17 replies to this topic

[beautifuldoll]

I've never really been out with friends socially. I once went to Nandos with someone but that was it. When my family suggests going to go out, restaurants and stuff, I hardly go.

I'm thinking of going for it and asking someone if they want to go to a pub?

I have acne on my back and chest aswell, would wearing a shirt dress with turtle neck be ok for a pub? or is it too warm in there?

I am socially awkward aswell, of course, so are the seats placed so that you have to face each other? Or do most pubs have those round couches where you can sit next to each other rather than face to face?

Also how do I drink without getting drunk? suggest some drinks.

Thank you.

[omarcomin]

It's only a pub, you can wear whatever you please. If you want to drink without getting drunk then have a soft drink or juice or non alcoholic beer, You don't have to get drunk just because your drinking alcohol, just keep a check on you're intake. I know it's hard but your over thinking it, everybody has their first time in a pub or club, just relax and enjoy yourself.

[Lt Aldo raine]

jeez just relax. Dont make a science out of a social event.

[PaulH85]

Lt Aldo raine, on 26 January 2012 - 05:58 PM, said:

jeez just relax. Dont make a science out of a social event.

Fair play, if it's not something beautifuldoll has done before then it's not necessarily as simple as, "just relax". In fact, I think it's brave to state that it's something she hasn't done before and that it's unfamiliar because I bet a lot of people take their ability to socialise in those situations for granted.

As for your questions, beautifuldoll...

When you mentioned you were thinking of asking someone to the pub, you phrased it as a question. In that case, yes, I'll join you. Mine's a pint!
Whoever you're intending on asking, there's no real reason why they'd refuse, no matter what the context. Whether it's a friend or a dating situation or whatever, it's a pretty regular and casual thing for many people to do so there's no reason why that particular someone wouldn't be happy to go along with you. So if you were worried at all that they might say no, don't be.

Wear whatever you're most comfortable in, although be mindful that it can get warm if there are lots of people around so it's best to be comfortable in that regard too and not wear too many layers. I can also understand why you might put a bit of thought into it if you feel a need to cover your acne. In both senses, what you suggested sounds fine to me.

As for the seating, most pubs have a mix of tables with chairs and also sofas so you'd be free to scope it out and again, do what feels comfortable. Kind of funny actually, I always find the sofas in pubs ridiculously comfortable so I'm more likely to want to take a nap than I am have a chat. Depends on the situation but either way, you'd want to be able to look at the person and make eye contact. If you want to kind of do that in stages without getting so close, a table is ideal for that because it puts space between you without it being awkward or anything.

Totally up to you what you drink, of course. Pace yourself, alternate between alcohol and soft drinks, only drink soft drinks, whatever. One thing I would suggest though is not to rely on alcohol as being the thing which lets you relax because, in my experience at least, it's only a temporary solution. If anything, you might want to keep a clear head so that you can relax into the situation as it progresses and indeed learn from the social experience as you go. Go ahead, have fun!

[DesiAngel]

Well at least you have friends...

[beautifuldoll]

DesiAngel, on 27 January 2012 - 12:28 AM, said:

Well at least you have friends...

not really.

PaulH85, on 26 January 2012 - 07:12 PM, said:

Lt Aldo raine, on 26 January 2012 - 05:58 PM, said:

jeez just relax. Dont make a science out of a social event.

Fair play, if it's not something beautifuldoll has done before then it's not necessarily as simple as, "just relax". In fact, I think it's brave to state that it's something she hasn't done before and that it's unfamiliar because I bet a lot of people take their ability to socialise in those situations for granted.

As for your questions, beautifuldoll...

When you mentioned you were thinking of asking someone to the pub, you phrased it as a question. In that case, yes, I'll join you. Mine's a pint!
Whoever you're intending on asking, there's no real reason why they'd refuse, no matter what the context. Whether it's a friend or a dating situation or whatever, it's a pretty regular and casual thing for many people to do so there's no reason why that particular someone wouldn't be happy to go along with you. So if you were worried at all that they might say no, don't be.

Wear whatever you're most comfortable in, although be mindful that it can get warm if there are lots of people around so it's best to be comfortable in that regard too and not wear too many layers. I can also understand why you might put a bit of thought into it if you feel a need to cover your acne. In both senses, what you suggested sounds fine to me.

As for the seating, most pubs have a mix of tables with chairs and also sofas so you'd be free to scope it out and again, do what feels comfortable. Kind of funny actually, I always find the sofas in pubs ridiculously comfortable so I'm more likely to want to take a nap than I am have a chat. Depends on the situation but either way, you'd want to be able to look at the person and make eye contact. If you want to kind of do that in stages without getting so close, a table is ideal for that because it puts space between you without it being awkward or anything.

Totally up to you what you drink, of course. Pace yourself, alternate between alcohol and soft drinks, only drink soft drinks, whatever. One thing I would suggest though is not to rely on alcohol as being the thing which lets you relax because, in my experience at least, it's only a temporary solution. If anything, you might want to keep a clear head so that you can relax into the situation as it progresses and indeed learn from the social experience as you go. Go ahead, have fun!

Thanks for the reply, Paul.

Yeah I was kind of counting on the alcohol to make me relax, lol, but maybe you're right. lol

Lt Aldo raine, on 26 January 2012 - 05:58 PM, said:

jeez just relax. Dont make a science out of a social event.

Lt Aldo raine, on 26 January 2012 - 05:58 PM, said:

jeez just relax. Dont make a science out of a social event.

ouch

omarcomin, on 26 January 2012 - 05:57 PM, said:

It's only a pub, you can wear whatever you please. If you want to drink without getting drunk then have a soft drink or juice or non alcoholic beer, You don't have to get drunk just because your drinking alcohol, just keep a check on you're intake. I know it's hard but your over thinking it, everybody has their first time in a pub or club, just relax and enjoy yourself.

thank you

[Empty Inside]

last time i went out to a social event they took me out back and mugged and robbed me because of my acne so just try to be carefull

[DesiAngel]

beautifuldoll, on 27 January 2012 - 11:33 PM, said:

DesiAngel, on 27 January 2012 - 12:28 AM, said:

Well at least you have friends...

not really.

Oh, Don't worry, neither do I.

[PaulH85]

Empty Inside, on 28 January 2012 - 01:51 PM, said:

last time i went out to a social event they took me out back and mugged and robbed me because of my acne so just try to be carefull

Wow! Sorry to hear you experienced that. Even as someone who experienced physical and verbal bullying is school because of my acne at the time, I still wouldn't think that there would be the potential for that to happen now and that I might be targeted because of my complexion. Quite right to tell the cautionary tale, of course, but I think it's also important not to be beaten by such events and let them win, nor should others give too much consideration to such scenarios when thinking about putting themselves out there as I'd suggest that such instances are pretty rare.

[Vanbelle]

beautifuldoll, on 26 January 2012 - 02:10 PM, said:

I've never really been out with friends socially. I once went to Nandos with someone but that was it. When my family suggests going to go out, restaurants and stuff, I hardly go.

I'm thinking of going for it and asking someone if they want to go to a pub?

I have acne on my back and chest aswell, would wearing a shirt dress with turtle neck be ok for a pub? or is it too warm in there?

I am socially awkward aswell, of course, so are the seats placed so that you have to face each other? Or do most pubs have those round couches where you can sit next to each other rather than face to face?

Also how do I drink without getting drunk? suggest some drinks.

Thank you.

Oh my gosh you are adorable. I'm kind of the same, except I'm not of age to go to most clubs and bars. When the time comes, I'm afraid to be equally lost. I wonder if there is some reference literature I can use to prepare myself...but then I realize this would be too ironic for the purpose of going (experiencing over just reading/talking about it).

Good luck. I'd go with you if I was in the UK

[mrjarjarbinks77]

beautifuldoll, on 26 January 2012 - 02:10 PM, said:

I've never really been out with friends socially. I once went to Nandos with someone but that was it. When my family suggests going to go out, restaurants and stuff, I hardly go.

I'm thinking of going for it and asking someone if they want to go to a pub?

I have acne on my back and chest aswell, would wearing a shirt dress with turtle neck be ok for a pub? or is it too warm in there?

I am socially awkward aswell, of course, so are the seats placed so that you have to face each other? Or do most pubs have those round couches where you can sit next to each other rather than face to face?

Also how do I drink without getting drunk? suggest some drinks.

Thank you.

You are probably really pretty and you just don't know it. Your way too hard on yourself. Katy Parry and Megan Foxx all have acne and scard from it. They get air brushed photos and pretend to look perfect. It is not real. You just have to have faith in yourself, love yourself, and take a chance.

I was out with friends and I saw this beautiful girl. I wouldn't forgive myself If I didn't go meet her. We really hit it off. Of course, I was out of state, and not at home but, she was special and if I let my skin prevent me from going, I would have missed out. You just got to take chances and guys can't approach you if you hide away can they?

[beautifuldoll]

Vanbelle, on 28 January 2012 - 07:34 PM, said:

beautifuldoll, on 26 January 2012 - 02:10 PM, said:

I've never really been out with friends socially. I once went to Nandos with someone but that was it. When my family suggests going to go out, restaurants and stuff, I hardly go.

I'm thinking of going for it and asking someone if they want to go to a pub?

I have acne on my back and chest aswell, would wearing a shirt dress with turtle neck be ok for a pub? or is it too warm in there?

I am socially awkward aswell, of course, so are the seats placed so that you have to face each other? Or do most pubs have those round couches where you can sit next to each other rather than face to face?

Also how do I drink without getting drunk? suggest some drinks.

Thank you.

Oh my gosh you are adorable. I'm kind of the same, except I'm not of age to go to most clubs and bars. When the time comes, I'm afraid to be equally lost. I wonder if there is some reference literature I can use to prepare myself...but then I realize this would be too ironic for the purpose of going (experiencing over just reading/talking about it).

Good luck. I'd go with you if I was in the UK

lol thanks. I'm guessing you're younger? You might not be as equally lost. When I was younger I didn't have a place like acne.org where i could read about people experiencing the same stuff, in different age groups. And this place can help emotionally so you might not turn as lost as me lol.

mrjarjarbinks77, on 28 January 2012 - 10:31 PM, said:

beautifuldoll, on 26 January 2012 - 02:10 PM, said:

I've never really been out with friends socially. I once went to Nandos with someone but that was it. When my family suggests going to go out, restaurants and stuff, I hardly go.

I'm thinking of going for it and asking someone if they want to go to a pub?

I have acne on my back and chest aswell, would wearing a shirt dress with turtle neck be ok for a pub? or is it too warm in there?

I am socially awkward aswell, of course, so are the seats placed so that you have to face each other? Or do most pubs have those round couches where you can sit next to each other rather than face to face?

Also how do I drink without getting drunk? suggest some drinks.

Thank you.

You are probably really pretty and you just don't know it. Your way too hard on yourself. Katy Parry and Megan Foxx all have acne and scard from it. They get air brushed photos and pretend to look perfect. It is not real. You just have to have faith in yourself, love yourself, and take a chance.

I was out with friends and I saw this beautiful girl. I wouldn't forgive myself If I didn't go meet her. We really hit it off. Of course, I was out of state, and not at home but, she was special and if I let my skin prevent me from going, I would have missed out. You just got to take chances and guys can't approach you if you hide away can they?

thanks but I don't think i'm pretty at all. Megan fox and perry may have barely there acne but at least they have great bodies and body skin to make up for it.


But yeah, I chickened out. Ima big chicken. I saw myself in natural light and I just couldn't do it to myself. I just couldn't. I'll try again another time. :/

[PaulH85]

So you bailed on the pub thing then? Never mind, at least you considered it. Perhaps not much consolation, but I suppose it's better to try and think about how best to approach a situation so that you can make the most of it. Maybe next time you'll feel able to go. Here's hoping. Certainly, if it's friends that you were intending on meeting up with then I'm sure they already like you for who you are and that whatever your skin looks like doesn't come into it one way or the other

I swear that our minds play tricks on us in those moments when we're building up to something. It's like the insecurities amplify what we see because things are never as bad as we make them out to be, I'm sure of it.

I did the same thing this week. I'd made casual arrangements to meet up with a girl last night, kind of a, "I'll let you know if I go to the same place as you on Saturday and we could meet up" situation, so it wasn't set in stone, but still an opportunity. I got myself worked up about it earlier in the week and by Friday morning I'd picked at my face and made a big deal out of a few small spots and got to the point where I was thinking, 'There's just no way I can find the nerve to go and meet up with that girl tomorrow'. In less than 48 hours, I'd dragged myself way back down to where I used to be - evidently, I perhaps haven't come as far as I thought I had - and I've spent the last couple of days just sat at home instead. I wouldn't mind but my skin's not even that bad and anyone who might decided that they wouldn't want to know me because of the odd spot wouldn't be worth knowing anyway, but still, I couldn't bring myself to step out of that comfort zone all by myself.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

I seen some girl on the forums, she has her pic in her avi, she is early 20s, and so beautiful. We both have been through a lot and its nice to make friends with someone who isn't so negative. Its stupid too how there is this thought or notion that females are weak cause, she is brave, and been through a lot. I have too and I can say, it is hard to be a man. In this day and age, we are still the ones expected to approach and it is not always easy. Then again, when you lose family or you write a eulogy and speak on their behalf, approaching isn't very scary any more.

It is your life but, if you don't live it, the world misses out on you. The girl I said that is beautiful had a beautiful personality too. This amounts to a lot. For some people, it isn't enough, and never enough for them. When I lost family, no girls were there, and part of me thinks a relationship would make a difference. The truth is that, I would be worse off if it ended so, I need to strengthen myself as I am. I can't roll over and die or just give up on life. I don't think you should either.

You wont meet someone if you hide away from there world. You will get rejected, you may have a bf, and he could leave you. Life will go on. The same is with death. Eventually, you will be forced to move on, and you can accept limiting beliefs or take a risk. It is your call but, I think it would show a lot of courage to take a risk and show the world, you wont let this keep you down.

[rbamf]

beautifuldoll, on 29 January 2012 - 10:54 AM, said:

Vanbelle, on 28 January 2012 - 07:34 PM, said:

beautifuldoll, on 26 January 2012 - 02:10 PM, said:

I've never really been out with friends socially. I once went to Nandos with someone but that was it. When my family suggests going to go out, restaurants and stuff, I hardly go.

I'm thinking of going for it and asking someone if they want to go to a pub?

I have acne on my back and chest aswell, would wearing a shirt dress with turtle neck be ok for a pub? or is it too warm in there?

I am socially awkward aswell, of course, so are the seats placed so that you have to face each other? Or do most pubs have those round couches where you can sit next to each other rather than face to face?

Also how do I drink without getting drunk? suggest some drinks.

Thank you.

Oh my gosh you are adorable. I'm kind of the same, except I'm not of age to go to most clubs and bars. When the time comes, I'm afraid to be equally lost. I wonder if there is some reference literature I can use to prepare myself...but then I realize this would be too ironic for the purpose of going (experiencing over just reading/talking about it).

Good luck. I'd go with you if I was in the UK

lol thanks. I'm guessing you're younger? You might not be as equally lost. When I was younger I didn't have a place like acne.org where i could read about people experiencing the same stuff, in different age groups. And this place can help emotionally so you might not turn as lost as me lol.

mrjarjarbinks77, on 28 January 2012 - 10:31 PM, said:

beautifuldoll, on 26 January 2012 - 02:10 PM, said:

I've never really been out with friends socially. I once went to Nandos with someone but that was it. When my family suggests going to go out, restaurants and stuff, I hardly go.

I'm thinking of going for it and asking someone if they want to go to a pub?

I have acne on my back and chest aswell, would wearing a shirt dress with turtle neck be ok for a pub? or is it too warm in there?

I am socially awkward aswell, of course, so are the seats placed so that you have to face each other? Or do most pubs have those round couches where you can sit next to each other rather than face to face?

Also how do I drink without getting drunk? suggest some drinks.

Thank you.

You are probably really pretty and you just don't know it. Your way too hard on yourself. Katy Parry and Megan Foxx all have acne and scard from it. They get air brushed photos and pretend to look perfect. It is not real. You just have to have faith in yourself, love yourself, and take a chance.

I was out with friends and I saw this beautiful girl. I wouldn't forgive myself If I didn't go meet her. We really hit it off. Of course, I was out of state, and not at home but, she was special and if I let my skin prevent me from going, I would have missed out. You just got to take chances and guys can't approach you if you hide away can they?

thanks but I don't think i'm pretty at all. Megan fox and perry may have barely there acne but at least they have great bodies and body skin to make up for it.


But yeah, I chickened out. Ima big chicken. I saw myself in natural light and I just couldn't do it to myself. I just couldn't. I'll try again another time. :/

The good part about the club (or pub) is that the lighting is dark. Your skin isn't nearly as noticeable.

I'd encourage you to give it a shot. You might just have a little fun ;]

You only live once after all!

[KHowz]

i agree most bars are dark so your skin wont look bad at all. once you have a few drinks you will be loosened up and wont care about what your skin looks like thats for sure.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

Karen Howz, on 02 February 2012 - 03:40 PM, said:

i agree most bars are dark so your skin wont look bad at all. once you have a few drinks you will be loosened up and wont care about what your skin looks like thats for sure.

Even then, guys are conscious about their own short comings and insecurities though, we do our best to hide it, and pretend not to have any lol In truth, we do and likely, we are measuring you up to our view of what is attractive. We can't approach or take a chance on blind faith if you hide away from us or don't even come out.

[omarcomin]

You will probably be suprised at the variety of people you see out. You may be the only person out with acne (i usually was) but you certainly won't be the only person out with imperfections. When i went out clubbing i used to see disabled people, severley overweight people (20 stone plus+) and women who had been through chemotherapy and as a result had lost all their hair. You won't be the only person who's feeling self conscious. Do yourself a favor and grab this oppurtunity with both hands while you can.