11 replies to this topic

[Distressed17]

I used to have okay skin, almost flawless, which then became progressively worse when I was 14-17. Pimples, pigmentation, flaky skin, red marks, all of that on my face all at once. It was extremely emotionally distressing. I've spent a lot of money on treatments like lasers and facials and I've even seen a dermatologist. My skin has gotten a lot of better. I still have a somewhat uneven skin tone and a couple of shallow rolling scars but my skin is nothing like it was before. The trouble is I feel like I'm cheating my way through it all. I feel like I'm cheating people because I wasn't exactly meant to have good skin. I try so hard to get flawless skin but it's just not possible for me.. I feel like I don't deserve to be confident because I used to be an ugly monster with terrible skin. This is not my real face. This is just me after countless treatments and over-the-counter products. It's not me.

Is it normal to feel this way? I still feel like the ugly girl.

[dreamingofclearskin2011]

um normal? no. trust me you deserve to have flawless pretty skin. EVERYONE deserves flawless skin. no one deserves to be depressed everyday thinking about their skin. thinking of EVERY single thing they do in life and thinking it will contribute to thier acne. trust me. if you find something that helps your skin then more power to you! do whatever it takes to achieve good skin. theres no such thing as cheating. we are all in this together to battle acne and get it over with. you will one day have flawless skin again/exactly how its supposed to be.

"because I wasn't exactly meant to have good skin" in a few months if your skin is perfect and never has acne again then i would say you were most certainly "meant to have good skin" if God didnt want you to have good skin he wouldnt let anything youve done help your skin at all. trust me its all already planned out how your skin is going to be. think of it like that.

[crystal_willow]

Hey, I'd say that yes these feelings are not uncommon. I have often felt the same way... Like I'm not really clear and I am "cheating" so you are certainly not alone in these thoughts. I remember feeling like acne was some sort of punishment and I analysed everything i did with acne in mind.... It's not a nice way to live. You certainly do deserve to be happy and everyone deserves to be able to feel healthy. It is possible that having acne may have affected your emotional well being and you may want to look into ways of improving your emotional health. This could include getting treatment like medication or talking therapy or indulging in some hobby or interest which helps you to improve yor self esteem. Having acne can leave you feeling that you can't trust your body and it can take time for you to develop that trust in yourself again. But you DO deserve to be happy. X x

Edited by crystal_willow, 25 January 2012 - 12:41 PM.

[PaulH85]

The feelings that acne can trigger and the battles it can cause in terms of dealing with damages self confidence and so on don't automatically go away when the acne does, so yes, I'd say how you're feeling is pretty normal. I fell into a trap of thinking that everything would be fixed once my skin was and that wasn't the case, so I actually feel quite like you at the moment.

Personally, I was quite surprised at how unfamiliar it was to have clear skin and how it's still taking some getting used to. I've got a few pimples right right now - two tiny ones and a small red mark left over from one - which of course is nothing in the grand scheme of things and certainly not acne or a problem to a degree that I need to worry about. Aside from those, I'm clear. It's nice, but strange at the same time.

I suppose it just takes time to start to feel comfortable, find your new self and get to know them. Don't be scared to do so, embrace it. After all, you've every right to have clear skin and be happy with how you look, just as you've every right to be happy.

[Distressed17]

Thank you everyone for your kind words, but I feel like this is a never-ending battle. That I'll never have flawless skin because my skin is so destroyed as it is. I still have an uneven skin tone from LAST YEAR! Plus little patches of hyperpigmentation that have been on my face for three years. It's hopeless. I think I've done irreversible damage..These patches of discolored skin are also depressed and they're rolling scars.. which is strange considering that those patches weren't cause by pimples in the first place (they were caused by dry spots that turned inflamed and became scabs), and leads me to think that the damage is deeper than I think.

When I look in the mirror, I'm unhappy with my skin. Unhappy with my face and features in general. Sometimes it's almost like I have to CONVINCE myself that I'm pretty.. like I have to send myself on some little psychological trip. But when I catch myself in the mirror casually, I don't think I'm pretty. I look ugly. When I come closer I look even uglier with all these blemishes and the discolored skin on my face. I'm not sure if looking ugly has anything to do with my skin or if my face is ACTUALLY ugly. No one really tells meI'm pretty anyway unless I ask.

Edited by Distressed17, 28 January 2012 - 02:37 AM.

[crystal_willow]

I'd say that how you feel about your looks isn't something that can be turned around easily... especially while you are still battling with the acne. Once you find the way to clearing your skin (are you working with a derm/a regimen currently? how long into this treatment are you?) then you can begin to investigate the options for minimising scars and reducing hyperpigmentation... there are forums on here for that when you are ready for it.

Believe me I have written several rants on here from when my skin was still actively covered in acne so I know how powerless and isolated you can feel. I remember ranting because it was summer and i passed loads of teenagers who all had perfect skin and I was 26 and felt diseased.... bad times...

People tell us looks aren't important but we all know that attractiveness is a huge issue in our society and to pretend otherwize is misleading and disappointing.
So don't lie to yourself.... acceptance of how things are is part of the emotional healing process....

however, I am sure you know that it is very likely that your perception of how you are percieved by others is exaggerated in your mind.
I know I felt aweful and my friends honestly hardly noticed because they liked me for who I was.

I think that, because our skin is such a "front line" to the world it is easy for us to become stuck and obsessed with it when we have acne.
It is important that you develop your identity outside of your appearance... separate to it.

One way that acne sufferers are lucky is that we are all aware of how imperminent "looks" are.... how it is not something to be taken for granted and also not something to overly invest in. This is something other people struggle with if they have had no skin issues.... they age and see themselves losing their identity...
People like this can end up like elizabeth taylor etc.... so invested in their looks that they focus most of their energy on it as they age...

If we are smart we will invest and develop other areas of our identity aside from our looks.

Perhaps you are creative in some way and you are spenting time focused on your skin that you could spend on developing your creative abilities
Maybe you have a craft you could develop..... painting, building things, mechanics... who knows
Perhaps you are a natural at climbing... sailing.... at helping others.....

Investing time in becoming healthy is important... but once you have started a regimen you need to give yourself permission to think about something else... to develop yourself outside of this obsession (as justified as the obsession is... you are worth more than spending your time hiding and obsessing over one aspect of your life).

I know its hard and I know that developing yourself won't make you not care about your skin BUT you can learn to care about other things aswell and as your investment in other things grows and as you develop your identity to more strongly include other aspects of you... the low times won't feel so desperate....... .and there will be good times..... times you can only have if you give yourself a chance

xx

xx

Edited by crystal_willow, 28 January 2012 - 06:17 AM.

[PaulH85]

Distressed17, on 28 January 2012 - 02:36 AM, said:

When I look in the mirror, I'm unhappy with my skin. Unhappy with my face and features in general. Sometimes it's almost like I have to CONVINCE myself that I'm pretty.. like I have to send myself on some little psychological trip. But when I catch myself in the mirror casually, I don't think I'm pretty. I look ugly. When I come closer I look even uglier with all these blemishes and the discolored skin on my face. I'm not sure if looking ugly has anything to do with my skin or if my face is ACTUALLY ugly. No one really tells meI'm pretty anyway unless I ask.

In a sense, you do have to convince yourself. That is to say that it's entirely up to you how you perceive yourself. So if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, but you're doing as much as you can at this point to fix any ongoing issues you may have with your complexion, then it's time to start accepting those things and building your confidence from there.

For anyone with low confidence or poor self-esteem, it's all to easy to just to a negative conclusion. I can certainly say that I find it so much easier to pick out multiple flaws about myself on a physical level and to put myself down as a person than I do to admire what I see or give myself a pat on the back for the good aspects of my character. I don't know why I do that because it's not as if I actually enjoy or want to be unhappy, nor do I enjoy disliking myself, but it just seems easier.

I could go on but I'd only be repeating a lot of what crystal_willow posted. That's a brilliant post, there's a lot of sound advice there. Kind of ironic that it's the advice I'd give even though I struggle to do those things myself, but that's another subject entirely... All I would say there is that if you put your focus into being the best person you can be for others, that's what they see. Friendliness, kindness and confidence are among the things people notice most and they certainly cancel out any perceived imperfections on a physical level. I'm certain of that. What it then comes down to is being brave enough to put yourself out there and express those traits and indeed convincing yourself that you are worthy of being recognised for those traits.

[Distressed17]

Thank you for your responses. I'm not on an actual regimen because I don't have active acne right now, just a ton of uneven skin patches. Currently I'm looking into the dermaroller for my rolling scars (they're shallow) and laser. I've only done the laser two times.

http://a2.sphotos.ak...264105137_n.jpg

This isn't a very good picture but you can see, the sides of my cheeks are darker than the rest of my face, and also my forehead. It's not the lighting. Even in bright light it looks like my cheeks are are 'darkened'. I don't know what to do about this because I've tried lemons, lightening creams etc. and they're still fading extremely slowly. Why is this?

[mrjarjarbinks77]

Distressed17, on 25 January 2012 - 10:16 AM, said:

I used to have okay skin, almost flawless, which then became progressively worse when I was 14-17. Pimples, pigmentation, flaky skin, red marks, all of that on my face all at once. It was extremely emotionally distressing. I've spent a lot of money on treatments like lasers and facials and I've even seen a dermatologist. My skin has gotten a lot of better. I still have a somewhat uneven skin tone and a couple of shallow rolling scars but my skin is nothing like it was before. The trouble is I feel like I'm cheating my way through it all. I feel like I'm cheating people because I wasn't exactly meant to have good skin. I try so hard to get flawless skin but it's just not possible for me.. I feel like I don't deserve to be confident because I used to be an ugly monster with terrible skin. This is not my real face. This is just me after countless treatments and over-the-counter products. It's not me.

Is it normal to feel this way? I still feel like the ugly girl.

I know the feeling. I had some awfully negative thoughts, depression, and its hard to get up. I lost my sister and dad in a accident and my life has been a nightmare. I was depressed before this but, its too much. You just got to learn to love yourself and see your own self worth as gay as it sounds.

I saw a really cute girl on the forum post how insecure she gets with her acne. She is so cute so, I responded and I even sent her a message. It is still expected that as a guy, we approach girls, and it is fucking hard. We have insecurities and self esteem issues too. It is hard but, loving myself more and being confident helps. I met a girl a little while ago but, if I knew how bad my skin was, I never would have taken action. I still battle depression and fight this crap but, I wont be here forever. Neither will any of us so, we need to live each day as if it were our last, love those who we have in our life, and not take anyone for granted.

PaulH85, on 28 January 2012 - 09:31 AM, said:

Distressed17, on 28 January 2012 - 02:36 AM, said:

When I look in the mirror, I'm unhappy with my skin. Unhappy with my face and features in general. Sometimes it's almost like I have to CONVINCE myself that I'm pretty.. like I have to send myself on some little psychological trip. But when I catch myself in the mirror casually, I don't think I'm pretty. I look ugly. When I come closer I look even uglier with all these blemishes and the discolored skin on my face. I'm not sure if looking ugly has anything to do with my skin or if my face is ACTUALLY ugly. No one really tells meI'm pretty anyway unless I ask.

In a sense, you do have to convince yourself. That is to say that it's entirely up to you how you perceive yourself. So if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, but you're doing as much as you can at this point to fix any ongoing issues you may have with your complexion, then it's time to start accepting those things and building your confidence from there.

For anyone with low confidence or poor self-esteem, it's all to easy to just to a negative conclusion. I can certainly say that I find it so much easier to pick out multiple flaws about myself on a physical level and to put myself down as a person than I do to admire what I see or give myself a pat on the back for the good aspects of my character. I don't know why I do that because it's not as if I actually enjoy or want to be unhappy, nor do I enjoy disliking myself, but it just seems easier.

I could go on but I'd only be repeating a lot of what crystal_willow posted. That's a brilliant post, there's a lot of sound advice there. Kind of ironic that it's the advice I'd give even though I struggle to do those things myself, but that's another subject entirely... All I would say there is that if you put your focus into being the best person you can be for others, that's what they see. Friendliness, kindness and confidence are among the things people notice most and they certainly cancel out any perceived imperfections on a physical level. I'm certain of that. What it then comes down to is being brave enough to put yourself out there and express those traits and indeed convincing yourself that you are worthy of being recognised for those traits.

You and BX are my favorite posters on here. Always so positive and helpful. Its good that you are so supportive since, there is so much negativity, and you never know how bad people are or how far gone they are if depressed. You make a difference man.

Edited by mrjarjarbinks77, 28 January 2012 - 10:17 PM.

[crystal_willow]

Distressed17, on 28 January 2012 - 07:00 PM, said:

Thank you for your responses. I'm not on an actual regimen because I don't have active acne right now, just a ton of uneven skin patches. Currently I'm looking into the dermaroller for my rolling scars (they're shallow) and laser. I've only done the laser two times.

http://a2.sphotos.ak...264105137_n.jpg

This isn't a very good picture but you can see, the sides of my cheeks are darker than the rest of my face, and also my forehead. It's not the lighting. Even in bright light it looks like my cheeks are are 'darkened'. I don't know what to do about this because I've tried lemons, lightening creams etc. and they're still fading extremely slowly. Why is this?

Firstly I will say that (and I am sure you get this all the time) but you are genuinely stunning.. even if you don't see it so I wanted to be honest and get that out before saying any more.

The colour of human skin is caused by an organic compound refered to as melanin and this compound is very well wedged into your skin tissues so it is going to take time for it to fade;

through your skins cells replenishing naturally and

through these lighteneing and scar removal treatments

...as it will take time for chemicals and lasers to get through to the melanin and for them to break it down bit by bit... and for your natural skin cells to replenish with fresh, unaffeted cells.

I just read that "Many dermatologists find sun exposure increases fading time. If you have hyperpigmentation spots, daily application of a noncomedogenic sunscreen with SPF of at least 15 may be helpful" (http://acne.about.co...skinofcolor.htm) so if you are not already doing that it would help but this is an issue of letting time do its healing. You have clearly done a good job of clearing the main acne...

I am going to say that I think that the emotional issues here are much more significant than the physical issues left over.

Perhaps a CBT talking therapy may be useful to you, I know alot of people on here have tried it and found it useful for the emotional effects of acne.

If you can't get CBT there are computerised and self help versions of it but it is best to see a trained professional usually.

xx

Edited by crystal_willow, 29 January 2012 - 06:08 AM.

[mrjarjarbinks77]

I suggest checking out the laster ipl support forums and read through those or look at videos before doing anything drastic. A small scar will look like chicken pox scar after time passes. Shiity? Sure but, putting a laser on your face will damage it permanently and if you don't think so, look at what you risk, at pics of botched laser jobs, and the after math. Weigh out that and come to grips with life. Yeah, it sucks. Fillers maybe an alternative but, again, you must weigh the pros and cons.

[AceEpidermis]

A friend of mine had a saying that I've really come to appreciate over the years: "All pain is local". In essence what that means is that there are no small problems. Whether you have a terminal illness, skin problems, or your first boyfriend/girlfriend just broke up with you, to you, at that moment in time, it is the most important problem in the world. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. There will always be someone in the world who is worse off than you, but that shouldn't diminish those emotional wounds. For without wounds, there is no healing.

Never punish yourself for feeling.