49 replies to this topic

[abe77]

I am average skinny guy, 5'8 122lb pounds. I want to know if girls truly care if guys have muscles or are tone. Because I really don't want to go to the gym because my number cause for my acne is sweat, I get cysts. I live in Los Angeles so appearance is everything for a girl. I lost my last girlfriend because of acne, "I am not attracted to you anymore, your not cute to me" that was her words, sad huh. When a girl meets you, do they also care about how your body looks like? Maybe its just me, I have this thought that girls only want a cute acne free guy with a tone body.

Edited by abe77, 07 February 2012 - 12:33 AM.

[Lee1234]

I have compassion for you my friend, that's hard to swallow when, the person you believe loves you, leaves you for an affliction that is beyond your control. I'm going to be blunt though, you live in L.A, I'm really against generalising but, that place is infamous for the sheer number of shallow people that live there. If you're naturally skinny then don't try and change yourself and keep your self-respect, UNLESS you actually want to, for yourself. I did the same thing a while back, in that I started going to the gym to compensate for my acne. Whilst it did deter from my "condition", I developed a deep-routed resentment towards girls who "liked" me afterwards, because I knew these were the same women that would've never given me the time of day before. If you're going to change, do it for yourself, because you like the hobby. Keep a sharp eye, some women can be vultures.

[poi6]

Lol I'm 5,9 and 120 pounds .....lol welcome to my nightmare .....I've always dell with being a scrawny spit fuck . Lots of girls and guys have judged me for it....however Just last night a girl told me she likes me I guess it's just a matter of finding girls that don't care...... But L.A WOW.....I agree with the person above it is known for having very superficial people .. But youll do fine

[AceEpidermis]

It is as the titular character of the film 'Hitch' says: any man can attract any woman, given the right circumstances. You will hear it a thousand times over from every dating advice website, book, etc; confidence is the key to success with the opposite sex.

I have known many guys who have had great success with women. Short, overweight, skinny, you name it. It all comes down to how they project themselves. If you feel as if you are unworthy, or somehow lesser than the woman you are trying to woo, or the men around her who don't seem to have that problem, you will fail. People can sense self doubt or faked confidence. That's as much true of an encounter with a charming girl as it is of a job interview.

Now the problem is attaining confidence when you do feel genuine doubt about things like acne, or fitness level. I don't have an answer for you there. That is a matter you must look within yourself for. I personally have not figured it out, but in those rare perfect moments where I did feel confident, I often got closer than ever to successfully attracting someone than ever before.

[Lola Burns]

I am average skinny guy, 5'8 122lb pounds. I want to know if girls truly care if guys have muscles or are tone. Because I really don't want to go to the gym because my number cause for my acne is sweat, I get cysts. I live in Los Angeles so appearance is everything for a girl. I lost my last girlfriend because of acne, "I am not attracted to you anymore, your not cute to me" that was her words, sad huh. When a girl meets you, do they also care about how your body looks like? Maybe its just me, I have this thought that girls only want a cute acne free guy with a tone body.

Well, I am a girl and I also live in Los Angeles. And I can assure you, appearances do not mean everything to me. And appearances are not everything to most of my girlfriends.

To be totally honest, most of the women I know in LA are more concerned with how successful a guy is, where he can take her, what car he drives and how much money he makes. Shallow? Yes, but that also means they don't give a flying fuck what a guy looks like (or if he's even nice).

Another thing about LA, (depending on which area you live in) is that there are sooooooo many beautiful women with very low self esteem. They just want someone to like them. Although, I don't recommend dating those girls, they're pretty screwed up and usually have herpes.

And then there are the ones that hang out in front of Neiman Marcus on Black Friday protesting fur and spend the rest of their time in Santa Monica badgering people in signing petitions. Those girls also don't care what you look like, they just care who you vote for.

There are also the ones that hangout at Amoeba Records all the time and remember when they used to light the bar on fire at The Burgundy Room. They don't care what you look like, as long as you're in a band or film school and have a British accent.

Edited by Lola Burns, 07 February 2012 - 11:21 AM.

[Ghostunit]

Honestly, I am muscular.. but I never had any girls hitting on me because of muscles. I do hide my muscles though >_> i Don't wear very tight shirts or shirt without sleeves. I prefer athletic type which that's what I am. I don't want to be huge.. that's just ugly. I want to look natural. I am gaining muscies the natural way. I'm a vegan. ;\ Veins are very visible on my arbs .. it is crazy. lol not sure if girls like that. ;\ I never saw working out makes you break out with zits. Exercise is actually good for you. At least lift light weights and do more reps. That's what i do.. I lift light weights.

So my point is that even some guy with muscles can't get any girls.. I am not sure how the girls are in here 'cause I don't have or never had any female friends, but I they seem like they don't care if you're muscular at all. They want cool guys who are loud and act immature. ;\

Edited by EddieE, 07 February 2012 - 09:42 AM.

[bobbi364]

Lola Burns, your friends are sad. I despise women like this and they are so easy to tell who they are, usually they have nothing going for them, are uneducated, or have no goals whatsoever. Back to the Q. For me and my gf's, attraction is a two part system, which includes physical and mental attraction. Skinny has nothing to do with it, unless you are like on the verge of dying or look really unhealthy, then there are more problems, like emotional. A relationship that is going to last will not be based on small things like that. Amount of money, cars, jobs, success, clothes, material items are all a thing you should use to your abilities to determine if someone is fake, a tool, as Lola's friends are, and yes many guys and girls are like this. I personally hate people that put on a front.

[Ghostunit]

Lola Burns, your friends are sad. I despise women like this and they are so easy to tell who they are, usually they have nothing going for them, are uneducated, or have no goals whatsoever. Back to the Q. For me and my gf's, attraction is a two part system, which includes physical and mental attraction. Skinny has nothing to do with it, unless you are like on the verge of dying or look really unhealthy, then there are more problems, like emotional. A relationship that is going to last will not be based on small things like that. Amount of money, cars, jobs, success, clothes, material items are all a thing you should use to your abilities to determine if someone is fake, a tool, as Lola's friends are, and yes many guys and girls are like this. I personally hate people that put on a front.

Totally agreed!! I like to observe girls and I can easily tell what kind of personality they are, etc. Sometimes it is hard to tell. That's why you first make friend and then get to know that person more. I wouldn't want a girl who wants you because you make good money and have a nice car. My major is holistc nurse which I might probably make good money, but that's not the reason why I want to work as a nurse. I care about people and want to help. You see, I'm a nice guy who don't care about money at all. As long as I make enough for a living since we have to buy a house or rent (but I want to buy one >_>), foods.. that's the way it is. ;\ I will not tell them what kind of job I have (I might lie to test them). If that's the first thing they ask.. I know what they want ;\

Edited by EddieE, 07 February 2012 - 09:49 AM.

[bobbi364]

You never truly know someone until you live with them, mark my words.

[AceEpidermis]

Lola actually brings up a great point, and something we shouldn't fault her friends for too much, as shallow as it might seem. Humanity has evolved in such a way that status is important to us, though it can often be subconscious.

One perfect example is men who wear watches, did you know that that tells a woman a lot about you? The women in question may not even realize it, but it does. A digital watch gives the impression that you're either too inept to tell time, or too lazy to deal with the 0.3 seconds it takes to read a standard watch. No watch suggests more or less the same, and that you probably don't care about schedules or are using your cell phone as a digital watch.

Now a nice time piece suggests you are orderly, fashion conscious, well off financially, and it gives a general air of sophistication in a modern world where digital is faster and easier. Keep in mind that none of those things may actually be true of the person wearing the watch. Yet the idea of status is projected, and on some level a potential mate may react to that.

Another extraordinarily important factor is body language. Body language is the key instrument of projecting confidence. Keeping the appropriate level of eye contact with a woman is very important, yet I think most of us with facial acne would say the same thing: "I don't like to make eye contact because the longer I do, the more time they have to stare at my disfigured mug".

How you walk, how you touch, how you look AT someone, all of those things are far more important than how you look TO someone.

The psychology of such things is vast and complex, and I wouldn't dream of making the generalization that all women respond to all of these things equally. Yet the overall principles apply, on the whole. It's not necessarily about being shallow, it's just the nature of how we've evolved versus the nurture of the opinions we have been raised to have.

[bobbi364]

I wear a digital watch because I surf and the digital watch shows the tides, also acts as a timer, alarm, so on and so forth. So that whole explanation of a digital watch versus a regular analog watch is moot. In contrast, a digital watch should show that they are in need or more data, other than just the time.

[Lola Burns]

Lola Burns, your friends are sad. I despise women like this and they are so easy to tell who they are, usually they have nothing going for them, are uneducated, or have no goals whatsoever. Back to the Q. For me and my gf's, attraction is a two part system, which includes physical and mental attraction. Skinny has nothing to do with it, unless you are like on the verge of dying or look really unhealthy, then there are more problems, like emotional. A relationship that is going to last will not be based on small things like that. Amount of money, cars, jobs, success, clothes, material items are all a thing you should use to your abilities to determine if someone is fake, a tool, as Lola's friends are, and yes many guys and girls are like this. I personally hate people that put on a front.

WHOA. Hang on a minute. I said most of my friends don't care about looks. And then I described most of the women I know (typical of the Los Angeles area). Most of the women I know are NOT what I would call "friends". I probably wasn't clear enough in making that distinction.

[AceEpidermis]

I wear a digital watch because I surf and the digital watch shows the tides, also acts as a timer, alarm, so on and so forth. So that whole explanation of a digital watch versus a regular analog watch is moot. In contrast, a digital watch should show that they are in need or more data, other than just the time.

Of course, I wasn't suggesting that the projection of what the watch meant was true, merely that it gives someone a certain idea at first glance. An expensive, finely crafted watch suggests wealth (and subjectively, taste), which in turn suggests comfort and stability. From an instinctual standpoint that was what men were providing women in broad strokes, throughout human history.

From a modern sociopolitical standpoint heterosexual women may or may not want and/or need a man to provide that function anymore, but instinctually it's still hard-wired in us as human beings to look for certain things in a mate.

Now *I* know what you use a digital watch for, as you have explained, and it's very logical and well thought out for the specific use of surfing. That said, you had to explain that to me. I'm sure you don't go up to every woman you meet and give a detailed account of what you utilize your digital watch for. If I were a potential date, meeting you for the first time, all I would know about that watch is what I take at face value.

That face value has certain societal implications; minor as they may be. They all contribute to an image you are projecting, regardless of if you know it or they know it.

Simply put, it again comes down to the idea of nature versus nurture. There is what we believe, the opinions we have formed, and then there is a deeper instinctual psychology at play that most of us are not even aware of.

For the record, I don't wear a watch at all, my reasoning is that I have skinny wrists and watches don't fit well, but no one but me and those I tell would know that.

Edited by AceEpidermis, 07 February 2012 - 11:09 AM.

[Lola Burns]

Ace is right. There's more to it than just what you look like. The way a man carries himself is very important. When I first met my boyfriend, he walked right up to me, smiled (and he has one helluva smile) and looked me square in the eye. He was friendly and attentive but didn't give me the impression that he was desperate. I was immediately attracted. He could have looked like Quasimodo and it wouldn't have mattered.

Bobbi - what's wrong with the fur-protesting petition-badgering girls? Sure, they're a little.... over-zealous, but they mean well. And at least they care about something other than who made your jeans.

[bobbi364]

Well I wouldn't wear a surfing watch on a date, or maybe I would, I also have analog watches. So, I think your thought of social aptitudes is off. You can never judge on looks, nor can you judge on expression. It's not like each person crafts a watch on their own.

Frankly, I only judge a girl on one thing, brains. I do not mean that the girl needs to be a nerd, I mean that in both book smarts and street smarts, because a girl smart in one of those is just to one sided. I like a person that is down to Earth, realistic, and has a good head on their shoulders. Not someone who is nerdy all the time, someone that knows how to have fun and someone that knows how to be serious when need be.

Do I think I am the smartest person in the world, hell no. I like to have fun with almost everything, I love to laugh. I think personality goes way beyond looks. I have plenty of friends that some of my guy friends would never consider dating because they aren't "hot" enough, but I always like to hang out with them because they are fun to be around. Not stuck up or rude. I guess I am not in line with the social norm?

[Lola Burns]

Well I wouldn't wear a surfing watch on a date, or maybe I would, I also have analog watches. So, I think your thought of social aptitudes is off. You can never judge on looks, nor can you judge on expression. It's not like each person crafts a watch on their own.

Frankly, I only judge a girl on one thing, brains. I do not mean that the girl needs to be a nerd, I mean that in both book smarts and street smarts, because a girl smart in one of those is just to one sided. I like a person that is down to Earth, realistic, and has a good head on their shoulders. Not someone who is nerdy all the time, someone that knows how to have fun and someone that knows how to be serious when need be.

Do I think I am the smartest person in the world, hell no. I like to have fun with almost everything, I love to laugh. I think personality goes way beyond looks. I have plenty of friends that some of my guy friends would never consider dating because they aren't "hot" enough, but I always like to hang out with them because they are fun to be around. Not stuck up or rude. I guess I am not in line with the social norm?

How are your friends that won't date a girl that isn't "hot" enough better than the women I described that won't date a guy that doesn't have a job?

[bobbi364]

They aren't, did I say they were?

[Lola Burns]

Fair enough.

[bobbi364]

Fair enough.

What I just did there, analyze it. See how you reacted?

[Lola Burns]

Fair enough.

What I just did there, analyze it. See how you reacted?

You answered my question then followed it with a question. I answered for the sake of politeness, but did not follow with a question because I have lost interest. Was that the nicest way to respond? Probably not, but it's honest.