it's not really something I do that inspires people. When I learn something, I sort of give people a taste of what they can do. I don't actually go around mentoring them.

When employers are looking to hire someone, they want to see what you can do. Because of the way I can't get beyond a certain level in anything, what I can do is not much. I'm much more likely to have been the first one at my age level to learn a certain thing enough to dazzle someone and then cause them to go off and try to take me down because they want to beat me. They always do and that's what employers are looking for. That's what potential partners look for, too. That's what everyone looks for.

So the effect I have on people is absolutely useless to me. And besides that, I like to win. I'm not happy unless I win. Given that it seems like I never win, I can never be happy. Not once have I ever gotten anything meaningful. Everyone around me achieves so much more. I sometimes have to wonder what they actually think of me. Do they see how pathetic I am?

[ayla]

While you bring up a number of good points, I'm not feeling it. As I've said, at the end of the day, it doesn't pay my bills. I don't get anything out of it, except for maybe a few gestures of appreciation. Any satisfaction I derive from it is simply a consolation prize for a persistent loser. I'm still alone, jaded and wishing very much that I'd be dead in a few months.  And it's not really something I do that inspires people. When I learn something, I sort of give people a taste of what they can do. I don't actually go around mentoring them.

When employers are looking to hire someone, they want to see what you can do. Because of the way I can't get beyond a certain level in anything, what I can do is not much. I'm much more likely to have been the first one at my age level to learn a certain thing enough to dazzle someone and then cause them to go off and try to take me down because they want to beat me. They always do and that's what employers are looking for. That's what potential partners look for, too. That's what everyone looks for.

So the effect I have on people is absolutely useless to me. And besides that, I like to win. I'm not happy unless I win. Given that it seems like I never win, I can never be happy. Not once have I ever gotten anything meaningful. Everyone around me achieves so much more. I sometimes have to wonder what they actually think of me. Do they see how pathetic I am?

I don't think you're pathetic at all. You'll find your niche. Perhaps it is helping or inspiring people. Have you though about a career in teaching, counseling, or something of similar ilk? Don't knock being the source of inspiration, that's a beautiful and wonderful thing. People have been paid lavishly for they're talents as Muses.

Ayla
xxoo

[Darth Hideous]

I don't have any talents - whatever inspiration I create in others is not a result of any real decision on my part to inspire them. They just pick up on the fact that since what I did was possible, they can do it too. And then they just bring their weapons to bear and completely obliterate me when it comes down to competing in that area.

I have no interest in performing the duties of a modern day muse. Teaching has a certain appeal to it, but there's no money in that profession. Of course, that sounds materialistic, and it is, but we live in a materialistic world. And given my complete lack of other positive qualities, I need something that can help me compensate for my deficiencies. Money is one thing that can help.