19 replies to this topic

[mrjarjarbinks77]

So, I know this isn't a dating site but, we all know the emotional and psychological effects of acne or scars can make a person self conscious, anti social, and extremely negative. Still, it is something everyone wants to do, and with certain security issues, it makes it more difficult. I am just curious how you guys go about it, how you met your boyfriend or girlfriend, and if you are single, what you do about it?

I'll share. I was out visiting friends out of state and I saw a really beautiful girl. I wouldn't forgive myself if I let her go by without meeting her so, I did and we really hit it off. What i didn't know was that, when I went home, my skin was horrible, and broken out. She saw past it guys. I was just fun and really excited about having fun, meeting her, and it was great.

I think practicing self love with or without acne or scars or depression. Even getting out when you feel like shit. Just have a leap of faith, believe you are worth it, that you deserve to date, to have a social life, and some fun too. I would love to hear some of your stories guys.

[dreamybear1]

I would hate going out in public when I would have flareups. When I met him I had minimal acne but two years after we started dating my acne just got out of control out of nowhere. I'm very lucky to have a boyfriend that calls me beautiful no matter what.
This is a video I made to share what I have used to stop my acne. I hope it helps.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

I am happy you have a bf and you don't have scars. It sucks but, its something you can conquer. How old are you?

I am trying to get out more. When I did, I would date, I would meet girls but, the sec I become aware of my skin or how shitty it looks, I get depressed about it. It is another fight everyday. I am meeting some new girls, getting numbers, a lot of girls flake or make excuses so, I move on, and try to meet more before they stop returning my calls lol It also makes me mentally and emotionally stronger I guess. I am reading a lot of self help stuff, positive thinking challenges, and trying to take risks too. It is not fun but, I think having and lost would suck all over again.

There have been times and moments where I feel like a forever aloner but, I try my best to avoid that way of thinking cause, it is not productive. Glad you have gotten past this and you have a bf.

[Coppedsynergy999]

Something that is overlooked by many of us is the fact that women are not as visually oriented as men. It has been scienifically proven. If a man tries to tell you otherwise, hes wrong. Though the course of evolution women have been conditioned to spend more attention on non-verbal ques, than physical appearance. While men, are more visually oriented. Im not saying that to women looks dont matter, what im saying is that they dont matter as much as men think they do. I find that women respond to confident body language such as, good posture, relaxed face and shoulders, non-jerky movements. Women basically have built in wussy detectors. Women are amazing, really. While we are talking to women and worried about our scars, its not really the scars that are a turn-off, its the fact that we are worrying. From a evolutionary standpoint, if women sense this worry theyd be thinking, maybe he cant provide or is hiding something from me that is bad. Let me explain this paradox for everyone.
1. Men have a TENDANCY to worry more then they need to becuase bieng the visually-oriented creatures we are, images are more intense for us.(hence male dominated porn usage)
2. Women have TENDANCY to worry more than they need to becuase they feel insecure that the visually-oriented male will find them unnatractive. What they usually fail to recognize is that the visually dominated male will also see your attractive features more intensely then you do. Womens insecurities are often futile. As well as mens.
Moral of the story---Realize that many of our worries are a direct result of cultural media portraying what is ideal. Do you think 1,000 years ago they went to get plastic surgeries?? Of course not. These things played themselves out normally. We live in a sick and dying culture. We have sacrificed our peace and sanity with uncontrolled vanity. We are subconsiously making things SOOO much harder than they have to be. People are making money off of our insecurities. I wish everyone would wake up!!

[limpbizkitfan]

Yeah, I get what your sayin', just go out and be confident and date without letting your skin in the way. But, you gotta understand what it is like for girls to deal with acne/acne scars in the dating scene because guys mainly choose girls based off of looks, like you just said "I saw a really beautiful girl. I wouldn't forgive myself if I let her go [...]" It just further suggests that men will only talk to a woman because she is beautiful. If she had acne all over her face, do you still think you would have wanted to get to know her? Or just pass her up and don't take a second look because she's not worth your time.

But men can get away with having a bunch of scars and acne, in some cases it can even make them appear more attractive by giving them a more "roughed up" look, but this "rough" look doesn't go so well on women. But overall, if you are a guy, the main thing that will attract a woman is your personality. I have fallen in love with some ugly ass dudes just because when I get to know their personality, they become the most handsome man in the world. How many men can say this about a girl? Not many.

I choose not to date because I know no guy will want me because of the way I look, and I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world to a guy, not just an average chick. So, I continue to avoid dating until I look the way I want to...

[Coppedsynergy999]

Haha. I can easily say that I have been attracted to certain women who werent attractive by conventional standards, after i got to know them as people. They became extremely attractive in my eyes. Once people realize that the true beauty in a relationship is in essence "invisible", they will be much happier. When I think of the woman I love I think of how she makes me feel, the things I admire about her, her kindness, attitude, swagger. If you only base how you feel off looks you wll become dissapointed. The relationship will have no foundation to build on. Only lustful desires that come and go like the wind.
So, when I see that hot girl that looks like the girl on vogue, I think, wow she looks like the girl on vogue. I dont flip my shit like a horny little boy because deep down inside I realize that the desire to posess a woman like that is in fact a desire to "posess". Becuse I am only judging her by societys standards. Not by who she is. So if I pursued her while disregarding her personality I would in essence be going after an object of MY desire.See how messed up that is?? But this is America now folks, where people made ordained marriages before god during the springtime and divorce before the leaves turn brown.

[PaulH85]

I think it entirely depends on what attracts you to people in the first place. For me, it's usually a vibe. Maybe if I see a girl who appears a little shy in a cute kind of way, that stands out to me. If there's a girl who seems really confident and outspoken, that also stands out to me. Those two characteristics are at opposite ends of the scale but both would appeal if I like the overall vibe the girl has about her. In that respect, acne wouldn't come into it one way or another. If anything, it might actually add to it in a positive way. I mean, if she's shy because of acne for example, I'd sympathise with that and probably want to talk to her. If she's outgoing despite acne, I'd find that admirable and probably want to talk to her, so the approach I would make would depend on how I perceived her to be Of course, I say "probably", but that's simply because of my own insecurities and would be no reflection on the girl at all.

I don't think acne comes into it for me as I've seen pictures of girls here with acne and I still might find them attractive and think that they're pretty. In that moment, whatever it is I find attractive stands out more than acne does, which just sort of seems to fade away.
But on the other side of that, if you're the person who is looking to make a move, you never know how the other people will respond to you; if they'll like what they see overall and if what they like will be enough for them to be able to see beyond acne. That's where I've always fallen down because I used the acne to justify not putting myself out there and always assume that I'd essentially be inflicting myself upon people because they would never have any reason to like me on physical level, with or without acne. I guess that thought process is due to lack of confidence. It's slightly based on experience and the nasty words of two girls I met once, but that was years ago and I really aught to have let it go. Instead, I held onto those experiences and decided it was safer not to put myself out there and risk being insulted or laughed at or whatever. Holding onto that has created a fear in me now. Perhaps a great discredit to many girls out there who, for all I know, might not be shallow or ignorant like that at all. It just seems like a big risk trying to find them. I guess that's what it comes down to though - taking a risk, being brave and hoping it pays off.

[Callum.]

I don't deal. I'm constantly on the lookout for scar treatments.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

Well, I just approach and the more I get rejected, the stronger it makes me. I think if a girl has a boyfriend or a guy has a girlfriend, she leaves or he leaves, it forces the person to become stronger but, they are left worst off temporarily then they would be if they had been single. Paul is a friend and we share stories or try to boost confidence. How I am on the forum is very different then how I am in real life. You would think I was tony montana and I just didn't give a fuck but, I really care way too much. I think the sooner I shed this exterior the more successful I will be in my life. I make a mountain out of a ant hill and I have been depressed before for quite some time on and off in my life. I am sure this doesn't help my skin or my life. I find the forum can be very destructive and negative so, I disappear quite a bit from this place. I do try to share as much positive vibes and insight as possible.

God forbid, someone ever be at their breaking point and a simple message gives them hope or something more to believe in. Paul, from your message, does this mean you are taking action and risks?

Coppedsynergy999, on 28 January 2012 - 11:08 PM, said:

Something that is overlooked by many of us is the fact that women are not as visually oriented as men. It has been scienifically proven. If a man tries to tell you otherwise, hes wrong. Though the course of evolution women have been conditioned to spend more attention on non-verbal ques, than physical appearance. While men, are more visually oriented. Im not saying that to women looks dont matter, what im saying is that they dont matter as much as men think they do. I find that women respond to confident body language such as, good posture, relaxed face and shoulders, non-jerky movements. Women basically have built in wussy detectors. Women are amazing, really. While we are talking to women and worried about our scars, its not really the scars that are a turn-off, its the fact that we are worrying. From a evolutionary standpoint, if women sense this worry theyd be thinking, maybe he cant provide or is hiding something from me that is bad. Let me explain this paradox for everyone.
1. Men have a TENDANCY to worry more then they need to becuase bieng the visually-oriented creatures we are, images are more intense for us.(hence male dominated porn usage)
2. Women have TENDANCY to worry more than they need to becuase they feel insecure that the visually-oriented male will find them unnatractive. What they usually fail to recognize is that the visually dominated male will also see your attractive features more intensely then you do. Womens insecurities are often futile. As well as mens.
Moral of the story---Realize that many of our worries are a direct result of cultural media portraying what is ideal. Do you think 1,000 years ago they went to get plastic surgeries?? Of course not. These things played themselves out normally. We live in a sick and dying culture. We have sacrificed our peace and sanity with uncontrolled vanity. We are subconsiously making things SOOO much harder than they have to be. People are making money off of our insecurities. I wish everyone would wake up!!

Yeah. I liked this post. I really really liked it. I saw a girl who is so beautiful and messaged in the forum about acne. I couldn't sit back and not message her. It is crazy how much people go through and how easy it is to get stuck in your own problems or limiting beliefs. I really believe what you said is true. I took action and I approached this girl. I thought she was so beautiful and I would be so mad at myself if I didn't do it. We really hit it off and it wouldn't be the first time and I am sure not the last time. I seen a video this year and it made me take action. I ended up going out on new years eve and I got rejected so much but, I also met a lot of people and a awesome girl at the end of the night. We went and got food, got her number, met her friends, and their numbers. We hung out but, nothing ended up happening later on. I have met some girls where the chemistry is undeniable and it is special. It is those moments I try to hold onto but, you can't force it to happen. It happens as it may but, if I don't take action, she must or nothing happens. I wont leave things to chance so, I take a risk and it is hard even as a guy.

I met a beautiful girl a year ago out with a friend and man, it was so awesome. Too bad she didn't live around here but, I left no excuses or reasons why I shouldn't. This isn't easy to do. It was more important to meet her, to risk failure or rejection, and I was rewarded with a awesome girl even if it was temporary. I wasn't at home so, it was impossible but, I met her parents, and they liked me. They thought I was funny. We had fun. What still amazes me was that, my skin was broken out but, it didn't stop things or ruin things. It was just meant to happen and partially, I think it was a reminder for me even when times get tough to know, its not forever, that things will get better, and as long as I take chances in life, things will workout. Not always but, they will workout and it just takes courage and balls to be that guy.

Edited by mrjarjarbinks77, 29 January 2012 - 07:27 PM.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

Callum., on 29 January 2012 - 12:54 PM, said:

I don't deal. I'm constantly on the lookout for scar treatments.

I met with a cosmetic doctor. They don't think its serious enough to do anything like surgery. They are also making a lot of money. The doctor had a burberry tie on that costed more then everything I was wearing or probably more then everything I own. It was two doctors, one guy who would do fillers and one girl who dealt with laser. She had awesome skin but, I imagine she had work done since, she looked too young to be a mom. Their skin was amazing as is my dermatologist. I am looking at fillers. I think laser is dangerous for my skin tone. They offered deals for multiple use but, I am considering fillers just not sure when and how serious the side effects are.

All I know is that, I am not sitting back, and letting life pass me by. I hate that forever aloner feeling at times when depressed or feeling negative. I am still meeting girls so I guess I am doing something right.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

Thanks man. I know this and I internalised this yet, I am still considering cosmetics laser maybe but, pretty sure of fillers. I'd be less self conscious. $700 per syringe its expensive but worth peace of mind. I fear a botched job or infection.

[AceEpidermis]

Like many other acne sufferers I haven't done much in the dating world. For a variety of reasons I haven't had much luck in the world of romance, I didn't have the typical teenage experience and acne has only compounded that. At 24 I've yet to even have my first kiss, let alone any sort of sexual encounter. Acne can be confidence shattering, as we all know.

However I am trying. At the moment I'm attempting to meet women via dating sites, and while I've interacted with more than a few it hasn't really gone anywhere. The reason being, I think, is that I self-sabotage. Even when riding a wave of confidence, eventually I get to a point where I think to myself "Oh no. If we go on a date I may be expected to kiss her, and if I go in for the kiss she'll notice how bad my skin really is..."

And don't even get me started on sex. The idea of taking of my shirt in front of a potential sexual partner is absolutely terrifying to me. It's kind of hard to enjoy the moment when you place your hand on your partners back and feel acne. Or even worse, puss/blood from a popped pimple.

Those are the things that run through my mind each and every attempt I make.

As an aside, there's an event that I will always remember as being critical to this mindset: I was 18 or 19, at a pool party hosted by a girl I trying to pursue romantically. I looked around at all the guys there, and not one of them had a single blemish on their back, chest, shoulders, or even their face. I'm aware that there are other acne sufferers, but at that moment I felt like a sideshow freak.

To make matters worse, because of my body image issues I was the only one wearing a shirt and the only one there who was extremely pale (since I don't tan often, as there is no point as I refuse to remove my shirt). They all kept telling me to take my shirt off, and I couldn't explain to them why I wasn't comfortable doing that.

In the end I wound up going home early, depressed and defeated, feeling as if I'd never have a shot with this girl with all these good looking, tan and clear-skinned guys around. That's really set the tone for my adult love life, I believe.

[PaulH85]

I can relate to that so much. It's a vicious cycle because we can't get over those barriers without having those initial experiences, but those experiences seem to be a barrier in themselves.

I've had a go at the online dating thing as well but it hasn't gone anywhere. It's probably not ideal because I can't really sell myself in terms of hobbies, interests, friendships, work, etc. as I don't have much going on at the moment. Not that I'm negative or anything, I essentially try and write as the person I'd like to be so I can get away with it in that respect, but I soon run out of things to say and can't really keep it flowing. Besides, I wouldn't know how to go about asking someone out or wanting to get to know them better without sounding creepy anyway so I've never tried, and it's logical that the other person would soon get bored of writing back and forth if it's not going to lead anywhere. I just end up thinking something along the lines of, 'I like this person and find her attractive, but why on earth would someone like that be interested in someone like me?'
I went through a similar thing last week after chatting with a girl on a forum run by a local bar. She said I should let her know if I was going to to show there on the Saturday and we could hang out. I built up to it all week, worked myself up into a panic, starting feeling stupid/inferior/ugly or whatever and then just stayed home at weekend feeling sorry for myself. It all just seems really difficult and scary and I can't seem to break out of that comfort zone. It's not even about acne anymore because I'm clear most of the time. It's all down to the damage acne did to my confidence and self esteem years ago.

Just like how you have that event from several years ago at the pool party, I've a couple of events going back about seven years which now have me fearing putting myself out there and into similar situations because I'm scared the same will happen again. That fear is pretty much crippling. I guess we need to learn that we're not who we were then and, theoretically, the people we might approach now are older as well now and if they're grown-up about stuff, they'd be less likely to make fun of us or something.

The concepts of dating and socialising seem kind of alien to me in the sense that I don't get what other people seem to get from it. I could be in a club or whatever and just not see the point of being there. It's like everyone's inside this circle having fun, doing what they do and doing what is apparently "normal", and I'm on the outside of it. Maybe it's the venues that don't work for me, but I don't know where else to go. That's another vicious cycle because wherever I go, I'd be going there on my own anyway as I don't have any friends to go with. Can't make friends without meeting people, but I don't want to go to unfamiliar places and try to meet people on my own like some sort of oddball. Makes me quite sad to be honest because there's probably a good person under all these insecurities and someone who would make a good friend or partner.

AceEpidermis, on 02 February 2012 - 08:03 AM, said:

Like many other acne sufferers I haven't done much in the dating world. For a variety of reasons I haven't had much luck in the world of romance, I didn't have the typical teenage experience and acne has only compounded that. At 24 I've yet to even have my first kiss, let alone any sort of sexual encounter. Acne can be confidence shattering, as we all know.

However I am trying. At the moment I'm attempting to meet women via dating sites, and while I've interacted with more than a few it hasn't really gone anywhere. The reason being, I think, is that I self-sabotage. Even when riding a wave of confidence, eventually I get to a point where I think to myself "Oh no. If we go on a date I may be expected to kiss her, and if I go in for the kiss she'll notice how bad my skin really is..."

And don't even get me started on sex. The idea of taking of my shirt in front of a potential sexual partner is absolutely terrifying to me. It's kind of hard to enjoy the moment when you place your hand on your partners back and feel acne. Or even worse, puss/blood from a popped pimple.

Those are the things that run through my mind each and every attempt I make.

As an aside, there's an event that I will always remember as being critical to this mindset: I was 18 or 19, at a pool party hosted by a girl I trying to pursue romantically. I looked around at all the guys there, and not one of them had a single blemish on their back, chest, shoulders, or even their face. I'm aware that there are other acne sufferers, but at that moment I felt like a sideshow freak.

To make matters worse, because of my body image issues I was the only one wearing a shirt and the only one there who was extremely pale (since I don't tan often, as there is no point as I refuse to remove my shirt). They all kept telling me to take my shirt off, and I couldn't explain to them why I wasn't comfortable doing that.

In the end I wound up going home early, depressed and defeated, feeling as if I'd never have a shot with this girl with all these good looking, tan and clear-skinned guys around. That's really set the tone for my adult love life, I believe.

[AceEpidermis]

Indeed Paul, indeed. That is the rub of these matters; the cyclical nature of confidence. The idea that you need confidence building experiences to, well, build confidence. Such experiences, such as a successful date, party, or even the very basic human function of sex, require confidence to reach. It can be crippling, absolutely so.

I too have wondered have wondered how someone who cites classical poetry, world traveling, and any other number of interesting hobbies could be interested in me. I wonder how people acquire this vast array of hobbies/interests and why I have few of my own. Are we missing something, we ask ourselves? A gene? A mindset? It becomes all too easy to focus in on the niggling details, the how's and why. Neurotic introspection is something of a crutch. Instead of doing things we spend untold hours examining why we do not.

Well, with that all in mind, I've actually had some degree of success with a very silly and basic philosophy in the past. Have you perchance seen the film Yes Man, with Jim Carey? The films quality and merit aside, the basic premise is sound: Say yes to opportunities you'd normally examine to death, and the experiences will build from there. Good or bad, you'll have a new character building anecdote. And after a certain amount of time you'll be saying yes because you want to, rather than because you have to.

I took to that on a lark, and for a period of, I'd say 3 months, my life vastly improved. Hopefully I don't sound like some sort of preachy guru, that's not my intention. I no longer follow the philosophy if only because it was somewhat tiring, but it opens the door to social possibility. That's what truly matters.

[PaulH85]

I've seen 'Yes Man'. I saw the film then I read the book by Danny Wallace which it's based on. I was kind of inspired by the lengths Danny went to in order to see his resolution through to the end. Even if it didn't always go his way or if he had to do things he didn't want, that "can do" approach and saying yes to things was admirable. Same for the character in the film when he just shuts himself away and says no to things - it takes effort to then go against that and push yourself. 

I did try something similar actually, after watching the film, by making a few decisions based on the outcome of a shake of a magic 8-ball. Similar kind of principle I suppose, taking away the option and to let another influence dictate things and then just go with the flow. 

I used to say no to everything, to the point where people eventually stopped asking, so now there's nobody around for me to say no to. I think that's what brings me down the most now - the fact I pushed people away and now nobody calls anymore. On reflection, most people I had around weren't good for me and I was a figure of fun and an easy target for them when my acne was very visible. I hung around because I felt like being with people who did that was better than being on my own. Guess I was wrong, and I think an apparent lack of confidence based on my body language and vibe I gave off will have led people I did like to eventually drift towards others who were more outgoing or confident or whatever. Now, its very much going to be about learning some social skills, reinventing and liking myself, finding a way to meet new people who would be good for me, working out how to become interested in things such as hobbies I could enjoy with others, and trying to create more opportunities that I can try and say yes to. 

[Lola Burns]

Paul - You are probably the kindest, most perceptive person on the internet. Any girl would be lucky to have you.

Ace - My boyfriend's answer to most "do you wanna?" questions is "why not!". He's realized that there is no good reason to not make an ass out of yourself. People either like you or they don't, and either way it doesn't matter. You get a fairly short amount of time on earth, so you have to prioritize. You can waste your time worrying, or you can do stuff you actually enjoy. It's hard to step outside of yourself, I know. But it's worth the effort.

[AceEpidermis]

PaulH85, on 02 February 2012 - 10:52 AM, said:

I've seen 'Yes Man'. I saw the film then I read the book by Danny Wallace which it's based on. I was kind of inspired by the lengths Danny went to in order to see his resolution through to the end. Even if it didn't always go his way or if he had to do things he didn't want, that "can do" approach and saying yes to things was admirable. Same for the character in the film when he just shuts himself away and says no to things - it takes effort to then go against that and push yourself.

I did try something similar actually, after watching the film, by making a few decisions based on the outcome of a shake of a magic 8-ball. Similar kind of principle I suppose, taking away the option and to let another influence dictate things and then just go with the flow.

I used to say no to everything, to the point where people eventually stopped asking, so now there's nobody around for me to say no to. I think that's what brings me down the most now - the fact I pushed people away and now nobody calls anymore. On reflection, most people I had around weren't good for me and I was a figure of fun and an easy target for them when my acne was very visible. I hung around because I felt like being with people who did that was better than being on my own. Guess I was wrong, and I think an apparent lack of confidence based on my body language and vibe I gave off will have led people I did like to eventually drift towards others who were more outgoing or confident or whatever. Now, its very much going to be about learning some social skills, reinventing and liking myself, finding a way to meet new people who would be good for me, working out how to become interested in things such as hobbies I could enjoy with others, and trying to create more opportunities that I can try and say yes to.

Paul, my good sir, we have far too much in common to be advising each other! Ha. Once again our stories run parallel. I too pushed my "friends" away. Some intentionally so because I didn't care for the negative influence they had in my life, others due to my lack of motivation. In fact I recently got back in contact with my oldest friend, after an unnecessary hiatus of eight months. I have some issues with our friendship, if it can even be called that anymore, but sometimes you have to extend the olive branch yourself.

All that we can really do is keep trying, keep pushing. I've been making a lot of smaller strides (hm, that's somewhat redundant ) of late. Joining this community was one such stride. Another was a concert I recently attended. I bought the ticket, I went by myself, waited in line, chatted with some fellow concert goers, and had a blast.

There were times where I looked around and wondered how someone such as I could be in a place like this with people who look like they have their lives together, but on the whole I was having too much fun to think about it. At one point I looked to my left and noticed a fellow with horrendous acne surrounded by 3 women. It was both inspiring and maddening. My issues paled in comparison to his, yet here he was living life to the fullest.

Every little bit counts. Hopefully you get another shot with your potential date, for as Lola stated, what is there to lose? I understand, of course. The idea of success can be just as frightening as failure. Still, you can do nothing and guarantee a safe, comfortable sense of failure... Or try your best, and potentially succeed. The worst case scenario is that you end up back where you were before you tried.

At least, that's how I'm trying to view things, ha.

Lola Burns, on 02 February 2012 - 10:53 AM, said:

Paul - You are probably the kindest, most perceptive person on the internet. Any girl would be lucky to have you.

Ace - My boyfriend's answer to most "do you wanna?" questions is "why not!". He's realized that there is no good reason to not make an ass out of yourself. People either like you or they don't, and either way it doesn't matter. You get a fairly short amount of time on earth, so you have to prioritize. You can waste your time worrying, or you can do stuff you actually enjoy. It's hard to step outside of yourself, I know. But it's worth the effort.

Sound advice, Lola, sound advice indeed. I shall attempt to take it myself. Luckily I have very little shame.

Edited by AceEpidermis, 02 February 2012 - 11:19 AM.

[BreannaBreanna]

I only "try" to let it bother me behind closed doors, at home. When I step foot outside my house, I try to ignore it, as hard as this is. I know I was beautiful before, and pimples are not going to bring me down. Because here is my thinking, have you ever noticed that if you had a problem(acne), a traumatizing event, anything, ect then you have compassion for anyone else who has been through the same thing. But, sometimes this judgment opens your eyes to ALL things, beyond what you yourself have experienced. I guess what Im trying to say is, if someone doesnt like me, then piss on you anyway lol! Basically, I try not to pass judgment on others, and if they want to pass judgment on me or my skin, then I dont need you anyway. I go out there confident as ever, as we all should. There is much more to us.

[PaulH85]

Lola Burns, on 02 February 2012 - 10:53 AM, said:

Paul - You are probably the kindest, most perceptive person on the internet. Any girl would be lucky to have you.

The internet is pretty big so I'm not too sure about that. But all the same, thank you very much!


That's a great approach you've got there, Breanna. Good for you! I must admit, it wasn't until I started talking to people here that I realised my experiences with acne also gave me experiences that I could share in order to help others. It really brought out that understanding and compassion which might not have formed in me otherwise. It's essentially just a huge amount of kindness and that's never a bad thing. I suppose the trick is being brave enough to share it with people in person because there's always a risk that we might pick people who don't respond with kindness or aren't particularly worthy of what we offer.
Between a combination of picking the wrong people, getting negative responses as a result, being the kind of person who takes those responses personally and to heart and struggles to let them go, it often seems safer not to try. As a result, I've never really learned how to approach people or what to do that might make me appeal because the fear gets in the way. I guess it really does come down to training the mind to think about it in the way that you described, to not be so sensitive about it and to let any negative experiences or comments bounce off.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

The world and this forum needs people awesome like Paul. I hope he shares this positivity and good insight in his own life. I am sure this will be only a matter of time this man has a love interest in his life.

I agree with Breanna. If we are critical of ourselves, its very easy to be that way with other people or very judgmental. People are people, we have flaws, and no matter what, nobody is perfect. Then, even the things we have that are imperfect about our self, people somewhere, someone loves, and cares about you which seems so crazy. It is what makes you you and keeps you unique. I think it was Milton that said something about "it is the mind that can make hell heaven or heaven hell." We need to interact with people, we need to get out, to have a life, and to date. We shouldn't limit ourselves now or ever.

One day, we will wake up, and our life will have passed us by. All the regret in the world wont make a difference or change the life we lived. We still have a choice and like Breanna said, the moment I step out, I try to be positive as I can be, to be out going, and fun as I can. Ace, give it a chance, go out, approach a beautiful girl, take up new hobbies, find things you are inspired by or things to do. Don't let anything ever break you.