10 replies to this topic

[evelyne]

I'm 18 and I've been suffering from acne for the past 5 years or so. I have an awful picking habit which leaves my skin red and uneven even when my pimples have healed. Which means a lot of pigmentation. Argh.

Currently, I have no active acne but I really want to maintain the progress and not aggravate my acne further by squeezing/touching my face! I have these few bumps under my skin which are healing spots but take forever to go away. I'm really afraid to make them inflamed again cos they were huge and took so long to calm down.

My aim in this challenge is to see how far I can go without picking and while I will not restart the challenge when I breach the rules, I want to keep track of my habits so I can be more aware of myself and hopefully find better means to stop my bad habit. Also, it'll remind me of the repercussions of my picking and deter me from doing further.

I'll be starting from tomorrow(picked a little today) and feel free to join me!

Evelyne

P.S I will be using diluted fresh lemon juice as a toner+treatment at night.
1) it helps me even out my skin tone and calms down redness, and very importantly,
2) it stings/itches like crazy on open skin ie. punishment for me when I pick my skin ):

If anybody is interested to know more about lemon juice, do leave a post and I'll try my best to answer with respect to my personal experience.

Edited by evelyne, 13 July 2012 - 06:49 AM.

[evelyne]

Day 1
Pretty bad day, I spent a day in an air conditioned place to study and my skin became really dry. So when I went home at night, my skin looked awful. And the worse my skin looks, the more I tend to pick so yeah. Couldn't even last a day. I was pretty upset with myself as I managed to aggravate a few pimples that were lying under my skin but had been healing.
Note to self: no looking in mirror after spending whole day in air conditioned room.

Day 2
Decent day. I managed to steer clear of my usual picking and only touched and gently squeezed pus out from a couple of pimples which have come to a head. Still, this speaks much about my lack of self control. The picking from yesterday had left its marks as I now have more acne marks that are red at the side of my face. Argh at least they seems to be healing.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow! Gotta exercise more self restrain!

[evelyne]

Day 3
Today went better than I expected. Didn't pick at my skin except for gently squeezing 2 pimples which have come to a head. Cos they were on my cheeks, they hurt when I accidentally brush my hand on them so I'm pretty glad they're out. Now they're healing and are much less inflamed with the pus out.

Other than that, I'm quite proud I didn't make my skin worse by obsessing over my breakout.

Hopefully this continues and I will one day have enough self control to stop myself from squeezing anything at all. Or at least, with enough discretion to not touch pimples under my skin and clearly not coming to a head. Yet.

[evelyne]

Day 4
I really tried sooo hard to not pick my face but I ended up squeezing the pus from a couple of pimples that became infected again and came to a head. I also touched the left side of my face which was pretty bumpy. I'm glad I didn't pick at those though, or I would have another breakout!

Day 5 (today)
My no-picking resolution stuck quite well today. Really wanted to pick but I managed to clench my fists as a distraction and turned the mirror away so I wouldn't feel that much of an urge. Fiddled with some blackheads though but minimal damage. Whew!

But despite these little improvements, school these few days were horrible. I hate how I always feel so uncomfortable and self conscious in my skin. Especially in air conditioned areas, my make up tend to make my face appear dull, dry and generally patchy/grey. I want to crawl away and hide so many times because the left side of my face was horribly bumpy and had some scabs due to healing pimples I squeezed previously. I had to resort to just walking on one side of my friends or just hiding my bad side behind a wall whenever I talked to someone. It makes me want to cry inside. Every second I live, I worry about my skin. Is it flaking? Is that another pimple, another breakout? Will my friends/teachers judge my acne marks/scars/breakout?? Will people notice my makeup?

I get so frustrated sometimes! Just wish my breakout could heal faster! Thankfully, it is actually healing so that's some progress.
And my Skin looks less red and inflamed, now that I'm trying hard to avoid picking it. That's good news for now! Trying hard to have some faith and patience! (:

[NotAlone]

Hey evelyne, glad to see that you're making small improvements! I know how hard it is to stop! I've tried numerous times but always break down and go back to my stupid habit. It really messes with your mind because it seems like such a simple thing to do yet it is so challenging. I've been reading these boards for some time now, but have never actually posted. Today I made up my mind to stop once and for all so I figured it would help to come on here and share my progress with you. I will keep you updated on how I do and hopefully we can support eachother through this. I think the first few days is always the hardest so hang in there! Will post tomorrow and let you know how I did!

[evelyne]

Hi NotAlone!

You are not alone! Okay that's lame.
Thanks so much for the encouragement. In this period of time, we really got to hang in there. I know exactly how it feels, like I've always told myself it's just a habit and I can break it just by choosing not to but the next thing I know, I'm standing right next to the mirror with my fingers on my face. After each time I picked at my face, I would feel so ashamed and just utterly defeated. Not only does my face look worse but I feel like I lost to myself and to my acne.

I've been hanging around these boards too and it was after I read through some really inspirational logs that I decided I need to do this. Just to take a step more to kick this self destructive habit.

I'm so glad you decided to join me on this, so I'm...not alone. Pun not intended! I'm sure you'll eventually succeed so let's hang in there together! I've actually tried to stop picking a few times but each time, I ended up falling back into the habit whenever I experience a more stressful period/day. And whenever I pick, I always ALWAYS aggravate my acne, leading to further breakouts. And it's just a cycle I really hope to break now.

Sorry for the long post! What I actually meant to say was I appreciate you being here! Turns out I type too much. Haha!

Looking forward to hear from you soon!

[angeedee]

I pick too. I make promises to stop but trying to stop causes me stress and then I pick even more. My problem is, a few pimples won't heal because I pull the scabs off with tweezers twice a day. My face hurts. I feel ashamed and I really don't want to interact with people.

I am on Doxy right now. I also have Retin A and BP. The last two just aggravate my skin and I wind up picking at the dried skin so I'm not using them.

I'm a 48 year old female. In menopause and on Tamoxifen because I am considered to be high risk for breast cancer. I suspect that Tamoxifen may be behind some of this. That and my picking.

I don't know what to do.

[evelyne]

Hi angeedee,

I'm truly sorry to hear about your condition. Regardless of age, I guess we're all in this little mess together. I'm no expert but maybe I can share some of my experience with skin picking with you? As for your medication, I can only suggest that you consult your doctor on the best course of action.

Some tricks that worked for me:
-covering the mirror: I always tend to pick in the shower when I look in the mirror so flipping the mirror over really helps me keep the thought out of my mind
-putting my hands behind my back, squeezing my hands into a fist, basically things that occupy my hands
-taking a deep breathe and pep talking myself before looking in a mirror
-smiling at myself in the mirror(hey it works for me, so there!)

Yeap that's about it but sometimes I still can't help but pick at my skin when it's so messed up. It's a relentless cycle I need to stop!

And regarding scabs, I also tend to try to pick them off, leaving half-healed pink skin underneath. Now, after a bad picking episode(which was partly why I was too ashamed to post on this board the past few days, and that I was busy with school and life in general), I have 3 scabs that I really really want to get off my face Because they look way too unsightly and grey sitting on my face. But I am trying hard not to touch or bother about them. What i tell myself is that this will pass. If I can have the patience to let my skin heal itself, my skin will love me for it and stop breaking out so much. (time to stick to this piece of advice myself!) And it's true. I do tend to get pimples around the areas I recently picked.

I know I'm far from stopping my picking completely but I hope these little tips can help you! Oh and perhaps you can try some masks like honey or fresh aloe vera to moisturise your skin and stimulate skin healing? It may make your skin less raw and itchy. I usually dab a little honey onto my scabs and it seems to help me quicken the healing process. Nothing miraculous but it could have been much worse!

That said, all the best and have a little faith!

Edited by evelyne, 23 July 2012 - 08:02 AM.

[NotAlone]

Hey so just figured i'd post a brief update...

Day 1: Surpised myself at how good I did keeping my hands off my face! Still picked a bit but I had some "unresolved issues" with some spots I had picked at before and needed to clear some gunk (gross..i know) So I did cheat a bit but was proud that I did not pick at anything new.

Day 2. Pretty much same as Day 1. Noticed that I became more conscious of my tendancy to pick so every time I went close to a mirror I would remind myself of this little challenge we have going on here. Still broke down and picked a bit but managed to stop myself before I did any major damage. Still left some red marks but didnt break skin so I'll chalk that up to a small victory.

Day 3 and 4: Went away for the weekend and stayed at my uncles place. Did extremely well with not picking! Its different for me when I'm around other people becuase obviously I can't hibernate in my apartment and hide my damaged face (like I do when I'm at home) so I really have no option but to not pick. Plus my cousin had some of her cute friends over so even more reason not to disappear into the bathroom for an hour and come out looking like a freak. Did pick one little blackhead that jumped out at me when I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Felt a little guilty but it came out very easily and then I left it at that.

Day 5 (today): Spent the day doing some shopping for an upcoming trip. Staying busy obviously helps but I did notice myself scrutinizing my skin when i was in a fitting room. Didn't pick...but did the whole "inch away from the mirror inspection". Had to force myself to snap out of it. Feeling a bit stressed about this trip and stress is definitely a trigger. Just got home and picked at a little spot i have right on my jawline. Thought it had gone away but it decided to come back! Made it bleed a little then realized I should stop. Didn't get any gunk out which was a bit of a disappointment but at the same time I was happy that I managed to catch myself before I just went nuts on it.

All in all I am very happy with my progress. Like I said, this little challenge has just made me more aware of when I pick and then I force myself to snap out of it. I still really have the urge to pick so have to constantly remind myself why I'm doing this. I am just so fed up with myself becuase my skin is my one real insecurity and I realize that I make it so much worse than it should be. I am so determined to do this! I know I have a long road ahead of me because I have had times in the past where I have been good for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden without even thinking about it I emerge from the bathroom with a face full of sores. All it takes is one slip up and it can put you right back where you started. Something that helped me during one of my no picking periods was drawing a big question mark on the mirror in black marker. I wanted to write myself a reminder not to pick or something like that but didnt want friends to see that so I just stuck with a big bold question mark. Every time I would go in the bathroom I would see it and not only would it make it harder to see my reflection, but it helped me take a step back and think about what I was doing every time I went in there. However, something I found really odd...when I did manage to clear up nicely for a few months (this was a couple years ago) some strange part of me missed my acne. Its like picking was my drug for the longest time and I almost wished for something to pop. Strange...I know...but that just goes to show how messed up one's mind can be. Then without even knowing it I was right back to my old habit...

Anyways this post is getting really long. Just wanna say how great it is having someone to share this with. There is something really theraputic knowing that I am not alone (hence the name haha) because for the longest time I thought I was the only person on the planet struggling with this. I have NEVER talked about this with anyone other than my mom (but she doesn't really get it) so I'm very happy I found this place! It makes a world of a difference knowing that we are in this together!

[evelyne]

Day 10 (I think...)

My skin is actually looking much better that it had these couple of months!
Quite proud of myself today for not fiddling with my skin although I popped one pimple. For me I tend to pop pimples that have come to a head because when I let them go without getting the pus out, all the dirty stuff sinks into my skin and forms a pimple in the next couple of weeks which is much deeper and painful. So I guess my goal is to ONLY squeeze pimples that have come to a head and NOT TOUCH ANY OTHER PARTS OF MY FACE. And I will NOT continue squeezing it if it does not come out after 15 seconds of gentle squeezing.

Today, my scars and scabs have cleared such that my skin actually looks decent with light make up on. Except for a couple of more obvious pigmentation marks but I'm hopeful they'll fade. Fingers crossed!

I think the fact that I've become more conscious of my picking has really reduced my tendency and extent of picking. And the less I pick, the better my skin looks. The better my skin looks, the more I don't want to pick! I am really hoping I sustain this and not fall back to what I use to do! But I'm bracing myself for a possible breakout cos I usually breakout moderately a couple of weeks before my period. ):

NotAlone:

I'm glad you're making so much progress! Keep it up and i'm sure you're looking much better. (:
I'm right there with you on how everything just goes downhill after one slipup. Experienced that too many times whenever my skin just seems to be getting better. I had a couple of months where I had minimal active pimples but somehow...everything just accelerated into a mess that I've just recently gotten under control. Or so I want to believe!

I've never actually told anybody about how I felt about my acne, just kinda burying everything inside. That's why I'm so thankful for this site. While it sucks that so many others share the same situation, I really appreciate the support and just moral encouragement I get by being here and listening to what others have to share about their condition. In my school, I'm one of the rare few who don't have perfect/almost perfect skin. I was so depressed until I found this site a few years ago.

Alright this is getting too long...
Let's go all the way and quit this picking!

Edited by evelyne, 24 July 2012 - 07:35 AM.

[evelyne]

Hi guys!

It's been way too long since I've last updated this log but here's a brief update of how I'm doing so far.

These couple of weeks, I've managed to get my picking quite under control! Partly because I'm jut so tired out from school work that I don't care much about my skin/don't look at the mirror that much! And it seems my skin is thanking me for it because my monthly breakouts are getting less severe. While I did try to gently squeeze 2 bumps that have recently popped up, I stopped after a couple of tries and didn't break any skin. Although I did get one of them more inflamed! My one regret.

As for my pigmentation marks, they're slowly fading and I'm just really really hoping that I won't get any more crazy breakouts like the ones I had the a few months ago. My skin texture is now way better than when I first started this log but it's still no where near clear skin. To be fair, it's decent and I don't think many people will think I have an acne problem unless they look closely but I'm still really insecure about my acne marks. It has always been my biggest insecurity and now that I'm actually making some improvement, I keep telling myself to just hang in there and stop picking!

To all of you out there who may be reading this post and share the same challenge, believe me, once you stop picking, your skin will most likely look more decent! To start the end of picking is really tough and I think I am still a long way from it. But I've always believed that if I'm willing to inch towards this holy grail(fine, an exaggeration) things will get better. And it did! To stop picking is almost like to pick. The more you pick, the more you feel the need to pick to fix it. Trust me, I know exactly how that feels. But the less you pick, the less you will want to pick once you see the improvements. Granted, the first couple of days/weeks may be tough, I did my best to overcome them by telling myself things WILL get better. I've made some slip ups, but I have never wanted to give up.

I deserve clear skin. Not perfect, but enough for me to get some of my confidence back. And I think everyone on these boards deserve clear skin too. So whoever's here, that's my two cents worth, let's defeat acne! (:

Evelyne

Edited by evelyne, 25 August 2012 - 09:03 AM.