57 replies to this topic

[beautifuldoll]

dmb41, on 31 December 2011 - 12:16 AM, said:

"It's better to regret something you did than to regret something you didn't do."

If you attempt to make it work with this guy, it may fill your life with happiness. If you do try, and he wants nothing to do with you, which he won't, but IF, you're right where you started.

It's not going to hurt and try. Who knows, maybe he has feelings for you and you don't even know, and you never will, unless you put yourself out there and try.

I know you can do it.

[DainBramaged]

Even if it doesn't work well between the two of you, you will still feel better, knowing at least you tried.

Edited by DainBramaged, 31 December 2011 - 06:15 AM.

[PaulH85]

beautifuldoll, on 30 December 2011 - 08:38 PM, said:

I don't think I can do this guys. I'm having one of those depressed, feeling bad for myself days.
I'm fooling myself if i think that this could be normal and he would be able to handle everything that comes with me physically and emotional (like many people here, pretty bad emotionally and psycholigically...maybe i'm even a weirdo)

Facebook is the devil. I look at his pics and his friends pics so full of life, laughter, socializing..normality that i think to myself i can never be that type of easy going type of friend/or more to him. I'm just wasting his time man this will never work. I can't do it. he's a lovely guy he shouldn't have to put off my social awkwardness and my digusting skin. i'll let him go.

You are normal! So you struggle with your skin and it impacts upon how you feel about yourself - doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It evidently means that there are things you'd like to change and you'd like to alter your way of thinking so that you could feel better about and have more confidence in yourself, but it doesn't make you weird or anything like that. Hell, if it does, then I'm weird as well so we can be weirdos together!

Facebook is the worst gauge you could use because everyone self-edits. It's just a snapshot and people only show what they want to show. Believe me, I could show you my Facebook and you wouldn't have a clue that I'd ever had a single pimple in my entire life.

You could have the worst skin ever known to mankind or you could be as perfect as Mary Poppins but it would make no difference to the fact that you have every right to feel good about yourself and love yourself; you have every right to be loved and appreciated by others, for who you are, on every level.

As far as approaching this guy is concerned, perhaps it's not best to so it if you're feeling down right now, but those things pass and everyone feels that way sometimes. Beyond that though, the only thing stopping you is irrational fear. Sure, maybe there's a chance it won't work out or maybe he knocks you back or whatever, but at least you will have had a go and that in itself would be something to be proud of. I remember you saying that this would be a first for you so it is a big step and I know how scary that can be. So much so, I haven't taken my respective first steps yet either, so you're not on your own in that.

So, as and when your mood improves and you're generally feeling better in yourself, if you feel like getting in touch with him and just catching up online or whatever, give it a shot because there's every chance it could pay off. Fact is, he'd be getting attention and he's not going to disapprove of that because we all like it when someone takes an interest, that's just human nature. Plus, the sense I get of you based on what you've written here is that you're a very genuine person and I'm sure he'd pick up on that as well. That's not always easy to find and it goes a long way, so give yourself credit where it's due.

Edited by PaulH85, 31 December 2011 - 01:43 PM.

[Kittyx3]

I know you can do this!
I was in the same situation, I started talking to a guy I'd met over the interwebs & he wanted to meet up
I had pretty meh skin at the time & a icky thing cause of my stupid brutal way of popping .__.
And all pictures made my skin look flawless.
(& he has perfect skin and is freaking gorgeous)
But! I forced myself out the door and on the train because i was so sick of letting it rule my life.
And guess what?
We've been together for 2 years and still going strong.
Everyday he tells me I'm beautiful - because he just dosen't care what my skin looks like, even before it cleared up, back when I had spots + eczema there!
He also has loads of pictures on facebook with all this friends looking carefree, I only have a few cause I'm so insecure and hide when my friends take pictures on a night out (never been able to shake it off) - But his view? He gets me all to himself! & also thinks i'm pretty crazy
The fact is, you'll never know unless you try & you might just end up looking back and regretting it!
Hes sounds like one of the good ones, it's worth it to at least try, isn't it?
It's almost the new year - Start it off by maybe falling in love!

Edited by Kittyx3, 31 December 2011 - 03:58 PM.

[Doozyjr]

ihavetaste, on 31 December 2011 - 02:38 PM, said:

betsy91, on 27 December 2011 - 11:09 AM, said:

I am so sorry! I cannot offer you word of advice because I myself am going through the exact same thing. Except i have a boyfriend but luckily he lives long distance so I hardly see him. Once he came into town to see his family and my acne was so bad that I lied and told him I left town. All because of acne. It's so hard. Like I feel like he deserves better. We can't feel comfortable in our own skin. I don't know what to say to fix this, but I can tell you, you are not alone in this situation

Also on the plus side at least you're giving him a chase (; and maybe you guys can hang out like at night absolutely nowhere near lights lol. Like go for a midnight picnic or some ice cream late at night haha

Do you ladies hear what you're saying? "I have a boyfriend but luckily he lives long distance so I hardly see him"...WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!

First off, if these boys can not accept you, flaws and all, they do not deserve you. Looks are certainly not everything. To everyone reading this: If the people that you are dating/talking to/in a relationship with truly care about you as a person and are interested in you, they will not care about your acne. I'm sure they have flaws and albeit they might have PERFECT SKIN they sure as hell have something about them THEY are self conscious of. And are you sitting there fixating on their flaws? The answer to that is most likely, no. I bet you don't even notice in fact.

So, all you ladies (and gents) need to stop worrying so much about acne and just live your life. Trust me, I find it hard to live by my own words sometimes but in all honesty it's true. We ALL need to stop letting acne hold us back and just hang out with someone who wants to be with us! Don't let acne stop something that could be a really beautiful relationship.

AMEN AND HAAAALLELUJAAAAAAAH! PREACH ON SISTAH! PREAAAACH OOOON!

[conjones]

hey you seem to be doing great already! don't cancel meetings with him or else he'll just think you're not interested You can totally do it! And don't be so down about the makeup-acne situation, there really are a lot of guys who see right past it. Personally I don't really like when a girl is totally make-upped, I just don't like how perfect it makes people look...but that's just me, good luck!

[PaulH85]

Kittyx3, on 31 December 2011 - 03:51 PM, said:

I forced myself out the door and on the train because i was so sick of letting it rule my life.
And guess what?
We've been together for 2 years and still going strong.
Everyday he tells me I'm beautiful - because he just dosen't care what my skin looks like, even before it cleared up

Reading your story has made my day! Good for you! I'm glad you were brave to try and it's nice to hear that it paid off in such a massive way. That gives me hope to be honest. I guess it really is all about finding the right person.

[beautifuldoll]

Twist in the story....he has a gf I'm hurt but maybe it's for the best I find out now. I was just about to bare my soul to him. Can you imagine if he used that as a veto as to why he should stay with his girlfriend? That would've hurt like hell

Maybe deep down i'm kind of glad he has a girlfriend. Don't think I was truly ready for this big step.

Kittyx3, on 31 December 2011 - 03:51 PM, said:

I know you can do this!
I was in the same situation, I started talking to a guy I'd met over the interwebs & he wanted to meet up
I had pretty meh skin at the time & a icky thing cause of my stupid brutal way of popping .__.
And all pictures made my skin look flawless.
(& he has perfect skin and is freaking gorgeous)
But! I forced myself out the door and on the train because i was so sick of letting it rule my life.
And guess what?
We've been together for 2 years and still going strong.
Everyday he tells me I'm beautiful - because he just dosen't care what my skin looks like, even before it cleared up, back when I had spots + eczema there!
He also has loads of pictures on facebook with all this friends looking carefree, I only have a few cause I'm so insecure and hide when my friends take pictures on a night out (never been able to shake it off) - But his view? He gets me all to himself! & also thinks i'm pretty crazy
The fact is, you'll never know unless you try & you might just end up looking back and regretting it!
Hes sounds like one of the good ones, it's worth it to at least try, isn't it?
It's almost the new year - Start it off by maybe falling in love!

wow that's the stuff movies are made of

Happy for you girl

[PaulH85]

Ah well, at least you didn't lose anything. If nothing else, it got you thinking about the possibility of putting yourself out there. That in itself is an education if it's something you haven't experienced or have actively avoided until now.

Perhaps you could be friends, if it just so happens you'd like to stay in contact with him. People always seem to refer to that scenario as, "just friends" which I never quite understand because it's as though it devalues the role of that friend which I think is wrong because friends are really important.

You never know, perhaps the next guy who comes along will be single and ready to mingle!

[beautifuldoll]

PaulH85, on 02 January 2012 - 07:55 AM, said:

Ah well, at least you didn't lose anything. If nothing else, it got you thinking about the possibility of putting yourself out there. That in itself is an education if it's something you haven't experienced or have actively avoided until now.

Perhaps you could be friends, if it just so happens you'd like to stay in contact with him. People always seem to refer to that scenario as, "just friends" which I never quite understand because it's as though it devalues the role of that friend which I think is wrong because friends are really important.

You never know, perhaps the next guy who comes along will be single and ready to mingle!

i wouldn't mind keeping him as a friend but i love him so i'll let him go. his girlfriend isn't gorgeous but she's as perfect as any boy could want to share his time with and I don't want a constant reminder of that. Back to square one but i'll deal with it

He's been messaging me i've been ignoring him. So hard

Edited by beautifuldoll, 02 January 2012 - 04:33 PM.

[Lola Burns]

PaulH85, on 02 January 2012 - 07:55 AM, said:

Ah well, at least you didn't lose anything. If nothing else, it got you thinking about the possibility of putting yourself out there. That in itself is an education if it's something you haven't experienced or have actively avoided until now.

Perhaps you could be friends, if it just so happens you'd like to stay in contact with him. People always seem to refer to that scenario as, "just friends" which I never quite understand because it's as though it devalues the role of that friend which I think is wrong because friends are really important.

You never know, perhaps the next guy who comes along will be single and ready to mingle!

I think people use the phrase "just friends" as a way of saying "we like each other, we hang out, we talk, and we are not having sex".

[beautifuldoll]

getting him out of my system is like getting drugs out of your system in rehab. Hurts so bad. if I had a life it wouldn't hurt so bad

[dmb41]

Lola Burns, on 02 January 2012 - 08:00 PM, said:

PaulH85, on 02 January 2012 - 07:55 AM, said:

Ah well, at least you didn't lose anything. If nothing else, it got you thinking about the possibility of putting yourself out there. That in itself is an education if it's something you haven't experienced or have actively avoided until now.

Perhaps you could be friends, if it just so happens you'd like to stay in contact with him. People always seem to refer to that scenario as, "just friends" which I never quite understand because it's as though it devalues the role of that friend which I think is wrong because friends are really important.

You never know, perhaps the next guy who comes along will be single and ready to mingle!

I think people use the phrase "just friends" as a way of saying "we like each other, we hang out, we talk, and we are not having sex".

And in my experience, I don't talk to anyone that I was in a relationship with that ended with, "let's be friends".

I know it's cliche, but time will heal.

[Tyga]

I apologize on behalf of my gender.

[Lola Burns]

beautifuldoll, on 03 January 2012 - 03:29 PM, said:

getting him out of my system is like getting drugs out of your system in rehab. Hurts so bad. if I had a life it wouldn't hurt so bad

Well then you know what you've got to do. Go out and get yourself a life.

[PaulH85]

Got to agree with Lola on that one. Not in a nasty way, but if it's the case that you haven't really got much else going on at the moment then it's logical that this situation and the resulting feelings start to take over and perhaps become a bigger deal than they aught to be.

I've been in the very same situation I just described with a girl I once liked. It never went anywhere because I never made a move, then she found a boyfriend. I was really bothered by it for weeks, almost like there was a sense of loss. That in itself was confusing because I was upset over the loss of a relationship I never actually had.
I suppose it's like feeling the loss of what could have been, had the situation been different, and also feeling negative because of what was at the root of it with regards to my issues with acne at the time.

If that's the kind of thing bothering us and we struggle to do stuff when our skin isn't good because we fear the reactions of others, we might not make a move or might not have other stuff going on to distract us. I mean, I could be wrong but I would assume that anyone who has experience and is used to approaching people and creating those opportunities in social situations which might lead to dating would simply move on to the next opportunity if one didn't work out. But because we're not used to it, that one single opportunity we had perhaps seemed near-impossible to come by in the first place so it doesn't seem likely that we could just move on to the next.

Maybe the task at hand is not to try and get into dating situations or to try and figure out what guys think about your skin and so on, but to gain the confidence to put yourself in social situations and things so that you've got stuff going on. Then the confidence builds and you take the focus away from your skin. It's potentially a vicious cycle because you have to be brave enough to change things and, "get a life" in the first place. That means stepping out of the comfort zone which isn't always easy at first, but you have to push through that in order to get through the confidence and self-esteem issues related to and triggered by your skin.

That's kind of where I'm at actually - not much going on at all and I've no contacts as such so need to start again and essentially reinvent. The first step for me was to clear my acne and I think I've done that now. That gives me a window of opportunity to experience things and make the most of not having that source of anxiety, only I don't really know what to do. Doesn't seem easy, but the least we can do is try.

Edited by PaulH85, 04 January 2012 - 08:50 AM.

[beautifuldoll]

if it was as simple as get a liffe or confidence, none of us would be here.

[Lola Burns]

beautifuldoll, on 04 January 2012 - 07:38 AM, said:

if it was as simple as get a liffe or confidence, none of us would be here.

I didn't mean go out and become Miss Popularity. Just get out of your house. The worst thing you can do when heartbroken is let your mind dwell on it. You need a distraction. As my father would say "walk it off, kid". You'll recover much faster.