17 replies to this topic

[trytry]

I live in the dorms and i have the important question and a general question

First and important one :

1 . i feel weak in terms of i cant fight with no one i have a confidence problem so i feel i dont have power to mentally argue with someone and if it will develope into a fight i am physically weak and have no freinds for backup -

I live at the dorms with other roomates and i like a geeky type music and i have this feeling that if i will listen to it then they will think im a "woss" that im soft and will have more courge to come in demands at me about cleaning the house, space fore food at refrigerator ect ... so i only listen to rap and rock music which i like but i would like to listen to classical also maybe opra ect ...

What do you think : should i do what i like or think a bit about the future results - hope to get responses for both sides of the dilemma

(i ask here cause i am allready registered and i am annonymos here .

[Lola Burns]

Many times I've found myself asking "should I really do that?" or "should I really say that?". And if it is not harmful, illegal or could get me fired, the answer is usually yes. Listening to music you like is not harmful, illegal and probably won't get you expelled. So do what you like! Your roommates are your PEERS. That means they are in no way superior to you.

[DainBramaged]

By hiding who you are it is guaranteed you will not gain any confiedence. Do you really care about what kind of music others listen to? Neither do they. You have to build your image on your actualy personality. Things will be a lot easier once you realize it's better to be yourself.

[trytry]

yes i know that is the first answer that comes to mind BUT

1 . i feel really weak no power to argue with no one - i really would like to avoid arguing

2 . i belive that keeping an ok image and not needing to prove anything - i mean if im listening to justin biber it iwll make people disrespect me and think im easy to pick on unlike if i listen to rap or something like that

!!!!! im not to affraid about what they will think of me or that they will beat me or hit me but it will make them act more disrespectful to me and try to do stuff and demand and ask stuff they wouldnt have done otherwise

[Kaylei]

Dont give a S#*@! What ppl think about you .
its hard at times but its better to not keep things holding back becuase thats what makes you LOOK weak infront of others

[DainBramaged]

trytry, on 27 December 2011 - 04:01 PM, said:

yes i know that is the first answer that comes to mind BUT

1 . i feel really weak no power to argue with no one - i really would like to avoid arguing

2 . i belive that keeping an ok image and not needing to prove anything - i mean if im listening to justin biber it iwll make people disrespect me and think im easy to pick on unlike if i listen to rap or something like that

!!!!! im not to affraid about what they will think of me or that they will beat me or hit me but it will make them act more disrespectful to me and try to do stuff and demand and ask stuff they wouldnt have done otherwise

If you feel comfortable with yourself, then others will respect you for what you are.

[Tyga]

wow

[trytry]

To make things clear :

1 . I dont listen to music so they will think good on me - its about me avoiding music like britney spears ect

2 . i used to didnt care how i looked and i dreesed in baggy clothes for many years then i started to dress nice and then people started acting nice to me not only friends but people who are professional - so i can say i felt comfortable but it was not a good choice - i can say that it was worth wearing clothes that people think are better then to dress in clothes i like but are not pretty - but about music im not sure
3 . I belivie i dont care about people in the street an at the university just my roomates cause im trying to be respected and i dont have power to argue with them

[trytry]

I Would like that people will consider the stuff i said - its more of a dilemma of :

should i listen to it when everyone is at the apprtment or should i listen to it when there are less people ?

To help my thoughts be clearer : its not smart to go to a bad neighborhood dressed like a geek (with suspenders ect...) cause you most likely will be beaten

Its not about friends and family which a person should be totally real with - but about other people

[Lola Burns]

Ok. Buy some good earbuds or headphones.

[trytry]

OK :

i got to my conclusions - by the way i have ocd thats whyim so obssesd with its not that i really care about my roomates that much its not that bad of a situation :

Its importent to look good you shouldnt sacrfice to much comfort : in the dorm i dress just like i want : baggy but outside you should dress to impress not to much but defintly should aim to impress - its not being ashemd of yourself but you looking as good as you can for others -but with limits

about music : you should listen to whatever you want woth friends family and around people you know cant affect you with my roomates i will listen to all that i like but not : britney spears - old stuff at least , classic , opera , death metal , yiddish but i will listean to maddona 80,90s pop and all nice melodys ,heavy metal , classic rock rock , spanish music

its not what i like to do whatever i like but i think its a great balance and a good way to feel comftirble and also be myself but not extreme

[Deaninator]

1 . i feel weak in terms of i cant fight with no one i have a confidence problem so i feel i dont have power to mentally argue with someone and if it will develope into a fight i am physically weak and have no freinds for backup -

I live at the dorms with other roomates and i like a geeky type music and i have this feeling that if i will listen to it then they will think im a "woss" that im soft and will have more courge to come in demands at me about cleaning the house, space fore food at refrigerator ect ... so i only listen to rap and rock music which i like but i would like to listen to classical also maybe opra ect ...

What do you think : should i do what i like or think a bit about the future results - hope to get responses for both sides of the dilemma
1. Ok, I can definitely can relate to you on this one. I'm a member of the corps of cadets at my college and even though I'm in good shape, I'm not a hulky powerhouse compared to many of my fellow cadets. In terms of arguing, if the person who arguing against has any brain at all, he will see the rationality of your side and will hopefully end and conflict that would have risen. Also if it gets physical, there are lots of descent people out there who will rush to your aid or try to break up the fight. I'm taken that your a college student living in the traditional apartment or residence hall because you mentioned "dorm". Also in terms of listening to weird music, I do it to. Occasionally I enjoy listening to T-Swfit, Jason Mraz and classical music. A good way you can remedy this conflict is to listen to music with headphones so one else knows. I do it all the time when I'm listening to the genres I listed above. If you find that they are bullying you, remember they are your peers. They have absolutely no authority over you. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to not let people push you around. It took me a long, long time to learn this lesson. If it gets truly gets unbearable, go talk to your landlord/residential adviser and try to work out getting a different room.

[trytry]

well i allready moved lol and it was much better before lol

thanks for your response - the truth is that i look a bit bigger then everyone here but i know i have no real power + i look nerdy with the acne + i have no confidence from to long reasons to say but i now gain confidence and its not as bad as i made it sound -

its more of a phylosophyical thing like if you put headphones is liike your ashamed of what you listen to and you hide yourself so this hurts my confidence (but i also dont like wearing headphones )
- like i said above - i think the balance i find is ok - i wanted to say screw it i do what i want and listen to what i want and everybody told me this in the web (here and in other sites) and my parents but then i talked to my brother and he told me it is importent what people think and suddnly my parents changed their mind so ...

Quote

but you need to not let people push you around. It took me a long, long time to learn this lesson. If it gets truly gets unbearable, go talk to your landlord/residential adviser and try to work out getting a different room.

you are 100% right i know it i just forgot thanks for the reminder - but still its not the smartest thing not to care about stuff

[theworld]

Ok, first of all, I think you should really invest in some cool headphones. For me, I dont really care what anyone listens to as long as I don't have to put up with listening to something which I dont like myself. Think about it, if your room mate listens to heavy metal and have it on full blast then yeah.. I'll probably break the speakers. Everyone has their guilty pleasures and for me, I certainly have songs which I listen to myself on my own.

[trytry]

ok i am confused again : if i listen to some type rock music they might think im emo and in my mind its better to listen to opera then that

so now i dont know what to do again

2 things :

1 . i dont want to wear headphones

2 . you can allways be "yourself" extreme example : dressing like a geek and walking in a bad neighborhood but you will get beaten

[CocnutCaramel]

trytry, I don't think you need to worry. Just play your music. If your room-mate listens to their music, why shouldn't you? Honestly I don't really think it's realistic that someone would get into a physical argument with you over your taste in music. Just play that funky music. It seems we have a lot in common in our taste in music, I've never had anyone comment on what I listen to in a negative way. Ok, people might make friendly jokes about my love for Britney, but that's about it. Having a wide and original taste in music is usuallt something people like, it's a cool quirky thing.

Be yourself. I mean ofcourse, don't be stupid or obnoxius about it, but don't stop listening to your music because hypothetically it miiiiight get you into a wierd argument.

[trytry]

great comments - ok a question to cocnutcaramel and anyone else :

how to dress to not care also ? i like to dress like superman should i not care what pepole think - i would love to get some guiding lines here ! like some general rules -

and to make it clear - im not afraid someone will say something or he will hit me but more like think im easeir to pick on and its not really my specific situation but more of a general thing of how to act in life - cause like :

i wont dress as superman than probobly batman is out of the picture but also suspenders are out right ? maybe i should dress as a raper so i will be treated nice - i think most people dont agree with the two extreme views but where does the line go ?

This bugs me so much

[trytry]

ok got it finally :

each situation should be considerd on its on i belive that not listening to this music makes me weaker and less confident and in this situation i should listen to what i like and if will come guests that i will be ashmed of than thats fine cause it will be worse for my feeling to listen to what i like

i think each situation should be considerd on its own :

1 . How much affect it will do on my image
2 . How much is that perone has affect on me and what are the chances he will use it
3 . how it will affect my mood
5 . How much time and energy do i want to waste on thinking on this !
6 . How it affects my mood to change my behavior for others

DONT over think it - 5

in my case i think that my mood is to much affected by it and that i will really like to act like i want but for instance outside i will dress nicely cause i do care what others think 1 and 2 but its also3 and 5 , 3 becauseif i will dress bad it will ruin my confidence and 6 its easeir in this case just to dress nice and to get it off of my mind than to start thinking about it

not everything should be with rules just common sense - hope this help to all of you that i caused a headache