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Accutane Diary Of A Lovesick 25M

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#1 cervantes86

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 12:14 PM

Well I have had acne for 11 years, only I have had it under control till now of course......Here is my brief acne history

14- acne, not worried, my acne started mild, got to moderate.use over the counter stuff, with lessening success as time went on.
15-after trying the not do anything for acne shit, my acne got severe. retina and some oral antibiotic didnt do shit. also, i wasent using the retina properly, just as spot treatment.

then i found proactiv and it calmed my acne to 90-95% of what it was. I was pretty damn satisfied with that. sometimes i would be 100% clear, but it must have been because my acne was in remission.....

then the 5 years I was fine acnewise....then proactiv stop working!! wtf!! i thought you were not suppose to grow immune to bp!!!

i panicked, and i went to a derm. he gave me plexion/benzaclin combo which worked for another 5 years, plus oral solodyn. that shit worked even better than proactiv!!! 100% clear, absolutely no pimples. after several months i dropped the pill. still clear. after a year and some months i dropped the benzaclin. still clear. well a year ago i started breaking out more than usual. i immediately added the pills and benzaclin. clear in less than a month. i dropped both the pills and benzaclin after several months again, and stayed clear for several months afterwards. i say six. BUT THAT BREAKOUT WAS A SIGNAL OF WHAT WAS TO COME!!!

in august i started again big pustules again. i was like, ok, no need to panic, just add the benzaclin and pills. well that shit didnt work anymore. and i immediately knew it when i wasent clear in a month. i went to a new derm which prescribed me epiduo, bp wash, and doxycyclin pills. after a week i went to my old derm to get a second opinion, and he said to use my old shit that i didnt give it enough time. i foolishly believed him, when i knew how this shit work since ive been using it for 5 years. it doesnt take that fucking long!! so after a whole 2 months wasted, i went to a derm that i researched and had good ratings. he looked at my face and said you need accutane.

so this is my 8th day on 20mg claravis.

but here is the story, at the same time iam dealing with this crap, my BF dumped me Posted Image( . so iam dealing with a heartbreak at the same time with this shit!! i try not to let the depression hit me, but it fucking hurts having acne and being dumped!! damn why did i have to get hit with a double wammy. AND THE FUCKING SHIT IS THAT I STILL LOVE HIM!! WHY CANT I GET OVER HIM LIKE HE GOT OVER ME SO EASILY!!

well Ill reveal more of my story as I update my log for all those that are interested.

so anyways, thought I would update since I have nothing else to do. I know its fast lmao!!

day 8

maybe dry lips?? but I dont know if its the winter....besides that, I still have the oil refinery that is my face!!! I really think maybe I should have been started at a higher dose than 20 mg/ a day. I mean granted my acne is not mild by all means. it moderate and sometimes it gets moderately severe. shit is gonna move at a snail phase at this rate. so i have absolutely no side effects. i guess i broke with one tiny whitehead on my nose which is rare, cause i never broke out with in my nose. is that an accutane effect. as far as my mood, well ive been depressed and anxious before accutane, so not the accutane sorry.

well I am still talking to my ex, but he treats me like I am a stranger and kinda shitty... i should prob stop talking to him right?? also, I think I found a potential sex buddy friend, but he hasent seen me in person. what would he say when he actually sees me. will he run for the hills?? everybody keeps telling me i should date, hook up and stuff, but dont they not see my face?? like seriously?? even one of my friends tried to get laid with me, but I just dont feel him that way.....am I a hard judge on myself??

i mean i have 2 small pimples on my forehead with a shitload of hyperpigmentation. my right temple has a shitload of hyperpigmentation and my left has a big pustule or nodule thats dying. my cheeck has a medium size pustule, and my left has two small pimples. but my jawline has 2-4 pimples each. and did a mention a shitload of hyperpigmentation?? can someone really be attracted to me??

Edited by jhonyguy04, 05 January 2012 - 12:17 PM.


#2 Riosha

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 12:39 PM

Well I have had acne for 11 years, only I have had it under control till now of course......Here is my brief acne history

14- acne, not worried, my acne started mild, got to moderate.use over the counter stuff, with lessening success as time went on.
15-after trying the not do anything for acne shit, my acne got severe. retina and some oral antibiotic didnt do shit. also, i wasent using the retina properly, just as spot treatment.

then i found proactiv and it calmed my acne to 90-95% of what it was. I was pretty damn satisfied with that. sometimes i would be 100% clear, but it must have been because my acne was in remission.....

then the 5 years I was fine acnewise....then proactiv stop working!! wtf!! i thought you were not suppose to grow immune to bp!!!

i panicked, and i went to a derm. he gave me plexion/benzaclin combo which worked for another 5 years, plus oral solodyn. that shit worked even better than proactiv!!! 100% clear, absolutely no pimples. after several months i dropped the pill. still clear. after a year and some months i dropped the benzaclin. still clear. well a year ago i started breaking out more than usual. i immediately added the pills and benzaclin. clear in less than a month. i dropped both the pills and benzaclin after several months again, and stayed clear for several months afterwards. i say six. BUT THAT BREAKOUT WAS A SIGNAL OF WHAT WAS TO COME!!!

in august i started again big pustules again. i was like, ok, no need to panic, just add the benzaclin and pills. well that shit didnt work anymore. and i immediately knew it when i wasent clear in a month. i went to a new derm which prescribed me epiduo, bp wash, and doxycyclin pills. after a week i went to my old derm to get a second opinion, and he said to use my old shit that i didnt give it enough time. i foolishly believed him, when i knew how this shit work since ive been using it for 5 years. it doesnt take that fucking long!! so after a whole 2 months wasted, i went to a derm that i researched and had good ratings. he looked at my face and said you need accutane.

so this is my 8th day on 20mg claravis.

but here is the story, at the same time iam dealing with this crap, my BF dumped me Posted Image( . so iam dealing with a heartbreak at the same time with this shit!! i try not to let the depression hit me, but it fucking hurts having acne and being dumped!! damn why did i have to get hit with a double wammy. AND THE FUCKING SHIT IS THAT I STILL LOVE HIM!! WHY CANT I GET OVER HIM LIKE HE GOT OVER ME SO EASILY!!

well Ill reveal more of my story as I update my log for all those that are interested.

so anyways, thought I would update since I have nothing else to do. I know its fast lmao!!

day 8

maybe dry lips?? but I dont know if its the winter....besides that, I still have the oil refinery that is my face!!! I really think maybe I should have been started at a higher dose than 20 mg/ a day. I mean granted my acne is not mild by all means. it moderate and sometimes it gets moderately severe. shit is gonna move at a snail phase at this rate. so i have absolutely no side effects. i guess i broke with one tiny whitehead on my nose which is rare, cause i never broke out with in my nose. is that an accutane effect. as far as my mood, well ive been depressed and anxious before accutane, so not the accutane sorry.

well I am still talking to my ex, but he treats me like I am a stranger and kinda shitty... i should prob stop talking to him right?? also, I think I found a potential sex buddy friend, but he hasent seen me in person. what would he say when he actually sees me. will he run for the hills?? everybody keeps telling me i should date, hook up and stuff, but dont they not see my face?? like seriously?? even one of my friends tried to get laid with me, but I just dont feel him that way.....am I a hard judge on myself??

i mean i have 2 small pimples on my forehead with a shitload of hyperpigmentation. my right temple has a shitload of hyperpigmentation and my left has a big pustule or nodule thats dying. my cheeck has a medium size pustule, and my left has two small pimples. but my jawline has 2-4 pimples each. and did a mention a shitload of hyperpigmentation?? can someone really be attracted to me??


Hey. I'm looking forward to following your log... Posted Image

You know - same thing happened to me right around my start with accutane. My (x)bf dumped me a few weeks before I started and it ended for good about one week after having started on the pills. He's been treating me really shitty, like a stranger actually as well, ever since - and the pills haven't made it less depressing.
I named Mr. Accutane my new lover/fling and started my log - you can find it on here and see what I went though to begin with. I've been on the drug for about 87 days I think. I try to see new guys but the old one is still haunting me. I don't know if things might have been easier if I hadn't gone through this in itself depressive treatment at the same time...
But good luck to you - remember we're here for you Posted Image I'll be checking up on your log!

Riosha

Edited by Riosha, 05 January 2012 - 12:41 PM.


#3 wmd1234

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 01:49 PM

sounds like you are having a rough go at it right now. you've got a lot of things going on in your life. i find it's best not to worry about what other people say or think. do what you gotta do today for you. that means addressing your acne problem and rebuilding the self-confidence you need. you'll know when the right time to date is for you and you don't have to rush in and date someone just so you can date someone. be patient.

as far as your dosage goes, it's likely that your doctor started you off at a smaller dosage to see how you react to the medicine. trust your doctor and ask him (or her) about increasing your dosage at your next appointment.

keep your head up, things get better. just gotta do you right now.

#4 cervantes86

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 03:59 PM

Thanks guys. Iam so happy I found someone who is going through what I am going through. So I have a date this weekend.....should I wear make up or foundation? I might also hang out w m y ex. I know am a mess.

#5 wmd1234

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 09:51 PM

can't help you there, i don't wear make up

#6 Riosha

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 02:47 AM

I wear make up. As little as possible, but what I feel the need to in order to not stress over going out. I have to do it as it would make me way too uncomfortable not wearing it in public. However - that might just be what makes me keep breaking out... O well. I don't know.
I do look better wearing it, but that way I also maintain the ugly looks without it...

#7 SkyLynn

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 03:16 AM

Giirrll you better wear some make up, get your hair done, wear something cute, and step out looking right. Just becausr you feel a mess does not mean you should look a hot mess! And if you look your best you act your best!

I think you need to focus on you, your health, treatment, education, family, etc. Dont allow someone to dictate how you feel. If your ex let you go, just let it be. Things fall into place over time. Dont get the mindset that you HAVE to go out and date, find a cuddy buddy, etc. You have enough to deal with at the moment. You are too emotionally unstable to date right now. Go enjoy life lady!

Good luck with your course :)

#8 cervantes86

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 12:55 PM

lol....iam a gay guy. and not really a drag queen but oh well.

day 9

really cant tell a difference. i think my breakouts have calmed down though. the ones one my forehead are much smaller and everything seems to take a rest. i dont know if its the claravis, or the tea tree oil i just started, or the damn diet that finally after all these months is fucking doing something finally. i actually started diary when i started taking claravis, so go figure. but....i still breakout though. the oil, i cant tell, but iam calling the derm on sunday if my oil is not significantly gone!!

and one final thing, have you ever let a pimple dry, and the puss finally dries out put stays stuck to your skin. the one that never actually leaves. and when you pick it out, it leaves a lovely ice pick scar. well thats the shit i got right now. its so obvious right now everytime i look in the mirror. damn. what are you supposed to do pick it or not pick it to avoid the scar. and for some reason, that damn papule or nodule on my left temple is throbbing and hurting. damn.


so what happened yesterday night?? i got in contact with an old fling and slept over the night and messed around. and when i mean old, is old. this guy is like 50 lmao!! before i left, i actually stole my grandmas foundation and covered some of the hyperpigmentation which helped. eventually he has to see my real face. being with him stop me thinking of my ex for a little, but he eventually came to my mind after the whole messing around and laying around. damn. and that damn depressing music my dad is playing in the background is not helping right now. lol!!

Edited by jhonyguy04, 06 January 2012 - 12:56 PM.


#9 SkyLynn

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 01:58 PM

LOL!!! Opps... :)

I was wondering why your name sounded boyish....but I thought maybe it was the ex's name lol... Anyway, why you taking your grandma's makeup? Lol go get you a reasonable concealer! :)

Oh! And leave those cougars alone! You know that old ass man taking advantage of the opportunity that your vulnerable! Just chill out for a while.

And it took me like three weeks before I really stopped being oily. Patience :) it was hard for me to be patient too, I really had to trust my derm when he said I would be clear in a month, and by the thirtieth day I was clear. But the initial breakout for me was nasty.

#10 cervantes86

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 04:15 PM

Oh k lol. My grandmas conceiler worked well! Is just that am 175 lbs so how come I started at 20 mg!!

#11 SkyLynn

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Posted 06 January 2012 - 04:51 PM

Hahaha your funny....

Thats why that cougar came running to you like a savage cuz you was rockin granny's make up hahaha I am jk

Anyway....it depends if your derm is gonna do a low dosage long term course. Did he/she tell you how long you would be on it? I weigh more than you and started at 40mg then the 2nd month went up to 80mg, and I am gonna be on it for 5/6 months.

#12 cervantes86

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Posted 07 January 2012 - 03:00 PM

oh god, i do not want to do that long term low dosage. i want to get over this asap!!! i really have to talk to him....

also, the cougar guy saw me with no foundation and he still like me so i guess thats cool. lol.

#13 SkyLynn

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Posted 08 January 2012 - 03:20 AM

Lol.... Mmmhmm I sure he don't discriminate, with his old ass zebra self hahaha..... I am sorry. You just say funny stuff n bite, so I say shit lol. I will try to stop :)

Yeah mos def talk to him so you guys can decide what is best for you.

#14 ClearSkinAhead

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Posted 08 January 2012 - 07:47 AM

Ugh break ups are hard, but somehow we always end up getting over them and after time we find it hard to even remember why we felt so bad. Sorry you're having a hard time. But just think that you've taken steps towards the skin you want and are making a change!

As for makeup I wear it everyday because my job involves working in a testing center with lots of teenagers and I just cannot handle being spotty... just be careful to use a non-comedogenic non-acnegenic foundation and concelaer and moisturize so the skin doesn't look dry and cakey, skip the powder too because your skin will be super dry. Cleanse your face really well as soon as well as any tools you use as your home and you should be fine! Hope this helps. Just taking time to have some sort of routine will probably make you feel more confident and in-control, thats how it makes me feel. Good luck with your time on accutane, I'll be following your log :D

#15 cervantes86

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Posted 09 January 2012 - 04:32 PM

Skylynn what u actually said its sad but true. I don't go for anything else right now cause I don't think I have a chance.....

day 12

Same oil. Forehead became a mess again. Lips slighlty drier. I called my deem on sun and he basically yelled at me to be patient at my current dosage. Hello up it next month after bloodwork.

#16 Riosha

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Posted 09 January 2012 - 04:57 PM

It'll all take time and the road is long - but in the end you'll see results :)
Until then - I totally agree with SkyLynn: Get yourself some good foundation! It's not embarrassin to buy or to wear it as a guy. I mean - why shouldn't you if it makes you feel better? :)

You do seem like you have good humours - and I will definitely keep following you! :) Best wishes

#17 cervantes86

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Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:14 AM

day 13

well basically the same shit. iam gonna update my log less often as much is not happening. its still the same damn oil, my forehead is nasty. somehow my other parts of the face have calmed down. but i dont know if its due to the accutane because i still have oil!! no bigger breakouts than usual so no initial breakout. my lips are dry but because of the winter. iam starting to get frustrated. i know that its not like dry skin and automatic clear skin, but i know dry skin is the start, and i havent even gotten there . does anyone get nervous about the progress?? . does anyone feel that way?? i dont have a job or go to school right now so i need something to entertain me because i cant be thinking about my face throughout the whole course cause its gonna drive me nuts. i need something to keep me busy and tired so that all i do is sleep afterwards!!

how did i get unemployed without school? well like i said, ill reveal a little of what was going on with me.......you see...acne makes me so uneasy, that i became depressed and anxious. however they put me on an antidepressant that fucked me up. i couldnt sleep, eat or get boners because of this medicine. i had to leave school. at the time i left school....my ex decided to leave me. so there goes that. do i feel bad for leaving school...maybe a little, but in all reality i was so embarrassed to face people with my fucked up face that i sorta dont want my classmates to see me. i know, its pathetic, but i wish i was mentally stronger. but iam not the type of person who can isolate himself completely because that makes me go more insane and think about my face. so i have been going out with friends more and iam actually searching for a job and iam gonna start volunteering cause i need to keep busy.

Edited by jhonyguy04, 11 January 2012 - 11:25 AM.


#18 cervantes86

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Posted 10 January 2012 - 12:31 PM

oh and another thing....i am eating three fried eggs with a big glass of pill and two tsps of peanut butter to make sure is enough fat for the accutane to absorb. its that enough or do i need to eat a block of lard??

#19 cervantes86

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Posted 13 January 2012 - 11:25 AM

day 16

i think iam getting less oily and my lips are getting dryer more often, so i have to use chap stick more often. i hope iam not imagining things. acnewise, still breaking out as i regularly do.

#20 lnymphl

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Posted 14 January 2012 - 01:21 AM

day 16

i think iam getting less oily and my lips are getting dryer more often, so i have to use chap stick more often. i hope iam not imagining things. acnewise, still breaking out as i regularly do.


Have you experienced nose bleed? I did Posted Image It wasn't a lot like a tiny bit. It was so weird. So far we're experiencing the same effect. I hope it works out for the both of us Posted Image